Saturday, 13 May 2017

Return to Castle Red Herring


Last one I did didnt quite make the mark I wanted so Im trying again.

Other news Im going to release several Carbon Editions of My Books this Year
Basicly will be shittily edited in mash of USA UK Australian english, with clip art and my doodles and lotsa sandboxing tables for under $10 bux and through possibly Paetron.

The plan will be to eventually replace with Cockwallet gold editions which will be kickstarted with USA or UK engrish and professionally Illustrated coffee table editions for people with more money than me.

Actually I need my own stuff compiled.

Happy mothers day. Not Sure if I  need Ouija board or necronomicon to call mom.

I will still crank out my free stuff like jack Kerouac toilet paper poems. Spending my recent working spree stuff on New PC, scanner, printer and getting my certifications for working in my home base state. Hope to get better at my nomadism for work and applying for a grant to work next to the Parthenon for a month.

This was a byproduct of a previous aborted project that half went into petty hauntings for dungeons and rest went here. Most of these are dirty tricks to confuse or distract or drive away humans.

d100 Red Herrings in the Dungeon

01 Old love letter from a dungeon boss - really they had lots of lovers
02 Letter describing a strange sinister cult at work - really long gone
03 Letter from dying adventurer warning of false dangers - boss writes lots of these
04 Empty crates with military stencils - boxes just stolen to imply they have weapons 
05 Strange demonic idol - made by bored monster housewife to scare intruders
06 Fake treasure map leads to deadly traps in empty area - monster joke
07 Speech script written by dungeon boss - one of many drafts tossed out years ago
08 A invisible pillar - done just to reveal view but seems like a deep puzzle
09 Letter revealing horrible crime of a monster boss - is all slander from a angry bard
10 A illusion of adventurers family being attacked in a mirror - bullshit distraction

11 Letter with local ruler seal seems to be secretly colluding with dungeon boss - forgery
12 Scroll by madman with proof the dungeon is a living evil intelligence - just crazy

13 Scroll telling sad story all dungeon monsters polymorphed orphans - lie
14 A letter claiming dungeon boss is charmed by the real boss - lie
15 Fragment of letter in characters handwriting accepting contract to betray party - lie
16 Diary fragment about all the good things the boss has done - just a distraction
17 Letter indicating dungeon monsters really keeping everyone safe from greater evil
18 Cave art depicting dungeon monsters fleeing homeland occupied by humans now
19 Monster treasury record claiming boss loot all gone and just a pile of IOUs
20 Trail of blood leading to trapped corridor
21 Distant screaming actually a magic mouth used to lure victims into trap
22 Doppelganger pretends to be friend warns the party possessions outside in peril
23 Prayer to placate all the monster babies killed by paladins spawning years of hate
24 Scrawled warning about a plague infecting area - bullshit
25 Graffiti about how all the monsters regenerate and are only harmed by holy water
26 Monster child surrenders, he is hungry, asks long questions and misdirects every chance
27 Scroll by monster mom claiming if they had more food they could end war with humans
28 Mysterious numbers written on floors of room in chalk
29 A strange code or unknown language - just made up or random animal marks
30 Graffiti scrawl claiming dungeon rats are all shape shifting imps really in control 
31 Note with scribble claiming boss body guards really charmed beautiful maidens
32 Map of different dungeon modified to look like part of the local dungeon
33 Warning the boss is secretly a demon lord who can drink souls of the slain - lie
34 Scroll describing how master has hidden soul in other dungeon and cannot die normally
35 Potions in a box described by note as "boss stash of healing potions" are really poison
36 A goat with note "polymorphed princess do not eat valuable ransom" - lie
37 Frog in a box "polymorphed prince for ransom do not eat or lick" - lie, awesome to lick
38 Note from dungeon boss explaining monster wages cant rise due to adventurer raids
39 Note from dungeon boss claiming new tax to cover marauding murder hobo attacks
40 Note from healer claiming monsters all highly infected with plague - lie
41 Scroll from supposed dying adventurer warning boss is son of a god with odd powers
42 Tattered fragment of wizard diary claiming local monsters secretly are all demons
43 Warning graffiti partly scratched out warning monsters are all were rats
44 Warning graffiti tells of invisible killer undead roaming halls 
45 Supposed explorer chalk marks on walls and doors and indicating cleared out already
46 Memo from boss indicating that invading adventurers and treasure not connected 
47 Monster surrenders and complains humans believe in propaganda of human church
48 Monster surrenders and offers to show a richer easier dungeon miles away
49 Monster offers to betray leader buy showing secret passage to boss lair really a ambush
50 Message sent by level boss showing where next level down treasure is
51 Map showing secret level entrance with trick one way elevator to bottom of dungeon
52 Well with glistening coins in bottom home of horrible monster
53 Treasure map leading to room ith mimic treasure chest
54 Poisonous insects disguised as gold coin or pearl necklace centipede
55 Meet wounded "adventurer" claims must rush to town to warn of monster attack
56 Monster surrenders, surprised big push back to wipe out party hasn't started yet
57 Monster surrenders, relieved to not be caught by ravenous god beast killing the monsters
58 Monsters need the captive humans to placate a demon lord to prevent return - lie
59 Letter from cleric blaming monster behavior on addiction to devil weed - lie
60 Cleric scroll claiming if evil relic destroyed monsters will turn back to innocent villagers
61 Monster pretends to limp tell adventurers they only want peace and land
62 Journal tells how common good cult really evil demon cult with plan to destroy a town
63 Body of adventurer with fake planted treasure map of artifact in a different dungeon
64 Find a dead rat with a fake note from damsel in distress with map where she is confined
65 Arrows scrawled on walls lead to dead or wild monster breeding areas
66 Map of level with marked secret safe areas to rest really are monster lairs
67 Monster passwords scrawled on parchment are trick with plan for ambush
68 Concealed button marked secret treasure actually a silent alarm for monsters
69 Directions to healing pond on scroll really healing is illusion with slow acting poison
70 Dead boss found tarred and feathered with down with da boss sign, body is fake
71 Dead monster found with fake plans possibly in motion to poison local city
72 Girl claims she escaped monsters is really a were panther sent to kill party
73 Warriors claim they are fleeing monsters actually bosses crack team of berserk mercs
74 Bundle of letters implying local mayor is a devil swine forged by the boss
75 Note with cursed berserking sword "don't let this fall into human hands"
76 Goblin choking in noose if freed offers to show secret to boss treasure really a trap
77 Collection of false keys that actually trigger traps or alarms
78 Shrine of good god with magical voice instructing intruders to death trap
79 Monsters with adventurers friend for hostage actually a doppelganger
80 Monsters threaten a child really a transformed imp in disguise working with them
81 Illusionary dead adventurers appear and go wooooooooooo, kinda scary if you fail save
82 Adventurer corpses mutilated and piled up near entries stripped
83 Adventurer corpse with possible loot on trap pressure plate or pit lid
84 saintly looking cleric tells party that a god planning to destroy dungeon soon so leave
85 A teleporter pad sends intruders into other dungeon without them realizing
86 Intricate pattern with writing in bottom of pit, secret murder holes pour acid on curious
87 Witch child pretends to be urchin tells party monsters secretly guarding holy relic
88 Monsters around here cover treasure in sewerage for safe keeping
89 Monsters all carry fake IOU notes to templar bank and secretly bury treasure 
90 Monsters wear makeup to seem diseased or wounded and dress in filthy rags
91 Kobolds have a paper mache rust monster on wheels they scare adventurers with
92 Monsters pretend to be undead and paint bodies to look hideous
93 Monsters leave chewed bones in heaps and file teeth pretending to be cannibals
94 Monsters howl like madmen and foam at mouth to make people think they have rabies
95 Monsters hurl chunks of their dead at foes pretending to have leprosy
96 Monster approaches party and asks "don't you know about treaty with the king?"
97 Monsters carry a poison and healing potion that look and taste the same to humans
98 Monsters wear evil symbols and fake mutations pretending to be hardcore with chaos
99 Idols left everywhere with eyes that glow when anyone near, actually a lighting system
100 Monsters wear pointy hats and throw fireworks and smoke bombs and burning oil

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