Wednesday 30 July 2014

1d100 Things to happen in the Pub

Recently trendy coffee shops popping up all over town in Shadelport. Some are brothels or used for hookups on the side. Tea houses are more respectable and genteel. Pubs unchanged.

d100 Things to happen in the Pub
01 Interesting goods up for grabs in gambling or gaming contest
02 A offer of stolen goods for sale off the back of a cart
03 An offer of illegal goods or vice
04 Pubfight breaks out among other patrons grows into free for all
05 Angry men with pregnant girl come in looking for father
06 A bard puts on a especially good show singing about a local dungeon
07 A bard sings a scathing lampoon of parties adventures and abilities
08 Bandit informant informs on party wealth to gang who will stalk or infiltrate
09 A bard wants to follow party for song ideas for a while
10 A gremlin sneaks into party baggage or pockets
11 A witch comes to party will tell them of a doom she dreamed of them for money
12 A pregnant girl looking for party friend or follower
13 Invited to private party of jolly revelers
14 Invited to party of elegant rich for dinner and theater
15 Invited to cult ritual orgy of demonic cult
16 Invited to gangster party in lowlife area get to witness crime and vice
17 Invited to go on spree with rich gang for violence and sexual escapades
18 Invited to a secret fight, locals hold honour at steak
19 Duel announced, party asked to be seconds
20 Man comes running from toilet with stinging giant centipede hanging of him
21 Exotic race playing strange possibly magical game
22 Old man tells grisly story of local ruins or haunted house or tower
23 Story of some amazing hoard or thing found in a dungeon or city sewers
24 Person tells tale of local undead or scary creature, and how was chased once
25 Man wants help with talking to a girl, will pay for help
26 Shifty man offers cash for bodies or parts of bodies no questions asked
27 Tax collectors looking for shifty homeless adventurers without papers
28 Shifty guy gives away dungeon map with some story about
29 Thieves guild seeks muscle for dealing with guards or a gang fight
30 Attractive country girl seeks work with respectable looking people, creepy pimps eye her off
31 Boy desperately wants to be adventurer wants to start as pole bearer or lantern bearer
32 Man offers to sell old pet that might hold secret of past owners treasure
33 Man selling old treasure map from his grand pappy who died with secret of the map
34 Someone sure party member is opposite gender in disguise, initiates creepy whispering
35 Bar breaks into singing and dancing, great chance to meet attractive strangers
36 Patron falls over dead d4 1=knifed 2=poisoned 3=own problem 4=horrible parasite crawls out
37 Pimp offers discount on best time ever back at his coffee house
38 Men discussing best whore houses in district and about various secret establishments
39 Pimp talks to party members to recruit into a life of comfort, ease and pleasure in the trade
40 Women discussing 1=best shops 2=best value food 3=cutest boys 4=boasting about children
41 Women plotting 1=to have a rake beaten 2=infidelities 3=getting cash 4=plotting to murder husband
42 Person trying to sell weapon at a good price as they need cash fast to avert a tragedy
43 Broken man selling rock carving or engraving on weapon or armour with map
44 Someone mentions a local coffee house or theater is full of pretty and classy people
45 Cultists offer you strange powers, invulnerability and sex if you join
46 Kid offers to sell strange pollywog caught in creek now in a jar
47 A scuffle breaks out and someone becomes a berserk warrior
48 During a bar fight someone becomes a were beast killer
49 Someone tells scandalous tale of rich family
50 Angry mob attacks bar for being full of degenerates
51 Soldiers turn up and start doubting heroes stories very rudely
52 Members of cult come for a after black mass drink and discover interesting adventurers
53 Stinking men talk of highly paid dangerous work in city sewers
54 Priests or commoners argue which is greatest god then ask heroes
55 Adventurers discuss tax collector on their tail
56 Pub swarmed by street prostitutes competing for attention
57 Priest comes in to sermonize and want donations to leave
58 Man distraught that dog nappers stole his pups
59 Person collecting charity for poorhouse very persistent and sermonizes those who are cheap
60 Man selling quality dog fur coats, charity collector tins, sheep gut condoms and pornography
61 Distraught travelers forlorn and lost seek heroes to save village
62 Man has a selection of frogs, toads and newts to lick one silver a lick
63 Some women have a fight crowd goes wild
64 Patrons want to organize a bare knuckle fight with party member in side lane
65 Darts tournament or other contest like slings, daggers, axes, rocks, hammers
66 Cult master gathers a crown offering free beers to those who promise see the cult lord in the temple
67 Sinister stranger comes into bar, orders exotic drink and watches locals, all tense
68 Person has been left at other table abandoned and left with bill, desperately in trouble
69 Bullies try to boss money or seats or some crap off party
70 Some one starts a loud boasting contest
71 Crier enters tavern announcing bounty on certain person and pus up a poster sometimes too
72 Criminal escapade in area authorities searching for wanted person
73 Horrible person mistreats pet or servant or lover
74 Someone announces a bargain, sale or needed goods arrived, patrons scramble
75 Generous local buys beers, requires witnesses or cheers support for local faction
76 Merchant bemoans local bandits who have ruined him and dare not go home
77 Farmers talking about strange birth or creature or portent of doom
78 Something or someone been coming from well or sewer at night to kill and murder folk
79 Guy offers you something that will change your life forever
80 Guy willing to sell cheap islander gold artworks and fish men idols cheap
81 Traveling tattoo artist at work in pub has an eager line up
82 Mourning family saddened by vanishing corpse
83 Journalist seeks to interview real murder hobos about their magic murder maze exploits
84 Young wizards wanna swap spells or items
85 Prankster aristocrat releases sacks of rats or gremlins or kobolds. Chaos ensues
86 Lonely guy keeps asking if if anyone else has same embarrassing symptoms
87 Secret policeman in disguise trying to exhort others to make anti ruler statements
88 Smuggler looking for dupes to carry package to "grandma" for cash as law onto him
89 Man complains that house he was squatting is haunted by horrible beast
90 Degenerate wicked clergy men out to party, buy pornography and chase innocent unwilling lovers
91 Some guys on business from dungeon make friends with party perhaps bond together in fight
92 Escaped convicts seek somewhere to hide or illicit work away from law
93 Jester starts routine slandering party, anyone hurting him has jester's lord to answer too
94 Local village idiots meet here for discussion of idiot affairs, assume party are members
95 Urchin looking for food scraps and job, sure parents were adventurers so follows party
96 Meet lone adventure seeks a new party over alignment disputes
97 Non human visitor to area willing to join party of adventurers if they are not idiots
98 Drug addict or alcoholic willing to do anything for cash
99 Person tells tale of dungeon captivity and daring escape by little known exit
100 Person tells tale of being stranded in strange island or far off land with odd customs

Friday 25 July 2014

Exilelog: Kill, Shop, Repeat

Current Party

Angel shape shifter mostly in human form
-link boy with lantern on pole
-twp priest acolyte templar bodyguards

Country Archer bowmaster with hopes of being mercenary
-village idiot who works for hugs

Dark Elf explorer visiting surface for glory back home
-Bat familiar
-Riding Spider

Also following the Gang
-Redsmiths's son with great sword
-Farmer's Son with rake and sickle
-Hunter's Son with with shortbow
-Gypsy girl wants revenge on dungeon

So back in city gang meed a dodgy elf but keen to have more adventurers in party instead of just peasants.  Angel decided she wants another she orc and wants to visit goblin town. Also might get village a new idiot as they promised to look. Through the merchant district they went selling off some trinkets till saw unclaimed baggage auction. Got  few things but Archer got a dark elf tainted relic which dark elf negotiated a loan of 2500gp. So party off to good foot screwing each other for cash and squabbling over alignment. Saw a creep watching angel with hands in his pans then scared him off. Followed him in secret to his home for later reference. All this because Angel wanted to wait on docks for her favorite orc gondalier. Saw a bird get eaten by a tentacle from water.

Found favorite orc gondalier and crossed river. Went through getto and Found a hobomarket of strange hopeless goods and found a idiot on sale.

"Where is he from?"
"I am his guardian he is very dear to me"
"yes but tell us of his homeland, his people, anything?"
"Er I found him a week ago"

Haggled a good price and took the discount idiot.

In Orc Town went to she orc fighter club and Angel told of her dear dead orc bodyguard and how she wanted another like her. Managed to recruit another musclebound six breasted she orc. Archer boasted he could easily satisfy all orc women and the began to swarm him but angel stopped saying he was too weak and feeble and had two idiots to care for.

Left to head back and newbs interested in using bridge. Checked their papers as had heard of trapped residents on bridge. Angel went by gondalier as she found orc most charming she ever met. When others got across bridge minus some pick pocketed goods they saw Angel waiting at front of pne of the new cofee shops springing up all over town. The pervert from earlier was there too so they chased him off. Angel found three lost children and promised to care for them and recovered goods from hotel that kicked them out when dad missing while selling item.

Back Angels poorhouse put up the idiot and orc in appropriate lodgings and checked on the riding spider was ok with orc kids playing with him and combing his luxurious black fur.

Evening Angel went with Mother One tooth, gypsy and orc girl looking for lost father who was apparently dragged into ewer and murdered. Ascertained where children lived and aranged to swing by on return to dungeon. Dark elf and Archer sneaked up to perverts house and spied on him doing something with no shirt on table upstairs. So they smashed down door and entered his chambers. Covered in skins of victims draped over chairs at dining table with women's faces sewn into a book. Party began crewd blackmail attempt but man grew horns and looked really unimpressed. They both started shooting him and he replied with fire shuriken and magic missiles almost killing them both. Just killed him.

Angel helped out with contacting police who removed the "evidence" very keenly to the secret police museum of torture and helped the Archer apply to occupy and buy the house. As it was a serial killer house got a good price. A month to sort out paperwork and some stamp duty and would be archers own house and let him apply to be a citizen. All pleased party went to countryside and returned the lost children to kin and their money to uncle. Angel took archer to daylong service which he promised to do after last healing.

Back in pub near parties dungeon they all got drunk and reunited with local lads. New village idiot give his box to live in by bridge. Archer tried to crack onto his girl the gypsy who demanded leather Armour for sex. She had scared off any other prospective dates with a knife. But then the dark elf seduced her and archer lost all interest. Party squabbled with Angel explaining how we must unconditionally aid each other or she will have to start charging for healing. Heard gossip of dungeon recruiting.

Party came to dungeon waterfall entrance and saw cultists in masks. Ambushed and slaughtered them and kept one to question. Cultists had invisible skin under robes. An effect of being devoured by their god and reborn. Checked around areas they cleaned out and went to kill a few orcs and kobolds. Dark elf managed to weasel his loan from 2500gp down to 80gp which he paid off for dark elf relic that improves armour and speed in dark from archer. Was sure item would get attention back home. It did make weilelder see visions of death stalk them but dark elves dont care about that shit.

Foodies Guide to Exile Island 3: WTF is that in my puppy stew?

I finally got hard copies of Magic World, Advanced Sorcery, Enlightened Magic. Magic world is lots better than i hoped from first glimpse. Very nice version of storm bringer for more generic fantasy. Runnable and easy - i will steal some rules for my bronze age game starting soon. Sorcery book looks pretty solid. Enlightened magic is very much like Nephalim.

Chef Quest - winer's and diner's guide to Exile Island
A group of noble youths have graduated university and now want to go on a eating quest across the island and compile the best and worst guide to eating. Little do they know they will have adventures and help invent tourism to the Island. To assist them on their quest, parents of several are hiring adventurers to guard them. The family knowing the youths are badly behaved, trouble making fools want them kept alive and scandals minimised.

DM generates a rich prat for each adventurer. The are zero level but might learn off the players. They might each have a cantrip. A pet or two and some butlers and other servants might be in entourage and make good victims. Maybe some other companions. Perhaps girls chase them for their gold and status. Con men, sorcerers and grifters fool youths and try to hang with them.

As rockstars.they eat and drink constantly, chase women, try any new vice, gamble, graffiti names on walls (art they say), smash things, steal and kill horses and get away with no sense of danger or awareness. They jump on every fashion, buy every pamphlet, try out cults for fun, rob graveyards for a lark. Other capers include starting fights, offending people, not wanting to pay for some reason, Ultimately they will to be complete with food from forbidden places, races and the underlands. Players have to minimise the trouble they get in.

Possibly they will try city district by district then alternate with country region with diversions to write names on local caves and monuments. Given time as heroes go up level so will they. They might even decide it would be romantic to rob somebody and be bandits for some cash. Or they will intrude on local leaders and demand hospitality. "It is our noble duty and quest to sample all the best food and drink we can in our fair realm to see who eats the best in the land".

Early in career they get gods attention. Some by blasphemy and insult and then another god wants to frustrate other god for fun so helps them. Gods of food and drink think the lads are very important. Basically they get increasingly watched by spies, spirits, magical devices and gods. 

There a campaign with plenty of eating and drinking and travel with some side dungeons.

A few wee tables will help:

d100 Waiter WTF is that in my puppy stew?

01 Animal collar
02 Live mouse
03 Live parasitic worm
04 Sleeping drug from someone who fancies you
05 Bent copper piece
06 Note from a serial killer
07 Fingernail size person screaming for help
08 Fingernail
09 Pubic hairs
10 Arrowhead
11 Tiny gravel
12 A tooth
13 A finger
14 A wedding ring
15 A bracelet
16 A magic ring allows you to speak one language
17 An eyeball
18 A fierce maggot trying to escape
19 A fierce gremlin if gonna make your life more fun
20 A sheepgut condom with a ribbon
21 Part of a broken cooking implement
22 Strange medallion from a secret cult
23 Living eye spy for a witch
24 Tiny humanoid footprints (gremlin?)
25 Ladies hair ribbon
26 Great big hairy intelligent spider
27 A live roach
28 A intelligent mouse with tiny pants and coat with suitcase
29 Tiny green eyed cursed idol
30 A shiny silver coin
31 A fresh homeless tapeworm
32 Surface of food briefly turns into map then back
33 Briefly see face of someone you killed
34 Adorable baby gremlin with diaper
35 Evil holy symbol with crude map on back
36 Summons for a lawsuit looks at first like treasure map, bailiff is watching
37 A gold coin of ancient design
38 Otherworldly vision granting mushrooms
39 Fragment of raw chaos, temporary mutates eater, wizards crave it
40 Huge snail snaps at you
41 Live bird hiding, escapes if noticed or disturbed
42 A intelligent dancing rat with gold tooth, tries to charm your heart
43 A live toad hops out having caught the mouse in your meal
44 A live tiny kitten mewling in fear
45 Token from local brothel
46 Admirers name on paper, you have a new stalker
47 Chip from local casino
48 Token from church recording donation
49 Tiny clay beast figure from beast spirit cult
50 Tiny clay human figure from family spirit cult, looser looking for frantically
51 A magic pill not meant for mortals from heaven +1d4 HP
52 Death threat on plate under meal
53 A ladies fine stocking
54 A human finger or small body part
55 Carved gem with script of prehuman civilisation
56 Message appears in writing then disappears
57 Fly crying for help
58 Wasp hiding under food or drink goes sting crazy if swallowed
59 Bee with tiny crown and barely audible voice
60 An arrow from outside or through roof hits meal
61 Brute smashes your meal with weapon laughing with his buddies
62 Stray chicken runs through your meal chased by boy or goblin
63 Dog tries to snatch food
64 Orphan tries to snatch handful of food
65 Horrible person next table flicks his snot into your meal
66 Blood drips in meal through roof
67 Other patron throws up on your food
68 Poison spider hiding in dinner
69 Pearl in food worth 300gp
70 Parrot lands in food, screeches from heat, flies around screaming trailing hot food
71 Drugged by drug cult for demonic orgy
72 Drugged by pimp thinks you would make great victim takes you to their home
73 Drugged by creepy stalker who thinks you are attractive
74 Phantom creature arises from food and tries to scare and menace you for eating it
75 A dark shadow strikes you from the food then arises from the plate
76 Meal put in a state of arousal for 3d6 hours, half is save
77 Meal heals 1d6HP due to "special dungeon meat" used
78 Magical potion emptied into food with strange inconvenient effects like gas cloud form
79 Mutinagenic formula by mad monster making poisoner with difficult needs
80 Magical object to track your location hidden in food by magician
81 Frozen troll meat chunk in meal thaws out and tiny troll bursts from food or person
82 Demonic snake attacks from food
83 While eating hear cooks look for lost baby urgently
84 Dinner full of feces save or throw up for 3d20 hours
85 Dinner is animated and attacks eater possibly choking them
86 A demonic hagling bursts through your dinner and tries to drag someone back in the hole
87 A glowing kyuss grub
88 A live angry rot grub
89 Some human flesh in meal probably stolen bodies or murder victims
90 A were creature contaminated your food possible lycanthropy with some human flesh
91 A magic pill not meant for mortals from heaven +1d4 HP
92 Angels tear falls from heaven turning you good or if good already+1CHA
93 A god sneaks a drop of divine dragon blood into your food +1CON and makes slightly angrier
94 A rat spirit king died in your food, eating him & his tiny crown grants magic +1DAM bite
95 A demon hid his seed in your meal if evil +1STR if not save vs poison with CON
96  A shaman spewed some magic in your meal, see spirits but they see you too and may resent it
97 Fairies drop glowing golden divine crumbs in meal, tastes great, knowledge to cast a spell once
98 Face of divine being appears, commands shh!, and whispers a important mission
99 Hand holding weapon comes from bowl and offers a magic weapon
100 Eating dish sends your spirit on a quest to interact with ancestors, mythic beings and ultimately a god

Wednesday 23 July 2014

Con Ideas

This was intended to be graffiti work for posters and stickers - may have a limited edition printed as artworks. Will need revision and money and dont know about pieces.

Next Con Plans

Basically id like to run several things one to share on SAT of the three days with Andz Greenway.

Open game session 10:30-4


The original game is very simple only needing one chart to resolve most of the game with simple intuitive system. Most of the original game is online free here

Players will be able to choose characters good or evil from the marvel universe for a royal rumble over blocks of new york. Players can drop in and out, try new characters and change sides. The game will be a non stop battle royal based on events at the time of Secret Wars 2. Up to twelve players will participate possibly more once more helpers trained in system.

The Beyonder is coming and every wants to get to him first. For a chance to command absolute power or or to not let the beyonder destroy our universe or just to stop anyone jerks messing with it.

We have a collection of donated hero clix figures, matchbox & hotwheels cars for the Exiles Gaming Club we will be using and welcome any more

Bunker of the Beaver King

2 or 3 sessions

TSR's GAMMAWORLD 2nd Ed Setting

Players are explorers chosen to explore outside the bunker sealed since the years of Darkness on a tiny Island in the great lakes. Some will get to roll random mutations to expand their characters for the better or turn them into monsters. Players need to explore the ruins of Beaver Island, loot it's artifacts, meet the various factions and decide the fate of their home bunker. Over the water the Beaver King Rules supreme and in his arrogance claims the stars for himself.

Lazerus Awakes

2 or 3 sessions

Based on James Wards Metamorphosis Alpha Setting TSR 70s version

You are emergency shift crew of the 50 Mile long starship Warden fleeing the wars on Earth. Something has gone terribly wrong with the mission. The ship is overgrown with plants and crawling with hull horrors. Worse still you are a clone of your former self and somethings are just not right about you. Your memories are flawed and your bodies dont match your fragmented memories. You and your clones have got to save the ship and see if the millions of sleepers and frozen embryos or the mission can be saved. Negotiate metallic corridors,  overgrown habitats and crew reverted to savages and cannibals. Robots, androids, mutants and unrecognisable biological structures swarm the ship. Good Luck. The Human race salutes you, It's final hope.

Foodies Guide to Exile Island 2 Pub Grub

Ive been asked to design a game from source with nothing to do with gaming - from a graffiti artist who saw my Doleopoly game stickers and posters years ago. His plans refreshingly very modest and want to publish Dolopoly too. Will see how goes. Even if i get paid in 50 box sets i could move them. Potential to troll government and can be a jerk and play in dole offices next time i get stuck there trying to get medicine or something.

Pub grub overlaps with Streetfood a bit but more finger food or hearty meals. Then a table for strange things in your soup to get action moving when characters busy eating instead of murdering. Many humans have come to like nutricious and cheap orc food. Many cant handle some orc items but will eat many items. Giant bugs are element most humans skip. Islanders of exile Island and are repulsed by eating shellfish they associate with chaos and insects. They scoff at orcs, foreigners and locals who eat crabs and lobster or even octopus as revolting. Modern empire style preferred by younger set and hip who seek foreign food or rediscover food of ancestral homelands and early empire. Imagine escorting food lovers around kingdom seeking increasingly weirder tastes and protecting them from public and world.

d12 Chef Nationality or cuisine style

1 Sultanate style simple mostly goat, camel, sheep with spices and grain, sesame, lots of sweets
2 Nomadic style mostly eat dairy, grain, meat, blood grilled, stewed, fried, dried with modest seasoning
3 Lotus Empire Style lots of veges, pork and rice or wheat in north, spicy and exotic variety of animals
3 Old Empire Style lots of wine, olives, sheep dairy, beef, lamb and boar, onions, garlic and oil
4 Middle Empires Stye, horrible era used as insult, boiled meat, vegetables, wheat oats, grain, milk
5 Modern Empire Style, very open minded and steal any recipes from past empire or other lands
6 Orcish style is cheap, healthy, flavoursome olives, bugs, rodents, chilli, potatoes, eggplants, radishes
7 Goblinoid style lots of fugi, shrooms, cave lizards, rodents, bats, dog, pig, lots of pickled food and stew
8 Baronial style is bread, roast, meat, vegetable soup, novelty pastry, lots of beer and roast animal legs
9 Elf style is light mild subtle and odd to humans, often uncooked preferring long term preservation
10 Hobbit Style also enjoyed by yeomen class if full of good fattening things and enjoyed by all for a feast
11 Serpentine Style features corn, duck, dog, axolotl, grubs, squash, beans, snake, monkey, spicy
12 Elder Slaver Style is the cooking style of the monster emperors before history when men slaves

d10 Quick Version
1 Finger food
2 Soup
3 Stew
4 Breakfast
5 Lunch
6 Dinner
7 Side Dishes
8 Desert
9 House Challenge
10 Posh Treats

d100 Pub Grub
01 Pickled cucumber 1cp a serve
02 Boiled eggs 1cp for 3
03 Pickled egg 1cp for 3
04 Pickled onions 1cp for serve
05 Dried salted fish, peanuts and chilli 2cp
06 Corn chips and dip 2cp
07 Bowl of tiny spicy or smoked sausages 2cp
08 Beef jerky 2cp
09 Chips 2cp
10 Worms in aspic 1cp
11 Pea Soup 1cp with scraps of bacon bones for 2cp
12 Chicken broth 1cp
13 Spicy red lentil soup in small bowl 2cp
14 Fish bone soup 1cp
15 Dill, barley and fish soup 2cp
16 Thick pumpkin soup served in tiny pumpkin with bread 2cp
17 Rustic leek and potato Soup 1cp thick n chunky
18 Thin rice water gruel with chilli 1cp
19 Rat surprise soup 2cp rat hidden under noodles
20 Dumpling Soup 2cp with fat dumplings and meat
21 Stewed puppy 2cp kids love puppies!
22 Rabbit stew 2cp
23 Pie Floater with bowl of pea soup with pie floating in it with sauce 3cp
24 Rat stew 2cp
25 Sheep head soup 2cp
26 Seafood chowder with milk and cheese and bread 3cp
27 Muscle stew 2cp
28 Frog stew 1cp
29 Oxtail stew 3cp
30 Corn chowder with milk and cheese 2cp
31 Porridge with hot water and salt 1cp with buttermilk and fruit 2cp
32 Semolina or tapioca porridge with milk, honey, figs or dates 2cp
33 Groats, dry biscuit with  1cp or 2cp with milk
34 Bacon and eggs 4cp
35 Omelet 2cp
36 Berries with nuts, honey and milk 3cp
37 Orcbix - "it's good for you but not sure what they are" with probably milk 1cp
38 Grilled rat on a bun 1cp
39 Jam on thick toast with cup of tea 1cp
40 Bowl of fried grubs or worms 1cp
41 Sandwich with sliced bread with various fillings and condiments of the house 1-3cp
42 Smorgasbord with tiny black bread squares with sausage, fish, egg, pickles and cheese 3cp
43 Ploughman's lunch includes beer, bread, pickles, cheese and a apple 2cp
44 Bangers and mash with gravy 2cp
45 Sauerkraut and bloodwurst with black bread 2cp
46 Orc's Lunch with olives, nuts, chilli pepper, tripe, porridge and beans 2cp
47 Shepherds lunch with cold sliced meat, apple, sheep or goat cheese, bread 1cp
48 Rice and pepper and blood fried with chilli 1cp
49 Lard spread on thick bread 1cp
50 Honey.butter and cream on thick bread 2cp
51 Smoked fish with butter and rice or porridge 2cp
52 Pound steak beef or boar with chips and gravy with a beer 4cp
53 Kebab platter with three different skewers with meat, veges or seafood, flat bread and sauce 3cp
54 Roast with mashed potato, beans, carrots and gravy 3cp
55 Roast pigeon or quail, several birds with mashed potato and wine sauce 2cp
56 Giant roast rat guaranteed two footer with gravy and bread 2cp
57 Stuffed backed peppers with meat, vegetables, rice, paprika sour cream gravy 3cp
58 Roast Dog with all trimmings, potatoes and bread and gravy 3cp
59 Pastry over jellied meat in large slice or clay pot with vinegar 3cp
60 Grilled fish with sauce and rice 2cp
61 Bread rolls x3 and butter 1cp
62 Tripe plate with special sauce 1cp
63 Smoked hog foot or jowl 2cp
64 Bean cakes 1cp
65 Mash potato with some onion 1cp
66 Fried eggs 1cp
67 Giant dumpling with meat chunk inside and gravy 1cp
68 Trencher of bread plate size soaked with rich mans leftovers 1cp
69 Fried sheep testicles 1cp
70 Fried cheese and onion and bread 1cp
71 Dried fruit platter 3cp
72 Candied meat 2cp
73 Chocolate coated bugs and chilli peppers 3cp
74 Strawberry and frogs, some prefer cooked with sugar, spice, wine not still hopping 4sp
75 Honey covered pork crackling 2cp
76 Sugar scorpion or swans made from glass like toffee 5sp
77 Marzipan ladies popular with all sorts, 2 inch edible dolls, small amount are erotic or male 2cp
78 Dragon cake mostly meringue, fondant, cream and fruit can be made to cough up its cream 3sp
79 Grog pops, small sugar bottles and barrels filled with strong spirits 1sp each
80 Honey dipped pretzel sometimes with cream, very messy 1sp
81 Huge house sausages, who can eat most gets name on a shield on the bar 1cp each
82 Spicy chicken wings orc style, any human out eating a orc gets a bad tattoo that orcs like 5cp
83 Live Insect scramble - bucket of insects loose on table, who eats most eats free 6cp a bucket
84 A giant steaming 18 inch sausage who gets to middle last pays for sausage 2cp
85 Gluttons challenge eat eggs, beans, boiled cabbage, prunes last eater who runs for toilet wins 10cp
86 Warriors challenge, deadly critters let loose on table, kill and eat raw without hands 2-10cp for two
87 Heroes Salute  drinking game, tear off birds head drink blood 2cp then beer 1cp then another repeat
88 Eat a live gremlin and get a free beer! If he gets loose you pay 10gp pulls a big crowd
89 Squirming challenge drink vessel of live baby eels, frogs, goldfish etc and scull 4cp
90 Choose animal who gets to fight or race other diners then eat your winner, a great night out 6cp
91 Emperors soup tasty chicken cheese & onion broth with floating silver or gold leaf on top1sp/1gp
92 Kobold brain "make you smarterer", cooked or raw style where kobold straps self to table 1sp
93 Dragon Steak usually a small crocodile from sewers slow cooked with side dishes 1gp
94 Stripper cake where a live naked person jumps out huge cake at pre staged moment 15gp
95 Whale steak with extra blubber and barley fish soup and bread 1gp
96 Lion Steaks slow roast for 8 hours with carrots potatoes, truly the king of lunch 2gp
97 Ice cream or sorbet possibly fried with sauces and fruit and nuts 1gp
98 Horse hot pot stew, slow cooked melt in your mouth with bread 1sp
99 Chocolate Dungeon cake serving 1gp (has a cp in every serve)
100 Caviar, boiled hen eggs and black bread, duck or goose fat spread or butter 5cp

Foodies Guide to Exile Island 1

Am playing more than writing new game props sadly at moment

Work and flu slowed me down

Am slowly chugging through proof readers copy of my book

Foolishly ordered gamma world box set 2nd ed as im gonna pine over forever and still going up so most ive ever paid for game item. And a kids monster book that dropped in price. Has nice were animals and evil dogs including scary were elephant.

Food on Exile Island

Shadelport is located between several continents and has food and narcotics and spices from many lands you want find together anyone else. In prehuman times elder races bought animals and food plants and drugs to the Island also. Most empire people find food on Island too rich, flavorsome and spicy. Can use for farm crops or gardens too so included a non edible plant table too. Fur and feathers might be a side product of farms too.

d12 Common Meat
1 Chicken or bushfowl or quail
2 Beef or oxen
3 Pork or wild boar
4 Mutton or lamb
5 Duck or Goose
6 Pheasant or Turkey
7 Goat or venison
8 Fish of many types but mostly shark
9 Shellfish like oysters or muscles
10 Eel or lamprey
11 Horse or pony or ass
12 Rabbit or hare

d12 Things that poor people, mutants or orcs eat

1 Lobsters or crabs
2 Dogs
3 Frogs or newts
4 Giant bugs
5 Maggots or grubs
6 Acorns
7 Tiny birds like starlings or finches
8 Monkey or gremlin or troll flesh
9 Crows or any largish bird you can catch
10 Wetland birds like gulls, ibis, stork
11 Rodent from doormouse to rat
12 Reptile like turtle, lizard, snake or turtle

d12 Common Vegetables

1 Turnips
2 Carrots
3 Swedes
4 Potatoes
5 Cabbage
6 Brussels Sprouts
7 Cauliflower
8 Pumpkin
9 Capsicum
10 Tomato
11 Beans
12 Eggplants

d12 Other Staples
1 Wheat used for flour in bread, dumplings, pancakes or noodles
2 Rice, various types
3 Barley for malt for grog or bread
4 Corn or Quinoa
5 Buckwheat
6 Squash or Okra
7 Olives
8 Fungus
9 Taro or sweet potato
10 Lentils or peas
11 Oats or rye
12 Beetroot or Cucumbers

d12 Fruits1 Lemon or lime
2 Apples or Pairs
3 Almonds or other nuts
4 Oranges or grapefruit
5 Grapes or Currants
6 Sloe, rosehip or elderberry
7 Strawberries
8 Figs or dates
9 Plums or Rhubarb
10 Apricots or peaches
11 Cherry some sour type
12 Raspberries or Blackberries

d12 Other Ingredients, condiments and side dishes
1 Milk mostly goat, sheep, cow, ass or other
2 Cheese mostly goat, sheep, cow, ass or other
3 Yoghurt mostly goat, sheep, cow, ass or other
3 Blood from slaughterer yard
4 Fermented fish sauce
5 Fermented bean sauce
6 Nearly hatched cooked eggs
7 Beer, wine or spirits for flavour
8 Bread or dumplings
9 Chutney or spicy sauce
10 Chili and garlic sauce
11 Palm Sugar or honey
12 Eggs but most from seagulls

d12 Cooking Style
1 Oven or spit roast
2 Fried
3 Boiled
4 Pickled
5 Smoked
6 Steamed
7 Dried
9 Stewed or soup
10 Salted or candied
11 Sausages
12 Pie or pastry or dumpling

d12 Fancy cooking
1 Stuffed with bread and fruit and nuts
2 Stuffed with herbs and noodles
3 Stuffed with animals inside each other
4 Gold or silver foil sheets
5 Decorated to resemble creature or symbol
6 Brightly coloured with exotic herbs like safron
7 Conspicuous wealth array of spices
8 Exotic dungeon monster
9 Rare exotic animal parts
10 Genitalia of fierce animals or monsters
11 Deadly poisonous creature rendered edible by chef skill
12 Bizarre cruel meal like live monkey brains or octopus tentacles or baby eels

d12 Common Flavourings
1 Pickled with vinegar
2 Buttered
3 Salted or Pepper
4 Mint or dill
5 Hot Chilli
6 Onion or Garlic or leeks
7 Tea or Coffee
8 Horseradish
9 Mustard
10 Parsley or Coriander
11 Cress or fennel
12 Bay Leaves

d12 Exotic Flavours

1 Cloves
2 Ginger
3 Aniseed
4 Nutmeg
5 Cinnamon
6 Turmeric or sometimes Saffron
7 Vanilla
8 Poppies
9 Sesame
10 Coconut
11 Lemon grass
12 Asafeotida

d12 Other non exactly edible crops
1 Tobacco for weed killer, drugs and medicine
2 Opium for drugs and poppy seeds
3 Hemp for drugs and rope and paper
4 Lucerne superior food for animals
5 Hay common feed for animals
6 Hops to flavour beer
7 Palm Trees for oil and palm sugar and fibre
8 Hessian for sacks and rough fibre
9 Flowers for ornaments or drying or dye
10 Hallucinogenic or medicinal cacti or fungi
11 Gourds
12 Aromatic resin for incense like frankincense

d10 Quick version of streetfoods In Schadelport
1 Dodgy poor food
2 Orc food
3 Local specials
4 Common Snack Items
5 Baked Goods
6 Meat on the street
7 Exotic foreign stuff
8 Exotic Beverages
9 Empire elite treats
10 Desert Treats and Sweets

d100 Streetfoods In Schadelport
01 Rat on a stick with various sauces 2cp
02 Sewer jelly chunk on stick with vinegar 3cp
03 Grub dumpling in soup, black things are not sultanas but bugs 1cp
04 Dog feet grilled 4cp
05 Gruel from water to boil rice, beans or grain with dash of chilli oil and salt 1cp
06 Day old bun with gravy 1cp
07 Rat Pie 4cp
08 Cabbage stew 1cp
09 Roast turnip 1cp
10 Beans and rice 2cp
11 Grilled mushroom with butter and sometimes toast 3cp
12 Grilled grub bannana size on stick 3cp
13 Olives, mushrooms, chilli peppers and oil 2cp
14 Dumplings stuffed with grubs and bugs 3cp
15 Shroom Stew 2cp
16 Frog pie 3cp
17 Newt on a stick 2cp
18 Roast Fish eyes served in paper or pastry cone 4cp
19 Almost hatched boiled eggs 2cp
20 Acorn cakes (treated to remove toxins) 1cp
21 Tripe Stew 1cp
22 Roast cow or sheep heart with stuffing 5cp or 3cp for sheep
23 Jellied Lamprey 4cp
24 Grilled sheep head with eyes and sauce 4cp
25 Doormouse in clay pot 4cp
26 Blackbird Pie 3cp
27 Seagull Stew 1cp
28 Eel Stew with butter and chunk of bread 5cp
29 Bacon and egg roll 4cp
30 Rabbit pie 3cp
31 Grilled lamb with flat bread, parsley and garlic yoghurt sauce 4cp
32 Flat bread with cheese and specialty of the house baked on top 2cp a slice
33 Fried Potato Chips with salt, the latest fad from 1cp
34 Char grilled corn on cob with butter and herbs or chilli 1cp
35 Boiled seagull egg 1cp
36 Fish cakes 2cp
37 Grilled smoked fish 3cp
38 Roast Chestnuts 2cp
39 Roast Apple1cp
40 Lamb shank 5cp
41 Fresh dough Pretzel 1cp
42 Mystery meat pie 2cp
43 Dumplings with savoury and sweet fillings 2-3cp
44 Rat buns or mouse bun for kids accident turned popular 2cp or 1cp for mouse
45 Sweet biscuit 2cp
46 Sandwiches of various types 2cp
47 Mince patty on bun 3cp
48 Spiced mince beef or mutton pie 4cp
49 Hempseed buns 2cp
50 Pancake of bean flour sweet or savoury toppings 1cp
51 Pork chop with bun 4cp
52 Sauerkraut and pork sausage 3cp
53 Blood sausage 4cp
54 Meatloaf with gravy and bun 2cp
55 Fried drumstick 3cp
56 Sweetmeats in butter (glands or testicles) 2cp
57 Crumbed brains with rich sauce or bacon 4cp
58 Lamb Tails 1cp
59 Grilled Pig Ears 1cp for 2
60 Mixed tails fresh from abattoir fried with seasonings 2cp for 3
61 Garlic butter snails 1cp a cup
62 Smoked hog snouts 2cp
63 Fish-head soup 1cp
64 Baked potatoes with topping 1cp
65 Fermented whale blubber chunks 4cp
66 Pickled fish 2cp
67 Gelatinised pressed sheep head 3cp
68 Tripe in chilli or sesame oil 1cp
69 Deep fried squid or octopus tentacles often on a stick 1cp
70 Mystery meat stew that looks good and unbelievably cheap 2cp
71 Jar of milk, varieties from cow, dog, goat, rat, ass, donkey, sheep 1cp
72 Kvas a lightly fermented brewed drink per jug 1cp
73 Pot of tea 3cp
74 Cup of cofee 6cp
75 Cup of hot chilli cocoa 4cp
76 Cup of warm yak butter 1cp
77 Hot noodle soup 1cp
78 Beer 1cp
79 Wine 4cp to 1sp for better stuff
80 Distilled spirit drink 1sp
81 Gently strangled pine martin fried in own smoked fat 5gp
82 Bear paws 2gp each
83 Sealion steak with snow peas, chips and gravy 1gp
84 Wild boar Haunch or piglet 2g
85 Beaver tails with truffle oil 4gp
86 Sea Unicorn with sea lettuce 12gp
87 Roast Flamingo 4gp
88 Roast Swan 2gp
89 Ground meat cooked in broth from exotic monsters 5gp
90 Deep fried big bugs in sticks 2cp
91 Dried Figs in syrup or honey 3cp
92 Turkish delight 4cp
93 Custard pie 2cp
94 Whole coconut 2cp
95 Fruit pudding 3cp +1cp for custard +1cp for brandy
96 Boiled lollies 1cp a bag many different styles and names
97 Candied fruit 2cp a bag
98 Chocolate 4cp a piece or 2-4gp box set for sweethearts
99 Candy coated bugs 1cp
100 Fish and nut salty toffee 2cp
this lady takes historical larp eating blogs to new level

Monday 21 July 2014

Deathrace2000: Corporate kill and c list death race

So gang plan assault on corp compound studying zombie plague. Thief broke into fence then hacked guardpost security comp. Set to accept any swipe card and ring no alarms during a period. Then she and ninja waited on roof after damaging copter and it's minigun.

Morning and the big rig, and two cyber psychos in vans rammed gate down. Counter force of sec-corp came at them and their jeeps and vans went up in salvo of rockets. Two unmanned subcompact cars with lasers were a bigger problem. While one van drew fire by being most offense, sherrif interceptor got in close to building.

Ninja and thief girls killed copter flight crew and cut through doors and went for lab. Ninja girl seemed to know what to grab so thief took extra samples then let out zombies to eat scientists.

Drone operator borg jumped from his van with rocket boots onto laser compact and disarmed it. Then hacked it and chased other one. He was built to do this to aircraft by army. While others avoided las fire he mag-claped onto other compact and took control, turning laser to team side. Truck badly rammed front of motor pool gate. Lasers cut through and other combat bork with s-shot revolver grenaide launcher walked in destroying everything in garrage level. Sherrif grabbed some evidence but couldnt open safe. Luckily the hacker borg brought his therapist who stopped him chasing poor women so he ripped out safe and drove off on his laser compact and let "Doc" drive his drone van. The big rig trucker left a huge bomb in base power plant level then fled, while the ladies fled to Ninja's cycle and escaped.

Got to melbourne and Ninja brought everyone pay and some extra rockets rounds. New zombie outbreak security scare but no big deal as most of party never allowed in nice parts of city. Thief found black market biotech and made a hefty profit. Got "recruited" by a small death race league. Found the fixer was a Gentech employee (just like the ninja). Upgraded cars to include twin MG for for sheriff interceptor, a MG turret and FWD fire .50 cal for truck. Drone van put laser on his van and stole some other parts. Recieved Gentech conversion kits to improve vehicle performance and some decals.

Drove to Middleton for 8 hour race to Gundagai. Competing with three other teams. Red Ants a body chop shop from Melbourne of ex cons. Black Vulture with celebrity Driver Helmut Angstrom (slums around world wide c lists for fun and hogs glory) and Devil Dingo's a bushmob. Was to be a chopper filming race and team support was not to be seen harming racers or whole team became fair game. Pedestrian kill score would be a tiebreaker. Local law may retaliate. Traditionally racers dont shoot each other till last leg as other racers on road helped your survival chances.

So Helmut took lead with best car and deployed a road trap which others mostly resisted except devil dingo team which got tangled in it and damaged wheels. As moved further on 4 gang cars came moving in for glory of killing racers. Helmut agreed to take lead in a V formation sacrificing his lead. He was a showman. Two went down and surviving two went after Dingo who was never seen again.

At one point in a small town saw Helmuts car turn off so others followed him. Drove through old race stadium where fans opened fire and racers fired back. Ratings went up a notch and party realize they can learn from Helmut. A few bridge bottlenecks caused tension and Red Ant went off race way. The big rig happened to be ahead and detoured to intercept, placing a charge on the road.

Sheriff playfully dropped caltrops damaging helmets tires and got a temporary lead till.

Then they encountered two red pickup trucks seemingly unarmed. Sherrif gave them a warning burst and rocket pods popped up. Helmet started blazing his guns and one of rocket pods shot off. Three rockets streamed to the racers who managed to dodge fire but a near miss tipped Helmut's car. As pick ups rammed him and men got out Karumi the ninja wasted the crew of one car and chased off others. Helmuts support chopper grabbed him and deployed a drone to watch his car.

Red Ant car got singed in blast on road and lost control but otherwise ok till pittstop. Over next few towns he shot up an animal shelter and a school. But Sherrif was better man and got a bigger lead despite being fired on. A rear fire MG probably on his list now.

All pleased and invited into regional race meet with more cars over several days. Helmut was off to his Euro Circuit but remained friendly. Red Ant Team not so much love.

Some crap on news about mars mission losing contact. Who cares.

I need to do some car sheets, car equipment mixing gurps autoduel and top secret/si

Probably define what support teams can do better

Also These
d100 things found on roadside
d100 outlaw gangs
d100 death race teams
d100 wasteland road hazards
google maps/earth is awesome - Australia so close to wasteland anyhow not much different

Saturday 19 July 2014

For the love of d12!

Reading about dice decay ho hum here after seeing G+ or something

I Read story of the d12...

November 6, 2013 at 10:13 PM
To follow up on your post, I listened to Dave Arneson talk at Gen Con a few years back just before he passed away. He mentioned that they had to buy the dice from Creative Publications in full sets, but they didn't have rules that used the d12. So, they made up a few rules in an effort to make the purchasers of the game feel that they got their money's worth (and not have an orphaned d12).

I'll always remember that intimate Q&A session because it was in a medium sized room at a hotel with only about 20 people in attendance. I felt he deserved to have more people in the audience".

So basically the d12 was a after thought. I always liked the plucky polygons. BX DnD has a few good uses like turning table. Very handy for hexadecimal games because it can generate a 1-12 instead of 2-12. I sometimes do d12xd12 tables for when d100 is not enough. I seem to do this more with wilderness and terrain stuff.

I always use d12 for....

Many of descriptive tables to decorate areas outdoors or inside like my citadel tables

Some of these in play possibly why d12's being grabbed upsets players in my games

Here I use d12 for My horrible alignment system or quick wizard schools

Encounters I always like d12 cos i like more things than a d10. I have d12 for threats encountered and use D12 to check encounters every 10 minute turn in my game as standard. Or 2inD12 for dungeon at alert and 3inD12 if intruder alert! I decided recently to ad a near miss by up to 3 equals evidence of a recent inhabitant being being present instead of an encounter. Gives chances to hunt, stalk or ambush a encounter instead of being so passive as in many dungeons. Possibly a skill roll might be needed to notice. CSI Dungeon scene fan novels not far behind except heroes find monsters and their habits then gruesomely slaughter them.

d12 Clues left by inhabitants
1 Left a fresh kill or warm meal ready to consume and popped out for a moment
2 Left food scraps like bones, dribble, skin, etc
3 Left a light source such as a candle stub or lamp or torch from monster surface
4 Left blood from wound and sighs of first aid like bandages
5 Fur, bristles, scabs, shaving scum other crap possibly diseased or with parasites
6 Leaves a stink the alert might detect as fresh
7 Monster poop or pee, fresh and steaming and stinky possibly diseased or with parasites
8 Dead dungeon vermin like rat or bat or bug possibly diseased or with parasites
9 Dead dungeon inhabitant possibly diseased or with parasites
10 Dead dungeon intruder defiled and robbed and dumped
11 Vomit, snot, weeping pustule, coughed up crap or drool possibly diseased
12 Lefts a trail of footprints stronger than normal from extra filth

for misses with grenaides or random directions. It' easy to say coming at you from 9 o'clock than use degrees for most people. Good for getting lost and works well on maps. Can use for near misses as slightly off by one to three "hours" and more severe lost could be random bounce.

Months of year If I need a random season or a future date for a quest i use to make a deadline.
times of day or night.

Hours of the day or night you know like on a clock again if you need a random hour.

weather i keep this pretty simple but im thinking of making seasons a new enemy in my game. Also how it effects dungeon ecology. Mostly i roll weekly but will happily roll when uncover a crypt or kill someone important of a fight breaks out or just need to set mood on scene. Weather more interesting as mood and reflective of mood of protagonists or gods than being too scientific. All written from land perspective so I expect a sea version needed one day.

d12 Spring
1 Wonderful day nature full of joy
2 Wonderful day animals in love
3 Wonderful day new baby animals
4 Pleasant warm cloudless breezy
5 Pleasant cloud
6 Pleasant and breezy, animal all running about crazy and frisky
7 Breezy sunny day
8 Breezy cloudy day
9 Fast moving grey clouds
10 Sun showers briefly from nowhere
11 Intermittent rain and strong wind
12 Dangerous electrical storm with gale winds and rain

d12 Summer
1 Glorious sunny warm cloudless
2 Searingly hot day cloudless and still
3 Unpleasantly warm cloudless, quiet and still
4 Pleasant sunny day with light breeze
5 Humid warm muggy
6 Cloudy and windy and warm
7 Balmy warm windy good for sports
8 Humid constantly drizzling and swarming with mosquitoes
9 Flash flood followed by disease and vermin
10 Dust clouds, flies and sweltering heat
11 Smokey volcanic smoke and gas waft over land
12 Violent summer storm, dry wind starts fires

d12 Autumn
1 Grey still skies, dark and gloomy
2 Fog over area morning and evening
3 Sun seems cold and puny
4 Dark clouds and windy
5 Air still, warm and smell of decay everywhere
6 Rains frequently, sky grey
7 Light snowy fluff followed by slushy rain for hours
8 Hailstorm and hard weather
9 Dry cold and frosty, ground hard and slippery
10 Cold wind gives everyone the chills
11 Stormy with lightning and rain
12 Fierce winds and spectacular gales, things fall from sky

d12 Winter
1 Sky is grey and cold with light breeze
2 Chilly light breeze, occasional light snow or drizzle
3 Dark and windy everything wants to hide
4 Cold, drizzly all day long
5 Black clouds, winds occasional short cold rain bursts
6 Very cold but still and quiet, animals by noon moving about excitedly
7 Light snow a d4 inches every so often, white sky
8 Medeum snow dumped, everything covered in an hour
9 Whiteout and extreme wind and snow, sleet and slush everywhere
10 Fierce cold and snow, dark
11 Cold, dark but still with auroras in the sky
12 Horrifying cold, wind and snow and darkness

Friday 18 July 2014

Exilelog: Mazes and Mayhem

So a dm was away so ran extra DnD session. Ive been plying my 6 gun gorilla again in wild west game trying to get ppl to like me even though i end up killing everyone i touch....sniff.

Angelic Shape shifter and do gooder extraordinaire
-adopted linkboy with lamp on pole
-two clerics templars of the sun god
Human Archer from woodlands out for cash and self interest
-village idiot who work for hugs and shiny things

-Redsmiths son who has learned to use greatsword
-Farmers son with a rake
-Hunters son with bow and club

Having just killed 13 kobolds all very exited and went to dungeon armoury that ow mostly empty. Went off side passage and into room with plinth and jade idol on it. Found awas n seam in floor so lassoed the idol with a pole lasso and floor fell away around plnith leaving it a pit into a muddy corpse filled pit crawling with thread worm parasites. Too gross to look for loot. Was a door on other side of pit but party move to the triangle chamber on grandpas map. Had a nice low grade jade idol.

Before that chamber as a side passage. was a side coridoor they looked in. From square room with passage each direction could see three garbage strewn rooms. One with two double dungeon door sets. One with a door at end and another with a donkey ladened with adventurer loot glad to see light and humans. While they looked at supplies they themselves had forgotten to get beserkers sleeping under trash tried to ambush them. The attack did stop the deadly archer getting free shots at them so helped them a bit. Beserks proved a menace as they would not die to bled out. Gory maniacs hurt most of party. Found a wallet of 500 ep which means someone is paying beserkers to hang around in dungeon very well as last gang had same loot. Party well equipt with healing magic and skills now so all back on feet.

Went into side room and looked about thoroughly before secret door opened and 11 kobolds charged out giving party a few bumps and scratches and were slaughtered. In their secret cupboard was a spyhole at human height so kobolds must have been standing on each others heads. Also found silver in tax collectors satchel. Angel stated it was best to return to officials and paid half from her own pocket when archer complained.

Went back and opened one of dungeon doors with some bashing. Angel crept forward to use her extended low light vision and saw dungeon with all the trimmings of  torture and cells. Two bugbears lept out and one fell to arrows. Survivor bashed a few before he went down. Four cells with one looking empty but bed possible so went in calling for anyone. Giant rat under bed lept out and got three arrows. Just a pile of monster laundry under covers.

Next room had a child "Russetto Capo"in red stockings and a hooded cape crying for grandma. Angel took her to her side. Another girl was a gypsy whose dad was working for Chanduru the mad sorcerer and had her locked up. She had been pressured to marry the sorcerer. Archer gave her a knife as she was keen to stab dungeon monsters and new a bit about layout. Told them of another large round hub a maze and where wizard lived. Last cell had a tame young bear with burned feet licking his paws. Angel healed him and fed him and set him free, Bear gratefully followed her.

Found room of garbage off side and bugbear beds. Archer went to pee on them and angel warned him. He got a few fleas hop on him. Found a small shrine to dungeon goddess of underworld and clerics warned she only was trouble if insulted though she was evil. Seeing the coin slot Archer smashed open the concealed locked panel and stole a hundred or so copper coins. Nobody else would touch them. Found a larger incomplete shrine with goddess more realistic with bird feet owls and chains. Left it alone. Found kobold scribe office where dungeon records kept. Took lots of paper as valuable and recyclable. Nobody could read it. More kobolds attacked and were killed, the bear killed lots in revenge for dancing lessons kobolds had given it on a stove top.

Saw entry to mist shrouded maze gypsy warned them about. Was a test for apprentices in olden times.

From triangle room went to doors of Chanduru's section. Big gates of the old wizard on them. Chanduru telling monsters he is reincarnation of old wizard. Knocked on door and gypsy girl replied we are here for delivery. Monsters replied wait a moment and they did but they hung back and shut the lanterns as chamber had torches. From another passage four bugbears and a ogre came. Party defending from corridor managed to keep back ogre. Bugbears went down fast and injured some party mooks and ogre didn't fair much better. Bear did well again.

Double doors opened and a 8 foot column of fire with a evil face came forth.

"You killed my bodyguards! Face my wrath!"

Party fled from dungeon and went to pub. Bear went into woods looking back on party fondly. Healed up best they could and Angel and Archer went to city to sell goods. Left child with Mother One Tooth's boarding house and stayed night. Returned a pouch of silver in tax collector sack to secret police. After they interrogated her with a inquisitor priest they were so amazed hey gave her a reward and a bounty poster for Chanduru for tax theft. Back to pub near dungeon Archer managed to bed the gypsy girl and let her keep the dagger. He tried again next day but she wanted some armour. Angel said they should get married or they will attract demons by unlawful shagging.

Returned to dungeon day after with gypsy girl who wants revenge on kobolds and her father to receive justice. Fed up the donkey who happily followed them too.In the entry this time 8 orcs were camping eating a kobold on a spit. Lured them out then shot them and chased them inside and killed them all. Gypsy took their daggers.

Then back inside for more murder and plunder....

Meanwhile Chanduru has recovered his phantasmal force and ventriloquism spells and has been spending his loot on more bodyguards and elites. Dungeon has been half trashed.

Wednesday 16 July 2014

Exilelog: Dungeon troubles and building a poorhouse

So the angelic shapeshifter who has yet to change in play returned to pub near dungeon to bury her orc lady friend with ceremony. A young archer introduced himself as a treasure hunter with grandfathers map. Wanted a deal as had heard adventurers had a tile to loot dungeon exclusively from city. Shapeshifter and archer went to pub, the heart of a rural village consisting of said pub and a few dozen farmsteads. Four local youths heard how city urchins came to dungeon and made good. Party joined by farmers son, redsmiths son, hunters son and the village idiot. Gave smiths son a greatsword from party stash.

Went to grandpa's entrance. Waterfall over entry with collapsed ornamental gate by overgrown trail. Through water was a processional entry depicting kobolds with gifts for mad wizard who built dungeon. Maps met up due to distinctive shaped non rectangle rooms in a row. Up by bronze doors were two huge piles of copper.

Archer fired several arrows int one as he and angel were suspicious. Village idiot needed to be stopped from walking into shiny piles. Creatures very slow took a hail of arrows before the farmer knocked out. Coinpile mimic beasts killed. Convinced smith to stay while others went home. Only the angel, her polebearer and the archer remained.

Saw passage open into rubble strewn room with remains of crates around. A recently tapped store room. Took smaller side passage and found new room. Here is where clusterfuck of random redbrick was cruel. Saw a chest in middle of room with open passage they entered and a sealed door. Chest was on a obvious pressure plate so tied rope around it (had only 10 foot). So as pulled towards open passage saw a door from roof sealed them in. As examined doors, linkboy passed out and archer followed. So angel started smashing first seen door down as brand new one seemed very strong. Smashed through and entered dark room.

This room full of flammable gas so saw vapours blend from rooms. Left lantern behind dragged out boy and chest and woke up archer with water. Angel and redsmith boy started to smash open chest in light from sleep gas room and heard snorting and clapping of mighty hooves. Light was an issue for a bit only angel could see beyond room down new passages so put candle spell on forehead to see better. Dagger found in chest had a glow too. Huge minotaur charged and archer hit three times and angel finished. For a brief moment minotaur knew he was doomed. Archer heard voices from distance called for minotaur so party moved forwards and hid in old armoury among rusty weapons in racks and recently unpacked crates. Saw distant light move forwards then back probably a spell caster with escort. Shifty sneaky critters of some kind seen closing so all hid and got to ambush two bugbears. One fled badly hurt and one killed.

Sorcerer swore at from afar and vowed vengeance. Party ran away when recognized corridor back to village. Turned minotaur axe and greatsword into stretcher. Thousands of coppers and some gems plus the glowing dagger from chest. Archer and linkboy dragged back loot and other wounded, exhausted by time back in village. Boy passed out in sight of pub. Spent night in and the boys who fled party earlier listened to party tales of danger.

Then to city where archer after night in barn was put into flop house. Mother One Tooth disliked the archer on sight. Trained for a week and healed. All toughened up they set about buying a house occupied by sweatshop slaver gang. Party bought house, got letters from moral campaigners then turned up with city bailiff and his orc beadles. Reminding the law that gang paying no tax helped too. Drove off gang and freed slaves and repaired house. Hired orc guards and spent month selling off leather goods and starting a formal poorhouse and workshop. Mother One Tooth located former seamstresses retired and slow but good teachers. The poor work house was to make robes from cloth with better conditions and food and pay. Built a shed for orcs who moved in families and were in no time singing lawful good hymns.

Got letter from village that sorcerer making threats and kidnappings and killings occurring.

Angel recruited two templar acolytes and got one to be her personal follower. Returned to village and the archer recruited the village idiot who only wanted shiny things and hugs as payment. Got him studded leather and sheild. Acolyte templar priests with similar kit. Village asked party to find them a new idiot as they brought luck. Angel convinced them mutants not so bad and would get one from mutant ghetto soon. Tracks proved bugbears who garrotted villagers and stolen children.

Gathering the other three youths they all hiked to Grandpa's gate. Through waterfall and found a 1 yard high wall of wicker fence blocked room. Fired flame arrows into and 13 kobolds charged them and all died. Zero level flunkies happier than the mimic coin pile episode. Party far tougher and with much more healing and turning power now.

Doing a great job of outdoing each other with goodness. When did your last 1st lv party buy a poorhouse and house 18 free slaves?

Tuesday 15 July 2014

d100 Crap Found in Goblin Mine

This is a quickie in works for a while - a few dungeon fillers for your goblin mine. Could be used for redbrick building sites too. Will include my dwarfy decor tables under goblin mine too and do a dark elf table. I'm writing last few things for redbrick. Will put all on my tablet to work on more and on go. Encounter tables need expanding and some mid and high level stuff. Also from playing as a dungeon monster in Herbie's Fighting fantasy I have more interest in bad guys perspective.

d100 Mundane Stuff in the Goblin Mine

1 Live bat 1d6
2 Live rat 1d6
3 Live bird in cage
4 Rat in a trap 1in4 alive
5 Dead bird in cage
6 Dead dog
7 Dead bat
8 Dead rat
9 Loose wooden beam or sleeper
10 Stub of a candle
11 Helmet with candle
12 Tiny clay oil lamp
13 Small tin lamp
14 Good shuttered lantern
15 Lamp on pole
16 Hammer
17 Rope in a coil
18 Nails d100
19 lamp oil in bottle
20 Torches in bundle 1d6
21 Black powder in small bag or horn
22 Black powder grenade with fuse 1in4 dud fuse
23 Black powder small keg charge with fuse
24 Mine car
25 Map on dirty scrap of paper
26 Map painted on sign
27 Danger sign
28 Direction sign
29 Chalk lumps
30 Charcoal sticks
31 human bones 1d4 1=crushed 2=chewed 3=scattered 4=mostly buried
32 skull
33 Broken ten foot pole
35 Handles of burned out torches 1d6
36 Live bugs 1d6
37 Camp site
38 Kettle 1d4 1=hole 2=warm and full 3=dried herbs or fungi 4=good pewter
39 Remains of pit pony, mule or other local medium+ animal
40 Pile of excrement 1in4 fresh
41 Chisel 1in4 broken
42 Iron spikes 1d4
43 Teeth 1d10
44 Bale of hay 1d6
45 Sack of animal feed 1d4 1=ratty 2=mouldy 3=bugs 4=fine
46 Buckets
47 Wheelbarrow
48 Tinder box
49 Iron rations 1d4 1=one meal 2=days food 3=week food 4=crate for a months food
50 Tobacco pouch plus additional 1d4 1=pipe 2=hard drugs 3=d6 coppers 4=stoker/pipe cleaning tool
51 Broken glass or ceramic bottle
52 Coal d4 1=d6 chunks 2=bucket 3=metal bin half full 4=sack
53 Nail clippings
54 Old bandages
55 Soapy mess shaving scum and hair clippings
56 Broken wheel 1in6 metal
57 Broken pulley 1in6 metal
58 Broken cog 1in6 metal
59 Bellows 1in4 working
60 Candle with time markings 1in6 lit
61 Mallet
63 Beer bottles or clay jars 1d6 in number 1in6 full
64 Broken stick
65 Whip 1in4 serviceable
66 Loincloth
67 Worn out boot
68 Pair of boots
69 Backpack
70 Pointy hat
71 Broken belt or belt buckle
72 Cloak
73 Cloak pin
75 Tiny clay or wood figurine of d4 1=ancestor 2=animal 3=god 4=humanoid critter
76 Dessicated miners corpse
78 Length of chain, possibly wooden 1d10 foot long
79 Knife
80 Spoon 1in4 not bent or broken 1in4 is tin most wood or clay
81 Clever
82 Arrows 1d6 short bow type
83 Broken bow
84 Scabbard 1in4 works, d4 1=dagger 2=shortsword 3=sword 4=knife
85 Broken hand weapon d4 1=hatchet 2=spear 3=javelin 4=club
86 Broken shield 1in4 with identifiable markings
87 Remains of tortured adventurer or snooping villager
88 Pornographic scroll
89 Mining record form 1in4 blank
90 Dried fish skeleton
91 Water skin with bad water
92 Rat poison with bait
93 Rat hole
94 Huge dead bug 1in4 munched on by huge rat
95 Bucket of tar
96 Sheet of oil skin
97 Sack of clay
98 Sack f lime
99 Measuring tools 1=cord 2=surveyors stakes 3=crude spirit level 4=alchemist test strips
100 Roll 1d4+1 more times or drop to below table

1d10 Quick Interesting goblin mine crap

1 Living thing
2 Horrible scene or dead thing
3 Protective garb
4 Tools
5 Trunks of stuff
6 Adventurer remains
7 Treasure
8 Petty magic items
9 Disposable Magic
10 Magic

d100 Interesting goblin mine crap
1 Glowing fungus
2 Edible fungus
3 Wrapped mineral sample with form attached
4 Baby gremlins screaming
5 Goblin kid in nappy
6 Eggs possible edible
7 Live pit pony midget horse or mule 1d4 load of 1=supplies 2=minerals 3=corpse 4=empty
8 Huge edible grubs taste like eggs can be cooked
9 Kobold orphan child curious and hungry and looking for new family
10 Huge scorpion and spider having a fight
11 Phantom of long lost miner appears
12 Moaning phantom of long past cries out in area
13 Remains of group of lost persons resorted to cannibalism died
14 Scene of grisly stomache churning murder
15 Remains of executions
16 Horrible idols and fetishes litter area with a blood strewn altar
17 Crude graffiti depicting horrible scene
18 Ghostly hands grasp at explorers with chilling touch
19 Haunted object rolls about on own, keeps turning up ahead of party
20 See grisly gore or monster spectacle for a moment in periphery of vision that vanishes
21 Miners clothes and boots
23 Ornamental arm band
24 Thick Leather apron
25 Heavy filthy gloves
26 Quality helmet with excellent steel lamp
27 Goggles
28 Filter mask
29 Air mask
30 Climbing harness
31 Lock Picks
32 Bundle of keys
33 Collection of d4 locks wrapped in cloth
34 Anvil or whetstone
35 Tiny iron camp stove
36 Inflatable air skin raft
37 Bars of soap 1d6
38 Tiny Cauldron of rendered fat
39 Cooking pots and pans 1d12
40 Large Cauldron
41 Trunk of torture equipment and manacles 1in4 in usable condition
42 Trunk of pretty ladies dresses or fancy adventurers outfits
43 Trunk with dead tied body
44 Trunk with unconscious body inside 1in4 awakes and calls help
45 Trunk with creature that has jewel studded into skull
46 Trunk full of scribe tools, papers and mine records
48 Trunk with field kitchen and months preserved food
49 Trunk of seedy books and pamphlets on dodgy subjects
50 Trunk with crude alchemical test equipment to identify mineral samples
51 Adventurers cache with food, arrows, lamp oil, d100 gold coins, spare weapons
52 Adventurers journal with maps of this dungeon and others
53 Adventurers documents like passports, will, bank account, deeds, tiles
54 Adventurer corpse with d1000 poker chips from city casino
55 Adventurer corpse with d10 tokens for city brothels and 1d4 pornographic prints
56 Adventurers sack with 1d10 wanted notices for creatures and 1d6 exotic monster body parts
57 Ancient tome detailing history of the dungeon or inhabitants
58 Satchel of letters from family to long dead explorer
59 Collection of bounty posters for bandits and monster leaders offering cash
60 Collection of manacles and chain for slave gang with 1in4 intact and with key
61 Bag of d1000 copper coins
62 Bag of d100 silver coins
63 Bag of d10 gold coins
64 Gold dust or nuggets worth d100 in bag
65 Uncut gemstone d100 gold value, x10 if cut
66 Strange fossil worth d100 gold coins
67 Broken chunk of fine stone or ivory statue worth d100 gold coins
68 Fragment of dead god cultists seek to resurrect their lord in some form
69 Signet ring from noble family they will be happy to see or 1in4 want to cover up
70 Remains of famous heroes last stand, possibly become famous relics
71 Magical pick, less breakable and stays sharp
72 Magic lamp made by use of light spell
73 Magical explosive trap
74 Magical curse trap
75 Interesting tiny fetish actually gives dice mods d4 1=+1 2=+1d4 one use 3=-1 4=-1d4 on hi
76 Magical hand mill makes a meal a day
77 Magical wine skin or bottle provides 12 drinks a day
78 Magical water skin or bottle provides 12 drinks a day
79 Magical instrument plays 10 minutes a day d4 1=bone flute 2-drum 3=bagpipes 4=horn
80 Meta detecting wand d100 charges 10 yards range
81 Potion bottle 1in4 full with a d4 uses
82 Magic scroll
83 Holy water 2d6 bottles
84 Magic 1d20 rounds of ammo d4 1=arrow 2=quarrel 3=dart 4=musket balls one use each shot
85 Bag of 1d6 magic mushrooms d4 1=see magic 2=see spirits 3=talk to dead 4=visions
86 Wand with 1d4 charges left
87 Amulet saves you once from draining touch of the dead then shatters
88 Bottle of acid can eat though foot of rock or a metal lock 1d4 doses
89 Magical biscuit that provides all food for a day in box of d20
90 Magic saint medallion will stop you bleeding to death once then rusts away
91 Magical rope d4 1=d10 foot stretches x10 2=cut proof vs non magic 3=moves to flute music 4=attacks intruder like constrictor snake
92 Battered fragments of spell book 1=locked 2=cursed 3=magic trap 4=haunted
93 Quality weapon d4 1=silver 2=+1 to hit not magic  3=can hit magic 4=secret crafted feature
94 Magic item d4 1=hunted by cult 2=cursed 3=intelligent and may posses wielder 4=tainted
95 Magic shield +1
96 Magical weapon +1 damage
97 Magical instrument d4 1=+d3 skill 2=call a creature once a day 3=self playing 4=amplify volume
98 Magical stat boosting food or item only one use from same type ever +1
99 Chaos mutation or lawful feature adding food item one use from same type ever
100 A relic item with powers and bonuses but tainted by necromancy, elder gods, element, etc

Sunday 13 July 2014

Psychon Log: To Slay A Necromancer

So party united with new members when mists of the god Virgil rolled over the grasslands leaving party members lost a month ago and bringing new friends....

Tonight I made a horrible fight between party. Then ended session. Newbs all realized CHA not a dump stat when only had one follower.

Party include
A rogue in special forces gear with two swords on a riding beetle
A sword dancer monk with insectisteed horse and a goblin servant
A new abino warrior with a jet black mohawk and a battle axe
A Unicorn changeling woman in a coconut bra with swords with pet dog
A Eldren healer priest in heavy armour with a pregnant pocket pony and riding cassowary
A Eldren psion with a talking jewel in his skull and a clockwork swordsman
A new degenerate green Eldren savage psion with a greatsword he can throw and his bard
And of course the evil psion Choctopus cthulhu cultist with hatchets and alien ray guns

Before them was the pleasure dome of Malak Nar. A great wicker structure covered in mud. At gate drunken guards welcomed them in and a few were in a state of semi undress. A robed acolyte led them to guest room and asked if they could wait. Till morning to see master who was having a ceremony. Gang could hear a wild party. Offered to join in but had to pay 100gp. Some got confused and thought they were going to be paid. Monk conviced cultists she was exotic dancer and got a free ticket. Pleased master and allowed to stay. Bejewel headed Eldren inviibly sneaked in and stole drugs. Rest of party stayed in hut drinking, eating and chatting up cultists. Unicorn and Jeweled Eldren got it on. Several slept with cult members. In morning they examined area and found remnants of poppy heads and shrooms in bottom of cauldron. Master needed rest till lunch so they waited more.

At lunch treated by cult to fine meal, cakes and cool-aide. Leader came and chatted and warrior asked the inevitable question.

"Who do you want us to kill"

He named the necromancer a rival power and offered a bonus if the killed the mysterious science temple priest also. Offered ten slaves each or magic items. Party set off impatient to kill somebody and choctopus stayed behind. Saw distant yellow robe druids having lakeside ceremony and saw distant hobgoblin hunters. Came to plateau with what some realized was a observatory and dish up on top. Came to entry ramp and questioned by AI while watched by twin cyber sentry 20mm auto-cannons. Dumb Eldren kept asking voice how he got in tiny box at gate. AI tried to explain but let morons in.

Found dead bodies of starved runaways who came to hide here. Rogue found AI panel and asked for food. Allowed them in souvenir shop with popcorn, soda and hotdog machines. Rogue had paper cash that every one he had met had shunned but here he was a king. Everyone ate well. Unicorn nabbed a snowglobe. All talked to AI but it just crapped on about science as it was lonely. Party left but said would recommend other visitors.

Came to the following great citadel skirted it and spoke to peasants about the whickerman ceremony and thousands of druids having ceremony on beach.

Surroundings: Farmland with farmers shacks and barns, people retreat in citadel in emergencies
Surface: Vegetation with food and industrial resources with animals and birdlife and streams
Additional features: Covered in gang graffiti, some from earliest post apocalypse times, changes often
Event: Solemn religious parades and prayer, business closed

Sub levels
Storage: Toxic waste depository with thousands of leaking metal drums and concrete blocks
Dungeon: Heavily sealed and trapped, something sealed in here best forgotten long ago
Catacomb: Artwork depicting gloomy afterlife
Mine: Concrete supported tunnels with remains of mining machines
Power station: Titanic shoggoth captured in vault manually cranks turbine
Ghetto: Strong folk community who take care of own live charming idyllic cultured lives

Ground floors
Defence: Lockup or stocks where vagrants and miscreants and enemies are temporarily detained
Defence: Training area with firing range, commando course, test dummies and other aids
Ghetto: Rebuilt by well meaning officials but flawed and already in decay
Ghetto: Rebuilt by well meaning officials but flawed and already in decay

Mid levels
Ghetto: Cottage crafters where dwellers operate light industry and sleep among workbenches
Ghetto: Cruel police suppress this area due to constant riots. Brutality drive resistance underground
Merchant: Shifty blackmarket with goods sold off back of carts, no questions asked
Manufacturing: Shoggoths imprisoned in great vaults working on all manner of goods
Ghetto: Fire trap frequently redeveloped and rebuilt with new fires being common
Middle housing: Modular living habs built in stacks in huge clusters like giant children’s blocks
Middle housing: Biological habitats with food growing from walls with ecology of cleaning critters

Upper level
Museum: Space museum with retro space suits, re-entry pods, rovers, alien heads in jars, flying saucer
Church: A mausoleum with hundreds of interred dead and a chapel
Middle housing: Subdivided decrepit old palaces size of city blocks turned into hundreds of units
Library: Crumbling mess of damaged books, rotting shelves with no organisation and vermin
Crowning Feature: Landing bay for aircraft, shuttles or airship docking bay (nonfunctional, not repairable)

Went south toward necromancer but decided a bit late to fight undead so went to village. 40 undead spearmen chased them and party went kill crazy. A few hurt but undead destroyed. Found village  undead wary yet preferred them to insect men. Seems necromancer was main foe of insects. Party leveled up.

Several party members slept with locals then in morning all went to ruines of necromancer. Crumbled ancient city scape of concrete and wire infrastructure stuck rudeley from lake shore including ancient 10 story hotel. Up stairs inside doorways they saw dead leaders and spoke.

Undead offered party membership and the offered 10gp a corpse they brought in. Some party keen, one suggested murdering nearby village. Fight broke out because unicorn said dealing with corpses  with undead is always evil. Monk argued these undead fight insects so are ok. Rogue asked if they could kill all morlocks as they had killed his riding bat. Some suggested attacking bugs. Others thought citadel needs a check. Undead a bit silent on where insect men bodies go. Party infuriated I ended game for now...

Ive always enjoyed toying with morals and money but this time the ambiguity and factional jerks really screwed with them. All faction blamed each other and feuded. The Yellow Warlord of the citadel seemed to be using insects to unify people who hated each other while selling corpses to undead also while publicly shunning undead.

Then someone muttered a murder hobo classic:

"This isn't Dungeons and Diplomacy, I just wanna kill not talk to everyone!"

Saturday 12 July 2014

Exilelog: Girls Day out in Shadelport

1st half of this session felt like a 18thC soap novel for women. Then went totally oldschool dungeon.

So the girls of the team, the Bard and the Angelic changeling decided they had leveled up to lower middle class. Now they could afford followers and lodgings. So they asked about Grogtown ward where ladies like themselves could board without being entrapped into sex trade like most girls who entered district to live. Over in Holy Roller district (next to temple district where vice loving and hating clergy frequented most).

On the way sold off their kobolds to church and each got some trained ones of a different breed to ones in the dungeon claimed by the party with a delvers deed.

Found Mother one tooth's boarding house for ladies and knocked. A maid let them in and brought them tea and awaited the mistress. Mother loved the angelic descended girl and was impressed by her obvious virtue. She was suspicious of the bard but accepted her as friend of the obviously pure one.

No music after 9
No male callers
Lights out at 12
Must dress modestly
No gossiping
No drinking
No dancing
And so on...

Made a deal and got a space in tiny stable for bards goat familiar. Got breakfast of porridge daily and a good monthly rate. Girls were adventurers but convinced Mother that they would be good and not bring home trouble. Had a nice meal for dinner and said prayers over dinner. Most girls either temple maidens or maids. The kobolds were justified as were to be reformed to being good. Offered kobolds freedom in a year if worked well. So next day the girls decided to get more followers.

Crossed into merchant town easily and bought new dresses then came to the cities horrible bridges. So went to docks and found a orc gondolier. Went through the sewerage thick waters of the nameless river. Saw bodies and chamber pots drop from bridge and people trapped on pylons crying for help. Arrived safely and came to walls and gate into the slums. Guards allowed in with warnings.

Don't just yell out your looking for employees or you will start a job riot
Get some guards as you will be torn to pieces

So they tipped guards and hired two big orcs.

Went into goblin town and were jeered at and hassled by a fierce butch she orc with six boobs under her shiny breast plate. The bodyguards were quivering nervously and the girls offered her a job. She accepted the good wage and took command of the inferior orc men. Saw all sorts of shenanigans before reaching mutant town. Even worse than the slum they saw some other visitors have road collapse under them and get torn apart by mutants. Found a poor soul with an extra toe begging for work so girls took pity and hired him. He got his papers signed by girls to leave the district and had to wear a yellow bar sewn on his robes. Next into the mariners district where they were amazed by industry and hundreds of pubs like home district. Found a pub and had crayfish which orcs loved but most humans shunned as disgusting bugs.  Bought a boy from pub they felt sorry for when they saw master beat him.

At gates into Gildentown the slightly ridiculous human guards in faux finery told girls hookers not allowed in. Orc guards not allowed in but the lady orc bullied her way through. Ladies were outraged and eventually guards let them in. This suburb was a mess of cheap ineffective status symbols of the wanabee rich. Mimicking the old money district and were rude to the girls. Got followed by secret police then by a handsome rake who was actually a cat shape shifter. Girls pointed out the secret police and he changed into a cat and fled into drain.

Had trouble after crossing river getting back into Merchant district without papers so went to clerk and got passports. Finally real citizens. Got back home. Boy allowed into stables to sleep while mutant and orc lady housed in nearby flophouse.

In bed at night when the serial killer who had been following them since went through merchant town tried entering bards window. Kobold woke her and she pushed him out and he died on street below. Police and Mother one tooth impressed.

Next morning they grabbed all flunkies and headed for the dungeon. The boy was realy exited about being a latern boy, everybody else a bit more wary. Arrived at village had a meal and looked over the well to see sealed entrance still blocked. Followed the line they knew tunnel made and into the woods to find other entries. She-orc detected trails of kobolds and found door among tight circle of dark overgrown trees. The bard got her knocker kobold to assess the construction and she deemed it the work of chaos tainted mad red kobolds who build pointless mazes. Party concurred.

Inside they wandered the maze methodically battling a spider and some other critters. Captured more kobolds to "reform" (sell into slavery to temple).Finaly met some brutish beserker barbarians who challenged them. Fight went well at first and they seemed easy foes but they kept fighting even though terribly wounded. Sadly they killed the heroic she orc before they finally were killed. Party went to city to rest. She was best orc in any game I ever played.