Monday, 6 May 2019

War With the Undersea Kingdoms Part 3

Part 3
These are harder than some of my other tables and slower to do.
Might try some hell stuff again.

d100 Gossip
01 Damn dirty fish folk hybrids are everywhere sabotaging our institutions to make them look incompetent
02 Fishermen are really all agents of the undersea menace and need to be rounded up
03 If you throw gold into the sea the fish folk will spare you
04 Undersea peoples can smell if you have eaten seafood
05 By drinking mercury you make your flesh taste bad to sea monsters 
06 The flood is coming get a boat and all your valuables and food ready
07 Better to strangle your family than let filthy fish folk take them alive
08 My son might be part fish he likes to swim!
09 The reason rich people bathe more than once a year is they are really part fish
10 All the animals and birds near the water are spies for the undersea menace
11 Best flee to the mountains or the desert where sea wont reach you
12 Fish folk once had a surface empire, to them we are all their property already
13 Don't trust those filthy octopi walking on the land, they will seduce your women with offers of jewels and easy living in their undersea palaces 
14 If you see a naked mermaid you will be their slave forever
15 Whales and dolphins are jerks, just because we killed them lots they hate us. They seem happy but really utter obscenities and blasphemies constantly in their annoying language
16 We will regret all these new alliances and trade with foreigners when the war is over
17 Mermaids are savage man eaters with pointy teeth, they will smash your skulls and eat your brains 
18 The merchants of our mysterious western allies are flooding our kingdoms with drugs, after the war our kingdoms will be corrupted
19 The gods must hate us for letting fish invade the land, we had best be extra pious 
20 Someone saw octopi living in trees in the forest!
21 Yesterday I saw the pirate who killed my family was now a legitimate admiral of the kingdom!
22 We need to get out of here now sea monsters are walking on the land and coming here!
23 With all this trade and contact with distant human kingdoms, when the war is over some nation will try and restart the great ancient empire again  
24 Maybe fish ruling us will be better than the fatcats we have now
25 Mermaids will take you under the sea and make you their slaves, you will have to clean fish shit from their palaces and do their washing 
26 Just because unnatural forces of the sea are invading people are treating wizards like they are proper people now
27 Water has been drugged by the undersea powers, drink only alcohol
28 Damn dirty fish fuckers are hiding everywhere! Keep your eyes peeled and beware any fishy smells
29 Mermaids are the best lovers you will ever have, once you've tried one you will never want a lover with legs again
30 Even elves have joined us in the war now against their sea elf kin
31 Since the dwarves gunpowder war ruined, their steam engines were flooded and iron rusted they have retreated to their mountain retreats
32 I saw a strange map of undersea settlements and kingdoms, some are quite near
33 With the right magic we can breath underwater but cannot save everyone
34 Undersea faerieland is like a strange realm where sea and land beings both exist
35 Undersea versions of land animals exist
36 The deep sea demons will never end this war but many sea peoples might
37 The courts of the sea dragons who rule the ocean kingdoms might yet make peace
38 As a child a fish folk witch gave our family food and a pearl that saved us all
39 Dolphins used to guide ships through reefs and drive away sharks but no more
40 Gnomes secretly have metal boats that sail under the water!
41 Fishfolk say they can restore your lost virginity, don't believe them
42 It's ok to eat fish folk, their fingers are delicious
43 They are just big dumb fish that can walk and talk
44 Don't trust fish folk gold, they always know where it is and will come for it
45 Not all undersea folk are evil but the evil ones worship demons 
46 Sea dragons respect courtly etiquette and spare those with good manners
47 Now the northmen raiders are our allies, things are that desperate
48 Orcs saved some people from fish folk and now are helping us wage war, they say orcs remember the old fish folk slave lords
49 Some sea folk have defected to aid us, they say deep sea demons are the enemy of all
50 Heaven has failed us, we must worship the fish gods
51 If you speak near any water source the sea spirits will know

52 Something in the sewer system is killing people, drowning them in sewerage
53 Don't let your women wash at the river anymore, best leave these chores for men or fish men will steal them
54 Always be careful near any body of water, look up! look down!
55 Water weirds are appearing in wells and latrines
56 Always carry wax for your ears in case a siren song enslaves you
57 Put the sign of the fish over your door and the fish folk wont enslave you
58 Men cant resist mermaids and sirens and nymphs, best keep an eye on them as they have no self control
59 Women cant resist the lure of fish folk and octopi folk so best keep them constantly locked up or watched
60 Beware the sign of the fish, demon worshipping fish witches use it as a secret sign of coven meeting places
61 Beware the signs of the hybrid, clammy skin, bulging eyes and fishy smells. If you strip search them look for gills, tentacles, scales, blowholes, webbed hands and feet, these are the signs of the fish demon deviant
62 Any fishermen or sailor too good at their trade is possibly a sea cultist
63 If you hold a fish hybrid cultist underwater they will live while a pure human will drown, this is how we find their slimy spies
64 Fish fear fire, use it at every opportunity!
65 There are ancient ruins from when the last time undersea peoples conquered the surface and they might reveal secrets of their defeat
66 Long ago the great planes barbarian tribes destroyed the monster empire and the rule of the fish folk kings, as the sea demons retreated they flooded the world and the great wastes of the barbarians and the cities of elder ancient Exilon
67 We landlubbers beat the fish folk in ancient times and will again
68 Deep beneath the sea are ancient dragon ruled kingdoms, where sea-grass spirit folk serve as peasants serve the kings on land
69 Ancient sea elf kingdoms are hidden in a undersea faerieland, they ride dolphins and sail ships to visit the surface world
70 Ancient marine iguana folk have tame thunder beasts that walk the land, swim the seas and fly in the skies. Once they ruled vast jungle empires till humans came. Now their undersea clans seek revenge and unleash their pets again
71 When the war is over it will be the trading guilds and banks that will be the real winners and rule the next age

72 The great empire of coastal cities of the south has come to our aid but people forget they terrorised the world and destroyed at least three great empires in the past
73 The misty islands of Waerlund have contacted the known kingdoms to aid the war but people forget they are a race of magicians who once served dragons. You cant trust this race of damned witch folk
74 Over the age that monsters ruled the world, they battled each other for supremacy. Originally insect folk and worm folk were great powers but lost their crowns and became food for the fish and reptiles and amphibians and arachnids. They want to rule again
75 The great undersea powers have vassal races they conquered long ago who serve their armies, you may see many strange aquatic races but mostly they serve the squid and fish headed people 
76 Ruins in the desert lands have fish folk statues. Some are from when deserts were under the sea, others from the undersea monster land empire   
77 Otters friend or foe? Beavers? River Rats? Who knows who they serve?
78 I heard the church has been torturing fish for information
79 Best cover yourself in dirt so none think you have been consorting with fish folk
80 Fish lovers are everywhere, anyone suggesting peace is with the enemy
81 Long ago the inner sea was land with great cities, but floods wiped all those ancient empires
82 Wizardry and sorcery were arts derived from practices of the pre human monster age, the first generation of free humans were enslaved again by magicians using those arts. All non divine magic is blasphemous wickedness
83 In the dawn age the demons of darkness and chaos were imprisoned in great crypts under the sea which sea demons hope to release
84 Tiamat the great sea dragon invaded the land and battled the gods but was defeated, dismembered and her minions imprisoned beneath the sea
85 In the bottom of the sea is a jade plug holding the oceans of the world
86 The deep darkness has remnants of when there was only water and darkness in the world before creation
87 The great beasts of the sea can be placated by tying a virgin on the shore as they did in the olden times
88 All the islander savages from across the sea are demon worshiping cannibal savages
89 The Islander folk we used as slaves for years have allied with the fish folk for some reason after all we did for them civilizing them and giving them proper work and gods
90 Fish folk are mindless savages, degenerate remnants of their ancient selves, they can't even speak our language!
91 Cultist often meet the fish folk by night, look out for lights on the shore by night
92 Beware of anyone spending ancient coins or strange gold, probably sunken treasure used by fish folk spies or cultists

93 There has been strange music heard all down the coast
94 Giant sea monsters have been seen all down the coastline
95 The coasts are changing, islands and reefs are moving, don't trust old maps

96 These are the end times, all surface will be drowned so enjoy life while you can
97 I heard criminals threaten a man who owed them money "he would be sleeping with the fishes", gang must be fish cultists
98 The sea zombies are following commands so kill their controllers first
99 Know difference between the demon worshiping sea folk who live to kill and the honourable sea dragon kings and sea elves who have other motives
100 Throw all your trash and waste in the river and sea to show those fishy bastards what we think of them

Undersea Loot Tables

Normally I would do a d100 treasure list for the war with prices but I've kinda done this twice and will one day merge these into one table with prices possibly in a Aquatic dungeon zone book.

Maritime Zone Adventure
Sea horrors
Shore Leave for seamen 
Salty Seamen
Flotsam & Jetsom
Bloodsand Beach 1
Bloodsand Beach 2
Bloodsand Beach 3
Horrible Human Coastal Village of Squidjig
Zones part 11 - Sunken City Zone
Dodgy Passage
Useless Fishman Treasure
Aquatic Items
Aquatic beastfolk
Marine beastfolk
Fishy Hybrids
Crisis in court of the undersea folk

1 comment:

  1. Part 1 -
    Part 2 -


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