Saturday, 4 July 2020

d100 Petty Wilderness Spirits





































Adorable spirit creatures lurk in the woodlands and wilderness but most hide from human gaze. Many are adorable in some forms and nightmares in other forms. Most can adopt several material forms that if killed take time to reform. Some of these spirits lived as mortal beings once others were born in primordial times and have all kinds of beings as kin. Such beings dislike being spied on but do appreciate boundary markers respecting privacy and some gifts like food. Some spirits have a relationship to a species over generations.

Sad to see OA getting bizarre sledging as many claims from a bad academic essay based on falsehoods have been related to that book and giving non-European choices was exiting and based on a decade of martial arts mania. Sure it and world of KaraTur have issues common to many of that era of TSR history inspired Gazetters and Forgotton Realms setting books and the green books in 2nd ed. The OA book opened up so many good things in the game like proficiencies, martial arts, monsters and use of spirits and dreams in strange ways. I think a warning is better than a total ban. I find LOT5R and samurai gaming to be a horrible genre Id rather not play like that game where you play SS officers in a deathcamp. Contriving a universe that justifies Samura or Spartans as right is not really my thing. Killing whole families and villages for actions of one person kind of stuff id put up there with horrible. Possible classism in fantasy and divine right of the rich is another whole kettle of fish.

Anyway, I'm rewriting my campaign spell lists and making a single 80pg EMO rulebook so I can get on with some other projects following it like Psychon and Xor. Also some big dungeon projects. But this has been on my to do list especially as I use the OA spells to see, contact and bargain with spirits which mostly DnD failed at.

Spirits could become friends and allies and should be a feature in more games.
Spirit negotiations and dealings allow lots of roleplaying and non-combat options.
When I do a monster book spirits like these will be widespread also in drains, ovens, workshops and in roof cavities. Urban spirits might be a thing and possible evil spirits for bad places like the dark lords laundry basket. Sea spirits too.

I have long liked the idea of a shaman class based on a priest with less armour who instead of turning undead could leave their body and weirder stuff as they went on. My plan when I made psionics a spell list like wizard and druid and cleric was to use the list with some feature classes like the a mystic (magic assassin?) and shaman. You could call a shaman a medeum in a victorian setting. For this to work I would want spirits to be a common feature of the game and there would always be a local spirit to communicate with. Once a caster with magic or an earnest supplicant with an offering has the interest of a spirit it may manifest a body and negotiate. But at same time don't want it to be like games with hackers who occupy DMs time. Though in RQ every player did one on one every session to plan to abuse magic in secret with the GM. Also thinking my oath system might work as a pact system anyone can abuse. Im still pleased my players consistently don't want to take all the oaths and they possibly can.

d4 HD AC+3 have invisible spirit form and can become visible to mortals
d6 HD AC+4 +has a material form as a small creature if killed reforms next moon
d8 HD AC+5 
one spirit powers
2d8 HD AC+5 two spirit powers
3d8 HD AC+7  three spirit powers
4d8 
HD AC+8 four spirit powers
8d8 HD +12 eight spirit powers
16d8 HD AC +20 these are on par with petty gods 
and I could go on but minor deities really  

Spirit versions of familiar animals or races or creatures are not the same, they are spirits first though most have a link to a living thing or material land feature. The normal monsters are born in the real world and not able to flit between worlds or reform a corporeal body once killed. 

The point is that spirits are a complex ecosystem of beings and some of the spells in OA that let you see and meet and bargain with spirits were fantastic. Now when you cast see invisible you will see all kinds of crazy spirits doing stuff and if you see them they know it. Spirits can see each other so a friendly spirit can warn you about other spirits.

d40 Petty Spirit Powers
1 Material small animal form can manifest 1in6 can become any small animal
2 Material medium animal form 
can manifest
3 Material monster form can manifest 
4 Material demihuman or human form
5 Natural feature resides in like a stone, hill or tree
6 Contact humans in dreams
7 Summon local creatures
8 Invisibility in spirit or material form
9 Hit only by magical weapons or made from d4 1=iron 2=silver 3=wood 4=stone
10 Cast spells as a wizard or priest or druid Lv d4 with 1in12 being d4+3
11 S
pirit resides in like a totem pole, shrine, fetish, borderstone or idol
12 Detect d4 1=one alignment 2=treasure 3=secret doors 4=invisible
13 Spirit has a magic weapon often is +1 with a 1st Lv spell power
14 Has a monster ally who comes to friends aid 
15 Worshipped as divinities by local villagers, abhumans, elves or wild folk
16 Material plant form can be manifest or bound to a tree
17 Related to a minor divinity,  great land spirit or faerie folk nobility 
18 Can influence local weather by 4d6 degrees or call dark clouds or rain
19 Can conjure fierce winds, especially when angry, reduces movement in area
20 This spirit knows a local tribe of monsters and how to manipulate them
21 Flight with wings that spout at will, often like a butterfly or transparent bug wings
22 Speak any language
23 Knows a secret hidden treasure will tell location to save own life or a good cause or deal
24 ESP
 three times a day 
25 Magical item (valuable but not for combat) d4 1=mill makes 3 meals a day 2
26 Curse three times a day
27 Charm Person
 three times a day
28 Charm Animal
 three times a day
29 Entangle
 three times a day
30 Animate a d6 fetishes or a scare crow or straw doll idol to life AC+3 2HD d6 scratch 
31 Summon a swarm of creatures d6 1=wasps or bees 2=beetles 3=squirrels 4=finches 5=bats 6=flies once a day for d3 rounds +1
 per HD bites for 2 damage a round
32 Immune to 1st level spells 
33 Reanimate ancient corpses beneath the ground usually d4 zombie or 2d4 skeletons once a night
34 Grow as wizard spell at will
35 Shrink as wizard spell at will
36 Invisibility once per day until dispelled or broken as per spell
37 Teleport back to home once per day
38 Protection vs Alignment - opposite of their own
39 Cast illusion lasts d4 rounds three times per day
40 Contact dead requires fragment of body or descendant present once a day
41 Telekinesis 
spell 3 times a dato move stuff about and haunt places
42 Ventrliquism and voice mimicry to trick people at will
43 Trap crafting expertise - mostly made to target upright humanoids
44 Slow spell 3 times a day use to people trying to flee 
46 Remove curse once a day they use this to trade
47 Cause disease once per day by touch
48 Has a familiar lesser spirit ally often appears as a pet or servant
49 Sleep spell three times a day
50 Make mortals by touch see any invisible spirit beings or homes or gates

d10 Petty Wilderness Spirits
1 Human spirit
2 Mushroom spirits
3 Shrubbery spirits
4 Tree spirits
5 Land spirits
6 Minor animal spirits
7 Major animal spirits
8 Bright faerie spirits
9 Bright faerie spirits
10 Planar beings - elemental

d100 Petty Wilderness Spirits
01 A faded hungry child spirit died of famine and plague before this was forest
02  
03 Shaggy hairy wild person wearing leaves looks judgemental and fades away
04 Lost child spirit asks for help to find way and leads you all to doom in fairyland
05 Unburied spirit who seeks remains and grave to be blessed, looks mutilated
06 Old wise woman witch offers healing and advice versus evil in her magic cottage
07 Bearded druid spirit protecting wilderness from human habitation can be quite grim
08 Spirit of a bandit killed, some have signs of execution or being hung in a gibbet, some seek proper burial or just distant and lonely from their sad life as outlaw outcastes
09 Spirit of a hunter, watches the woods and protects good beasts from bad, might attack those that wrong woods or if too many wolves
10 Kindly old person will show the way out of woods or to safety past monster lairs
11 Adorable small mushroom fairy folk are friendly but at first shy unless given food
12 Red spotty capped mushroom fairy offers you a bite to see ultimate reality
13 Creepy fungus hands that reach from solid and forest leaf litter to grasp unwary
14 Dome headed fungal elf elder is also a magician wise in prehuman lore
15 Solem mushroom spirits glow with phosphorescence and meditate in the spirit worls
16 Hideous rotting phallus like mushroom sprite dribbling frothing spores, very friendly
17 Giant mushroom spirit sometimes walks the forest as giant ambulant mushroom
18 Tiny mushroom fairy in form of a mushroom house inhabited by animal, sprite or gnome
19 Toadstool fairy with friendly toad familiar sitting on head keeping worms away
20 Violet scrawny toadstool goblin hybrid likes to spread giant fungus and help goblin kin
21 Small forest berry shrub with magic fruit it will share in return for a sacrifice or favour
22 Mandrake root, small bearded magic folk who can kill with a scream once a day  
23 Root vegetable spirits often in a family group planted together and a bit shy
24 A forest grape vine spirit with luscious fruits often seen with goatfolk, fauns, elves, satyrs and centaurs drinking
25 Mistletoe fairy aids druids and nature resist intruders often with druid levels
26 Holly spirit often appears as jolly old person who gives gifts to those who keep the covenants with nature
27 Hazel good for hedges and divining rod, hazel spirits are wise and protective and often worshipped and left offerings they might come out wearing coats making them seem a mass twigs. May advise friends but curse any who cross them 
28 Brachen spirits take goblin form and grow vegetal spore carrying goblins from soil curled up and from old tree fern logs. Local goblins worship them
29 Ivy spirits are sly and creepy but friendly to human lands and keen to smother ruins. They may climb to high places to see and hide 
30 Bullrush fairies are wary but might aid children or animals living near streams, pools or boggy patches. Often friends to local water spirits and animals. Might appear as mud covered humanoids with bullrushes like hair and beards, some have wings
31 Pine tree spirits seem like elves and are aggressive and territorial or tiny adorable  pinecone spirits solemnly patrol the area with tiny spears to keep out people
32 Willows often merge with spirits of weeping ghosts who have died tragically, often human or elf kind and desperate for love or might seek revenge to be at peace
33 Oak tree spirit is a wise old provider and keeper of wisdom, some have many acorn spirits frolicking and feasting in the leaf litter or battling squirrels
34 Rowan (ash) tree spirits are holy and keep away unwanted elves and fairies, demons, & undead, have properties of cold iron and running water and its wood harms magical creatures. Poison berries in water used by druids for blessings. Trees are old and wise, and faster and impulsive to attack evil. Rowan tree folk are kind of paladins of tree wold
35 Cedar tree gives off scented resin and favoured by gods and temples, these spirits are wary of human wood cutters but will trust druids and give them holy sap for magic 
36 Beech immune to lightning and wind and rot in water, these tough and hardy are often used as barriers from wind and erosion, spirits are hard to kill and stubborn 
37 Yew are springy low branched tree can harass enemies throwing stones and sticks at forest intruders
38 Elm smooth barked long barked, straight growing and favoured by gods, used for gates and oxen yokes, strong benevolent spirits protect forest
39 Apple or other fruit tree spirits are generous and kind and may give fruit in a bargain. If fruiting season spirits fruits drop off and live near the tree before wandering away to start a new tree. Often you meet some fruit sprites migrating they are often idiotic and many dont make it. Druids help them 
40 Dryad merges with her tree or creates a body to seduce mortal lovers, will have a d4 pets and lovers living close or even in her tree branches, related to various trees
41 Once this stone was a giant, ogre or troll petrified and it's sprit lurks here diminished and often angry demanding worship and instead shunned
42 Stone dolman worshipped long ago with a druidic spirit inside guarding area from threats to wilderness and nature
43 Dozen or so stone spirits walking about, friendly and difficult to hurt
44 The sarcen stone an old twisted monolith really a worn pylon of black magic with a demon trapped inside. The evil being calls out through telepathy for help and a request for a blood sacrifice to free it
45 Large round stone worshipped and deemed lucky, local spirit keeps away elves and humans often would leave offerings to the stone
46 Stream spirit with serpentine or human form might be seen bathing or might seduce a stranger offering sex and to visit their underwater home. Can be a protector if bargained with or kin
47 Water nymph lives in a pool and received gifts from animals and unicorns of pretty stones and flowers. She can be pretty but if enraged or spied on naked (most of the time) she will be vindictive possibly demanding an appology
48 Spirit satyr may appear corporeal or just influence people with music sending them into panics or madness or lust or dancing for a brief stint
49 Hill spirit is a wise old person who has hidden good things in a secret grotto under the hill through the ages and while stingy and paranoid they may trade one thing for several pretty things
50 Guard spirit protects a treasure hoard long ago and was sacrificed to guard it often as a child. Over a long time, the spirit comes to take care of the land in area also often with several forms 
51 Hedgehog spirits are friendly and industrious and live in blackberry hedge mazes in burrows where they safely watch the world from and eat berries
52 Hare spirit seems like a old peasant wandering worker, often camps and willing to talk to strangers, and might have an instrument, curious about human gossip, in hare form they are rarley seen 
53 Cat is curious a spirit who watches humans from afar and may join traveller for some occasional company. Cats can vary in mood and temperament but can be good friends and warn you of wolves and other dangers. Sometimes a cat spirit might aid a needy child
54 Squirrel spirits appear as woodcutters or nut gathering peasants or merry bandits. They are incorrigible, curious and determined. Sometimes many will attack from squirrel form then dogpile the victim as full-size humans suddenly 
55 Snake spirits are as old as the world and often relate to water, fertility, trees and magic. Snake spirits can be wise, cruel or just alien and indifferent. Some people worship them and they may appear as human wizards, priests or wandering warriors. Often have an ancient sgrine in area and it might accept offerings. They know of lost caves and dungeons in area
56 Owl spirits are nocturnal conspirators some kind and wise some evil allies of witches, some adopt human form to trick or aid travellers by night. Often they just spy on people creepily as owls and hoot a bit which scares away most people. Owl spirits are good spies
57 Fox spirits can appear as atractive people but most are murderous and jealous of human wealth and power. Often appear as a wandering minstrel or warrior. Occasionaly one falls in love with a human and usually tradgedey ensues
58 Beaver spirit protects the damns and beavers in area, protecting them from human skinners and foresters. The beaver spirit is an ancestor of the local colony and can appear as a giant talking beaver larger than a human. Mostly they invisibly patrol dam and waterways and point out tasty trees to their descendants
59 Hedgehog spirit lives in a burrow under a hedge who makes delicious baked goods and invites travellers who are good into their cave. Occasionally will slaughter some travelling hedgehog eaters who killed their kin. Often use entanglement and insect swarms against intruders while invisible
60 Weasel spirit often appears as a nasty inbred mountain folk trappers but really they are murderous spirits who will try to kill and eat strangers. May be bargained with for alcohol or meat, especially live wriggling meat
61 Wolf spirit lurks the woods eating lost travellers, kidnapping children, eating grandmas and teaching human cultist the way of the werewolf. WOlf spirit may be invisible or shadow form or a a huge black nightmare wolf that can create a fearful hole that demoralises most animals
62 Bear spirit is the protector of the woods and has been worshipped by many over aeons as a protector and berserker. Bear spirits wander as bears, some might have painted markings or strange patterns or colour on fur. Can be bargained with for passage or advice about area and only rarely will fight unless some evil threatens bears or the forest
63 Lion spirit is the great king of wilds and beast and will tell you so, often letting out ferocious roars to scare travellers away. When met as human warriors they are more barbaric than they think they are with delusions of royalty. Lions avoid humans mostly but some are committed man killers and eaters to keep forests wild
64 Turtle spirit is slow and ponderous and old and is prone to ignoring people and having senile conversations with long dead friends. Often appear as elderly hunchbacked commoners with sticks they are all powerful spell casters of 5th level and know ancient lore
65 Dragon spirits seldom manifest just watch but they might form a forest drake from their essence if something drogonworthy happens which is rare nowadays. Sometimes dragons in human form interact with humans to learn and possibly find new wizards spells
66 Stag spirits protect the woods and warn inhabitants from preditors or humans. Appear as savage seeming hunters in stag antler hats and may shoot warning shots from bows at intruders they dislike. Mostly they live as deer near a herd
67 Boar spirit is fierce and furious and a protector of families. Sometimes may have piglets in the area and be more willing to manifest as a boar or as a tribal warrior with tattoos. Mostly they just watch and warn pigs of trouble and point out good food with squeals
68 Badger spirit is a wise burrow dweller often is an ancestor of the local badger colony. Can turn from a spirit to a badger or a miner or an armoured human warrior equipped for tunnel fighting. Badgers are mostly peaceful and the spirit will look out for its badger kin first
69 Eagle spirit plucks animals from clearings and gaps in the trees. Eagle looks over a large area of forest and its cries out if it witnesses animal death humans in the area. Spirit mostly is eagle or invisible and might appear as human to sternly rebuke people
70 Goat spirit roams the woods and hills and mountains eating as it pleases. The goat spirit mostly watches out for goats but hates trolls and wolves and will aid humans face them for a bargain. The goat spirit serves the great petty god Nanny Binx and will bless goats in the area with intelligence and teach them spells and to be wary of human chaos cults. As a human he spirit appears as a herder possibly with a few goats and holding a crook and a young kid. Even as a human they chew constantly
71 Gnome spirits has several small animal forms and helps animals who are sick or in need, often lives in a tree or mushroom house hidden from mortals
72 Brownie spirits are small wingless fairies who can appear as a foot tall, they perform menial tasks like painting seasonal leaves and animal coats and caring for plants and creatures. Wear natural coloured clothes to hide and they have acute senses and knowledge of travellers in the area. While you might find one there could be a whole village living in hidden doors in mushrooms and rocks and trees. They are quite plain and seem act a bit like old people, many complain of illness or have a walking stick. Avoid humans but aid elves or gnomes
73 Pixie spirits appear as a small winged child-like faerie, mischievous tricksters but only harm the wicked or woodland foes, serve faerie serve greater spirits and often wear the bright colour livery of a faerie noble house they serve. Lots of their work is checking up on animals and plants a woodland spirits are working to schedule and passing messages
74 Nixie spirits are tiny spirits who protect water in creeks, springs, pools or grottos and do best to keep humans away. If that fails they will enthrall humans with spells and use them as beasts of burden even keeping them in underwater faerieland prisons for centuries. They are small and child like with blue or green skin and a aquatic nature. Many can adopt animal forms especially frogs, bugs, muskrats, minks, fish or wetland birds
75 Sprite spirits are tiny bright faeries often perform pranks on travellers and steal coins while invisible and tie knots and unbuckle straps. Those who take well get goods possibly returned and a gift, those outraged might be punished or enslaved and taken to faerieland. Sometimes they ride lizards, cats, foxes or birds and worldly tiny weapons and armour like knights as they reguard themselves as juvenile nobility. They sometimes swarm in the form of fireflies or butterflies
76 Boggarts live in abandoned buildings, logs, attics and barns and keep close to humans and are mostly benevolent old men a few feet high. Can turn invisible, make illusions, telekinesis and mimic sounds and will fake hauntings to scare away unwelcome persons. Some leave offerings for boggarts and they return the favour with protection. They are very old and wise and shun conflict or violence now and often are friendly with harmless barn or stove trolls and animals
77 Faerie Knight spirit takes the form of elvish mounted warrior or a tiny winged faerie. May be accompanied by a d4 brownie or pixie or sprite servants. Holstile to enemies of elves or faeriekind may challenge knights and make a bet for something like a magic weapon
78 Nymphs are spirits linked to bodies of land (hill, field) or water or air (sylphs). All are invisible but can appear as women of unearthly beauty who can expose their nudity to kill mortal males who gaze on them. Have casting abilities of a 7th level spell caster often a druid
79 Bright elf spirit protector of local area and will send messengers to gather faerie and sylvan beings and animals for help. Can cast as a 5th level spell caster of any type. d4 1=kind and generous 2=paranoid about tainted lower life 3=aloof to humans 4=aid the needy who sacrifice to faerie and leave wilderness sanctity intact 
80 Bright unicorn spirit can manifest as a superhuman beautiful elf or a unicorn but is mostly invisible. It may appear to aid animals or those of pure heart or innocent. Often appears to purify water for animals and can heal wounds by touch, a deadly enemy if angered
81 Goblin spirit mischievous, thieving and trouble-making, invisible or goblin form but requires magic to hit or cold iron. Will propagate things goblins like such as mushrooms, ferns, shrubs, thorns and leave traps for the big folk who harm poor wee little goblins 
82 Hobgoblin spirit mostly hides to self peacefully but known you can employ him to work as hard as two men for only a few coins and food. If you cheat or swear or insult them they become homicidal, take their due and return home usually inside a hollow tree or hole. These spirits are retired from life of military service and war unlike regular hobgoblins you meet
83 Bugbear spirit is invisible or a hulking seven foot tall fat hairy goblin with fangs, bugbear will collect heads for a hobby to shrink them and decorate the forest. Bugbear though loves to scare people and will get up close behind touching them gently then vanish. Especially enjoy terrorising children so much so will forget about heads, murder or eating anybody. Goblins and some humans leave them out food offerings so they will not be eaten
84 Gremlins are tiny goblinoids that bring bad luck and can turn invisible and hide in your pack eating your food, soiling your cloth, urinating in your water bottle, and other nasty pranks. They will resort to swarming en mass with tiny weapons and possibly some pets. Each gremlin hiding on your baggage reduces success by -1 on any dice roll, dropping your pack halves number instantly. When they are out for blood they torment those who murdered their kin for days the rest they just kill or cripple or eat 
85 Dark elf spirit lurks in shadows serving dark and evil powers, will have buried undead minions close it can call on for help by thought while it watched invisibly, they all cast as a 5th level spell user of any type and had a d4 pet living in the area
86 Hag spirit mostly malicious and controls shadows and weather in area. She may d4 1=send monster children or other beings to eliminate a threat rather than dirty own claws 2=may speak with those who bring offerings to her and bargain for lore or magic 3=assumes attractive form to seduce intruders 4=try to scare them away with magic then confront them demanding what do you want. Hags can vary in power from the weaker chaos crones to greenhags or nighthags or seahags or nighthags (who have a pet nightmare or hellcat or hellhound)
87 Dark nymph spirit her material body and or spirit have been tainted making her a corruptor of the woods and a killer. She invisibly watches, using her powers of decay and curses to cripple her enemies to torment them before crying for help to lure humans into a trap 
88 Spider spirits turn from giant to tiny spiders or handsome youths or hideous old people. They often feign being lonely human outcasts and lure travellers to stay with them in their illusion covered webs. Many together they may fake being a whole village or a household. Some might even deal with humans who don't know. The Mother spider spirit can cast as a 5th Lv spell user of any type and she eats any others spider spirits in area who learn magic
89 Changeling doppelganger spirits pretend to be common folk or if can spy on victims might appear as people they know using ESP. Once close the spirits reveal their horrible insideout faerie bodies and attack to kill and devour witnesses
90 Dark unicorn spirit appears as a dazzling dark elf with a wand or a black or violet unicorn with a black or sickly yellow horn. It taints water with mutagens and chaos on it's daily rounds aiding vile spiders and serpants and monsters and draining souls of good animals
91 A wandering foot tall clod of earth spirit with moss hair, a wise kind face and a stick. Can cast as druid and summon a 8HD elemental to serve it once a week. When the spirit sits still it seems to be a mossy lump om the ground with a stick. It cannot or will not speak just smile and not to indicate yes or no. Will smother human building efforts in area with mud from elemental 
92 Old wizened hunchbacked troll with a stick form spirit wanders woods slowly and talks in secret language of trees, plants and mushrooms. Not much time for humans or demihumans who it blames for fall of own kind. Can cast as a 6th Lv druid
93 A tall hairy wild man with thick black curly hair and horns who roams woods invisibly but will judge humans by harsh standards of nature spirits. This involves dismemberment mostly for hunting unfairly, leaving human waste in woods, building any structure, swearing or cutting wood. It might debate to see if the culprit is truly stupid and desperate to warrant mercy
94 Grandmother ogre a wise mystical wizened old lady who devours any not giving her respect. She keeps many hidden secrets and treasures and may bargain for a quest or murderous deed in return. For the price of an atractive youth she will tell your destiny the gods have planned for you. She is mostly invisible or just a shadow and her cave is hidden by a magic door impossible for mortals to find unless she lets them
95 One legged one armed axe man with blood red skin hops through the forest terrifying travellers of all types. Most avoid it as it has murdered several cretures and streamed their innards and blood over a wide area making trails intimidating. While invisible it may taunt or abuse travellers threatening murder before appearing behind them and charging. The sound of hopping scares locals
96 A shiny gold ball with a face and arms and legs when it wishes or be invisible. A former wizards toy can see magic and if it see travellers with magic will invite them to travel via a magic tree to toyland in the sky. Awaiting toy golems are ready to assault and rob anyone visiting but after they can freely enter toyland full of gnomes and elves and halflings and adorable toy golems all made by a giant wizard for gods to play with long ago 
97 A red hat gnome spirit made a pact with evil and can change size from insect ot giant at will. It craves blood sacrifices to dip it;s hat in for it's dark gnome magic 
98 A woodland wild imp lost long ago after serving a witch, tries to improvise evil hijinx on own but not same as duping a human to path of evil. Mostly torments strangers but will consider befriending someone a bit evil and helping them make dark pacts for wishes it negotiates with hell
99 Witch of the woods, a frequently naked old lady cackling on her broom who flings curses and fees at travellers, if killed she reforms. Many local varients of this with colourful names like Green Tooth Anne or Vulgar Betsy. Have a secret cottage for brewing potions and a d4-1 sons with local monsters d4 1=werewolf 2=treeant 3=troll 4=orc hero
100 A petty god is here in hiding in probably its material form with a few followers. Any generosity to the god on hard times will be thought of well by the being, Such beings don't bother hiding invisibly and wouldn't bow to a king if one asked

Sunday, 28 June 2020

Sexy Stoneage Survival Secrets














































Current session 6 so this map dated as they now know hidden snake valley was a hidden volcanic tropical dino valley with lizard mystic allies. The party might hide here over winter ruining hours of setting design wor the dm worth 5 blog posts?

Current missions:
1 Shelter
2 Forage & store f
ood & fuel
3 Friendship and trade
4 Survive winter
5 Determine more tribe customs so people don't think are lawless weirdos
6 Make a name or have others name you

Customs so far:
"don't marry dogs"
"no cannibals
"we killed lots of guys in the snake tribe"
"white apes, wizard spiders and undead are our enemies"
"friendly with gnomes but not too friendly since the whole dog thing came up"
"lizard people were wise ancients and some are friends some are enemies"
"the one elf we met is freaky weird but he is crafty"
"we are mongrels with no past and no covenants with the land"

The Tribe 
The Elders (wear white ape skins as winter fur suits)
Granny Toothless Druid Lv4 npc age 65
Vaarg Leader Warrior Lv4 npc age 34

The Party
 (wear white ape skins as winter fur suits)
Boron Warrior -  woodsman sworn to Law (Dallas) age 16
Bunz Halfling - rock chucker and cook (Matt) age 32
-Barley the farmer follower 16 also numerateweaver and trap maker
"The Elf" or "Sour Berry" - trickster archer troublemaker (Richard) age 150?
Wizard - master of prehistoric mystic arts (Hugh) age 21 camping in dino valley
Abhuman - Pteradactyl Beastman (Doug)  age 16 camping in dino valley

Vara - strong, hardy, clumsy and dim with heart of gold 1st Lv Warrior 
+1yo M child 
14CHA
Atan - more average and dim and cute 1st Lv Rogue
+5yo F child  13CHA
Kalek - hardy, angry, scarred, 1st Lv Druid
+ 4yo M child 6CHA
Mora - average, practical, unimaginative, good provider 1st Lv Warrior 
+5yo M child 
12CHA

Currently, people cashing in their credit in followers to grow the tribe
-Bunz got a halfling wife and Boron wants a priest to try out religion for tribe
-The elf wants to lure some pine elf youth to join him in chaos
-Newbs seem excited by this bow stuff

Tribal skills/technology
Hunting, tracking and eagle eyes, beast handler
Farming (seed local area with plants and basic gardening but nomadic 😭)
Bread making can grind gathered seeds and make cakes and bread
Herbalism, many in village proficient in medicinal plants and healing
Alchemy and potions 
Poison and mushrooms
Building, Repair, Weaving, Map Lore, Trap Lore

Seen gardens, walls, domestic dogs, stone monoliths
Witnessed advanced old reptile races and others 

Weapons
-basic sticks, clubs, staff,
-spear, dart, javelin, dart
-knife, dagger, hand axe
-stone battle axe
-shortbow since elf joined

Todays Session
Non-active characters sent to the secret dino valley cave
Rest of gang debated if they could get enough food and fuel for winter but decided to try and meet other tribes who had been gossiping about the newcomers and had killed lots of snake tribe on pilgrimage. Bunz now a druid studying from granny turned into a hawk and learned mountains full of the bigger pecking order of predatory flyers. Could not find snake tribals and quit being a bird. Group marched north till the elf spotted a hill he recognised as an elven spy bunker. Led party and met hidden elves who were not expecting any visitors this decade. Elves told where all the tribes were better than anyone and Bunz wanted to meet halflings. Local people called the moss clan of halflings the hole in the ground people and were thought of as weak frightened dirty feral children.

Bunz excitedly found a hidden village under a moss-covered hill country and the others thought him bonkers for thinking this a village. Then the dirty curly-haired children popped up from among giant lichen and moss shrubs. Inside the halflings welcomed them with food and party all force fed till vomiting and unconscious. Bunz was promptly married and there was two more days of feasting till party decided to check out story of a griffin that had kept village indoors in the day. So staggered from the halflings having negotiated a winter lair for the tribe they marched back to the mountains and saw a distant glimmer on a mountain and decided to trap the Griffin. With a fake halfling child as bait and a halfling child singing in a pit to help Boron, Bunz and Elf hid. The Griffin came from the sun suddenly screaming and grabbed the doll and was fireballed as it fled (demonstrating a sneaky split move attack skill). The bird scratches and flew to the shiny mountain.

On way up tiny mountain train a cyclops orc hunter shot at the party from cover above and Boron just started climbing the cliff even though he took some ferocious arrow hits reaching the orc that was some kind of minor orc hero of 4HD. Saw a distant orc camp and spied on them. A big orc was burning a strange rock and poured liquid fire onto stone eggs while orcs sung a song. Boron went back and told everyone and the orc spied on the orcs and was horrified at the war like provisions of life and magic obviously making evil magic. Bunz and Boron thought worth talking to orcs and if there was trouble elf could fireball them all.

Orcs were amused by Bunz the halfling and debated what they were but the Orc smith hero knew and the orcs all laughed at the harmless creature. When huge human warrior Boron stepped out the orc hero knew of him too from tiny bird whispers. Orcs less thrilled by human and the elf hid whole time while orcs busy. Halfling wanted to go to the mountain top and orc thought this funny. A bet was made by orcs if Halflings bring back some griffin gold from nests as proof the size of a child head would surface. Also the sacred Griffins don't hurt them as they are sacred to the mountain god and the Griffins will rage for days in fury if any harmed. Bunz accepted all these terms and orcs shared goat stew and strong orc grog unlike any they had elsewhere. Elf disgusted orc bows were a parody of his own people but they didn't even sing to a tree for a hundred years first to make them. Bunz and Boron left the orcs and met the hiding elf who warned them the orc hero was a warlike fiend up to no good. 

Saw some giant goats but Boron was good with animals and encouraged them to pass without incidents. Finally, they found a good cave rest point on the train more than a yard wide so they set up camp all tired but eventually decided to look in the cave as was agreed to search strange caves a good new tribal custom. And found two adult trolls snuggling while and several huge babies size of a grown human crawled about. Blam, a fireball later and most of babies ash, cept one was a big limbless burned chunk of meat that might revive. The wounded parents enraged tried to get up as Boron and Bunz attacked. After tiring minutes of trying to kill trolls who every time one was close to death the other would get up. After a while where they worried about survival and the maths at work finally it was remembered the cave was on a cliff so they threw wounded trolls off the mountain. As they fell they revived and screamed the rest of the way. Everyone was relieved and tired and badly hurt. Bunz and Boron were barley standing and the elf had been hurt!

Rested a bit more and a day more uphill trails and saw a rest cave on the trail which had four ogres and a child ogre inside and everyone went nope. So marched on into the night and then tried to sleep on cold windy outcrop. Boron was a wreck next day and camped again on same claim a few miles on and resisted another horrible night then morning made it to the shiny place thy had seen from the tundra. A shiny yellow stone unlike any in the region with carvings of the sky god coming here to keep gold with the Griffins and give a fraction to one-eyed orcs for lightning bolts. Boron was struck by this winged sky spirit and of course, wanted to be that awesome with Griffin and orc minions and lightning bolts. The elf marked the rock with a chaos rune as he is obligated by chaos to do. He had funny twinge this was some kind of magical quest and he might have caused offence.

Further up found many of the orc cyclops hunters were here ahead relaxed and somehow had passed party effortlessly. Orcs laughed at them and smiled at party good efforts.

Finally near the peak saw more Griffins (or maybe it was same Griffin in circles) then heard screeching. Found halfling bones as orcs told them of and had a sad moment before sneaking to get a look at the entry to the Griffins. The elf crawled on his belly and saw the awesome sight of four Griffins feeding young a giant goat. Bunz crawled up beside him to see the sunlight cascading of their cruel beaks and claws and iron feathers. Then Boron crawled up broke a stick and swore and screaming Griffins went crazy. Then a great shadow appeared, a colossal roc eater of mammoths snatched the party and carried far away and dumped in a nest. The gang were pleased at this outcome as thew were still all injured from trolls. Note: This is pretty much eye of the serpent module from 80s TSR UK. Its a wilderness pointcrawl good for kids to learn wilderness with and has great maps. SHows how to go run wilderness choke points like a dungeon.

Elf found a note in the old human priest tongue of the old evil empire about some outcast and found strange worked wooden objects in the nest they did not understand. Checked for eggs or chicks then climbed out when sure they were safe.

 Wandered icy peaks avoiding frozen lake and were ambushed by a ghoul under the ice that had them all afraid as they were near death. Battled an ice spirit to find it was freezing a egg which burst and had to hurt a Caterpillar boron was holding the non-invulnerable body parts. Close and messy but got some pretty shiny stones.

In lower marsh valley found wooden rotten heap in grass with strips of metal and nails they grabbed and inside was a pile of silver metal discs the party wondered about. Except for the elf who knew full well it was ancient currency and grabbed a few rings and a magic ring too. Lizards attacked too but killed and eaten.

Found lake with a causeway to stone house and in courtyard found skinned lizards on a rack. Opened door and found huge supply of dried fish good for the tribe and elf looked about as was hardiest and charmed a lizard man he found. Rested for a week eating fish and became friends with the lizard who became the elf's follower. Eventually took lizards boat downstream and dodged a waterfall and continued down to bottom of mountain after dealing with petty critters and eventually met a shman of the snake tribe who said he would join them and teach the the serpent cult ways. Boys waited a day of hearing of the harsh snake brother code and servitude to the the sleeping masters then agreed to murder the old man. He and his snake put up a bit of a struggle and the boys returned to the halfling tribe and found all the tribe livin'g there and Granny loved living with halflings who enjoyed her druidry and human use of weapons better than sticks and stones. Party had unwittingly completed several initiations to local spirits and Granny was pleased.

Players all afraid to commit to alignment oaths as feeling dangerously obligated lots.

Saturday, 27 June 2020

War Against The Dark Lord 1: Dark Lords Forces












































Every few generations some new dark lord comes. Some new demon noble finds a handful of cultists and then helps them finds a relic of the past. Then next thing they are forming an army and everyone on the borderlands becomes edgy as disorganised enemies of humanity unite. Where did all these monsters get so irate all of a sudden? It is like they don't want to be annexed and they keep increasingly making more desperate pacts with demons who just want to be set free on earth. Anyway here are some tables for the warzone that I never wanted to do from my old series.....Links to old ones at the bottom.
 
Obviously, I'm all for Dark Ladies or Evil Obelisks or any form of evil intelligence. 
But I'm sure will do some more evil lady wars or an Amazon war.

War Against The Dark Lord 1: Dark Lords Forces
War Against The Dark Lord 2: Dark Lords Encounters & Wonders
War Against The Dark Lord 3: Dark Lords Rumours & Treasure

I could see my Southern continent of a shattered 3rd empire of knightly kingdoms in a decades-long civil war having recursive dark lords. Might even be why empire exists. Oops, exile Island and Shadelport to be fair probably would work for the dark lord strictly for cash. It is ruled by a devil-worshipping immortal masked Barron after all but might betray the dark lord for cash again. Every 3-6 generations you get a dark lord and some bit of the world gets whittled away.

d10 What Started war?
1 The events were set in motion thousands of years ago and predestined
2 Somebody awoke a great evil by accident allowing the lord to arise
3 A cult worked in secret spreading corruption and gathering evil relics
4 A great defender against evil stumbled in madness and has fallen
5 Famine among humanoids is uniting them in the thousands and the lord took power
6 Ancient oaths made to the commanders of a former great evil have been claimed
7 The evil one has escaped imprisonment due to some foolish mortals sin and vanity
8 A great ruler made a deal under duress long ago and this gives the dark lord power
9 Human adventurers raided numerous tabu holy sites outraging humanoids
10 The elves have instigated this to cull humans and other oafish uncouth races

d10 Objectives of invaders?
1 Destroy everything pretty or artful that is not functional or for war
2 Eat and enslave everything, send slaves home as cattle
3 Destroy a kingdom or civilisation and damage the world forever
4 Revenge against human mistreatment for ages and take the frontier back
5 Utter extermination of all humans not in thralldom forever to the dark lord 
6 Utter extermination of demihumans and magical beings and forests
7 Destroy walls, wells, burn forests, poison wells, ruin land supporting humans
8 Destroy civilisation especially literacy, records, libraries, monuments
9 Destroy the holy places of good religions with fire and blasphemous rites
10 Bring about the apocalypse and force a final war to bring all the gods to earth

d10 What ends war?
1 Dark lord overreaches in zealousness to beat a prophecy
Dark lord minions keep being overcome by local heroes resisting tenaciously
3 The threat of a worse invasions makes humanoids head for their dungeons for cover
4 Somebody destroys the dark lords legacy for a while and hopefully does not replace them
5 Dark lord triggers the apocalypse, gods battle of the earth for supremacy in an age of horror
6 Some band of adventurers obtained secret knowledge to destroy the lords great relic
7 Crusade! allies come from far off lands to destroy the evil one, hopefully they go home after
8 Humanity managed to gain other great hidden allies in an important battle 
9 Heroes uncovered an artefact to destroy the dark lord but it was so terrible destruction
10 The dark lord on the edge of victory starts their true plan turning everyone against them

d10 Factions of the Dark Lord (every good dark lord has a d3 sub-bosses)
1 Goblinoids, mad at humans for losing territory, exploitation and slavery
2 Orcs enraged by humanity who they see as rivals to rule this age at any cost
3 Necromancers have provided undead troops since humans first learned black magic
4 Black wizards schooled in the low tuition fee diabolic school serve for knowledge & power
5 Beast folk army, type created by the dark lord elder magic & secret breeding programs
6 Beast folk horde, wild tribal beastfolk tribe willingly serve for a chance to kill humans
7 Ogres unusually have united to eat and destroy humanity who they hate so much
8 Hill giants have come from the mountains to eat humans and the dark lords lies
9 Chaos horde, mutated warband of maniacs serving priesthood of chaos and demons 
10 Dark elves are sworn to a former darklord reluctantly are made to fight this useless war

d10 Factions Against The Dark Lord
1 A local flawed ruler who earnestly does not want people to all be eaten by orcs
2 Mad lord sure can make a deal with the dark lord or they can reason with them
3 Cowards hoping to pay off or negociate peace or even talk terms of surrender
4 Crusader order formed uniting various churches and kingdoms richest fanatics
5 Crafty old ruler believes just delaying the dark lord will cause him to crumble again
6 Knowing the history of the former dark lord in the region a local ruler ready to swear to evil
7 A peasant army run by bandits living like wild men and fighting the carrying the evil army
8 Local ruler believes can easily defeat the dark lord and is destined to be a legendary hero
9 King wants to unite all lands and is targeted by the dark lord with corruption
10 An idealistic young ruler wants allegiance with demihumans against the dark lord. Trouble is the dwarves think humans are technology thieving bastards who eye off dwarf treasure (true) and the elves think humans are vermin gnawing away at the wilderness. Possibly wilderness protection might help get elves and guilds acknowledging dwarf as owning certain patents

d10 Quests of the war
1 Find the dark lords secret weakness, what is the great relic he requires for power
2 Make allies from one of the hidden peoples of the world like demihumans
3 Make allies from dragons or some other enemy of the dark lord (though a few did)
4 Who was the dark lord? where did they come from? Do they have any family?
5 Disrupt a meeting of the dark lord's minions so they fight each other
6 Destroy something essential to a faction so it drops out of the war to recover
7 Expose the dark lord's real plans and convince some minions they are on wrong side 
8 Slay a great hero of the dark lord reducing stability and morale of the dark forces
10 Save a temple from attack that might hold secret to the dark lords power source

d10 What does the dark lord do to prisoners
1 Butcher for monster food
2 Sent into secret labour camps  
3 Sent back to the homeland to be slave thralls
4 Sent back to the homeland as cattle to be eaten
5 Sent to evil priests to sacrifice to please evil gods and demons
6 Offer them freedom if they sell souls to powers of hell
7 Have them killed and turned into undead
8 Have them killed and reborn as savage fanatic orcs
9 Have them made into eunuchs and sold as slaves
10 Bewitch them into mutants or some kind of abhuman

d10 Which former dark lord is this one in debt to
1 Served Tiamat in the dragon war versus the gods before the creation
2 Joined Jotun, giants, Titans and trolls versus gods in the dawn of time
3 Ally of the gods of darkness who struck down the sun thus spawning the age of night
4 A succession of squabbling dark lords fighting other dark lords in the age of monster kings
5 Early in the time of humans, necromancers revived a new dark lord from a servant of the old
6 Dark lord tried to work with evil elementals which proved a terrible way to make unity against the first empire and lost, now called the elemental heresy 
7 A dark lord found corrupted dragon eggs hidden from the dawning age and used them against the second empire even convincing other draconic and reptilians to join
8 The dark lord who waged war on the far western secret emperor and the orcs returned drug addicts and in debt bankrupting, the dark lord who was killed and eaten by own minions for drug money
9 The dark lord who evoked the elder powers of the outer void allowing things from beyond into the universe until a god sent a hero to slay them. Others copying this lord are likely satisfied with awakening powers from the void already lurking in this world but hidden imprisoned or sleeping
10 The dark lord who used a great relic engine of destruction that heroes turned on the dark lord to drain his life. The right use of the relic might revive some of the old master's life force

d10 Strange Schemes of the Dark Lord
1 Prisoners are taken into the gates of an ancient fallen mountain fortress and never seen again some say fed to some monstrous beast or soul-eating engine
2 Crack necromancers teams and dark elves are sneaking into settlements awakening the dead in local graveyards as part of a campaign of terror 
3 Several villages have broken out in the taint of the evil one making more mutants
4 A species of monster unseen for an age returns amazing many
5 Strange foreign troops arrived having reached from the ends of the earth with strange customs, equipment, language and dedication to the dark lord
6 The dark lord has made a deal with seven demon nobles for supernatural support
7 The dark lord has become tight with hell and is recruiting an army of hell on earth
8 A long-dormant god or primordial monster has a fragment of life remaining and the dark lord plans to revive this god who will, of course, reward them because sometimes elder evil gods do that....
9 Certain key relics and holy places keep the nightmare worlds, the negeverse and overspace separate from our world. The dark lord wants to free all from the veil of illusionary sanity so we can all see the maddening void by smashing these places
10 The dark lord has recruited a force from the Underland nobody saw coming and doesn't give a crap about and surface factions really. Because he has vast rivers of albino hunchbacked goblins able to pour from cracks in the earth like cockroaches

Dark Lord Forces
The dark lord is a unifying force preying on the monsters who mostly lose at history because of their desire to have a dark lord save them from responsibility.

Humans & Orcs
Humans and orcs bread to monstrous proportions into abhumans have stood solid in dark lord armies for thousands of years until they became the majority and revolted. Common orcs freshly made or angry enough or hungry will join yet another dark crusade for a dark lord but they might also feel betrayed by esoteric plans that risk their chance at orc dominance. Human armies of bandits and pirates might join the dark lord especially at sea where his reach is weakest. Kingdoms might join the dark lord in some pact but service does not guarantee a dark lords appreciation.

Goblinoids & Dark Elves & Dwarves & Changelings
Some goblins are still thralls of elves especially dark elves who happily send goblins to die for them or fight first.  Of course, some people can't tell bright from dark elves sometimes. But everyone knows goblins. Those that are not serving elves might still provide them with a buffer zone and be manipulated by elves. Other goblins are bitterly rebellious and over elves forever. Faerie stuff feel free to amp up cruelty - several tables of nasty pranks out there. Some dwarves joined the dark lord who promised them gold and revenge on humans who had stolen iron and gun powder and so many dwarven secrets. Some bad dwarves served evil monsters and wizards in the past but mostly they hide in secret places. Some changelings of evil planar bloodlines have serves the fark lord as agents and heroes.

Goblin 
1 Goblin Forces
Goblin 2 Encounters Wonders
Goblin 3 Rumours Treasure
Faerie 1 Faerie Forces
Faerie 2 Encounters Wonders
Faerie 3 Rumours Treasure
Faerie Maidens
Faerie Land Encounters

Evil Wizards & Necromancers
From ancient necromancer cults or those schooled by minions of hell with the lowest tuition and wildest parties. Other wizards outcast for ethics happily joins the dark lord who encourages experimentation and crazy race theories. Necromancers command vast undead armies recycling the dead which the dark lord proves of. Wizards, of course, make and command own orc armies but they did make those Abhuman orcs and abhuman barbarians that ended up killing a dark lord once which they have to make up for. The dark lord trusts undead wizards the most only they understand the long term picture.

Wizard Wars 1 Causes and forces
Wizard Wars 2 Encounters and links
Wizard Wars 3 Rumours and treasure
Necromancer 1 Causes and forces
Necromancer 2 Encounters and links
Necromancer 3 Rumours and treasure

Mutants 
These make up the bulk of mutants corrupted and tainted recently or perhaps crawled from foul places in the earth from pacts made long ago seeking to smash the perfect pretty face of the world and make it broken for mutants and chaos.
Mutant Wars 1 Causes and forces
Mutant Wars 2 Encounters and links
Mutant Wars 3 Rumours and treasure
Necromancer 1 Causes and forces
Necromancer 2 Encounters and links
Necromancer 3 Rumours and treasure

Giants
Many served the dark lords of the past to failure but some especially the most degenerate mutant formari or the moronic hill giants tempted by food and beer and blood.
Giant 1 Causes and forces
Giant 2 Encounters and links
Giant 3 Rumours and treasure

Monster King Mercenaries
Any strange troops from the age of monster kings could be an exotic troop type and making elves all gasp since they last saw such ugly things. Some of these were paid aeons ago by former dark lords with more money.

1 Goblinoids, mad at humans for losing territory, exploitation and slavery
2 Orcs enraged by humanity who they see as rivals to rule this age at any cost
3 Necromancers have provided undead troops since humans first learned black magic
4 Black wizards schooled in the low tuition fee diabolic school serve for knowledge & power
5 Beast folk army, type created by the dark lord elder magic & secret breeding programs
6 Beast folk horde, wild tribal beastfolk tribe willingly serve for a chance to kill humans
7 Ogres unusually have united to eat and destroy humanity who they hate so much
8 Hill giants have come from the mountains to eat humans and the dark lords lies
9 Chaos horde, mutated warband of maniacs serving priesthood of chaos and demons 
10 Dark elves are sworn to a former darklord reluctantly are made to fight this useless war

United Against The Dark Lord Forces
Many orc abhuman tribes will join humanity as they are sick of dark lord suckering everyone into stupid wars and betraying everyone with an evil wizard and god stuff. They expect land deals and possibly paid military work to stick around.

Human Forces 
The official military of the land are foremost in defence but in overrun areas peasants revolt and make bandit armies against the dark lord. People wonder if they will return to peasantdom after the war. Possibly inquisitors and other maniacs might be needed to hunt agents of the dark lord within civilisation est hiss influence spread. Secret police would be after the agents of evil too. 
Peasant Revolt 
1 Forces and Encounters
Peasant Revolt 2 Gossip

Good Wizards
Good wizards know the dark lord comes for them to be his thralls and don't like it

Crusaders 
Human knights form other lands unite under one banner of many faiths against evil

Dwarves
Dwarves grumble about humans and elves but they doo like fighting the dark lord and some dwarves might even have served him.

Elves
Some elves feel bad about potent old magic still trashing the world and they know the dark lord wants them dead or slaves or monsters or corrupted so they are pleased to fight him. Dark elves complicate matters and elves avoid direct fights preferring to fight through goblin proxies and pawns

Halflings & Gnomes
Normally these guys don't make history but they sure dislike dark lords and get dirty work done smuggling evil relics, shanking villains, resisting evil curses and murdering the odd wizard can help. Good and evil gnomes dislike the dark lord thinkin' he is a trainwreck of stupidity and waste. Good gnomes will help in secret evil ones will wait it out and maybe shank some dying soldiers for coins and wine
 
Abhumans & Changelings
Lots of beast folk hate the dark lord as do barbarians and the spirit peoples who mostly hide among humanity dislike the dark lord.

Possible Future Wars (Which Next?)
1 Lizard Wars! aztech dino folk, serpentfolk for wizards, etc 
2 Witch Wars! which hunt mania! it's like the more you repress people the more rebel
3 Amazon Wars! several great amazon powers wage war in the world against the world of men --and they have surprising allies such as barbarian tribes and elven and orc amazons
4 Barbarian invasion with temples getting trashed and wizards burned
5 Crusade! knights and templar orders and religious maniacs declare holy war on you
-ready to burn the shit out of stuff and kill thousands in name of holiness!
6 Foreign Power - not especially strange just a "civilised" business-like invasion or civil war
7 Modern era annexes your fantasy world with 10000 military advisors and mining partners
8 Elemental Wars - wizards and cults wrecking the place, squabbling, summoning monsters 
9 Dwarf War - it had to happen with artillery, clockwork mines, juggernauts, golems, bombs, guns, gas, all the stuff dwarves have kept hidden in alchemy and mechanics labs
10 Return of the Trolls - not those big dumb chaos cancer brutes, the weird mystical races of trolls castes that you don't hear much about since a big war long ago
11 Druid wars - enough of your shit, druids have had enough, time for a new covenant in blood with nature, cull the herd of humans and help nature fight back, lots of beast folk
12 Xor War - Xor has come to eat your world do not resist join us in eternity with the god flesh
13 Halfling Wars - they stole our children with sweets and cakes, made us
 fat with cheap greasy sausage and white bread, made us addicts to their pipeweed and ergonomic kitchen design, enough and no more! purge the under five foot tall!*

Secretly halflings dirty burrows are actually cosy and like lovely cottages much nicer than even shopkeepers houses full of food and nice things. Who would have thought they were holding out like that. Bastards.

*excluding elderly people or children. Any child can be detained and questioned in case they are in fact halfling terrorists

Tuesday, 23 June 2020

Know Your Reptilians


Boring plain lizard men? 
DnD water breathing generic lizard men always bothered me
I'm ok with holding the breath for 40 minutes but not breathing water
Plus I like the variety 

Stupid format stuff here that look fine writing it but the final and PDF come out wonky sorry. I have moved the PDF button on my page higher up on sidebar cos I use it plenty and some of you will find it more readable. Ive revised this several times in a short period.

Feel free to declare in the comments box which is the one try reptilian faith!

d12 Common Reptilian Folk
1 Marine iguana folk - can hold breath and graze underwater salt or fresh or wetlands
2 Goanna folk - track relentlessly and use diseased missile weapons that slow prey
3 Chameleon folk - alert experts at climbing and camouflage live in forest and jungles
4 Gekko folk - night fighting climbers and skirmishers like forests and rocky areas
5 Frill neck folk - forest and grassland dwellers, when angry erect large frill 
6 Blue Tongues - large skink folk come in many colours and patterns and climates
7 Basilisk folk - lizardfolk who have large crests live near water and forests  
8 Snake folk - ophidian snake folk who claim to have invented wizardry
9 Firenewt folk - fire-spitting black-skinned, live in volcanic areas and deserts
10 Turtle folk - with armoured plastrons, tribes found in a variety of climates 
11 Crocodile folk - huge with savage jaws, hunt in coasts, rivers and wetlands
12 Gila folk - desert dwellers with a venomous bite and stumpy tails prefer peace

d12 Rare Reptilian Folk
1 Triceratops folk - with three horns and bony shield neck frill, vegetarians
2 Tylosaur folk  - snapping gobbling marine race who terrorise seas
3 Pterasaur folk - winged reptilians with membranes, various beak and head crests
4 Stegosaur folk - plated crests on backs and a spiked tail
5 Velociraptor folk - cunning hunters in a variety of areas, impulsive and fast
6 Ankylosaur folk - with armoured plastron, spikes and clubbed tail
7 Sauropod folk - with long necks and tails who graze on normally out of reach plants
8 Moschops folk* -bulky plodding grazers deep in thought and hum in unison
Dimetrodon folk* - huge crest on the back helps food intake and for signalling
10 Skutosaur folk* - bulky with knobbly plated hide, plodding herbivores (turtle ancestor)
11 Wyrmfolk - serpentine and winged elder kin of great dragon bloodlines
12 Dragon folk - dragons experimented with blood aligned thrall races long ago

*Later Synapsids were caught growing hair and thrown out of the reptilian clan but early ones retained inclusion with reptilians and treated as elders

d20 Major Reptilian Cults
1 The Perfect Ones - we are why the universe is here
Symbol: circle sometimes with image of lizard from above inside or gold egg
We: are the original race the universe was made for us first and it was usurped be evil
Reptilians: lesser thralls, pets and property
Everybody else: worse than bacteria
Standard Type: Cold aloof alien lizardfolk abhumans often with strange elder magic 

2 Celestial - cosmic dragons were the first beings and we are their heirs
Symbol: A dragon silhouette or head 
We: we are the scions of the great dragons who made all life and allot all fates
Reptilians: they are our kin though some stray from draconic illumination
Everybody else: lesser beings born of rebels against the dragons but still our kin
Standard Type: dragons and draconian abhumans other reptiles and humans possible

3 Saurian - great thunder lizards ruled the earth long ago
Symbol: A dinosaur skull with triceratops being popular and impressive
We: are worship and are kin to the great ones who walked once and call on them still
Reptilians: are confused and lost from the great saurian spirit banished to underworld
Everybody else: don't matter, amphibians are slaves, mammals are usurpurs
Standard Type: Dinoasaur reptilian abhumans or saurians

4 Serpentine - snakefolk in service of their god ruled once and hope to again
Symbol: snake in circle or figure eight or two-headed snake
We: are the master race who once ruled once and plan to return, we invented wizardry
Reptilians:lesser beings but worthy servants
Everybody else: live mammals are food, humans made to sacrifice or for spell components
Standard Type: hibernating wizard often in command of degenerate devolved snakefolk

5 Ningizzida - Grandfather Hydra, lord of underworld wisdom, father of reptile gods
Symbol: hydra or snake in tree of life or horned adder with a lapis beard
We: serve grandfather hydra and help keep the world order and preserve wisdom
Reptilians: all reptilians are our brothers and welcome to live among us
Everybody else: the hydra prefers to heal than kill but must be wary of enemies of life
Standard Type: Most cosmopolitan of reptilian cultures welcomes all to mix

6 Naga - mystical servants of divine snakes who protect the worthy from harm
Symbol: cobra with hood often protecting follower or in a coil, some have human heads
We: serve the naga, divine serpents spirits of waterways, forests and land features
Reptilians:are our kin and deserve respect but some do not follow the naga way
Everybody else: naga have been persecuted and hunted so are wary and some bitter
Standard Type: naga mostly good accept worship of reptilians or humans, evil prefer humanoid and abhuman worshipers and slaves

7 Tarrasque - serve gargantuan unkillable monster who protects and gives his flesh
Symbol: tarrasque siloutte
We: seek to find awaken and direct the terrasque so out holy empire can win again
Reptilians:all soldiers in the great war against enemies but don't let them twist our will
Everybody else: food animals to be trodden underfoot or enslaved
Standard Type: Most military obsessed reptilians of all types and other races can join 

8 Sebek - the crocodile god, fierce guardian, protective parent and healer
Symbol: a crocodile often with a crown and holy symbol or a crocodile headed human
We: serve the crocodile god and receive his blessings and protection
Reptilians: Sebek protects kin but he may take what he pleases in treasure or love
Everybody else: mostly food but surrendering to Sebek and food offerings are accepted
Standard Type: crocfolk abhumans and lycanthropes but other reptiles and humans

9 Leviathan - the great sea dragon and mother of marine reptiles
Symbol: dragon head or silhouette of a tylosaur or kronosaur or sea serpant
We: were a lost empire who ruled the sea and used sea monsters as ships
Reptilians:marine types preferred but others are kin
Everybody else: victims for piracy or conquest but trade and friendship possible
Standard Type: Sea serpents, any marine reptiles or dinosaurs and abhumans forms

10 Typhon - imprisoned father of monsters punished for waging war against the gods 
Symbol: storm cloud or a sickle, sometimes a hand with snake fingers
We: we must avenge or free typhon and those who offend the dragon mother 
Reptilians:must join our crusade against the humans and their gods
Everybody else: our enemies or food, victims of our wrath who will all die in fire
Standard Type: Any reptilian type often humans with reptilian taints join 

11 Great Turtle: serene being soared through the sea of stars in the night sky
Symbol: turtle or a tortoise possibly with a star
We: protect the wisdom of the great one who in turn shields us with her plastron
Reptilians: those without shells are to be pitied but may work with us in peace
Everybody else: ignore impatient scurryings of infantile children unknowingly thwarting us
Standard Type: turtles and tortoises mostly but some other reptiles and humans in islands

12 Mother Lamia - vampiric reptilian demon goddess who seeks to cull humanity
Symbol: reptilian woman or human with snake tail from waste down
We: are the master race who once ruled once and plan to return, we invented wizardry
Reptilians:all who serve have a special place in her empire
Everybody else: Slavery, sacrifices or food, everyone hates us
Standard Type:  Any reptilian type often humans with reptilian taints join to serve a lamia

13 Father Salamander - lord of the fire elementals who gives fire to 
Symbol: a flaming lizard 
We: serve the ever-burning one father salamander the fire elemental emperor
Reptilians: all reptilians are welcome but those who like heat and deserts thrive
Everybody else: other must bow before the lord of fire and his minions
Standard Type: Fire newts are a reptilian tribe who spit fire and ride strider birds

14 Feathered Serpent - lord the feathered serpents and holy lord of the sky
Symbol: a feathered serpent sometimes a snake with horns 
We: serve the holy high snake lord who gives us knowledge and good weather
Reptilians: all welcome but feathered types given higher status
Everybody else: other beings should worship this god for they lack feathers and scales
Standard Type: feathered reptilians sometimes with winged snakes or dinosaurs

15 NIdhog Nagar - a great doom drake in the underworld who gnaws at the tree of life
Symbol: dragon gnawing on roots of tree or curled among roots 
We: serve and aid the dragon's quest for eternal death and night for forbidden black lore 
Reptilians: all welcome even those that have died and become undead
Everybody else: all will die eventually but there is now hurry
Standard Type: men worship as dragon templars and evil reptilians of all types welcome

17 King Sarthis - vampire lizard king, a necromancer who led mighty armies
Symbol: trident, fanged lizard head with a crown 
We: serve the master preparing for his return and to aid his lieutenants
Reptilians: all are welcome 
Everybody else: lesser thrills may join armies as living dead or undead slaves
Standard Type: a heretical sect of marine iguanas with some vampire leaders

18 King Basilisk - a tyrannical monster created by chaos, lead chaos reptile armies
Symbol: Basilisk silhouette, a skull with one eye and a horn 
We: serve king basilisk and the lizardfolk most resembling him are favoured most
Reptilians: all may serve king basilisk
Everybody else: may serve or be eaten or destroyed or slain by the basilisks gaze 
Standard Type: all kinds of reptilians and humans with reptilian mutations

19 Mother Gorgon - hideous cursed by the gods and mother of monsters
Symbol: snake-haired, hideous tusked humanoid with wings (archaic greek medusa) 
We: stand with her against the gods who cursed her and willingly use chaos
Reptilians: all are welcome against humans and their gods
Everybody else: humans hated most and exterminated, other creatures can be thralls
Standard Type: various reptilians with monster pets and leaders spawned by goddess

20 Tiamat: Great mother dragon of chaos, empress of the bitter primal waters
Symbol: dragon 
We: we server Tiamat the only source of authority and wars against the upstart gods
Reptilians: Reptilians are welcome but draconic is held in high esteem
Everybody else: is either the servant of Tiamat or serves her enemies
Standard Type: All kinds of draconic beings and humanoid dragon folk

Other Reptile Cults
1
Tsarsaggothan - elder alien amphibian teaches communion with the 
darkness of the outer void, lore is shunned by many reptilians but most popular with Serpantfolk wizards 
2 Ancestral cult to recent forebears but often leads to obeying older reptilian breeds
3 Hell has employed dragons and reptilians to its service 
4 Demonic entities with reptilian parts or properties often get reptilian followers
5 Fire elementals particularly the minor neutral ones not ruled by great powers
Air elementals particularly the minor neutral ones not ruled by great powers
Earth elementals particularly the minor neutral ones not ruled by great powers
Water elementals particularly the minor neutral ones not ruled by great powers
 Sundragon - human solar cult but god in the form of a reptilian or dragon
10 Moondragon - human lunar cult but god in the form of a reptilian or dragon
11 Seadragon - human  cult but god in the form of a reptilian or dragon
12 Stormdragon - human air storm cult but god in the form of a reptilian or dragon
 
Use this to humiliate child dinosaur fans with cold facts
http://www.eartharchives.org/articles/your-favorite-extinct-reptile-may-not-be-a-dinosaur/

Sunday, 21 June 2020

More Murder Hobo Sing Along


















More of these
I remember i wrote a murder hobo musical in a notebook (ones of 80kg of notebooks I have since a teen). So I will look for it. Sadly I have performed with a band as Brother Bugger McNuggets of the Boulder Colarado Hollow Earth Church but not recently.

My shadelport setting is as grimy as Elizabethan England at times so these all help set the mood and I might include them in update of the Shadelport Book (see my downloads in sidebar).

Also I'm getting up on twitter, redbubble and hope to Instagram shortly as I shrug off some social media that wasn't really worth it post the G+ platform death (I used more than FB).

O'er The Dungeon Way
A warrior will take a monsters life
A thief will take their gold
A wizard just wants their magic and books
A priest wants to save their souls

A druid dwells in outdoor filth
A monk just likes to sit
A sorcerer just craves thralls
A bard wants to sing tales of shit

A elf always must look the best
A dwarf is short and squat
A halfling just wants to always eat
A gnome just wants some stilts

A kobold craves what shines
A goblin likes dirty holes
A orc just want to kill everyone
A ogre will eat what's left
 
The Adventuring Life
If you're forlorn and cursed by fate 
Adventuring life is yours to take
Or die the thrall of a better man
Live your life a slave to the land
Pack your dagger torch and pole
Grab some mates and explore a hole

Search the dark keep alert
Make sure you murder them all first
Kill the monsters chop their heads
Burn their corpses in their beds
Take the sword spill their blood
Halt the tide of evils foul flood

Dash their brains and take their cups
Smash their idols foul and squat
All the monster hoarding gold
Give it freely if dead and cold
Cut their fingers take their rings
Claim their land for the one true king(s)*


Take their treasure trick the traps 
Chase them all to hell then back
Drink some rum to make you brave
Don't kill em all sell some as slaves
Counting the silver then tales told
Lies grow larger as you get old

Catch the monster take his life
Ignore cries of child and wife 
Fill wagons with the dead
Spared orphans need to be fed
Monsters are left and outlaws have gone
When settlers come I'll move along

*Treasonous rebels say Kings plural to mock the institution of the state. Dynastic struggles are not talked about or mocked. Long ago one king ordered death to say kings but it was one of those laws forgotten about

Humans are the best
A dwarf has a short and hairy one
A elfs is limp and thin
A halflings is half as long 
But a humans is the best

A goblins is the smelliest
An orcs is covered in warts
A big bugbears is barbed on the end
But a humans is the best

A dragons is too dangerous
A giants is too big
A frogman he has none at all
But a humans is the best

A basilisks will turn a maid to stone
A salamander is on fire
A incubus member has a price to pay
But a humans is the best

A manticores is the mankiest
A satyrs is slathered in sores
A vampires takes more than it gives
But a humans is the best

A zombie cannot always rise
A skeleton has no bone
A spectre is insubstantial
But a humans is the best

A werewolfs works but once a month
A troll is wider than long
An octopus uses one of his legs
But a humans is the best

O''r the dungeon way
a warri'r shall taketh a monst'rs life
a cut-purse shall taketh their gold
a wizard just wanteth their charm and books
a augurer wanteth to saveth their souls

a druid dwells in outdo'r filth
a monk just likes to sitteth
a s'rc'r'r just craves thralls
a bard wanteth to singeth tales of the horror

a elf at each moment might not but behold the most wondrous
a dwarf is sh'rt and squat
a halfling just wanteth to at each moment consume
a gnome just wanteth some stilts

a kobold craves what shines
a goblin likes filthy holes
a 'rc just wanteth to killeth ev'ryone
a ogre shall consume what's hath left
 
The adventuring life
if 't be true thou art f'rl'rn and curs'd by fate 
adventuring life is yours to taketh
or die the thrall of a bett'r sir
liveth thy life a slave to the landeth
packeth thy dagg'r t'rch and pole
grabeth some mates and expl're a hole

searcheth the dark keepeth al'rt
maketh sure thee murd'r those folk all first
killeth the monst'rs chopeth their heads
burneth their c'rpses in their beds
taketh the sw'rd spilleth their blood
halt the tide of evils foul flote

dash their brains and taketh their cups
smasheth their idols foul and squat
all the monst'r hoarding gold
giveth t freely if 't be true dead and bitter cold
cutteth their fing'rs taketh their rings
claimeth their landeth f'r the one true king(s)*

taketh their treasure dissemble the traps 
chaseth those folk all to hell then backeth
drinketh some rum to maketh thee brave
killeth not em all selleth some as slaves
counting the silv'r then tales toldeth
lies groweth larg'r as thee receiveth fusty

catcheth the monst'r taketh his life
ign're cries of issue and jointress 
filleth wagons with the dead
spar'd 'rphans needeth to beest did feed
monst'rs art hath left and outlaws has't gone
at which hour settl'rs cometh i'm moving 'long

Humans art the most wondrous (possibly a better title)
a dwarf hast a sh'rt and hairy one
a elfs is limp and thin
a halflings is half as longeth 
but a humans is the most wondrous

a goblins is smelliest
an 'rcs is cov'r'd in warts
a big bugbears is barb'd on the endeth
but a humans is the most wondrous

a dragons is too dang'rous
a giants is to big
a frogman that gent hast none at all
but a humans is the most wondrous

a baslisks shall turneth a maid to stone
a salamand'r is on fireth
a incubus memb'r hast a price to payeth
but a humans is the most wondrous

a carrion cannot at each moment riseth
a skeleton hast nay bone
a spectre is insubstantial
but a humans is the most wondrous

A mantic'res is the mankiest
a satyrs is slath'r'd in s'res
a vampires doth take m're than t gives
but a humans is the most wondrous

a w'rewolfs w'rks once a month
a troll is wid'r than longeth
an octopus uses one of his legs
but a humans is the most wondrous

Saturday, 20 June 2020

Murder Hobo Shanties





































What songs do murder hobos sing too and from or during or after a heist on the home of some rightless humanoids daring to live in the wilderness within reach of a tavern?

Good enough for LOTR and the WItcher to sing lots.
What are your Bards singing?

Submit your own terrible ideas in comments and I will send you magical vibes that might possibly be therapeutic.

Anyway 

Down In The Dungeon
Oh where has that dungeon door gone?
Oh where has that dungeon door gone"
Ive been lost in the dungeon so long
Can't remember where we went wrong
Hope I'm home 'fore Im eating human meat

Oh where has that secret door gone?
Oh where has that secret door gone?
Ive been wanderin the labyrinth so long
My sweetheart waits for me but if I die ill set her free
Id sooner be alive and than gone

Oh where did that trap trigger go?
Oh where did that trap trigger go?
Ive been down this hole for so long
Covered in monster blood and dung
Think something wrong has touched my soul

Oh where did that lost treasure go?
Oh where did that lost treasure go?
Ive been down the deep so long
My eyesight and skin colours gone
And now I drink men's blood like wine

The Heroes Life
All you steady merry men
Full of drink and all well fed
Dream of a heroes life untrue
But sad truths make you turn bitter cold and blue

A heroes life both bleak and uncouth
Full of murder, mayhem and rancid food
Curses, traitors and the taxmen too
For a wasted life and a squandered youth

See friends die all one by one
Burned or stabbed or poisoned dead
What starts exiting changes you
Till all that matters is gold and booze

Wandering homeless looting tombs
Then drinking while you lick your wounds
What starts an itch ends a festered wound
Folk only love you when you have loot

Every heist you get betrayed
Lusting for treasure keeps you enslaved
Kings enthral you with gifts of land
The more you grasp the less you have

For every hero who makes it rich
Ten scores more wind up dead in a ditch
When your old and the golds all gone
Youll be dead in the gutter where you belong 

That's What Murder Hobos Do!
Flay their skin cut off their nose
Squeeze their guts and smash their toes
Kill their children to burn their homes
That's what murder hobos do

Crack their skulls break their bones
Search their guts for precious stones
Kill a priest to save your soul
That's what murder hobos do

Sell monster teeth and bilestone
Collect their glands for rich cologne
Take their gold and chairs and bricks
That's what murder hobos do!

Wander homeless parts unknown
Awful sins cant be atoned
The road to hell ever postponed
That's what murder hobos do!

Sometimes the ones run through a this Shakespeare translator are good
though I dislike kick the bucket put in for death every time and nerfed that

Down in the dungeon
oh wh're hast yond dungeon doth'r gone?
oh wh're hast yond dungeon doth'r gone"
ive been hath lost in the dungeon so longeth
can't rememb'r wh're we wenteth wrong
desire i'm home 'f're im eating human meat

oh wh're hast yond secret doth'r gone?
oh wh're hast yond secret doth'r gone?
ive been wand'rin the labyrinth so longeth
mine own leman waits f'r me but if i die ill setteth h'r free
id lief'r beest alive and than gone

oh wh're didst yond trapeth trigg'r wend?
oh wh're didst yond trapeth trigg'r wend?
ive been down this hole f'r so longeth 
cov'r'd in monst'r blood and dung
bethink something wrong hast did touch mine own soul

oh wh're didst yond hath lost treasure wend?
oh wh're didst yond hath lost treasure wend?
ive been down the deep so longeth
mine own eyesight and skin colours gone
and anon i drinketh men's blood liketh wine

the h'roes life
all thee steady m'rry men
full of drinketh and all well did feed
dreameth of a h'roes life untrue
but depress'd truths maketh thee turneth bitter cold and blue

a h'roes life both bleak and uncouth
full of murd'r, mayhem and rancid food
curses, trait'rs and the taxmen too
f'r a did waste life and a squand'r'd youth

seeth cater-cousins die all one by one
burn'd 'r yerked 'r poison'd dead
what starts exiting changes thee
till all yond matt'rs is gold and booze

wand'ring homeless looting tombs
then drinking while thee licketh thy wounds
what starts an itcheth ends a fest'r'd wound
folk only loveth thee at which hour thee has't loot

ev'ry heist thee receiveth did betray
lusting f'r treasure keeps thee enslav'd
kings enthral thee with gifts of landeth
the m're thee grasp the less thee has't

f'r ev'ry h'ro who is't maketh t rich
ten sc'res m're windeth up dead in a ditch
at which hour thy fusty and the golds all gone
youll beest dead in the gutt'r wh're thee belongeth 

yond's what murd'r hobos doth!
flay their skin cutteth off their nose
squeezeth their guts and smasheth their toes
killeth their children to burneth their homes
yond's what murd'r hobos doth

cracketh their skulls breaketh their bones
searcheth their guts f'r precious stones
killeth a augurer to saveth thy soul
yond's what murd'r hobos doth

selleth monst'r teeth and bilestone
collecteth their glands f'r rich cologne
taketh their gold and chairs and bricks
yond's what murd'r hobos doth!

wand'r homeless parts unknown
awful sins cant beest aton'd
the road to hell ev'r postpon'd
yond's what murd'r hobos doth!