Saturday 30 November 2013

d100 a funny thing happened while the party away....

So will be glad to have days off and not running club lots and working less for a bit over xmas. Might play at friends warehouse for a day in session soon. Some extra players soon in wed game as DnD oldschool mania has taken club and we have many older returning gamers. Many computer gamers interested too. Some of the po-mo magic story gamer kids in black seem unimpressed with direction as club changes. Had three tables of oldschool and 4th ed dnd fri night. Viability is a bit of a struggle due to various issues but Ive loved every minute of it.

I just got a tablet and already it has replaced big pile of books. Great for maps. Done one post here using it. Music and video options in hand too.

This a blog on what happens to characters when players away.
Slightly too funny but I like the idea and got me thinking

Big danger of random player sandboxing is that players wanna come back. Ive had same party raid a dungeon 4 times and this taking notes business is kinda like work. So I am contriving this from some discussions with JDJarvis of late in my monster island post:

"If you didn't keep notes of room contents fill the area with lava, ice, greenslime, radiation, toxic gas, huge swarms of nth dimensional pirhana stirges, hardened lava.."

So im blowing  this germ into tables for indoors and outdoors to cover up locations and change contents of an area. On Pychon id just blow stuff up or something but in regular setting i might need some variety and possibly more subtlety. Basic idea to drive players from returning to location or make return to somewhere more interesting. Players may go on instead of flee. Let them but make life tough and are unfamiliar. You might need to make an area more hostile than maps indicate and want to remodel the hex. You might want to use to ad some history to an area or a boring dungeon might need more backstory. You could roll for a complex if left a while for a dungeon event while party away or do this to one of their properties then send in to clean up.

d50 Outdoor hexcrawl redecorating
1 Bushfire razed area into soot, ashcloud, smoke and burned logs
2 Snowfall buried everything
3 Earthquake swallows everything or created ravines
4 Mudslide buried everything
5 Tsunami buried under water and debris
6 Flash flood covered everything in water
7 Plague of critters swarming in millions, frogs, worms, mosquitoes, flies, mice, stirges, rotgrubs
8 Underground collapse of mine or cave changes land shape or stuff falls into sinkhole
9 Meteor strike from space fills area with craters
10 Drought everything unrecognizable without vegetation, desperate hungry beasts
11 Crawling with plague of undead, gathering for festivities or war
12 Battlefield with armies locked in struggle in huge dust or smoke cloud
13 Dust storm covers all in choking dirt also buries stuff
14 Disease outbreak effecting animals and people, driving them crazy and hostile
15 Wild weather like cyclones, storms or hail make travel virtually impossible
16 Monster hordes swarming in area for war or festivities or holy event
17 Mutagens warping plants and animals into horrible creatures
18 Kaiju battles have changed land and made less hospitable, some leave giant lice or toxic waste
19 Cursed land turned sour from influence of a god or monster
20 Volcanic activity and lava, possibly attracting monsters
21 Fire rained from skies burning, killing everything
22 Bolt from heaven blasted the land, now a cursed land of mutants
23 Area sunk into cursed swamp with beastmen and cultists building stilt villages on top
24 Prehistoric undead horror monsters dig up from below ruining land
25 Gods changed the land due to some great epic agenda or jut to remind us of who is in charge
26 A barbarian horde arrived and set up camp, they kill any intruders at this stage in settlement
27 An army in area interrogates and torture any they find as potential spies
28 Monster hoard killing all in area such as giants, dragons, demons, lycanthropes
29 Cloud of toxic or flammable or asphyxiating gas
30 Huge subterranean explosion blows open earth drowning area in fire, smoke and gas
31 Supernatural woodlands hostile to humans grows rapidly, populated by sylvan life
32 Gateway to underworld opens releasing undead, monsters, devils and demons into world
33 Ancients awaken and reclaim land from hidden crypts where they have been sleeping
34 Haunted mist rolls over land claiming for evil, supernatural minions and magicians loose
35 Star or fragment of moon falls from sky leaving strange blasted wasteland and weird beasts
36 Ice covers land in great sheets, bringing monsters and becoming a supernatural land of winter
37 A god came and moved some features to another plane or far away land
38 Someone opened crypt of the elder ones, ushering madness and monsters across land
39 Evil magical being covertly taken over area, uses minions to keep party away
40 Elemental beings of roam land changing rapidly until mighty magicians and gods drive away
41 Water contaminated by toxins, kill or drive locals mad turning some into mutant monsters
42 Violent mob of cultists, escaped slaves, angry farmers or some other group roam area
43 Area over run by slimes, jellies, oozes and amoeba creatures eating everything
44 Wild storms, severe weather,lightning and hail make travel difficult
45 A wizard has unleashed zombies, demons or some other horror across land
46 Royal dungeoneer corp came through stripped all of interest, leaving ruined rubble and dead
47 A defeated army passed through looting all and leaving some troops behind
48 Religious war with two battling faiths runs rampage her with fanatics murdering non believers
49 Non corporeal spirits swarm over area
50 Underground fire in mine, dungeon or coal seam chokes area in smoke and toxic fumes

d100 Indoor dungeon redecorating
1 Green slime everywhere
2 Collapsed area partly unstable
3 Kobold remodelling team was here changing area
4 Adventurers looted and burned area and collapsed some walls and smashed doors
5 Rot grubs crawling everywhere
6 Stirges crawling everywhere in hundreds
7 Kyuss grubs and worms shambling about in droves
8 Swarming with undead screaming and moaning
9 Covered in toxic mould and fungus
10 Yellow musk creepers and zombies crawling everywhere
11 Vegemen colony sprouted and taken over
12 A wizard or shaman has made an orc breeding pit and has been busy
13 Necromancer has moved in with undead labour and remodelled
14 Waist deep in parasitic worm and maggots looking for hosts, locals burst with worms if killed
15 Lava has flooded areas with magma, smoke, gas and ash
16 Royal dungeoneering corp mine team burrowed in, smashed, killed and robbed everything
17 Ice has covered are making floors slick and blocking with solid ice
18 Covered in hostile plants and bioluminesance
19 Demons made area living twitching flesh horror, spawning monsters and eating visitors
20 Devils remodelled as torture and deathtrap zone and released monsters
21 Gremlins have flooded and trapped everywhere and put tiny tunnels for them linking everywhere
22 Goblinoids assemble here in insane mass to prepare for a rampage, holy drunken revelry
23 Bandit gang have moved in and do not welcome intruders, many new traps
24 Cult have moved in and remodelled into a temple and other sacred chambers
25 Undead have awakened and gathered here in force to claim some ancient territory
26 Flooded ankle deep making traps harder to spot and hide some critters and traps
27 Flooded knee, waste or neck deep as 26 but worse, very large water creatures able to hide
28 Totally flooded occupied by marine races and monsters as if home
29 Area flooded with magical darkness and cannot be broken except by a gods intervention
30 Outer planar being has established temporary court for business here, remodelled and guarded
31 Flammable gas fills dungeon, whole place could blow up. any fire creates fireball
32 Poison gas fills but mild so defects slow such as 1d2 points per turn or -2 stat feats and saves
33 Poison gas asphyxiating fills area, displaces oxygen nothing to breathe
34 Poison gas save per turn or choke and die
35 Poison gas save per turn or start to lose 1hp/round
36 Corrosive gas, save every turn or 1hp damage, equipment saves every hour
37 Flaming gas jets have erupted everywhere filling with smoke and poison gas
38 Demons have turned into horror abattoir to butcher beings for export back home
39 Devils have made slave yard where planar beings visit to buy slaves
40 Dungeon dimension has merged with local area, possibly of different zone type but area changed
41 A witch coven has moved in and set up curses and constructs and guardians
42 A monster witch doctor with guardians, servants and weird hybrids has moved in
43 Area dripping with slimes, oozes, jellies and other gross horrors fit for the demon slime god
44 Yog Sothoth has warped local time and space leaving time warps and space loops everywhere
45 Yog Sothoth has warped local time and space leaving gates to different times and dimensions
46 Yog Sothoth came and mated with everything, crawling in gibbering mutant horror hybrids
47 A underworld god came and released demons & monsters as part of their claim over all dungeons
48 A cursed relic was brought here and evil gods noticed, remodelled and unleashed monsters
49 Nothing left now but teenage youth gangs writing graffiti, making out and drinking
50 Things from a deeper darker layer of long sealed horrors has leaked into this area
51 A mighty demon has settled here and has raised army of orcs or goblinoids to worship it
52 Tar has begun oozing up into dungeon attracting other creatures and interests and hazards
53 Ghosts and non corporeal dead are swarming area for some unknown underworld purpose
54 Fire elementals, salamanders and other flaming horrors have taken over
55 Earth elementals, rock beasts, molemen or sandmen have overtaken area
56 Water elementals, undines, fishmen and liquid beasts have overun and partly flooded
57 Air Elementals have over run area and wind beasts, birdmen and other aerial killers abound
58 Demiplane of Shadow has opened releasing shadow beings that have set up court here
59 Dungeon dreamlands opened releasing nightmare beasts from dreams of locals or the party
60 Demiplane of lightning has released energy beings, willow the whisps and shock beasts
61 Demiplane of smoke has filled with toxic fumes and hostile smoke creatures
62 Kobolds have arrived to modernise dungeon with traps, secret passages and improved doors
63 A brick golem has wandered about changing walls and building new structures from brick
64 Dungeon has been self aware and come to life rearanging itself and spawning new creatures
65 Magical otherworldly fog floods are making spirits visible from other side
66 Planar convergence has allowed otherworldly horrors to see in and will attack intruders
67 Demiplane of radience opened here releasing luminous energy beings and strange magic auroras
68 Demiplane of cold has opened chilling area and crawling with ice beasts and ice elementals
69 Lycanthrope has gone wild, now everything here a werebeast horror as well
70 A divine being blessed local monsters now all hothoused with extra health and magic powers
71 Spirit world leaking through attracting spirits, some magical beings and shamen attracted
72 Astral weak point and lay line convergence attracts psionic beings, psions and shamen
73 A being has had area remodelled and turned into a guarded trapped tomb for kinsman
74 Crawling with insects, centipedes, scorpions, spiders and other pest in millions
75 Giant spiders moved in to start breeding colony, millions of tiny spiders and giant brood queens
76 Crawling with frogs, flooded tadpole infused pools, frog and toad monsters and humanoids
77 Millions of snakes of all types crawling over everything, even blocking tunnels
78 Reptilian humanoids awakened from slumber and broke into area to build a forward base
79 Bugbear mobsters with tommyguns and stills have taken this area as a brewery and distillery
80 Gun wielding soldiers from another dimension have broken through here
81 Mutant monster species taken over with deadly new powers like phase stirges or fire lizard men
82 Magical distortions alter magic, stopping divine spell recovery or making arcane magic wild
83 Psionic fields influence locals into hive mind community all know if others in trouble
84 Psionic fields make locals more hostile and alignments more extreme, from gods of disorder
85 Locals ordinary folk have moved into area to use as storehouses, residence or adventure holiday
86 Devilish swine men have set up organisation here charming other humanoids to be slaves
87 Statuary or artwork has come to life and has haunted area, some are golems others phantasms
88 Gate to underworld has opened releasing devils, demons, undead and lost souls
89 Primal chaos plane leaked into area creating hideous mutant spawn and attracting evil beings
90 Primal law moved in, all angles made perfect, clean, well lit with modrons on patrol
91 Good beings have come to prey and meditate on reforming this place, keep intruders out
92 Fly demons have turned into giant garbage dump full of ogres, goblins and maggots
93 Demonlord building army of goat men and undead to attack surface world
94 Monk order or martial art schools have taken over as training ground
95 Imperial templars and inquisitors and paladins set up shop to kill any evil or impure they see
96 A state has set up HQ for spies, secret police and assassins here, any witnesses must be killed
97 Area covered in magic runes, sigils, magic traps and curses to keep out intruders
98 Wizard has moved in to take over, most have servitors and remodel quickly
99 Criminal chapter from city mega gang moved in for secret secure storehouse and to rob locals
100 Gateway to evil open, letting loose horrible demonoids, devilkin and elder horrors

Friday 29 November 2013

d100 What kind of Farm on Planet Psychon

Farmers on Psychon dont plant boring old crops they plant crazy bat shit crazy crops. Alien crops, wonders of DNA engineers, things grown by generations of robots. Strange medicines, new materials and more. Remember the Psychon random flavour table!

d100 What kind of Condition is Farm
Might be handy for more detail if needed

1 Primitive stone age
2 Pre industrial with muscle power from slaves and animals
3 Post industrial with basic machines
4 Automated with robots ans androids

5 Biotech with possible cloned labour
6 Magical farm of magicians
7 Undead farm of ancients or recent necromancer
8 Feral farm has gone wild

d100 What kind of Farm on Planet Psychon
1 Monster Bile - creatures in cages plumbed into apparatus being horribly tortured
2 Edible worm farm with mountains growing writhing pink worms covering compost
3 Spice Worm farm with huge psi boosting narcotic huge worms
4 Silk worm farms where giant worms spin huge balloons to escape if not harvested
5 Giant Cricket farm growing delicious 3m long crickets, all tasty except legs
6 Snake farmers put on shows, milk venom and eat snakes or sell them to evil doers
7 Maggot farm where millions of huge maggots feed on fields strewn with offal and corpses
8 Yeast slimy farm overgrown area covered in edible yeast colony quivers to touch
9 Algae farm covered in pools and dams of slimy green pondscum
10 Virus farm where eggs are infected and harvested, usually bird breeding also
11 Monster farm where some virile animals grown for fur, potion components, and hunting
12 Spider hybrids goats for ballistic dermal armour and vests from milk
13 Squealers, a squeaky plant animal hybrids, hairy toothed sack with tentacles and roots
14 Rat farm growing popular snacks for other critters or scientists for test subjects
15 Clone farm often for spare parts, new citizens, extra lives for villains or cannibal cattle
16 Ball macrobes are giant puffball like spheres of nutritious spores
17 Pod plants grow vegetal clones for invasion or vegetarian cannibals
18 Fat Farm giant humanoids with symbiotic rich fat factories plumbed into factory
19 Frog Farm with giant amphibians bred as food and lab experiments, have gotten bigger
20 Sewerage fuel farm creates liquid methane from engineered pigs eating waste
21 Sewerage fertilizer farm where animals fer farm waste and produce fertilizer
22 Eloi Farm where morlocks herd dewey eyed drugged eloi slaves
23 Robot Farm where robots farming basic crops in totally automated AI controlled zone
24 Herd Folk tribe farm sentient cattle or beastmen have incorporated into farm system
25 Fungus Farm covered in luminous and phosphorescent polypy edible growths
26 Underground mushroom farm with shroom filled tunnels
27 Pakuspawn Farm where baby battling monsters bread for bloodsports for rich children
28 Terror bird farm where huge carnivorous flightless birds roam
29 Lizard Farm where huge riding or meat lizards bask in the sun
30 Gator Farm with pools and pond filled with crazy gators, often mutated by swamp
31 Plant men meat farm, were humans herded by plant folk 
32 Triffid farm where grown for oil and food but prone to escape and to develop weapons
33 Fish farm with pools and dams of aggressive hungry fingerlings
34 Alien farm where grey aliens milk strange hypnotic milk from their outre cattle
35 Zombie farm where zombie animals roam fields and workers harvest crops
36 Cukoo farm where women are broodmares for growing monsters or psionic drugs
37 Marsuipial Australiana genetic farmer with genetic modified marsuipials of all sorts
38 Clown farm growing hideous killer clowns from plants in the ground, drugged to behave
39 Baby farm where cabbage like patches grow baby clones just like grandma said
40 Soylent green farm where the dead are railed in by underground tunnels and come
41 Slug farm where swarms of baby slugs and gigantic specimens roam over fields of grass 
42 Crayfish farm where pools with giant lobsters are kept, music keeps them calm
43 Dead pet farm where undead or cults bury pets that return from the dead
44 Giant snapping turtles kept in pools and are fed from long poles
45 Axalotle farm waste deep pools with floating snapping killer giant aalotls that dont let go
46 Eelfarm where small ones kept in draws in sheds but giant ones in caged pools
47 Organswine farm where pigs with human organ are kept originally for transplant spares
48 Organ plant farm where trees. vines and bushes grow human spare organs ecology
49 Eyebeast farm where spherical helpless mooping creatures are farmed for meat
50 Green slime farm where controlled green slime grown for bio weapons or wizards
51 Rabbit farm where rabbits grown for meat, wool, testing cigarettes and makeup
52 Horse farm where rifing beasts of new era are trained and bread to win weird beast races
53 Ape farm where huge fenced areas full of ape and monkeys are kept for science
54 Food crop farm growing genetic super crop, huge food items, possibly hostile
55 Mana farm where antenna array grow and assemble food from air
56 Strange eggs farm - grown, parents hidden deep in complexes or underground in secret
57 Nanite farm huge concrete pools in sheds in turn producing wonders
58 Crab farm grows crabs or possibly giant ones on cages, crabs very angry want revenge
59 Trilobite farm where prehistoric shellfish grown in tanks of primordial ooze
60 Scorpion farm where giant scorpions bred for food, medicine, armour and poison
61Tentacle farm where slimy ground squid grow fan beneath soil, occasionally like meat
62 Plague Farm with quarenteen concentration camp and a biological delivery system
63 Power farm where biological material grown in vats produces power
64 Salt farm pans of salt water and mounds of salt, some gather electricity too
65 Oil farm grows plants that produce various oils, squeezed grain or distilled from bushes
66 Tree farm with various trees tended in rows and harvested constantly
67 Drug farm where valuable narcotic grows usually heavily controlled by a group
68 Leech farm for millions of horrors grown in lakes and man made swamps for medicine
68 Lamprey farm where delicious tasting but nightmare looking lampreys in ponds
69 Algae fuel plant with cylinders of slime or ponds, then converted to fuel
70 Wind farm with possibly hundreds of wind mills
71 Solar farm with hundreds of solar cells or reflectors and solar boiler tower
72 Insect farm where locusts remote controlled feed then fly into processor unit
73 Honey farm with huge aggressive bees in dozens of hives
74 Soul farm where demons torment prisoners or turned them into human faced maggots
75 Witch Farm where farmers are witches and animals may be diabolic familiars
76 Wizard farm where wizards raise weird creatures for potions, spells or knowledge
77 Animal farm where sentient animals have taken over and are not dealing with humans

78 Grub farm where larvae or maggots bread as food or bait or to clean bones
79 Ant farm where giant ants tend crops, have other cattle species and underground vaults
80 Shellfish farm where aggressive giant shellfish dwell in cages in ponds
81 Mega mutant llama farm where fluffy herd beast graze intently for meat or wool
82 Auroch farm where gigantic angry prehistoric cattle roam behind 16 foot high fence
83 Goat or sheep farm where goats graze, produce milk,hide, meat, wool
84 Duck farm where rice paddies provide thousands of ducks with crabs and snails
85 Mutant farm where pathetic mutants are fattened and harvested for weird materials
86 Darkspawn farm where hordes of tree like monsters congregate like a forest
87 Shoggoth farm of elder things or Migo, breeding, training and pit fighting for alien science
88 Hunters farm where exotic hunting beasts and monsters bred for bloodsports
89 Military farm established to grow food and fuel, automated weapons still guard
90 Pleistocene Farm where mammoths, wooly rhinos, sabretooth cats and dire wolves roam
91 Dinosaur Farm were prehistoric reptilians roam free, some might be mutants
92 Jelly farm for repulsive huge amoebas, macrobes, slimes and gelatinous horrors
93 Neural peptide farm where humans and other creatures in vats milked of neural fluids
94 Nudist Farm where naked humans grow crops the old way to live simple life
95 Slave farm where humans bred, kept and sold like cattle, even grow their own food
96 Biopet farm where cute bioengineered pets breed for toy corporations
97 Penal farm where slave labour from prisoners does work while guards kill escapees
98 Fantasy farm possibly former theme park now ruled by wizards with fabulous beasts
99 Monster Farm where military or madmen grow monsters to unleash in enemy lands
100 Gamma farm where weird mutant plants farmed as food, drugs and defense systems

d50 Psychonian Era - improvements for farm animalsRoll these for curing boring old earth animals or select some improvements for a high tech farm beast or some defects for a feral mutant. ome farm AI continue to care for horrible mutants even if deadly horrors.

1 Centipod - increase length and leg sets
2 No legs walk like worm that have
3 Bloated ultra nutrient fat filled
4 Diminished brains mass makes manageable
5 Naked - no fur or feathers
6 Fur or feathers stripped easily and valuable
7 Extra horns with reputed magical powers
8 Faucet or plug in umbilicals for feeding and extracting fluids from restrained bloated beast
9 Excretes fuel or other chemicals with very little refinement 
10 Excrete food like milk, eggs or mayonaise or Reddi Whip topping or caramel 
11 Eats anything
12 Disease proof system (carrier)
13 Poison proof system
14 Armoured body plastron
10 Exotic extra natural melee attack like scorpion tail
11 Psionic power
12 Explosive on death
13 Multi form monster (one innocent form)

14 Symbiote acts to heal or protect host
15 Parasitic infestation released on death or in battle
16 Self cooking, spontaneously combusts and cooks self deliciously 
17 Creature faints or paralyzed if scared or dark
18 Easily killed and gutted
19 Head is tiny and fused to torso or non existant
20 Detatchable body parts, harvest as needed, parts regrow
21 Compliant herd mentality
22 Weather resistant
23 Fast growing
24 Fast breeding
26 Fire breathing
37 Acid spitting
38 Blinding spittle or whip
39 Devolve into shoggoth
40 Turn undead if killed or just dies of necrovirus plague then reanimates
41 Beserker if enraged or agrivated
42 Sentient species (many bred to accepting food status)
43 Grows spare human parts or births monsters
44 Poisonous sting or bite
45 Produces gas weapon
46 Spinnerets can make traps or structures, web or cocoon
47 Spittle like concrete for housing material
48 Kinetic missile attack such as manticore tail, shooting quills or biogun
49 Hyper carnivorous or very aggressive or territorial
50 Gives birth to different species possibly alien or mutant

Tuesday 26 November 2013

Psychon Log: Carcosa and Beyond

After manufacturing zombie virus cures and fighting Psychobots, party sent scouts ahead to the stargate mission control. hawk held onto the Druid while he leaped over the hordes of undead and onto the building roof. Also carried along where their followers. Friendly androids invited them inside to the command centre. Their priestess (senior programmer) told them Pheonix had sent them here to aid them. Through the gate some force had held a wormhole open and the AI gods deemed this had to stop. The mission: enter the stargate and stop the force inside then return so gods could close forever. Druid and Hawkman agreed to have a look and the goddess would send their friends through later.

So both passed through and fell onto a blasted grey dirt of the alien world Carcosa. The dread lake of Hali stretched out beyond with the silhouette of the evil city of Carcosa in the fog shrouded horizon.

"Lets  not go there" uttered Morataskas the druid
"Agreed" said Hawk"

So they guys check their phones to see if signal to Psychon link working as the jaunt seemed to feel off and that 30 foot drop was a problem.

'Everything here tastes worse than crap said Filgrey of the Hawkmen.

The greenskinned piebald haired rainbow punk druid agreed. Saw some ruins and moved in. Three incredibly ancient shambling round mound structures mostly buried in millions of years of alluvial deposits. As they got closer they saw the watcher. Sitting their for thousands of years or longer, staring at the black city of horror on the lake. The horrible spherical eyed darkspawn was spherical, a single sad lonely eye, impossibly sad and ancient gazed at them. Then it hopped off, suddenly galloping on its goatlegs, squealing and waving its mindless lamprey tentacles. The lads shot into action with the hawk leaping into battle running a spear through its pupil. The rainbow druid master, the catgirl and the 9 foot long red wolf companions all dived in and besides a few futile blows killed the elder beast. He blasted them with psionic screams but they shrugged it off and bashed him. They hacked its sad sagging corpse and kicked it down the slope of grey shale. The most maddening thing about the beast was its colour. A colour never seen on Psychon, even before the apocalypse. They had no word for it and saw the beast pathetically roll away.

Summoned a Fishman with the magical tablet from the shoggoth pits of the jewelled deserts and a savage polypous white, more spiny and larger than normal deepone came. He explained about the god Hasturs palace and the king in yellow and the formless horror faced tentacle spacegods who dwelled in the lake. Told them A god here was was holding open gate. hastur was just freeloading from this but was not the cause. He was taking the necromancers and undead armies who had come from Psychon for protoplasm and especially nanite altered nuerological material. The necromancers would wander the city as screaming madmen lost in time forever. Must find black magician and banish the god. He didnt know who though. He escorted them in swamp towards a jade pyramid and ruins where they found a elder thing in the swaamp with psionic choking powers. Was another demented ancient horror in the lifeless grey rubbly bog.

In ruins lived Jedex a bone man with transparent flesh. Luckily the Druid spoke Cthonic and the two spoke. He had lost his adventurer friends inside days ago. His party insisted on entering so he waited on guard. Joined party and remarked some races he had never seen. Learnt how men on Carcosa were bread to be cattle for the god, vessels for tasty soul snacks gods would devour like whales eating plankton in the sea. The serpent men just bread men to be sacrifices and spell components. The Druid admitted the serpent men grew him but 5 years ago

So went north and met white men villagers. Provided them with proper Psychon food like goblin fingers as sweet as caramel and honey flavoured ogre fat. Natives agreed a land where everyone is delicious and gods don't just eat you sounded great. Met their sorcerer leader who didnt know but said brown men had a leader who killed old wizard and has his books still. Perhaps that's what party wanted could be there he offered. Party thought worth a shot and headed that way. Druid now sure spell recovery here intermittent through the gate.

Rest of party came, tumbling out odf the sky during one such link up session.

A new lilac skinned warrior man with antenna, and a monkey tail only 4 foot high. He carried a sword and a composite bow. A 9 foot tall wolfman naked and hairless with green skin, horns and antlers carrying an axe and javelin. The cleric of Pheonix came next with assassin. Then came the Morlock tastemaster and his savage no1 wife. He was now armed to the teeth with guns and could start a revolution back home now in the subworld of VValmar.

The party chatted and swapped stories and magic loot that Pheonix randomly beamed them from long dead adventurers she had scanned. Druid ended up with flaming chain. Morlock got his first Magic Pistol. Priest got a plantmetal xbow that grows arrows. Some got ballistic vests. Morlock got laser shield - a 10 shot 2d6+2 laser pistol built into anti laser retro reflec riot shield with armoured visor slot. Also recharges laser shot daily in the sun.

Assasin found a biopet in a pod and opened it as instructed. Pet hatched and made psionic link. Biological robot senses poison or unhygenic food, warns child to check with mum or dad if risk of danger and can be guided by telepathy and link can provide visual detail. Exited by his fluffy gizmo he made makup from mud and tried to infiltrate brown men. They took him to lord who imprisoned him. Then sent out 100 warriors to search for strangers in hex.

Party saw coming and Druid built a stone wall. Morlock got spare guns and crossbows rigged as traps. Then got a tear gas grenade trap and fire pit trap ready with god granted high octane grog. Sent 40 men forward and party fired. Traps went off and 30% never got through tear gas. Meanwhile the wall of flame blocked retreat and rainbow druid appeared.

Surrender or Die as he morphed into a 30 foot punk ape.

He battled their great hero while heroes killed wave after wave on men till 40 dead. By this time heroes jumped over wall and charged through gas with masks on and counter charged mob while druid stomped on villainous brown warlord. Druid kept him alive despite ill wounds the warrior dealt him. He picked up a brownman mook and tore off his head, then turned his blood into a healing potion with a spell (I normally use water but too cool an idea to not use). Last 20 surrendered. Barged into town killing all who stopped them and looted the sorcerers books. With aid of crystal wizard of white men found ritual to banish Doalath then sent party to castle of skull men.

So on to get secret of banishing Doalath lord of interspace. Went to Tsathogua mountains found alien babies that crawled from a corpse. Spells only recovered intermittently.

Charged castle of skull men and met their envoy who they chopped int bits. The retaliated with a  horde of spawn down mountain but party climbed on druid in giant form and he jumped over horde then hopped up hill onto top of barbican gate house. Assassin swung on his 6 foot tongue to window and peeked in. Pulled lever to release gate with tongue and the Druid tore out chains allowing gate to re open with his mighty ape paws. Wolf and hawk beastman charged down wall killing all men in path. Archer hosed down the wizard with arrows, along with a few followers. Morlock took a tower and the lilac warrior sho wizard dead. Chaos broke out as morale finally snapped when druid killed a yellow tentacle spawn with his fist. Another spawn killed by warriors and any wearing cult robes chased and killed. Most killed but 20 odd surrendered and party put their friend the had met at pyramid in charge of his kinsman so now he wanted to stay on Carcosa. Party hunted and killed remaining spawn locked outside castle. Found cave where Daolath manifest and began ritual to banish him using brown person sacrifice and lead and sulphur powder on a magic altar. Then smashed the call/banish altar. Inside cave where was hazy dimensional warp was now a strange artwork or altar like a incredibly impossible crystal puzzle of rods, cones, cylinders and sheets. Smashed that too. Gods reported coms restored and party could return.

Returned home at gate and taken to control room. 50 megawatt Laser from heaven destroyed gate after wormhole repaired and then lower wattage laser rain hailed down killing undead.

Then sent to Albuquerque spaceport (gammaworld module) that predated the starport. Dropped down into top of tower and found dead machines and were ambushed by sleeths with sonic powers and tech weapons. Managed to kill off then went downstairs after playing with buttons. Found starport concourse and found ancient restaurant. Waiter androids in B&W dress jumpsuits came and too orders. Party got mountain of food but only liquor any good for drinks. Convinced them to accept worthless gold instead of electronic currency or poker chips. Poker chips legal tender by 2063.

After eating food of the gods party wandered about saw baggage but went to west end port where two of three tunnels blocked. Passed interesting space travel company desks and went towards unblocked tunnel where two rad scorpions attacked. Killed them then decided to camp.

 Just an experiment and a test. I was fairly easy on them. Also used my psionics rules which I liked. Wanted to compare and contrast settings. The gods are proving to be into intervention through adventurers and use them to make areas safe for them to destroy. Druid swapped plant samples from worlds and he could plant door through them again.

Saturday 23 November 2013

d100 things on the lonely moors at night

These are the kinds of things you hear in a country tavern on the edge of the great mist shrouded moors on the fringe of civilisation. Such stories are exaggerated and locals love to scare strangers. Sometimes the stories of a great beast is just a giant rat or stray wolf.  

d10 strange night noises
1 Chanting
2 Wolf howling
3 Screaming women
4 Barking dogs
5 Croaking frogs
6 Chirping insects
7 Hooting of owls
8 Talking and muttering
9 Cackling witches
10 Galloping horses

d100 things on the lonely moors at night
1 Howling devil dogs stalk the innocent out tonight
2 Ghost hounds hunt any fools out on the moors tonight
3 White eyed, black demon ponies roam at night, some take a mans form
4 A pathetic drooling formarian chaos giant wanders the moors sobbing for company
5 A frightful mad drunken cyclops wanders the moor, hunting humans to be his herdbeasts
6 On a night such as this. listen for croaks of hideous frogmen hunting for victims in mating
7 A cursed necromancer stalks tho moors at night seeking a victim to bear the curse
8 Silent army of skeletons wanders the moors from some past battle
9 Shambling horde of zombies seeking the living to feast on wanders the foggy moors
10 Screaming ghouls rampage across the moore eating travellers foolish enough to be out
11 A ghostly lamp bearer wanders the moors, seeks adventurers who let him die
12 A pale spirit maiden screams at night, slaying those who hear the banshee cry
13 Beastmen dancing around a couldron grow wild and frenzied, best avoided
14 Lights of faerie circles can be seen on nights like this, best avoid them or be their slave
15 Fell nights you can hear the demented cackling and cries of a witch orgy
16 A lone panther like beast slays the unwary who cross the moors by night
17 A strange cult has sabbaths on the moors, they slay any who may recognise them
18 Some say a ghost village sometimes fools people but melts into fog every dawn
19 Gangs of youths on the moors drink, dance and roam wild like possessed madmen
20 Headless horseman slays those out on such a night taking travellers heads as trophies
21 Skeleton riders roam the moors, killing all who caught outdoors
22 Wight riders roam the moors killing all while searching for something
23 Ghostly waggon with flaming skullfaced driver madly driving spectral passengers to hell
24 Phantom armies battle on nights such as this and sometimes mistakenly kill travellers
25 Old monoliths out on the moors call demons if disturbed by night
26 Squeaking rusted gibbet of a skinless screaming horror can be heard at night
27 Chanting of a cult sacrificing maidens to devils can be heard on dread nights like this
28 Robbers roam these moors killers all, their leader swears by the dukes of hell
29 Ghost robbers seek to rob the living only sated by loot (actually robbers faking it)
30 Goblins stalk the moors and collect the heads of travellers for foul unknown purposes
31 Chittering of the goblin markets can be heard, mortals best keep away
32 Goblin riders on wargs roam the moors by night tearing to shreds any they catch out
33 Doppelganger roam the moors so beware of strangers or long lost friends you meet
34 A degenerate leech man hides in the bogs claiming the lives of those who come out
35 Clouds of strange fog in the moors have been known to suck out the eyes of travellers
36 Clouds of strange fog in the moors have been known to suck out the blood of travellers
37 Vampires surely lurk in the moors as bloodless corpses have been found
38 Great buzzing clouds of insects swarm at night, once we found stripped skeletons nearby
39 Great demon dog, a one eyed black dire wolf who causes fear on all he sees
40 The horror of the fog, a great slime encrusted lake troll who drags victims into the bog
41 A hideous screaming swamp harpy and her diseased sisters are said to shit on travellers
42 A black bubbling liquid horror with hundreds of eyes has eaten many travellers by night
43 A great toad, big enough to eat a horse comes out at night, fear his dreaded croaking
44 A pack of wolves prowl the mists by night, some say they act with dread intelligence
45 A great hairy beast, some kind of carnivorous ape kills and eats children who don't sleep 
46 A tribe of reptile men skin and eat those who wander outside the village at night
47 Great cawing horror birds of some type walk the swamp in a gaggle by night
48 Bubbling pools of lothesome slime crawl from holes by night laying in wait for wanderers
49 Great gelatinous horrors crawl from the marsh draining the life fluids of night wanderers
50 Horrible tentacled beast crawls from a haunted well each night looking for fools to eat
51 A clawed screeching bird beast of some kind tears the heads off travellers by night
52 A screaming mad gang of albino cannibals roam the mists by night eating any they find
53 A creepy old man follows travellers by night, some never return, they say he is a wizard
54 A great swarm of rats lead by a great king rat that walks like a man rule the mist by night
55 An invisible killer roams the mist, disemboweling those who brave the  night 
56 A great grey demon spider roams the moors, eating animals and stray persons
57 A screeching wyvern hunts in the moors at night, eating sheep and herders
58 A flesh golem roams the moors, craves love and hugs any friends he finds to death 
59 A wandering stone golem calls for his mistress Lara and crushes any who are not her
60 A bestial swine monster roams the night kidnapping women then eating them when done
61 Screeching stirge owls roam the night sucking travellers dry of blood
62 Giant bats from some dank cave carrying dread goblins who waylay travellers
63 A dread shadowy being of evil roams the moorlands moaning and groaning all night
64 A band of hideous stunted pony beastmen waylay travellers by night with clubs
65 Two revolting ogres roam the moors eating anyone they come across
66  A howling phantom moans of his friends who fled while he drowned roams by night
67 Giant weasels scuttle about drinking the blood from those who dare the night 
68 A great near invisible reptilian beast lies across paths and streams, disguised as a log
69 A huge snapping turtle named Old Tom, crawls from the bog by night to steal sheep
70 A band of savages crawl from caves by night to hunt humans who dare travel
71 A great serpent crawls the moors and even eats people in their beds
72 A great spiked snake crawls the moors who fires his spikes like arrows
73 A green slimy vegetal horror lurks in the marsh who kidnaps then drowns victims
74 A wicked wizard roams the swamp who kills people then turns them into zombies
75 A hideous swamp hag has been kidnapping and eating children for decades
76 A foul swamp hag has been kidnapping children for her bandit gang who lurk in the moors
77 A bleating horror of chaos born to an unlucky goat grows bigger every year

78 Strange yellow creeper plants have been appearing and strange goblins 
79 A two headed ogre wanders tho marsh, arguing with himself about who eats the most
80 A hideous vulture man wizard with his orc bandits terrorises all who live near the moors
81 Dark elves torment and humiliate those who dare wander the moor at night
82 A dark haunted house has strange lights from with and is never seen by day
83 Slime covered zombies wander the marsh since strange patches of slime have been found
84 Evil redcap gnomes with bloody halberds kill and eat travellers
85 Horrible crawling tentacle faced horrors lurk in the bogs, at night they scour the moors 
86 A mad wizard roams the swamp charming victims who he murders in his grotto
87 A dread cult roam the swamp seeking sacrifices to their demon masters
88 A group of depraved monks dwell under some ruins, at night they seek victims to study
89 A band of bloody bandits dominate moors, they make captives fight in a pit to the death
90 A flaming humanoid being with impossibly high standards burns any it deems wicked
91 Swarms of giant bats roam the moors at night attacking anything, locals lock up pets
92 Frozen corpses are found in the mornings after cold nights like this one
93 Some say a gate to hell allows devils to enter our world on certain nights. Are you lucky?
94 Giant mosquitoes devour travellers who dare cross the moors at night
95 A hideous bog mummy roams the moors silently, when you hear him moan it is too late
96 The wild hunts man blows his horn and chases any fool out tonight
97 The wild huntsman with his hellhounds is out tonight best stay in
98 The horned huntsman on his bone chariot is out with his dancing beastmen entourage
99 The dark huntsman is out with his chorus of witches and devils 
100 The great huntsman on a flaming chariot with fire devils hunts tonight

Friday 22 November 2013

d100 Saucy Posters and Flyers of Shadel Port

Junkmail is an underrated field in fantasy RPG and there is plenty of prime advertising space in many fantasy settings. This blog is to change that.

In Shadel Port paper is the cheapest on Free Erth so the advances in printing and technology are superior to all the Third Empire and the Dragon Empire of the far East. Shadel Port is a fascist dictatorship with mutant ghettos, secret police, hidden dungeons and tunnels, and worse. But it has free press as long as Barron not mocked or disrespected. That is torture or death if judge feels mercy. Free to print wild slander, personal secrets of your enemies, advertising for your show or cult, whatever. A foriegn Noble remarked the people of Shadel Port have the most shit free bums in the world for the kindly waifs who give them out paper in the street. others think they are collectable and virtually any worth a copper or even a silver in other lands. Some sailors collect and sell them on side and they even have become valued at least a copper piece. Some are stained or unpopular and prices may vary tavern to tavern. Some abandon them in latrines, carriages, hotels and restaurant tables. Locals may refuse to accept "paper junk money".

Nightly lads roam the streets to paste the town. They avoid the law who beat and imprison them. Some posters are handed out as smaller flyers or even sold as artworks, novelties or even official religious blessing posters with motivational slogans of the prophets such as: "Hang in there Kobold". Flyers are distributed by children who when older become pasters  Many practice graffiti on the side for fun, art,  revenge, dissent or insanity. Some get recruited by galleries, guilds, secret police, gangs, cults and more. They are local heroes in places where gangs victims are most broke and out of control. Gangs control popular walls and districts for own or tax paying authorised pasters. Outsiders may be ignorant about this code. Nobody covers Barron's edicts within a month (not much as they have use by date stamps on them).

The Barron is Lawful Evil and some say in one of his dungeons is an entrance to the Nine Hells. They say that about the super volcano that is Monster Island goes to Tiamat's Volcano in Hell. Hmmmm. He has besides many freedoms and high literacy the only nation with conscription of commoners. Other nations fear and joke about this. Common men well fed with clothes and weapons have won every battle agains warrior aristocrats and barbarian nobility. Scum from across the world come to Shadel Port, most end up in a slum, laves or dead  if they have little labour. Undead and goblinoid labour are hard to compete with for weak men. The masked secret police serve him directly and are fanatics. Many agents are watched by magical scrying devices or guardian spirits. Some of the leaders of this force are aid to be part devil.

add B&W flyer or sample free or 1cp
large A3 B&W versions 4cp
large A2 B&W versions 6cp
large A1 Spot colour or duotone 1sp
large A3 three colour versions 1sp
large A3 B&W hand coloured map or artwork 1gp

a bucket, and brush 10cp
a bucket of glue 1cp
a broom for big high jobs 3cp

Images with women most collectable and increase in value, especially if art good. Theatre shows, maps and artworks also popular.

B&W unless stated as having colour.

d20 General Type of poster
1 Wanted - offers to buy and sell goods
and bounties offered by the state on state enemies
2 Live Show - performances sell seats with posters and
3 JobAds - flyers for job wanted and men selling skills, seeking
apprentices, selling slaves
4 Hoax - practical joke or fake made by anarchists or the secret police as a trap
5 Slander - personal abuse about some mighty citizen or racist trash talk (No elves!)
6 Official New Edicts - new rules, statutes, zoning permits, condemned and banned goods
7 News - groups put up teasers of their stories of their small press and broadsheets
8 Merchant Ads - processed foodstuffs, household goods, clothes, shops and stores
9 Political - political posters for guild, union, students, city officials or State propaganda
10 Doomsday Warnings - warnings of perils and end of the world is coming

11 Poems - popular poems may have many genres, some sold by bards for popular use
12 Artwork - popular editions of fine art for common mounting in the home or workplace
13 Cartoon
- popular print image often scandalous, lurid and tabloid 
14 Portrait - popular leaders, holy folk, actresses, prostitutes and other popular persons
15 Exotic Language - poster commissioned in exotic foreign or non human language.
16 Medicine -
ads for miracle cures, treatments, healers, exorcists, priests
17 Pornography -
brothel ads and filthy trash art for sailors, rakes, old perverts
Religious - holy prayer and motivational quotes, some illuminated or hand coloured
19 Danger! - local warning about some recent hazard in area
Arcane and Occult - magical signs, portents and signs, ads for magicians

d100 Saucy Posters and Flyers of Shadel Port
These more specific examples. Some have a price.

1 Offering fees for information on certain persons and places or industries or streets
2 Offering d10xd6 silver reward for head of criminal, gold if alive
3 Reward d6xd6 silver for information about a particular crime or offer to buy goods back
4 Request to buy or sell a magic item, weapon or armour
5 Request to buy sell or trade merchant goods
6 Ad for discounted flawed or stolen goods
7 Ad for cursed magic item, weapon or armour
8 Employer offering work d4 1=labour 2=criminal racket 3=assault or murder 4=proper job
9 Worker offering services with biographies, portraits, fancy calling cards, references, etc
10 Buying, selling or trading apprentices, parents keen to offload children as
11 Buying and trading slaves and convict labourers
12 Buying and trading household servants, often sold by parents with life contracts
13 Buying and selling and trading livestock
14 Fake official decree mocking the establishment and spreading discomfort
15 Strange artwork causing slight discomfort and alienation from existence
16 Vandalised poster modified into something else, possibly just dicks drawn on them
17 The Yellow Sign make a WIS save or accumulate enigmatic Hastur factor points*
18 Crude angry dirty poems about ex-lovers bad habits and awfulness
19 Public denouncements such as a rich person says they "never done it"
20 Racial slurs complaining about goblinoids or demihumans or beastfolk or mutants
21 Scandalous character assassination, tell tall stories about important persons
22 New petty law about zoning, parking, turnip tax, litter, anti-corpse in well dumping policy
23 New laws threatening treason or tax fraud with torture, death or imprisonment
24 New laws threatening banned cults, gangs, goods, magic items, dark arts, new vices
25 New laws anti dealing in forbidden magic, arms, drugs, gunpowder, curses, potions
26 Print of the city featuring civic buildings, palaces and bridges
27 Portrait of the Barron with montage of city history and peoples looking a stern guardian
28 Portrait of the Emperor with symbols of status and power and the sun god
29 Portrait of a religious leader, holy person, hermit, monk saint, priest, angel or god 
30 Portrait of the local wardmaster or guild or union leader often for elections 
Portrait of great heroes, warriors, scoundrels and wizards looting dungeons
32 Portraits of the Barron in his black mask with heads of a dragon, demon and giant 
33 Portrait of the emperor with imperial regalia, symbols and his golden throne and family
34 Offencive poem ridiculing somebody with sexual innuendo
35 Posters of the mad young emperor as a scary tyrant striking madly, draped if finery
36 Charicarature of Emperor as effeminate dandy looking in mirror having sex with relative
37 Buy Xyaggazigs Brushes, the best magic brushes your home can get
38 Alchemical brewers Incorporated brew batches of potions at a discount
39 Ad for a local corner store like baker, butcher, farmer, dairymaid
40 Finest wizard robes come to Danex direct, imports, local, best prices widest range
41 Best meat comes from Donnisar's butchery and slaughterhouse, free treat for every child
42 Morefax general supplies - needs for everyone from home owners to dungeon delvers
43 Tobendaar iron rations are the best iron rations - there good for you
44 24 tonnes of rice in harbour tomorrow, wharf auction, warehouse 25 of dolphin head lane
45 Lady Ellington and sex slave orc scandal -full story in Shadel Port dock workers paper
46 Trade tensions with Empire worsen since recent talks full story in maritime guild daily
47 Do not trust the Mortiford family, they are all a bunch of stuck up bloodsuckers
48 Miss Lillian Duverte is not a virgin nor innocent, despite her fathers guards and thug
49 Master Chartford is a lying fake, his maps got my friends killed, curse his family and pets
50 Vote for Karl Mantiforte as ward leader of district 42, he is honest and licks the corrupt
51 Embarrassing pro mayor
wrestling a lion (a bit creepy and sexual) put up by fansboys 
52 First part of a saucy poem with where you can buy the rest for only d4 cp
53 Come see the dancing harlots in the dance of the vampire bats, sold out shows
54 Amazing Arnoud's Animal circus, freaks, acrobats, clowns, puppets, live decapitations!
55 Harbourside sideshows with games of skill and chance, fortune tellers and animal fights
56 Hall of hideous mutants, live vivisection and adult only shows not fit for clergy or ladies
57 Tally's Pit fighting arena for gentlemen, boxing sword fighting, women and dwarf fights!
58 Come to the theatre for smashing night out, experience culture or laugh with commoners
59 Discount magic weapons and treasures, come to Barneys Forge, one day only
60 Obey the Barron, hey fights for freedom from tyranny and want! one of many in series
61 Orphans the cheapest in town, do as you will them to, beaten into obedience by experts
62 Scarlet comet coming to destroy world, donate to temple of Anu or else!
63 Rats in your house tired and listless? Coughing? your house might have the plague!
64 Mutants! keep them in the ghetto where they belong, by the dockers union
65 Map of the empire 1cp small, 1sp large, colour 1gp
66 Dungeon maps, bought and sold, many proven gold winners at Old Tom's dungeon maps
67 Prints of naked ladies (some go too far!) with details on where to purchase copy
68 Popular print "The path of virtue" showing how to live the good life
69 Popular satirical print "The path of vice" showing exactly where to find depraved city life
70 Ad for brothel featuring portraits of pretty girls, 1in6 specialised in unusual types
71 Ad for poster printing and pasting services or removing posters and graffiti
72 Ad to recover stolen goods or bounty hunting or assassination or mercenary services
73  Beware of Elves or giants or mutants or dwarves posters put up by paranoid haters
74 Repent at the temple before it is too late, doomsday coming with colour art
75 Warning about entering ruins for unauthorised looting
76 Why not join the Army or Marines: Free Boots, meat every day, respect for life! 
77 Secret police posters: Have you been plotting?, Traitors always get found, and others
78 Colour poster of the great emperors taken from old coins with empire map
79 Map of the Empire or the occupied lands of the island, colour 1gp
80 Map of city with districts, some second hand scrawled with notes
81 Shock broadsheet headline: Barron bans baby eating bastards!
82 Shock broadsheet headline: Barron bans baby eating bastards!
83 Shock broadsheet headline: Barron bans baby eating bastards!
84 Shock broadsheet headline: Barron bans baby eating bastards!
85 Non human or exotic foreign language poster, mostly ads
86 Add seeking women for wives , concubines, prostitutes of religious rites
87 Escaped slave or criminal or bridegroom wanted poster
88 Miracle pox cure ointment, the seamans friend!
89 Ad for local brothel or prostitute or sex act, highly collectible by foreign sailors
90 Ad for local show often with ladies, bizarre physical feats, magic or animal acts
91 Ad for local bar or concert or theatre show, often brightly coloured and repeated
92 Every day children disappear into the city sewers: are yours next? public warning
93 Posters with diabolic runes demanding obedience and servitude to the Barron forever
94 Gladiator battle festival this weekend! Men, beast and monsters die for honour
95 Who will live and die in the Dungeon of Death this week? Ask your local bookmaker
96 Dungeon maps sometimes distributed by monsters or disgruntled failed adventurers
97 Crew needed for pirate raider, must be heartless stone cold killers with love of the sea
98 Ad for upcoming religious or other local festival day with celebrations abound
99 Cheap convict slave boat arriving soon, don't miss your chance for these cheap slaves!
100 Temple seek brave men for quest, risk and reward in this life and the next!

1d3 times a year you roll vs this score - if roll under get a horrible encounter with polypy white undead or insectoid demon or cultists

Thursday 21 November 2013

My new adventures in Dragonlance

Playing Dragonlance 2nd Ed (Sadly I had best time in ages because I am a nuetral jerk)

I am playing a Lady Druid/Wizard ogre in Krynn game. I am being a super jerk preaching neutrality. Tell villagers to go with the flow and serve strongest master then turn on them and change sides if they grow weak.

"Stop in the name of neutrality!" I yell lot. 
"Prepare to die in the name of true neutral!"
"We come in the name of neutrality"
"I feel an alignment in the great neutral presence"
"I sense an outer planes disturbance in the great balance"
"Yes this plan to avoid conflict accords with deep neutrality"
"My neutral wrath floweth over into my wizardry foe!"
"Be ye good or evil doers you are in our way and you have our friend, surrender!"

When paladin told foes we battle evil I added "and good" all the time.
I was disappointed I couldn't be a LG jerk but this has turned out better.

Because I'm on Krynn I make a point to get a torrid crush on someone every session in hopes of finding true love. Holding out for meeting a dragon in human form to be my one true love. Then I can Write the unauthorized Krynn novel the world has been waiting for. It will be hard as I dont have panache for sexual cruelty, humiliation and rituals of subordination and domination that proper romance writers do but I guess i could learn or just steal ideas from Archie comics.

I realized even though I had first bunch of 2nd ed stuff was when I quit DnD for about 20 years, It was Temple of elemental evil PC game and new players wanting me to intro them to the game that I got back into it. So I get surprised still by rules differences. Im loving Phantasmal force as a 1st level spell. I cast only one or two or three tops spells in a battle but I hold back all the dumbest mooks and monsters quite often with burning fire wolf ghosts just out of reach. Andz runs a fairly fast 2nd Ed with mods from my game a bit. Flexible and puts fun first. Let me create proto ogre druid/wizard no problem. I like to morph slowly into form of those around me, shifting height, ear points, skin colour and more. Just to assimilate. Good practice for my changeling race I'm working on.  I keep talking like I know nothing since the cataclysm. Then my first Items: Coat of blending and cloak of protection+2. I am envious of wizard with a wand though.