Sunday 23 April 2023

Carry on Local Weirdos & Creeps

I'm probably slowing all my production doing other stuff. Will write again when I feel like it. I'm hoping to do a 3fold adventure at least a month on Patreon to keep it going without any charges this year. Possibly just watching 36 carry-on movies might have influenced this.

Every city has some colourful weirdo helping to make the city unique. Not professional or sacred like village idiots. These people are more interested in attending. Locals are familiar with these creeps and roll their eyes and look away mostly. Still as awful as they are locals and anyone harming them might anger a mob.

d12 Weirdo Secrets
1 Condition is curable with magic and they will dial down their antics if treated
2 Is a spy for some faction and in fact, is quite lucid playing the fool to be ignored
3 Actually an heir that the family are looking for - maybe they prefer to not be found
4 Is actually a cultist and this behaviour is part of some oath or pact
5 Performed some sin against the gods and this is their penance for redemption
6 They are actually a magician of some kind in secret
7 Actually a fairy creature or changeling in disguise
8 Has a family looking for them who want to take care of them
9 Escaped from a cruel dungeon for mentally ill patients run by someone awful
10 Is protected by spirits or a familiar or faeries
11 Was kidnapped by fairies as a slave and returned like this
12 Is from another plane or village where everyone like them

d12 Local reactions to Weirdo
1 Fondly thought of as a unique feature of the area
2 People ignore them like they are not even visible
3 Locals feed them and give them coins and old clothes
4 Children throw mud and cow poo at them and sing mocking songs
5 Bailifs will put in stocks or a cage occasionally if too annoying
6 Locals are ready to form an angry mob if any more trouble
7 Locals yell abuse at them and tell to go away
8 Locals debate if weirdo is good enough to be the official local idiot
9 Everyone thinks they are a harmless duffer to ignore
10 People buy them beer and like the looks visitors have when meeting a weirdo
11 Locals believe the character struck by faeries and not to blame for antics
12 Locals considering making a statue or memorial for the weirdo for the fame they bring

Urban Local Weirdos & Creeps
01 Quilf Reefa - sings the anthem of city horse racing team with team colour clothes while grumpily pacing forwards with great determination
02 Jonny Hoopla - dances in the street in tight colourful attitude cos they love to dance. Often uses a hoop as part of act and performs in front of monuments to the bewilderment of locals
03 Mila Jabelspur - with her hoard of merry cats with knitted hats and clothes like to loiter near the fish shop and the ratter's house
04 Plorga Bjan - offers strangers pickles and dresses as a pickle
05 Nanny Klag - keeps a cage of pigeons she cares for and they always come back 
06 Plorga Bunns - convinced goats can talk in secret and are up to something
07 Rocko Jibbit - annoys fishermen by wanting to kiss their fish to see if one is their true love cursed by a druid
08 Bean Mackee - makes mud and trash idols and figurines and leaves all around the area 
09 Plorga Bogtroll - talks to rats and claims they tell them local's secrets
10 Mika Flogbun has long hair and fingernails and asks people to help them eat food people give them as they cant hold anything properly
11 Granny Sticks - scrawny old woman who sells bundles of sticks and claims she has special magic sticks at outrageous prices
12 Vork Cumlot - sits in ponds and puddles and makes frog noises and eats bugs and rats whole and alive. Sometimes extra noisy at night
13 Plonker Gilbutt - warns everyone a flood is coming and often seen with belongings on a rooftop preaching 
14 Colber Flange - sits on poles and warns the ground is poisonous and is scrawny and wearing rags
15 Pulger Lumply - preaches nudism and tells people to abandon clothes as the gods wish to see the truth. Occasionally arrested for disturbing locals but mostly they ignore them
16 Blorg Fungler - demands horses are set free and annoys anyone riding a horse because they are people too
17 Masaba Plumbert - invisible unicorns are roaming the streets what do you mean you cant see them? Runs around shouting for people to look at unicorns
18 Basil Mungler - tries to get people to sample homemade insect wine and is convinced it will make them rich. Offers free samples from wagon and most people vomit when he tells people what is in it. Does have some nutritional value and lots of non-humans like it
19 Pembolt Chumbler - trying to warn people about the borrowers below who are to blame for all disappearance of locals and livestock
20 Limrom Porker - rolls in the street wrestling invisible moon people who come down each night to cause mischief
21 Mangeld Forbgum - religious fanatic who follows strangers preaching loudly and aggressively while looking for signs of wickedness they can tell the priests about. Covered in holy symbols and often carries a sign or banner 
22 Pugnut Boible - convinced they are a haughty wizard and offers to cast spells and make potions using water from puddles
23 Filbert Shankweasel - will put a ferret in their pants for 1cp and will nag visitors about how great this offer is and how vicious his ferret is
24 Gawglum Dwarftosser - like to hurl dwarves, halflings or short people to beat own personal record 
25 Norko Tharv - has mushrooms growing on clothes and sleeps in a hole by the roadside
26 Bingo Snax - claims to be a bottom inspector and has a badly scrawled homemade licence they present as proof of their authority. Carries tape measure and journal for records
27 Kimbor Plorg - seeks adventurers to find the singing sausages of the gods and is sure the dungeon entrance is under their house
28 Nobby Piles - likes to spy on people especially young couples courting so he can mutter "phwoooar" and "cor blimey" and chuckle loudly. He imagines all sort of people are doing it and wants to see
29 Digby Thrillcock - complains about worker conditions and the ruling classes. Complains about adventurers exploiting the working people and provoking war with humanoids 
30 Mimsy Queefer - is likes to gossip and has a shrill laugh especially if anyone in hearing distance makes and accidental double entendres. She likes to gossip and lie about visitors to the area to make life more exciting
31 Margerie Thudge - a dour matron convinced adventurers are up to no good and out to corrupt youth with vice and sex. If she hears any suspicious noises she gets her rolling pin and vicious dog, Samuel to investigate
32 Bumpy Clag - has an uncanny habit (or a curse) of their trousers falling off in all sorts of moments often catching it on people's swordbelts, pets, horses, shoes resulting in awkward moments for everyone concerned
33 Porgo Glum - has a bad habit of making false identifications and riling up locals and the law. Often mistakes adventurers for bandits, cultists, assassins or sheep buggerers and sets off outraged mobs and the law
34 Panathasia Blarb - convinced adventurers have been sent to spy on her by her ex-bandit chief lover. Tries to put on spectacles to make her ex jealous by kissing strangers and dressing provocatively and strutting around adventurers 
35 Fantasia Scrumpet - wants to join a cult and tries to seduce strangers in hopes they are secretly in a cult. Her family are very suspicious and will berate or even assault anyone taking advantage of her charms
36 Alphonse Creeper - likes to steal underwear from travellers and may try a ruse like pretending to be a laundry man or may resort to breaking and entering 
37 Plondark Muckrake - claims to be an artist and wants to paint a portrait of a visiting stranger, Does best to suggest they remove as much clothing as possible and is a terrible artist
38 Gordon Preen - officious stuffy prude who is convinced adventurers explore dungeons just for sex. Tries to subtly ask them creepy questions about the creatures they "battle" and nods appropriately assuming answers are coded. Then tells everyone about the adventurer's unspeakable sex acts with monsters to everyone claiming they heard it straight from the source
39 Groper Philpot - keeps bumping into strangers in the streets and confined spaces like stairwells in inns, doorways or shops. Apologies profusely and professes innocence
40 Snarfle Bargle - likes to sniff people's unwashed armour, and offers to clean it or oil it for adventurers for free "for their noble service to the community". Has a secret stash of stolen armour pieces in a sack under his bed
41 Bungo Bellend - a sleazy drunken halfling who makes rude remarks and saucily winks at anyone young and pretty "they all look the same touching their toes" he mutters as he is a compulsive bottom pincher and always asks wizards if they can make him invisible for a pint of beer in return
42 Ogillvy Peeper - spies on strangers and looks very suspicious. Takes notes he records in his journals detailing the comings and goings of everyone for years
43 Mini Carver - petite squeaky voiced barmaid looking for wealthy adventurers to marry, if any cross her or make her jealous she pulls a knife with rage
44 Reginald Foulham - elderly posh gent, if sees adventurers in area, likes to boast loudly how weak and inferior and perverted modern adventurers are compared to his age of chivalric mobile murder hobos
45 Penny Crusher - a huge lass who likes to hug heroic strangers for all the good they do in the world. She has gorilla-like strength and can break ribs and even make some people pass out. She is sorry if her attention causes any harm and offers to carry victims to a healer
46 Peebles Cumberbitch - follows adventurers around especially if selling goods and claims they were stolen from them and demands law brought in unless bribed to go away
47 Pubert Glowbeard - a shy dwarf who surprises people in the privy and offers use of his toolkit for use including funnels, syringes, laxative tonics and tongs. Hopes one day some noble will appreciate his aid and make him a privy councillor like royalty have
48 Mumbles Hammerhands - a large thug will whisper to adventurers he knows their dark secrets and demand money for a few beers to keep quiet. When finished drinks looks for new victims
49 Eggbert Thrustle - large young scholar likes to interrupt conversations with his insightful superior unwelcome knowledge "Actually sages agree its a lot more complex than that common ignorant viewpoint". Convinced they are helping the world with advice
50 Kiron Plugg - complains loudly about how adventurers today all perverts, foreigners, non-humans and furry creatures that shouldn't be let indoors. Anyone replying makes Kiron feint from outrage and claim a spell was cast on them 
51 Goody Shrewbreast - obsessed with witches and watches suspicious people for days if required before reporting them to a witchfinder or priest
52 Thrilby Squallcock - pesters visitors with his homemade special secret sauce sold in bottles. Food vendors throw slop at him and tell him to bugger off and won't let him in their shops. In his shack are all kinds of ingredients and a bubbling pot and some cat skins they use to make the sauce   
53 Calliope Pilgrim - old woman constantly and loudly worried about her imaginary cat. She is always going on about some latest adventure of her pussy like getting wet in a well or stealing sausages. Asks strangers if anyone has seen her big black wet pussy. Her brother Vilgrom has a similar imaginary large black rooster
54 Old One-Eyed Willy - a crusty old seaman who likes to pester young people with unlikely adventures on the high seas. Most involve monsters and grateful attractive natives 
55 Madam Clover - local matchmaker offers to find adventurers perfect local mates so they can settle down properly like real people do. Won't take no for an answer and keeps bringing prospective mates
56 Plonker Gimble - short man with fake beard pretends to be a dwarf and wants to talk with adventurers about dungeon stuff, avoids real dwarves as they might out him as fake from his basic ignorance
57 Sidney Crumb - wizened old lecher who likes to seduce any new women he meets with. Tasteless double entendres while avoiding his various other lovers, his furious wife and various men whose wives he harassed. Often stops what he is doing, holds his hat and flees when sees some enemy
58 Morty Bonedale - local phrenologist likes to measure people's skulls with callipers and then explains why they are ugly and inferior due to science. He has books with charts explaining how beings with skulls of adventuring races prove why they are deplorable
59 Balorina Pognor - convinced adventurers are insane murder hobos waiting to go off. Tries to convince locals and authorities any party is up to no good
60 Miriam Stuffweather - class climber who snubbed adventurers who became nobles. Now she befriends and showboat adventurers using them as props for her attempts to impress everybody. She offers adventurers accommodation and the use of her home and will do anything to increase her relations with the party
61 Nogger Pringle - looking for a healer to examine a huge boils on his bum. Locals are sick of him and his constantly infected smell bottom. An examination of his home reveals pigs poop in his chair and he wont clean up 
62 Badbert Nosher - welcomes adventurers and invites them to his home. He is a cannibal and will surprise guests after dinner with the revelation he fed them human meat and offers an invitation to his cannibal cult
63 Nilbert Slophammer - notorious sexist who makes indecent offers to visiting women and if this fails follows them about complaining about them. Will eventually insult anyone accompanying the targets of his crude longings and will gladly start a fight, then complain anyone beat him is a cheat
64 Leon Poncetingle - is a dandy wearing fancy crushed velvet, ridiculous curtly-toed shoes, a wig and a codpiece with a bell on the end that tinkles as he walks. Will follow adventurers around making witty criticisms of their clothes and hygiene to his fawning sycophantic followers
65 Coella Cloaca - believes she is a witch loves adventurers. Will follow adventurers collecting any dropped hair, nail clippings or bodily waste she takes home to make dolls in a shrine dedicated to her dream lovers. She desperately wants magic to do more 
66 Buzby Oozalem - follows adventurers around and will be inspired to turn their gestures into a popular new dance mocking a party member and named after them. The poor target of this attention will be recognised in local towns and villagers for a few months
67 Parkella Flangerake - looking for her long lost parent and is convinced a party member may be a relative and follow them with questions
68 Portia Widdleclop - hates adventurers and delights in throwing her chamber pot on them and pretend it was an accident
69 Mearle Quimstick - claims to serve the god of love and wine and offers adventurers drinks in his shack where he will administer a blessing, locals overhearing this grimace unpleasantly
70 Bluto DInglesnatch - craves a wife and believes kidnapping is acceptable and will fight anyone to seize his love interest. If he can't snatch them he will try and impress them with his muscles and luxurious thick body hair
71 Gaylord Longwhistle - local artist wants to paint some adventurers in his cottage. Will stoke up the fireplace to vet hot and suggest they take off some clothes and rub oil on their bodies to improve the light
72 Ginger Cumwallace - an attractive oversexed lady who lusts after adventurers. The only problem is many locals feel possessive of her and will increasingly try and get strangers away from her. Despite locals being rivals for the attention they all cooperate in being jerks to newcomers
73 Garry Farquar - nosy prude posh man believes adventurers are always talking in double entendres and everything they say is coded sex talk. Farquar will be outraged and complain about the imagined indecent sleight. "Ooh er sounds a bit rude" 
74 Maude Poncington - a posh toff convinced adventurers to bring vile diseases from dungeons into her community and insists adventurers go to her bathhouse. If they don't she works to form a mob to force the party to wash in the street with cold water and soap that burns skin and hurts the eyes
75 Felicity Scrubpocks - believes attractive well dressed strangers might be secret elves in disguise up to no good like stealing babies or drying cow udders and putting off hens from laying eggs. Will watch characters 
76 Balling Farpetpanz - likes to beat on a pot with a spoon and make weird screams while following strangers until they pay him to go away or give him booze
77 Panzo Sandchub - wants a job as a porter with strangers so follows them and offers to carry and hold stuff until they get a job. They are very good at being a toady and agreeing with everything their master says or whatever Panzo thinks will make them happy. Has been on adventures with previous insane masters
78 Blorca Savage - convinced adventurers have been stirring up trouble with innocent frontier humanoids and abuses party for being genocidal warmongers and demands they pay donations to their monster orphanage
79 Peter Dinglesong - claims they have a wonderful magic item and will show it only in a secure isolated place. Once hidden from view of others will drop his trousers and perform a lewd hip-swivelling dance 
80 Sandra Glormspundle -  convinced adventurers are a source of vice and corruption and will convince a mob of angry housewives to pelt adventurers with dung
81 Borris Longpecker - convinced all local attractive youths are throwing themselves at adventurers and following them. Tries to keep attracting people away and get in between them at every chance
82 Fanny Belcher - thinks an adventurer is awfully saucy and followers them around offering to do their laundry, brings them homemade food and offers them a place to say. Will wink lots and slap their love interest on the buttocks every chance
83 Virginia Porker - saucy oversexed maid related to local militia heads, priesthood and local violent moralists who all watch out for them
84 Pogbert Juicepig - local drunk offers to show newcomers where to get drunk cheaply or offers his own bottle strewn shack to stay and drink. Has a huge capacity for grog and has given up solid food. If goes without grog for a few days will die
85 Spotty Dickwad - eccentric scruffy beggar asks strangers for money claiming he can bestow good luck with wasps. If ignored will follow them and hurl wasp nests at them or into any buildings adventurers might enter
86 Biggy Wadknob - follows strangers and offers to have a urinating contest with them for money or who has the biggest genitalia contest. Due to a misused wish he has a donkey member which has scared off all prospective lovers since gaining his enormous tool
87 Greggory Limpspittle - hates adventurers and likes to pretend to be concerned and want travellers the village are murderous cultists and warns them to keep moving and not stay
88 Phineas Bongobbler - tries to sell adventurers drugs and offers samples. Has an array of drugs and paraphernalia and addictive healing potions to sell
89 Morgan Glopper - scruffy vagrant crawling with fleas and parasites, begs for work from visitors so can by food, no matter how much eats still starving. Often will try to carry baggage or help people out of enthusiasm which spreads vermin
90 Billy Clapper - persistently offers to sell ponies and dogs at low low prices but all animals are trained to run away and return to him. Only sells to outsiders
91 Nigel Wobbler - convinced adventurers are inciting a popular peasant uprising and encouraging youth to run away to become adventurers instead of working for free on parents' farms and sweatshops
92 Plonker Bogsplitter - fisherman convinced wizards up to no good and scaring away local fish as part of some plan. Has not considered they caught them all and convinced no good wizards to have an anti-fish agenda
93 Sylvia Thrushwimple - concerned that some secret witch hunters or inquisitors are in the area before the more obvious ones come. She is very curious about any suspicious newcomers and tries to start a discussion of religion or magic and the law to see how they react. It is unclear if she is concerned about injustice motivated by greed or if she is pro cultist
94 Malcombe Gropefinger - has a stash of invisibility potions and uses them to go on groping and voyeurism sprees when new attractive people come to town
95 Gilbert Crumpeton - takes it upon themself to educate adventurers in good manners to help the poor degenerate brain-damaged hooligan adventurers while mixing with common society
96 Earnest Copraphague - concerned adventurers infested with parasites and demands a stool sample to prove they cont carry dungeon threadworms, rotgrubs or worse. If unwilling they try to rally an angry mob or inform the local law or noble
97 Chumwad Snurdgurgler - convinced something sinister was afoot since several octogenarians died. Suspicious adventurers are part of some sinister plot and keep an eye on them 
98 Seymore Butts - likes to introduce themself to newcomers and is offended if anyone laughs and will demand a duel
99 Booger Phlegmwad - constantly dribbling nose and can sneeze a handful of mucus at anyone in the area
100 Muffy Clamhatch - wants to try a seance using adventurer's weapons as a focus to call spirits of the slain. Mostly she is curious and a little bit insane but she might contact more than she bargains for or some spirit seeking to slander adventurers with lies. She might offer to read adventurers palms or horoscopes also before trying a seance with her followers possibly in a room next to where adventurers staying

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