I hate DnD Dolphins

Dolphins firstly according to pre modern scholars are fish. Live in the sea = fish. Thus they should be in monster books in a entry under fish. Even if they are known to breast feed and breathe air as sailors observed they are fish. 2nd ed MM had a page on them with facts I could get from a children's book that could have had some proper monster. If anyone reading this ever battled dolphins in a dnd game please tell me how awesome it was if possible.

So here are EMO dolphins inspired by stuff like this http://bestiary.ca/beasts/beast284.htm
Also many people living near river dolphins (or cocktail dolphins as a friend calls them) had interesting myths like they were sleazy shape shifting seducers.Dolphin 2-4 d8 HD AC as leather Att 2d4 ram MOV 24 swim

d20 Dolphin Rumours
1 Attracted by music and singing
2 Warn sailors of storms out of helpfulness
3 Save and help sailors and protect from dogfish (sharks)
4 If you kill them you will be cursed by the sea gods and spirit folk of the deep
5 Dolphins are the knights of the undersea world serve the king of the sea
6 Dolphins are playful enjoying dancing around ships and racing them
7 Dolphins can leap over a ships sails
8 Dolphins know by smell if you have ever eaten one
9 Dolphins are noble mounts of all kinds of sea beings
10 Many sea spirits and gods take form of a dolphin so take care
11 Dolphins were once humans transformed by the gods so don't murder them
12 Dolphins beach themselves to be buried by humans on land when sick
13 Dolphins carry the souls of good sailors to the Island of the blessed
14 Sea bards can attract dolphins who may even aid a skilled performer
15 A boat accompanied by dolphins will find a safe harbour
16 Dolphins might carry children swimming alone to the undersea paradise forever
17 Dolphins protect manatees, sea cows and dugongs from harm
18 Dolphins are intelligent and speak to each other and some understand human speech
19 Dolphins in places guide ships through rocks and reefs, some favour only local boats
20 Dolphins can detect alignment and may take mercy on the good

d12 Dolphin Varieties
1 Serrated Dolphin has a saw blade fin that does a d12 used to kill crocodiles
2 Armoured Dolphin has carapace armour as chain and a d10 ram
3 Were Dolphin can adopt human form to seduce human lovers by night
4 Divine Dolphins can cast curse with a glance per round
5 Magi Dolphins can cast spells as a priest or sorcerer or sea druid or psionicistand can talk as a human
6 Jewelled Dolphins have a large gem in their foreheads that grant them telepathy and is worth d6x100gp, taking a gem from a murdered dolphin curses who touches it 
7 Ichthyosaur is a reptilian prehistoric dolphin allied to reptilian creatures and is less friendly to humans
8 Necro dolphins are undead who are mounts of evil sea creatures
9 Rogue dolphin jump on ship decks and steal things they use to decorate their nests
10 Aero dolphins fly in the air or sea and are used by sea races to visit the surface or cloudland 
11 Chaos dolphins have 4x twenty foot tentacles that latch onto a target for a d6 and grapple them, then drag into the water to drown, they bite with fanged teeth not butt and may have mutations
12 Demon dolphins are from a abyssal demonic oceanic plane. They require +2 magic weapons to hit and have a 2d6 bite instead of butt and a razor fin attack. They can shape shift into humans to infiltrate but the disguises are often flawed and behaviour odd and cruel. They often stink of fish even in human form. They can speak and often allow sea demons to ride them. They breathe air or water and have green tinge and fish scales. When killed they crumble into salt 

Also noteworthy is fishfolk might hybridise with dolphins that makes them more fishlike and able to breathe air or water. Hybrids are more green blue and scaly with more fishlike fins and monsterous tooth filled beaks. often intelligent and some cast spells. 

https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/whales/man/myth.html
https://www.savacations.com/myths-legends-amazons-pink-river-dolphin/

Bards

Had to do this one as lots of bards in current game

Bard
Prime Requisite: Charm; high score grants additional spells
d6HD/2/(Average4)
Arms 2/3 Arts 6/1 Languages 2d4/1
Leather Armour
Short Sword, Dagger, Knife, Light Crossbow, Self Bow, Javelin, Hand Axe, Club, Staff, Darts
-3 unskilled weapons +1 to hit every 4 levels
Prerequisite Charm Bonus provides extra spells

Spell Casting
Spell casting can choose as per one type like a

• As wizard from a literate arcane scholar tradition using arcane magic
• As priest from a temple performer tradition using divine magic
• As sorcerer from a cult or bloodline of some entity granting arcane magic
• As druid from a cult or priesthood of nature deities and spirits

Bardic Songs
Song Duration round per level
Songs Per Day one per level 
Level 1-5 +1 Level 6-11 +2 Level +3 12-17 +4 18+ +5
I per Lv +Charm bonus radius effect command radius
Get a new song every third level
Range 1 per level radius

Bless Song + hit roll Standard beginning song
Courage Song + morale or fear saves
Work Song + skill roll
Save Song + saving throws
Endurance Song + hours per level extra march oar rowing or work
(Attribute) Song +adds to attribute once per day only, each separate song/Stat
Hero Song + to HP
Marching Song + to move rate
Guardian Song + to AC
Magic Song + to spell Lv once per person per day
Healing Song + to HP recovered at end of song once per person per day
Counter Song blocks other magical song effects such as monsters or other bards
Fascinate 1HD/Lv of living creatures with performance if they fail save

Wandering Minstrel Subclass
Arms Dagger, Short Sword
Arts - Gossip, Etiquette, Diplomacy, Streetwise, Music Lore, Carousing
+1 Fast draw Short Sword +2 Bluff +3 
Typical independent scholar bards
0 Level Wizard Magic, Candle, Whisper, read magic, detect magic
1st Level Spell: Charm Person
(+1 Comprehend Languages +2 Identify)
(+3 2nd Lv Spell: Magic Mouth)

Equipment: all weapons skilled with 20 shots of ammo if any, tool kits for skills, leather armour, hooded cloak, common robe, performing costume, instrument, scribe set, journal, wine skin, sacks, d6 days food, flints, hat, lantern, lamp oil 3d6x5gp

d100 Poems and why your bards are lame

A friend has been using my shadelport theatre tables for a dwarf theatre fan in his dnd game and i was reminded of fun i had with these. Poems are handy for bard performances, to find on scrolls or possible quest subjects or clues.

Poems can be competitive and performers might battle in a genre or extolling useful virtues of a date palm vs a coconut palm. Contests might be in courts or public as entertainment or serious duels with high stakes. Bards in play should battle bards or compose a new popular poem that people want to hear (or steal or copy). Performing from memory a famous poem might be a challenge too. Each poet might recite a stanza. Boasting is popular with some contests, insults are common too. Some contests take turns to compose a original verse with turns to improvise a stanza. A subject might be given by a judge. 

Arabic poets have many fomal battle modes - this was a good bit:
al-Nābighah al-Dhubyāni (ca. 535–ca. 604), one of the great court poets of Arabic literature, served as the first judge, and where the seventh-century female poet al-Kansā gained fame for her elegies for her brothers, who had died in battle, and dueled with the likes of Hind Bint ‘Atabah and Hassān Ibn Thābit. When al-Nābighah suggested that she was the best of poets with a uterus, she responded “and of those with testicles as well!”
Anytime great bards or poets meet people will expect a contest. Some will be bitter and shame the loser some will elevate both or produce a collaborative work. Great battles might be the subject of worked by later bards.

Contests light be judged by most important person, most attractive lady, oldest man, greatest scholar, a priest or the mob. If you offend a great poet or cheat them look out, they are vindictive and might curse or lampoon someone who wrongs them.

Occasionaly a ruler encourages poets and attracts art and culture. Whith more bards schools start and battles become commonplace.

I might make a separate bard and elf spell list one day.

These might also be subjects of artworks canvas, vases, metalwork or prints. Most frequently they are scrolls or books and quite valuable.

d10 Poetry Types (don't quote me you might fail)

01 Sonnet - love poem which dealt with the lover’s sufferings and hopes
02 Burlesque - treats a serious subject as humor
03 Eulogy - written to praise the deceased
04 Lyric - expresses the personal thoughts and feelings of the poet
05 Ode - A lengthy lyric poem typically of a serious or meditative nature
06 Epic - long and narrative poem that normally tells a story about a hero or an adventure
07 Ballad - tells a story similar to a folk tale or legend
08 Romance - emphasized emotion, nature and individuality
09 Didactic - educational or teaching something posibly concealed as a fable
10 Lampoon - slanderous insulting satire to ruin reputation

d100 Poems
01 The unicorn and the maiden

02 The dagger and the sword
03 The slasher of Vicetown
04 The old gods tears
05 The thief and the manticore
06 The lucky prince
07 The pumpkin head and princess
08 Ode to the chess master
09 The golem of Shadelport
10 The bearded queen
11 Horror of Devil Rock
12 Tiamat's last treasure
13 The terrible witches of Blood Beach
14 The gigolo's curse
15 The crafty cat and the mad wizard
16 Journey into hell
17 Ode of the dawn ages
18 Epic of the overthrow of the monster empire
19 The doom that sunk the city in the sea
20 Jack and the three headed dragon
21 The goose girl and the foolish giants
22 Prince August and the Scarlet Spider god
23 Epitah of the first Emperor
24 Ballad of Bowser the wonder hound
25 Explorers of the lost Island
26 My potions bring the heroes to my court
27 Sage Grundlock and the foolish students
28 The Baron is harsh but fair
29 The story of Gunter and Eleanor
30 The beggar with the huge member
31 The Gardener and the Priestess
32 The seduction of the virgin
33 The Ivory princess her seven consorts
34 Wines of the seven kingdoms
35 The Battle of Castle Black
36 Hunt for the questing beast
37 The loyal manservant and his kind masters love
38 Gnoric in the Harem of the Ice Giants
39 Foolish king Zutan and his seven brides
40 In the court of the monkey king
41 In the court of the Slumbering sea god 
42 Songs of the wise ones
43 Torments of Saint Orenzar
44 The maid and the mule
45 The sun and moon's chariot race in the sky
46 Curse of the frogmen
47 The vampires court
48 In the graveyard at night
49 The splendid court of the necromancer king
50 The wise treasurer of the foolish prince
51 Ice palace of the bear queen
52 The fool on the moon
53 Lies of the rat king
54 The five foolish friends and the ferryman
55 The hellhound and the minstrel
56 Whispers from the darkness
57 Blood feast of the demon god
58 Night orgy of the beast gods
59 Swords of the frog prince
60 The Barron in the mushroom kingdom
61 Cry of the ghoul priest
62 Fall of the crystal ziggurat
63 In the Dungeon of the Lich king
64 The mutant, the fool and the fishman
65 The owl king's nephew
66 Seven idiots for seven villagers
67 Black lotus dreams and confessions
68 The shanking of the good kings jester
69 The old beggar and the twenty six virgins
70 Reaper comes for s all
71 Romance of the first empmire
72 Shadelport worst city in the world
73 The cannibal clan under the hill
74 Blood throne of the vampire queen
75 Song of the eye wizards court
76 The elf king is also a queen
77 Fall of the bone forest kingdom
78 Death of the twenty seven foolish bandits
79 The lonely apprentice and the nanny goat 
80 King Hragnar against the gods
81 The executioner and the wigmaker
82 The dragon and the cucumber
83 Foolish jack in the pool of the frog men
84 Count Escobar and the Moon Kings daughter
85 The fire giant and the kind bunny
86 Flesh feast for the kingdom of Xor
87 Life in the court of the sea dragon king
88 Beholder love sonnets vol12
89 Lament of the lizard king
90 Rotgrubs killed my brother
91 Saga of the goblin prince
92 Doom in the Hellbog
93 Tale of the werewolf princess
94 Fishman Love sonnets
95 Six score daily duties of the pious peasant 
96 Countess Gretchen and the troglodytes
97 Plough Ox loves his master
98 Theres a vampire in my catacomb
99 Last knight of the Doomed king
100 Love out of wedlock angers the gods

Tonights theatres of Exile Island Guide

The media on the island is represented by the arts and crafts and music and written word. Artists often employ in name of lords, church or cities and increasingly saying what they think on other issues. Shadel Port celebrates free speech more than any land and is crawling with anarchists, pirates, freemen, escaped slaves, ex convicts and worst of all yeomen.

Yeomen own their land, produce the bulk and best of the cities food and the Barron protects them with death sentence to any who harm or rob or wrong them. They also ignore the church mostly following nature, farming and war. They specialise in longbow and greatsword and are mostly fighters. They are private and keep their own council.

Bards are common and different schools employ various agencies on the island. Some bards follow the highland tribe way, skalds from the vikings are common, elf friends (good and evil elves), empire, shadelport and many minor schools. Acting as spies, informants, messengers and entertainers they are the fastest means of information flow without magic. Everyone knows what bards are up to but everybody wants them in their towns and courts.

Shadel Port secret police have links to many holy oracles, druid prophets and diviners from the wizard university to survey with magic. The emperor has this too but is thousands of miles away. Of course they teleport secret police and heroes when needed. The emperor has reinstituted gladiatorial games and Shadelport has the Dungeon of Death for similar reasons. The Dungeon and Colosseum shows are broadcast to elites by illusion and "official" scrying devices. The poor see street theatre and puppet reenactments.

Other artists offer more illustrative information and tend to be more interested in glorification of the mighty and rich and holy.The decorative arts reach commoners the most and include painters sculptors, architect, decorative craftsmen. decorators, graffiti artists. Players and dancers are tailored to all tastes and are censored the most. Secret and private and criminal shows are common. Comedy especially puppet shows are for the commoners but may be subject to death if rulers are offended. Writers deal with the elite and often have small edition to select clients who may be tolerant or depraved in tastes. Most commoners are illiterate, rich are very literate with the merchant classes in between falling in between. Pamphlets often with illustrations are being printed and having an impact as the illiterate can understand them and are even taking an interest in reading.

d100 What kind of show in the street or village pub or green
1 Street gambling, cup and ball
2 Street gambling, cock fighting
3 Street gambling, cat and/or dog fighting
4 Street gambling, card tricks
5 Street gambling, games of chance
6 Busking musicians playing sea shanties
7 Busking musicians playing imperial favourites
8 Busking musicians playing highland odes
9 Busking musicians playing demihuman classics
10 Busking musicians playing backwoods hillbilly music
11 Busking musicians playing yeoman work songs
12 Busking musicians playing outre music of primordial races
13 Busking musicians playing the new sound only aged under 30 likes
14 Busking musicians playing love songs
15 Busking musicians playing sport and team songs
16 Busking musicians playing gang dance music
17 Busking musicians playing slave songs
18 Crazy old person on a box complains about working life
19 Crazy old person on a box complains about other races
20 Crazy old person on a box complains about Empire or Shadel port
21 Crazy old person on a box complains about rulers
22 Crazy old person on a box complains about women's rights and dignity
23 Naked man holding end of world is nigh sign
24 Slave speaking about freedom and equality for all
25 Wizard speaking about material nature of reality
26 Sorcerer invites followers to learn amazing powers for serving him
27 Scary old witch telling ghost stories
29 Hoary druid warns respect nature or be destroyed
30 Racy young druid preaches be fruitful and have lots of great sex with strangers
31 Monk preaching alignment philosophy
32 Bard lampooning someone in power
33 Bard telling of news from other places
34 Bard singing love songs and seducing strangers
35 Bard sings of low low prices at some emporium
36 Bard gives public announcements and messages
37 Bard reviews local eateries and drinking places
38 Bard singing bawdy rude songs about vice
39 Bard sings of dungeons and adventurers
40 Holy person telling stories of creation
41 Holy person scaring everyone with gloom, doom and sin
42 Holy person explaining alignment system
43 Holy person warning of sin and vice
44 Holy person warning of the next world
45 Holy person warning of worlds end
46 Poet reviews latest books
47 Poet tells of doomed love life
48 Poet tells of soaring natural wonder
49 Poet tells of depression and failure
50 Poet recites lineage of self or rulers
51 Child tells adorable animal stories
52 Old Sid talks of gangland turf wars of three generations back
53 Billy talks about the biggest fish stories
54 Mad Mary tells pirate treasure stories for beer
55 Nanny Bogwarts cursed tales of doomed heroes
56 Puppet show of dungeon heroes
57 Shadow puppet play about adventurers dark delves
58 Puppet show about funny incompetent adventurers
59 Puppet show about monsters killing bad people
60 Puppet show about domestic violence where abuser horribly punished
61 Sport stories with old uncle bill
62 Midwife adventure stories with crazy meg from mutant district
63 Student preaching mutant rights
64 Student preaching end to enforced celibacy for university students
65 Student preaching end of book tax
66 Student preaching about lack of gremlin and rat free cheap housing
67 Student preaching about death sentence for agitator
68 Artist complaining about poor commission process
69 Artist complaining about lack of creative freedom and censorship
70 Man preaching this is greatest place in the world how lucky we all are
71 Man warning cats are agents of hell and must be destroyed or eaten
72 Man preaching rats are our friends
73 Beggar complains about beggars guild, getting boos from other beggars
74 Doctor trying to teach hygiene
75 Warrior seeks companions to rescue friends
76 Warrior seeks companions to destroy a gang
77 Warrior seeks companions to explore ruins
78 Warrior seeks companions to rescue maiden
79 Warrior seeks companions to destroy evil wizard
78 Warrior seeks companions to kill cultists
80 Warrior seeks companions to enter a dungeon
81 Trained rats perform wonders
82 See my imp tent only 1cp a look
83 Peep at my erotic imp show only 5sp a look
84 Freak in a tent with bard barking about horror inside
85 Dancing troop with swords or snakes
86 Erotic dancer or dancers
87 Cross dressing clown
88 Boxers or sword fighters for cash, men and women matches
89 Apprentices doing tricks for cash
90 Exotic street stall cook
91 Orc will kill a kobold with a mallet in front of you for 1gp
92 Fire breather
93 Dwarf jester
94 Juggler
95 Escape artist with manacles and cage
96 Ribald stories from gigolos and prostitutes
97 Prison love stories from Stumpy McShank
98 Public flogging or fresh victims for stocks
99 Drinking and flogging songs from round the world with Mistress Candy
100 Preview or cheap parody of theatre show for commoners

d100 What show on in the theatre
1 Twilight of the Swan-Maidens, Ms Prissy's dancers dressed as swans 6 hours

2 Dungeon scout guilds review show with skits, songs and cross dressing capers

3 War what is it good for? great literary epic brought to stage in only 8 hours

4 Ms Molly's old time Empire singalong

5 Donavan carnival of freaks review

6 Colonel Custards magic circus

7 New light opera for common folk by Handleshmidt and Steko: Die Monster Die!

8 Deadly Danger Dancers from around the world review featuring Miss Kraven

9 Amazing Monks of Cymbal Mountain perform martial feats
10 There's a Vampire in my catacomb, the new stage comedy hit running for 5 years
11 Zarby and Gaggy, the hit comedy team of opposing alignment

12 So you Married an Orc, the latest intersperses marriage comedy

13 Ogle and Eat Out, erotic dinner theater night with the Scumtown Harlots

14 Ladies only night with the Wild Stallions

15 Gladiator dinner theatre night, watch men die while you dine!

16 Scarlet Houri Dance Show, body painted dancers live sexual performance

17 Carry on Empire! Saucy stage play of double entendre and hiding naked in cupboards

18 Hero of the Empire! 12 hour opera about triumph of first god emperor

19 So I married a Valkyrie, yet another inovative commedey in this posibly overdone genre
20 Prince of the Empire, boring opera about founding of the second empire
21 What a funny old bugbear! comedey review of trained goblioids who dont get the jokes

22 Werecats the burlesque review featuring Miss Panthera

23 Rats! the other musical production commissioned by beggars guild and less sexy

24 Were-penguins on ice spectacular, great show for whole family but dress warm

25 I'm A Pirate! the musical comedy satirizing empires impotency vs Shadel Port

26 Grandma Goose and all duck review, hilarious trained ducks march in unison in suits

27 A sailors Life!, the less political knock off of another popular maritime musical comedy

28 Just a Henchman!, all singing all dancing henchmen review show with meal included

29 In the Dragons Belly, Ballet about life inside a great sea dragon behemoth
30 Truncheon Capers, a comedy about mobsters and baliffs of shadelport
31 Dungeon! the opera opening night with elite only and tickets a fortune

32 Bright Elven Choir, singing holy music of the sylvan court

33 Dark Elven Choir, singing insane synchronized screaming

34 Aeeei You've married a dragon third year of this comedy show, a triumph of the genre

35 A Wizards Wand Is Ever Ready! Ribald comedy of wizards sexual misadventures

36 Too Many Gods! A sacrilegious parody all churches tried to ban

37 To Slay A Dragon, a melodramatic opera where a mighty hero slays dragon only 4 hours

38 War With The Giants, a new tragic comic classic concerning recent giant killers

39 Temple of the Star Men, a play about angel abductions from a true believers experiences
40 Dance of the Faerie Court, elven ballet only six hours long version for humans
41 Orc Smash!, to prove they can haz kultur, orcs put on dreadful show orcs love

42 Honey Our Kids are Kobolds, comedy for family about cursed slum clan

43 Harlots of The Dark Wood, dark elven prostitute review show, risk your eternal soul!

44 Gumbo the Purple Dragon, comedy for kids where child heroes slay stupid evil dragon

45 Liberation of Shadel Port, how a human barbarian freed humanity from primordials

46 The Necromancer King, history drama of ruler for a thousand years after primordials

47 A vampire took my Baby, comedy drama of unwed mother versus undead

48 The Blood Book Epic, melodrama opera of evil vampire kings quest for living victims left

49 Torturers Guild Theatre Restaurant, new show every night
50 Alignment Debates Live!, exponents of outer planar philosophy fight live with words
51 Stinkbeard's Treasure, true story of hopelessly unlucky treasure hunters

52 Hells Harmony, one act per layer of hell, claimed to be most hellish 9 hour opera ever

53 Fullmoon Follies a troupe of lycanthrope performers who never perform under a full moon

54 Wizards of Wickedness, fanciful drama of apprentices fighting over editions of spellbooks

55 Colosseum of Chaos, reenactments of great gladiator battles with gallons of fake blood

56 Kalrek of Matzigbion, opera of dawn age vampire wizard king who released demon gods

57 Swords against the Pit!, comedy adventures of thieves robbing a dungeon

58 Dungeon of the Doomed, comedy with human midgets playing dwarfs

59 Into The Underworld, Oprah of hero seeking beloved in underworld only 4 hours
60 Magic Lantern Show with painted glass slides projected in dark theatre
61 Zontag the Illusionist, show of incredible illusions and story telling

62 Live Animal Fights Night!, bears, lions, horses with betting facilities

63 Kobold Choir, wizard Upton with mallets plays his kobold singers for entertainment

64 We are the Goblins! Actors playing parts of goblins in face paint and prosthesis

65 Live criminal executions, daily show, bookings essential

66 Criminal Vivisectionists dissect executed criminals for informative education viewing

67 Madhouse and Mutants!, a show of freaks and crazies from the asylum for your pleasure

68 Fall of the Mad Emperor, a popular opera highly offencive to Empire, only 12 hours

69 Swamp Hags Revenge, Drama, A prince lies to a hag to save his life, his kingdom burns
70 The Necromancers Wedding, light hearted opera even commoners enjoys only 3 hours
71 A Zombie Chorus Line, put on by necromancer students as part of exam from university

72 The Secret Policeman's Ball, imprisoned comedians and bards allowed out for show

73 Haunting of Crimson Castle, a stage drama by promising young playwright

74 To catch a Witch, Dramatic play about finding and burning village witches

75 In the Court of the Octopus Queen, musical folly with amazing costumes and stagecraft

76 Castle Gaxyg, riotous comedy of life in a dungeon full of costumed characters
77 Trip To The Moon is a fanciful alchemist tale where men are shot to the moon in cannons

78 Dr Z's Erotic Castle of Carnal Knowledge, a live sex theatre show with real succubi
79 Mrs Mog's Mad Murder Spree, a melodrama play detailing a cannibal family
80 Death of a Bard Who Tried Too Hard, musical rumoured commission of secret police
81 Brazen Strumpet of Cutthroat lane, musical life of harlots life from mansion to madhouse
82 Master Zedikar Sells his Soul, opera about selling soul to devils and trip to hell
83 Beggars Delight, musical about beggars guild and orphanage showing happy lives
84 Downtown Mutant , sad play about a mutant who dreams of better life, killed by mob
85 Mysteries of Alchemy, theatrical exhibit of alchemy, create hermaphrodite in finale
86 The Rat Kings Daughter, parody opera satirizing class system
87 Feats of the Body, live dissection of regenerating monsters like mutants and trolls
88 Wonders of Phrenology, scientific display by expert in this new exiting field
89 Caverns of the Lich King, Opera of adventurers lost in caves beneath city sewers
90 The Bleak Tower, romantic drama play about wizards household servants
91 Mysteries of the Ancients, dramatic reenactments of moments in history
92 Dance of the Golems, romantic ballet about golems in love in palace of wizard
93 King of the Frog Folk, sacrilegious comedy making priests look foolish
94 Scarlet Tom's greatest Show, best songs of cities favorite bard tribute show
95 Miss Nancy's Treat, popular music hall with dinner, nobles come to slum with commoners
96 Rituals of the Mysterious East, live sex, necrophilia and bestiality show, adults only
97 Tragedy of Princess Aurora, play about loving outside your station and brutal results 
98 The King in Yellow, Forbidden in the empire, depraved play said to drive viewers mad
99 Laugh With The Humanoids, comedy skits with actors as goblinoids and demihumans
100 Tears of the Troglodyte, romantic comedy about cave dwelling subhumans

EMO DnD Classes pt 8: Bard

Back on character classes.

Pre-Humans:
Elves, Dwarves, Halflings and Tako (tako done but might be revamped to be compatible with current thoughts - i also saw cool other versions of octopus pcs on 2 other blogs).

Even though Id rather not have Paladins and my alignment system or rangers I should probably do them anyway just because people like them. Even my most evil player thought so. Not a fan of barbarian did consider berserkers. Names like rune-master and beast master evoke a lot to me too.

Also Psion but might just do as a alternate spell list for shaman. Also considered whole gonzo sf class list (psion, explorer,  expert, mutant, robot). A psion has a spell list stripped from others and perhaps new ones if Im bothered but will avoid duplication with new spells. But in some ways the Shaman will be similar with fetch and astral powers being compatible with psion way of seeing things. But shamen could do some strange things psions wouldn't. Joe Campbell once described yogic and meditation practices as civilized shamanism - taught en mass rather than with tribal variations.  But more to chew on.

Tertiary Classes: Paladin, Ranger, Assassin, Shaman (these would all be kinda masterclasses)

If I kept going more Id do some monster non humans 1: Goblinoids (kobold, goblin, hob goblin, bugbears).

non humans 2: Created (Orc, Mutants, Shape Shifters, Ghouls - not really thought this one out - could do Githyanki) not sure here giants and gnomes possible too. I once considered a race of imortal gender shifters like orlando. Shape shifters?

Animal folk:  Beast peoples including lizard men, goat men, reptilians, gnolls, etc. Intelligent animals like Narnia,  or were beast or animal and nature spirits like original oriental adventures. Nature spirit folk.

Too many classes are a bit silly and why I started own system was to simplify (sigh) but might make some options fun for one off characters occasionally or allow system to do SF too. Many might read some species as alternate fighters some as spell casters. Githyanki could be like elves but have psion spells.

But for now back to Basics. Bards in 1st ed were kinda unfeasible and second ed probably my favorite. I would consider some divergent powers for them but leave as this for now. I need to play test this a bit too.

For the record spell progression for my bards and elves start them with 4 cantrips only at 1st lv, always a bit behind other classes. Spell bonus from Charisma might let you cast a 1st lv spell at 1st level. Only get one new spell per level. Will put in these charts with spells later. Some bardish NWP might be needed.

Bard
Legend making performers and jacks of all trades  

HD: 1d6 Prime Stat: Cha
WP: 2 (+1/2nd Lv)
NWP: 6 (+1/ Lv) 
No-WP mod: -3
Languages: 4d4 (+1/ lv) S=spoken and W=written

Spells: Choose as priest or druid or wizard or sorcerer magic systems
NWP: Any
Shield: Buckler or small (usually hand free for instrument or torch)
Armour: Light
Weapon: Any Sword, Dagger, Club, Sling, Short Bow, any Crossbow, any Gun, Garrote, Shuriken, Dart, Whip, Net, Hatchet, Hand Axe, Lasso, Bolo, Dirk, Blowpipe, Chain, Rock, Staff,  Short Spear, Javelin, Dart, Warhammer, Hammer, Mace
Fight as: Priest
Save as: Priest

Bards are entertainers, teachers, wanderers and scholars who study many skills from many schools. Not experts at any ability they are modest fighters, secondary spell casters,  practice a wide range of skills and have additional powers based on performance. Not quite as good as a rogue without special combat abilities but bards develop faster at martial skills faster than some classes. They may select a magic spell caster style from priest or druid or wizard or sorcerer magic systems. Different cultures have different styles of bards with different magic. Bard may study magic under a practitioner of the same system of magic such as a Bard with Druidic spells could study under a Druid for new spells levels or skills. A bard may wish to be able to learn as a wizard and use their books or dont bother  and be a practitioner of sorcerery instead. A pious bard could be a ritual musician or singer from a great cathedral complex or monastery. Bards get the most languages of any class. Their singing powers grow as they raise level and if performing may improve party members abilities. As the bard grows he may open his own school and network of bards.

- Bards get +4 on any instrument NWP, +2 on any based on charisma or performance. If total NWP  score 20 the bard doesn't have to roll unless they wish to try superior rolls.
- Bards often gain superior usage from sound based magic items and magical instruments. Minimum effectiveness = levelx10%. At 15th lv becomes 150% effective minimum.
- May choose once from druid, priest, wizardry or sorcery magic systems
- Bards use spell table for elves and bards for numbers of spells
- Wizard and sorcerer types get 4 cantrips to start and a new spell each level
-A bard gets a student 1st lv bard at 6th, local fame
-7th lv a bard gets 1d4 HD of followers from random class or pets, and again every level now on
-10th when he is able to have his own bardic school or theatre and attracts 2d4 students 
-15th national fame 
-18th can establish a college or stadium with 6d4 student bards from many lands
-20th is performer of international and otherworldly fame

Spellsong
By concentrating on a performance and not fighting, allies in an increasing circle of influence gain bonuses. To start song effect must make a skill roll (dont bother if skill 20 or better). Affects a 10ft circle per level. One song per level per day. Lasts one round per level. Must specify song ability used each use for abilities gained as of 4th level - cant change song without starting a new one. Can move 1/2 speed max. Can talk to others if part of performance - sing monsters weakness for example. Silence spell will disrupt. Must be based on a performance based skill like play instrument or sing or poetry. If hit must resist with a Wis save or song ruined and stops. The songs of a bard may disrupt the song or performances, screams or howls of magical beings like banshee, sirens or undead or other bards of less HD than the bard has Lv. Eg 5th lv bard song effects abilities from 4HD or 4th lv .
1st +1 vs fear, morale, reaction rolls
2nd +1 to hit or skill
3rd +1 all saving throws
4th +1 damage (effectively +1 in fear, morale, reaction, hit, skill, saves or damage rolls)
5th Hypnosis - up to 1 HD per lv creatures stare stupidly if fail save
6th Fear - up to 1 HD per lv creatures flee stupidly if fail save, might use just for drama
7th Suggestion - up to 1 HD per lv creatures become obedient if fail save (dance, sleep, smile)
8th +2 all fear, morale, reaction, hit, skill, saves or damage rolls
9th Create legendary work once per month, popular may insult local leaders or enemies
10th Mass Charm - up to one person or creature charmed for duration per level
15th Lampoon - Up to level in Foes make Wis check or lose 1d4 Cha for a month
20th Gate - may gate in outer plane being by name once per month

Specialist Bardic Schools

Name - brief description
Cultural role
WP - Weapon Proficiencies
NWP - Non Weapon Proficiencies
Spell list
Languages

Imperial Troubadour – courtly romantic
Courtly entertainers of empire
Long Sword, Crossbow
Etiquette, Grooming, Sing, Seduce, Gossip, Play Lute, Song Lore
Wizard, Sorcerer or Priest
Empire SW, Common SW, Ancient SW, Elder W, Elvish W

Barbarian Skald – Heroic companion
Holy teachers of barbarian tribes
Hand Axe, Dagger
Drive Chariot or Ride Horse, Balance, Juggling, Tumbling, Chant, Play Bagpipes or harp or horn
Priest, Sorcerer or Bard
Old S, Common S, Druidic S, WildmanS, Northman S, Halfling, Dwarf, Elvish

Old Way Bard – Druidic song singers
Druidic students who become sacred speakers of tribes
Sabre, Dart
Memorize, Plant Lore, Animal Lore, Astrology Lore, Poetry, Harp
Sorcerer or Druid
Old S, Common S, Druidic SW, Wildman S, Northman S, Finch S, Frog S

Savage War Chanter – Tribal holy man
Fanatic chanter who guides the hunters
Short Spear, Hand Axe
Improvise Weapon, Survival, Track, Herbalist, First Aid, Play Trumpet or bagpipes or drums
Sorcerer or Druid
Old S, Common S, Druidic S, Wildman S, Northman S, Swine S, Horse S, Dog S

Zealous Demagogue – Urban agitator and power monger
Rabble rouser and trouble maker
Dagger, Light Crossbow
Orate, Observe, Kingdom Lore, Local Lore, Gossip, Taunt
Sorcerer or priest
Empire S, Common SW, Old S, Eastern S, Northman S,  Horde S

Appealing Courtesan – Mistress of men
Hired companion of men in power
Dagger, Brawling
Bluff, Seduce, Carousing, Story Telling, Dance, Sing
Sorcerer or Wizard or Priest or Druid
Empire S, Common S W, Horde S, Northmen S, Sea Tongue S, Desert Speech S

Wandering Minstrel – Traveling Court Singer
Traveler of the knightly kingdoms from court to court
Dagger, Club
Play Instrument, Sing, Espionage, Sneak, Hide, Listen
Sorcerer or Wizard
Empire S, Common SW, Old S, Eastern S, Northman S,  Horde S

Lonesome Shepherd - Herder of Beasts
Youths who guard flocks alone may become talented
Sling, Staff
Play flute or lyre or harp or panpipes, Animal Lore, Animal Mimic, Animal Husbandry, Animal Handling, First Aid
Druid or Sorceror
Empire S, Common S, Old S, Dog S,  Horde S, one her animal

Wailing Women - Chorus of professional mourners
Screaming women who haunt graves sites and funerals
Sabre, Sickle
Intimidate, Gossip, Inspire, Taunt, Chant, Sing
Sorcerer or Wizard or Priest or Druid
Empire S, Common SW, Old S, Eastern S, Northman S,  Horde S

Songsmith - Musical smiths
Craftsmen who make relics fit for the great
Any sword, hammer
Jewelry, Engrave, Sing, Weapon Smith, Blacksmith (or red/silver/gold), Endurance
Sorcerer or Wizard or Priest or Druid
Old S, Common S, Druidic S, WildmanS, Northman S, Halfling, Dwarf, Elvish

Dervish - dancing acrobatic mystics
Dedicated mystics who reach ecstatic states through dance
Dagger, Sabre
Dance, Acrobatics, Tumbling, Run away, Jumping, Chant
Any
Old S, Common S, Nomad S, Wildman S, Desert S, Snake S, Horse S, Dog S

Harlequin - comedic travelling clowns
Rustic and urban piebald clowns for the common folk
Brawling, Club
Dance, Tumbling, Juggling, Stilt walking, Taunt, Poetry
Sorcery
Old S, Common S, Empire S, Wildman S, Underland S, Magpie S,  Rat S, Cat S

BARD XP
+1 per 1gp spent on scrolls, books, carousing, finding inspiration, performances, costumes, maintaining a troupe of performers, magical jewels, clothes, instruments, parties, composing great works, printing poems
+50/lv casting spells to help victory
+100 per proficiency success that helps victory
+100 for making epic performance
Double for outperforming or dueling other bards