Saturday, 2 October 2021

d100 Frog Folk Gossip

So your in the swamp and you overhear frog conversations and songs. What are thay saying when you translate their croaks.

Crikey! If we slit their throats all the other guards will be suspicious at the lack of frog gibber jabber. 

This is assumings these frogs are mostly bad and pro anuran imperialism. Remember frogfolk are tadpoles for 18 months then a season losing their tale where they don't eat then are considered adults when they eat their first adult meal on land. So many are pretty ignorant and arrive in human lands ignorant and hungry. Obviously the high courts of the froglands they have more refined fairy inspired royalty. There are free-spirited clans and loners who don't engage in these bad takes like cannibalism, speciesism or gaslighting adventurers spying on them.

Frog folk after a few years of good wet seasons and bug conditions can result in a hungry and barely just out of tails army. Most die on front lines in the first two years. The elders of frog kind can also be wrong and prejudiced about complex issues and consider themselves utterly superior. Veteran amphibians use their superior skills and experience to awe the young as long as they can get away with it. Their are enlightened elders and loners and cultures but this isnt their story. This is more the 60% chaotic-selfish or 30% chaotic evil frog folk with few % who want change and then a bunch of centrists who support the status quo no matter how awful. 

Warning: Cannibalism, sex and inter amphibian prejudice I'm not endorsing

Carol Kapek's War with the Newts is one of the best SF works ever by the inventor of the word Robot too with play R.U.R. - I suspect it inspired newtlings in Runequest and are a great species for your world with a built-in moral lesson. War with the Newts is a must read work.

Amphibian suggestions are welcome, bonus points for bad jokes and puns in comments

d10 Frog Folk Gossip Subjects
01 Childhood
02 Skincare
03 Sexytimes
04 Food
05 Homelife
06 Politics
07 Cosmic
08 Humans
09 Amphibians
10 Frog Cult

d100 Frog Folk Gossip
01 I used to really love having a tail and miss it, I wish id never morphed some days

02 We grew up together as tadpoles so we are very loyal to our spawnmates
03 Yeah he was a late morpher and was last out of his egg and was last out of the pond but he is always after the food first
04 Yeah they only just hatched before everyone ate his sibling's eggs, and they are still so edgy
05 I love adorable tadpoles still in their egg rafts, they are so wonderous and ready to learn
06 Sometimes I wonder if I miss eating plants like when I was a tadpole but I can't stands them no more
07 That guy is barely lost his tail yesterday, he only just ate his first bugs this morning so barley an adult, what's he doing here?
08 Yeah well if you live more than a few years out of the pond you're doing alright
09 My wife family keep their eggs in a tree and they say I have to carry the tadpoles on my back, outrageous
10 My eldest child ate all his younger siblings while they were still tadpoles the greedy brute, ill have to keep an eye on that spawn of mine
11 I recommend frogwax, it keeps your moisture in longer in sunlight and dry places
12 I can't eat at the moment I'm shedding tonight I reckon so I need room
13 An old toad professor has discovered how to measure intelligence by the quality of your warts and you know lots of mammals came up pretty dim
14 I think these spots might be a sickness coming I better go for a good soak soon, perhaps get a medicinal bath from the healer
15 I saw some teenage morphings licking each other to get high because nobody will sell them frog grog or frog weed 
16 I could tell the boss was mad because he went that funny colour he does. When you see him all pale and sleepy and spotty is best time
17 You should see my cousin, all stripes. My lot is more spotty but we all come from the same clan pond. Those humans cultists couldn't tell us apart and they worship us!
18 My chin gets a nice yellow hue in spring it looks pretty good
19 Hey brother you got some shed on your clothes you need a soak
20 So I realise my shed had come off in the public bath and I went back to get it and some other guy was eating it
21 Well there was that one time during a big thunderstorm and we were on guard in the flooded trenches and there was mud everywhere it was fabulous
22 Did you see their bulging belly, you know they are gonna be boss frog one day and make heaps of spawn
23 Gonna be lots of singing tonight, love is in the air
24 Their was spawn everywhere and I said not in my boat
25 Wow those baths were amazing but call me old fashioned hick but I prefer sex in a  swamp or local pond or a creek like ma and pa
26 So while we were crowded in the barracks this guy just pooped on my head so I bit him on the bum
27 Sure we were from the same pond but I know they are toadally my sibling, you can tell like fifty-fifty the toad scholars say. You only cuddle with your sibling from the same puddle
28  This guy wouldn't get off my back and I was just there for a soak with my wife
29 So this Newt thought they were being a creep into a tadpole he saw in the river but turns out they were from one of those families where they are adults live in water with gills, must be weird huh. I guess some salamanders and newts go all aquatic in mating season anyway
30 It was a real orgy that spring festival, I was almost drowned but it was worth it
31 You shoulda seen the feast there were bugs, grubs, cockroaches, flies, maggots, caterpillars, moths, mice, huge worms and even some snakes for the brave
32 Nah I can't get those guys that swallow wasps just to prove how tough they are, stupid losers
33 Bug-kebabs or locust skewers, I can't decide which I like best 
34 I hate family dinners, all the biting and resentful glares if you get the most bugs
35 Yeah these ban live feeders craze in my town are loony, if they don't want to eat live animals they just leave more for me
36 Those glowbugs, nasty things to eat, I was sick for days and even my poop glowed
37 I almost swallowed the plate those bugs were so good, I slept for a week after
38 So I'm with my husband and we are staring at the waiter to bring us our nightcrawlers and they take forever, it was a travesty. They ought to hop to it. Then they forgot to put flies in the soup.
39 I like those lamp hats miners use, lures bugs right into your mouth
40 I cant wait to retire to my dream bug farm and I can just live the good life
41 All we wanted was a mushroom cottage and perhaps a nice fishing spot and then they got that deadly redleg plague and they were taken from my life forever
42 I like to sit at home with my pipe by the window and stare out the window in case I see some bugs or perhaps a bug delivery frog 
43 I came from a poor family just me and 27 siblings lived in an abandoned sewer pipe
44 I visited some toad burrows and they were pretty cozy and well settled. They barely leave though, bugs just walk in his door all-day
45 I know a popular frog artist and he lives with a rat and a dwarf under a tree
46 I just want a simple life with dozens of lovers and thousands of children I'm not responsible for
47 My wife just keeps eating and eating and she says it's just for eggs but when I woke up in the night she was staring at me like she was measuring me with her eyes. I'd better fatten up or end up like my second cousin
48 Brekekekéx-koáx-koáx all night long, all claimed to be ancient literature students but all they did was drink grog and smoke frog weed and sing nonstop. Worst neighbours ever 
49 My tadpoles have become obsessed with Froghop music and I find the lyrics and dances to be about things they shouldn't know about yet
50 My husband can barely leave me alone so I've been volunteering to go on lots of odd jobs for work. We already have hundreds of kids but he wants thousands like his grandpa the stupid old geezer        
51 The frog king can be a jerk but he supports important values like more bugs
52 A few frog royalty I can understand but now there are thousands of them all tax free and breeding out of control and getting good jobs when they are inbred incompetants
53 Ever since the frog queen made a deal with the local witches we have had heaps more interesting dance parties
54 What if humans don't want to work on our bug farms for free and live in cages, what then?
55 Toads and frogs can get along so anyone can. Even newts are alright even though they are jerks
56 After those few good wet seasons we have so many dumb young just morphed and unemployed, no wonder we had to wage war 
57 These salamanders boasted they were mighty hunters and they just hunt giant slugs, how brave can that be. What do you mean there are bed size slugs that eat meat?
58 Reptiles are our ancient enemies and might eat us but they are still more likely to work with us against mammalian incursions so now we sometimes cooperate. Dont let them push you around though, they think they are the bosses
59 So when we invited the bug folk over for dinner they really should have known better
60 Humans buy so much of our frog grog and frog weed but they will never learn the secrets of how we make it
61 I don't get it, if humans don't get spells from the frog gods who would they get them from?
62 I don't get, it if the old ones hopped from world to world why didn't they find a nice wetter world for us to rule with fewer enemies and more rain?
63 The priest said any gems we find have to go to the frog temple and clergy wouldn't lie
64 I'm unsure if the frog goddess of buried treasure or the frog wizard god are the best for me. I like spells and treasure
65 They say the frog temple inner secrets has mysterious artefacts from the stars
66 They say that a secret frog assassin cult guard certain temples and recover stolen relics so watch humans steal the bejewelled eyes of our idol again
67 Long ago in a great victory our heroes enslaved bugs and worms ancestors and so they must toil as food and beasts of burden for us
68 In the primal moist darkness amphibians ruled for aeons before these upstarts appeared, cut off from the holy nurturing waters of life 
69 Long ago the great frog devoured the sons and daughters of the bug and worm ancestors and then pooped the world into the cosmic ocean
70 Beware the vilest sons and daughters of the worm, the fiendish snake who would devour us if we did not eat them first
71 If you touch humans you will lose your warts or spots and your clan will not recognise you
72 Humans seem the logical replacement to work on our bug farms while bug and worm folk are best for eating and getting rare for some reason
73 We tried to see how long the humans can hold their breath for and they were not very good. Still, the scholars confirmed numerically with tests humans can drown in a few minutes. It is kinder research than the live dissections, that's just sadism 
74 Humans morphed from ape ancestors and we should have eaten them then if we had known what we know now
75 Is it true humans eat tadpoles and breathe fire or is that just the magic ones
76 I lived in the sewer under a human city for months and they never knew I was under their flippers. All the rats I could eat and running water. Sometimes you could surprise a human in the privy or enter a human house through the sewers for a laugh
77 I worked for a human wizard and he treated me alright for years until he was killed for being a frog lover by other humans. You can see how hopless they are
78 Humans take so long to grow up its a miracle they have thrived. Their tadpoles cant look after themselves and take a good ten years before they can fight properly. While a frog hero can spawn an army of 10000 in two years
79 A few frogs and toads live with humans so maybe they are not all soulless evil defilers of the wetlands. Im sure there are places like deserts and frozen wastes they can live in peace
80 Humans cut off their monkey tails at birth in a secretive birth rite, so messy and blood everywhere and the poor tadpole was screaming. So much mess for one tadpole instead of just laying a few thousand eggs in a pond
81 I had a giant pet salamander but when he tried to eat me I let him go in the drain of the human town so he could get lots of nice giant rats to gobble. He was three strides long and nipped at my tadpoles
82 I've met tree frog folk and burrowing toad folk and salamander folk but I have always wanted to talk to a cave olm deep in the earth to learn their old wisdom of how the world used to be
83 Those fire toads and burning salamanders from the plane of fire are pretty tough but my priest says they are cut off from water elements forever by their pact with the fire spirits
84 Its a shame our seafaring ancestors vanished long ago, probably eaten by damned dirty sea dinosaur bastards. Perhaps they offended the sea gods
85 I met a frog clan where they kept their tadpoles in their stomach to brood them and other clans that guard their spawn or carry them or bring them bubbles of air or carry their eggs. So much trouble when the old numbers game world is fine. Working so hard to keep only a few seems a foolish strategy
86 I heard those poison frogs got their venom from the bugs they eat in their jungle kingdoms and turn less toxic when cut off from these spicy bugs
87 My mother in law tried to eat me cos she is so huge and a grump but lucky I taste terrible and she spat me out
88 Ive had a few nasty falls but I must have some treefrog ancestor cos I caught myself and broke the fall a few times. My burglar friends were pretty impressed when I joined the gang. Eventually, the new guild master kicked out all the forgs and here I am
89 All the frog and toad clans have their own songs but humans just make mindless noises and can't stick to one good song because they will never even make one good poem. Bawdy vain rhymes about farts is the best they can come up with
90 There are quite a few frog demon monoliths in the bottom of lakes and ponds humans dont even know about. They foolishly removed our surface stone decoys of the old magic
91 I've met human frog cultists and they gave me bugs and hid me from human law keepers so I learned some humans can be counted as friends. I used to think they only did it to get drugs from us but after living with their families, I think we should keep some around not just slaves. They are cute pets sometimes if trained
92 I used to deliver messages to the human frog cult until I got in trouble when I seduced one of the frog kings daughters. He had hundreds I don't know why he was offended. It's my yellow spots, isn't it? They are getting bigger
93 I travelled to a few distant frog kingdoms far away and the jungle ruins of the frog god were an incredible site full of monsters and treasure dripping from every wet hole
94 So this guy Boss Frog. They totally run the black market with rare forbidden bugs and vice stuff. They have local humans worshipping them and buying frog weed and mushrooms they get for free in the swamp. They do anything Boss says it's hilarious. they bring him bugs on plates on their knees
95 Well of course we have to get the human cultists to sacrifice each other, human wizards used to dissect us and make children watch so we had to fix it. Now, most wizards have a frog or a toad. Frog god patrons of old are awakening from their eldritch brumations to get in on this new wave of cultists  
96 I don't know how I feel about were-frogs, they look like us sometimes but they are always morphing with a flipper in each world like a failed tadpole morph. I can see how they help our cause especially the were-frog bard school and as special travelling cult agents. I prefer they not come to the spring baths and orgies though
97 And those cultists who eat frog poop for the mutations. Wow! Talk about dedication. I mean I tried it once or twice and I thought it was a bug that one time I was sleepy. Then ones who permanently gain too many mutations sometimes turn into frog folk but you can always spot them. They won't have any propper old clan markings and just paint them on. It's a bit sad
98 The human frog cultists have lower order of souls obviously than us but they are a flipper above most of their backward kind and deserve some privilege. They can serve in our houses while the rest toil in our bug farms. Better still cultists can herd their unbeliever kin for us and carry whips and rods of office and special hats. It will be awesome
99 So once our kind obviously was in charge and all for all those giant salamanders that ruled the world for aeons there are less amphibian bodies to reincarnate into now. We have to do our bit and spawn so we will return as amphibians not mmals, its so simple a tadpole could work it out for themselves
100 It's getting harder to tell a frog god from a frog demon now days. It's like a few demons have become frogs for the laughs and some frog spirit patrons have decided to live up to their cultist's fantasies. Give me old-time anuran religion I say

Yes I wrote sections on Frog Gods in petty gods

Also my use of words soak and jumping has nothing to do with repressed Mormon teens


  1. Yeah, this is the kind of stuff frogs probably say when we're not around.
    I was looking for Petty Gods because in your farm stuff (which is spectacular) you mention you did a sentient goat Nanny Binx(!). The free PDF of Petty Gods is no longer on DrivethruRPG, so... can you post Nanny Binx material? I'm currently designing my first farm crawl and a sentient goat god might come in handy.


      also original post was here so a search nanny binx elfmaids octopi

      i also like having dark elves leave farm full of zombie humans and animal just to be bastards

    2. Thanks for the link! Nanny Binx definitely has a place in my campaign.
      Hm.. I didn't consider a dark elf angle. I was thinking more of escaped circus monkeys. But I am a big fan of elves as wicked beings that live in earth mounds and receive blood sacrifices.


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