Monday 27 November 2023

Strange Stars Play Notes & What to do Next





































My Strange Stars game has lasted months now with 3 players which means if one away still doable as a few family guys have conflicts for a sat game but we have done better this year. Possibly might get a game off b4 xmas. Maybe some long-day one-offs in New Year holidays. Boxing day bachelor gathering is possible too.

Re reading Traveller New Era Vampire fleets which has some nice AI personalities I had not considered. I should probably add all the ones I've done to date into a d100 table and expand some types out like the simulated personalities. Currently, the player's ship has two AI. One the Lucky Lady an ex Beler Casino AI now ship computer. She is friendly and hospitable who appears as a rootin tootin lucky cowgirl who finds gold nuggets in space. The other ship AI is a military security model in the secret genetics lab that the ship has a block on knowing exists and can be overridden. The player space marine gun thinks its a French rock star from the 22nd century (classical music). I did roll for the gun to not fire in today's session.

So based on lots I've been reading and watching about realistic space stuff had players go from the Martian training on one of the moons of mars and were frozen for hiG millitary transport to their ship near Jupiter. They Flew on to Uranus then on to rendezvous with a long lost ship. The players have an undercrewed large salvage ship with two crane arms and two Hab rings that rotate. When they got 10 weeks closer to the target and training the detected another unknown vessel moving to the same coordinates. Crew increased acceleration for a week and got to a few astronomical units away. Was a bit dangerous for the non-G-enhanced characters (martian marines built for acceleration). No accidents and spoke to angry belters who complained their starving family needed this salvage. Then they tried to threaten with their contacts. It seems the belter salvage crew were moving at 2G and wouldn't have fuel to get far arter. As the party pilot was a belter he tried being nice and threatened them back and it went as well as possible. Party frozen leaving the marine in charge and he spent a week at 4G studying engineering and the schematics of the salvage ship model.

So they easily beat the rival ship who made vague threats about their buddies. Party contacted the wreck AI and was convinced it was in a simulation because of all the impossible things it had seen over 50 years. Poor ship was keen to end the simulation and assumed its a test for long-range missions. The party moved ship close and took a launch with the Doc and pilot while the marine in his power armour rode outside on the "runner-boards" . Did some non-auto examination of the wreck and saw a suited body fly from the wreck to their ship. Hmmm everyone went to check it out. It seemed to be hanging like a ragdoll on a ladder staple by a work pod door on the Lucky Lady. The marine shot the old damaged suit without a response then shot its hand off. Marine got a sack and claw arm from the ship and collected arm. The pilot returned to ship and got a work pod to catch body flying into space while doc flew the launch into the wrecked ships cargo bay. The rest of the part was entered by Workpod Bay into engineering. The AI seemed cheerful and hopeful of victory in the game.

Repreasurised the ship but low temps and frozen slush everywhere. Fixed heating and slush melted into exotic comet gases and were vented. Doc started to look at the body and found a mummified corpse. Found under useless suit a strange chest wound which they know meant this guy had some kind of cult implant. So as it was engineering Doc grabbed power saw for a vivisection. And the long undead being tried to claw Doc. The marine destroyed it but the AI gun almost hesitated to fire. Kept exploring and found no crew signs and the passenger g-couches with dead passengers in old broken work suits. The party mentioned nuking the place and leaving. Something twitched. Then the next room were 24 crypods all occupied and all with zero life signs. These bodies were dressed in the style of ancient Iceland, which they had found signs of before, FOund a shrine in captain's office of a shrine with half a mummified wendigo and a mess. Unlocked pursers safe and found two idols one of clay a screaming long skinny limbed creature hugging its legs and the other of a six-horned rhino made of some sort of horn.

Final room was VIP room and this wasn't so great, Six undead cult wizards, centuries old and mummified chanted for Iquatha some lept at the party one tried strange powers. The pilot and marine opened fire and badly wounded several. Three ancient Icelandic wizd lich dived at party without magnetic boots or velcro slippers. Two flew through a hatch flying dozens of meters into a wall. A third grabbed chair on the way. One hit the door next to Doc and he shot with his silent pistol. several. More bursts and more wizards exploded chanting Iquatha. A greneide after all the old wizards who turns out have poor extravehicular and zero G training were all blown to bits. The other passengers began to awake.

Doc and pilot went to grab black box and the AI core. The marine went done to the actor and did a brilliant scrambled start up sequence for a smooth ten-minute self-destruct sequence, Saw undead coming and worked faster and just made it and fled. Pilot and Doc with the data got chased into a work pod door and managed to get in a pod and smash out. Turns out decompression sucked lots of undead away from the marine who got outside and flew jetpack to safety.

Luck Lady informed them of a strange white cloud about 10km across composed of gas and ice crystals an unknown phenomena perhaps like rings of Uranus edges. Enveloped in the cloud as the ship puts in maximum acceleration. The nuke went off and the cloud seemed to react violently. The pilot thought he heard a scream. The marine didn't notice a thing. Doc passed out spasming having visions of Iquatha threatening vengeance. He awoke wary of the cold and considered must get some incendiary weapons and maybe visit Mercury. Hay didn't the party decoys get killed by some ball of fire destroying their ship?

It was a nice fun scenario.

Meanwhile, the Astronomers Guild cult has relaxed and is sure the party is dead because of the decoys. But also the party have escalated conflict with the Iquatha cult to summoning gods. The Astronomers guild wants to use lesser cults to fight for them and kill investigation teams. Party passing through Uranus to get fuel home I'm sure nothing bad will happen.

Will try and do some more detailed entries on major worlds then lots of major moons and asteroids. Possibly all major cults could get bio mod trees. Maybe top black science programs by governments and cults.

Enjoyed players doing lots of research, science roles and nice tech most sf games were blocked in games we played years ago. Happy to not worry about old books and magic.

Saturday 25 November 2023

Halfling Hangups from Growing Up






































Terrible Backstories and grimy pasts for small folk. Halfling problems can seem mild compared to dwarves and elves but they are also often targeted by bullies who see them as rich lazy weak and decadent. I guess the problems of an elf and a gnome will be soon. A few Patreon things dropping soon. 

d10 Quick drama type
1 Feasts and famines
2 Homelife
3 Monster 
4 Bullies
5 Exploring
Contests
7 Romance
8 Friends & Foes
9 Mysterious passages
10 Strange tales

d100 Halfling Hangups Growing Up
01 Ate so many pies at a pie eating contest you can't eat one specific pie ingredient ever again without vomiting
02 Older generation offended by comments at a festival feast and now they all think you are a whiny complaining troublemaker
03 Your crazy uncle at a feast kept bringing up to you the Dark Lord's reign as the good old days and a few years later he left the village of "soft stupid fatties"
04 A terrible shortage of butter for several years made so many meals bland it was awful
05 Accidentally burned grandma's recipe book and was outcast 
06 During a winter famine you broke into the food stores and ate everything and have been hated ever since by clan
07 One winter famine you were so hungry you ate bark and dead leaves and you became skinny with sagging skin for months until you found the remains of a frozen hald eaten dead badger in the snow 
08 You developed a mad craving for sweet food and got caught stealing pies and cookies and now other kin know you are dirty thief
09 One winter was so cold your clan ate several grandparents. It was embarrassing and sad but you kept bringing it up every year at family dinner after
10 A certain food makes you sob uncontrollably even when stuffing your face but you can't talk about it
11 Started a burrow fire and destroyed handmade crafts from generations and the whole family never stopped bringing it up and look wary when you are near fire
12 Burrowed into a rival family larder and shamefully stole their food
13 Was in an arranged marriage with a spotty short bossy brat who hated you so you fled
14 Your siblings robbed your inheritance and framed you for sacrilege so you had to flee
15 Orcs followed your trail home and ate your family and you escaped with your life and not much else
16 Your burrow was invaded by giant bugs who carried away your kin while you were fishing
17 While you were in woods looking at erotic parchments from an uncles trunk slavers took your clan
18 Burrow flooded and destroyed family became homeless nomads and paupers
19 Long winter where snow wolves constantly attacked and ate half your family
20 A human army came through demanding food and supplies and took everything
21 Carried away by a magical water horse and found wound up on another continent 
22 Dragon attacked and stole family wealth and ate some elders who could not flee
23 Dryad kidnapped you for years and when she abandoned you your village was abandoned
24 Plague of giant animals invaded village and burrows, eating family and took over d4 1=frogs 2=rats 3=scorpions 4=spiders 
25 Basilist petrified family and poisoned land ruining your home
26 Nighthag came from the underworld and kidnapped your siblings and left you
27 Chaos unicorns came and poisoned your home woodlands with mutants  
28 A deranged treant attacked your village, it had rotting brains and termites and was mad with pain, but lots of your kin died
29 Giant came to the village eating everyone's food so halflings only got 4 meals day
30 During a terrible famine you found a frozen troll, chopped it up and brought it home for food. Mysteriously dozens of trolls attacked your burrow that night. You wonder if you were somehow responsible
31 The dark lord broke the dam upstream and flooded the village 
32 A wizard came to live in your village d4 1=was a mean tyrant 2=was a necromancer 3=was a vampire 4=had a demon familiar
33 Local slavers kidnapped your family and sold them to foreign lands
34 You were with a party who all broke into a villainous robber knight ruined caste and discovered he was a vampire. Only you survived 
35 The dark lord had your village overtaken by doppelganger changelings who ate your family as they replaced them
36 A mean wizard sent his orcs to steal all our village pipeweed for years
37 A human guild master tried to ban halfling goods making the village poor until we found that guild contract in a trunk exempting us signed by three kings
38 A bandit gang tried to steal our food in winter but they mysteriously disappeared and other bandits know your clans now
39 A crime guild came to get extortion from us and your uncles ground them to pulp in the village mill. The rose garden loved it but the guild master escaped
40 A noble tried to impose a tax on luxury food on your village but the lord found nobody wanted to try and collect it so nothing happened  
41 Discovered a sinkhole with pre-human ruins but ran away from the albino cave lizards there
42 Found a new trade route to a new town with excellent chees and ham, were given a pewter mug from your clan out of gratitude
43 Found a mysterious door while expanding your burrow but your grandma made you bury it again and leave it alone
44 Found a mysterious garden gate under a full moon while picking mistletoe in the village blackberry bush maze. It was gone the next day
45 Dreamed of finding a ruin on a mountain top and years later you saw the mountain
46 On a ramble as youth discovered caves in the wild where dragons breed
47 Found a secret trap door in uncles trunk, it opens into the planar library of hell where Imps offer free tuition wizard schooling 
48 While swimming fled from a lake monster by hiding in an ancient stone passage of some sunken ruin
49 Exploring a barrow mound you got home with treasure but that night undead attacked and turned your childhood friends into ghouls and ate your family
50 Found on the frozen mountain an ice-covered doorway. Before you could get close a giant saw you and got a few of your siblings
51 Won the village farting competition three years running
52 Caught your father cheating in a pumpkin growing contest. He got some magic powder from pixies who lived in a tree trunk he used 
53 Won the prettiest baby competition twice but some are still resentful to you
54 Accidently shot your brother in the eye during a hunting contest and he just wont get over it
55 You fleeced a crooked gambler now his crime want to skin you alive
56 Won the steal from an elf witch contest but she turned you into a frog for a while
57 Banned for life from temple eating contests for having explosive diarrhoea
58 While having a belching contest near a strange eldrich monalith accidentally uttered the arcane words to release shadowy creatures before the human age. Everyone blames you for the mess after
59 Only survivor of a fishing contest and the losers families all hate you and the giant lake eel who ate them
60 Vomited in grandma's lap at a wedding when you organised a cider-drinking contest at the feast
61 Caught a terrible disease at a party and everyone knows who you were with 
62 Caught by your lover's parents who beat you and chased you all over town
63 Your lover was really a doppelganger who tried to eat you
64 Stole flowers from a wizard garden for your sweetheart and they turned out to be deadly carnivorous plants that infested the village and caused problems for years
65 Your sweetheart jilted you to run away to marry a bandit
66 You met a wonderful lover and were sworn to marry but a dragon ate them
67 You were flirting at a party but your love interest's family wanted you gone and had you chased away with assassins
68 Caught your lover with an imp learning evil magic and fled for your life
69 Your lover was found undead, drained by a succubi/incubus  
70 Your lover was carried away by drunk satyrs and centaurs celebrating the wine god
71 You met real elves and visited elfland and was impressed by food quality but not quantity. You know a few elves  
72 Were mentored by a gnome who lived in a treestump near your village and listened to your problems
73 An old wizard used to give you sweets and pinch your cheeks and said he would always try to help you if you ask
74 You saw a damn dirty orc dire wolf rider burn your barn and frighten your family. If you ever see that damned fiend again you will make them pay
75 A hermit priest long retired lived in a dolmen and you used to hear his stories and wonder about the world
76 A cousin was possessed by an evil ghost and fled into the arms of a secret evil cult. If only you could save your cousin
77 An old shopkeeper you respected you caught talking to his imp. He tried to kill you then fled the village. It was quite a surprise i can tell you
78 Sherrif of village got you and your gang running errands in emergencies as kids and you would have been a beadle if only your family didn't sabotage your dream by being of the criminal class 
79 An old druid used to sit you on his knee and teach you about plants and animals
80 Knew a famous cook and got their valuable recipe book including foods that act like potions. You need to learn some alchemy to make these
81 You found a hidden complex of gnomes with secret doors all over a forest. These gnomes kidnapped you and made you their prisoner but lucky you escaped the black cap clan of spiteful bullies
82 Found a hag cave and she put you in a cage and fed you on sweet cakes and buns you couldn't resist. Luckily you escaped by pretending to be dead and never looked back
83 Found a haunted witch house rumoured to contain treasure and spooks but ran away
84 Found a secret entrance into a barrow mound where dark elves were celebrating their evil deeds for the year and you hid then fled when all clear
85 Found a semi-sunken underground city in a sinkhole in a swamp but a dragon lives there
86 Found a scary wrecked ship in a swamp people say is the home of a witch ogre who once served an ogre king long ago
87 Found a lost prehuman crypt on the estate of a nobleman while poaching but he set dogs on you and you are wary of them a bit especially of ones trained to attack your folk
88 You found a cave that took you to a hidden clifftop ruin most don't know exists. There are mystic spirals on dolmen and monoliths and statues of ancient trolls before their fall into brutality. Many types and sizes are depicted and many are small and harmless ancestors of barn stove and roof trolls. You fled when the bad kind of trolls came
89 Exploring a haunted lighthouse with your friends and your dog as a youth and you fled from a real ghost! Have a cowardly old hungry war dog of the north folk still
90 You and your gang foiled plans of robbers and got kidnapped and escaped as kids several times and were well-known meddling kids. You hope you can be remembered for more recent adventures as the others were spread by bards and puppet shows
91 Found a magic circle to faerie land that works under a full moon d4 1=stone 2=mushroom 3=flowers 4=trees
92 Overheard faeries plotting to influence local nobles and replace noble babies with changelings
93 Talking goats made you swear to tell nobody of their secret network of sentient farm animals fighting chaos
94 Family turned into cannibals were-rat chaos cultists who hunt you from time to time
95 Found a suspicious travelling carnival with many weird characters from other worlds. In the morning they were gone but you'd love to see them again
96 Grew magic beans that let you climb to Giantland where giants chased you and ate your friend
97 Found a badger hole and looked inside to find a tiny doorway to a land of small faeries and various beasting folk who drank tea and ate cake. Lucky they thought you were a hedgehogling and one of them 
98 Haunted by your perverted uncle who was in a demon cult and craves your young physical body
99 Discovered an underground cave while lost underground for months. There were albino cave dinosaurs living in a fungus forest. It was amazing but nobody believed you
100 You saw a sinister shadowy tower appear and disappear hours later. Apparently, this happens every year and it can be used to travel vast distances. Sometimes awful creatures come out and sometimes knights of Law will attack them

Wednesday 22 November 2023

Monster Book Reviews





































To be fair im not into monster books much. Most i just run from my head even if I've been doing wrong for 40 years. I do use books more at higher lever to find challenges so patfinder and DnD5 and Sandy Paterson's Cthulhu Mythos for more powerful monsters. Sandys Mythos for 5th ed been by me bed several years and sometimes I prefer to Call of Cthulhu 7 versions (older eds slightly different). I still like Wikipedia on folkloric monster lore. I'm looking for the Dolemwood books. I still like the Stormbringer rpg take that hafl monsters should be unique and I like animal mashup lots. Still here are my takes on some monster books available. I kinda wish was a definative Mystara monster book - ive got several but not creature catalogue and none feel complete. My biggest beef with original adventures reincarnated series is gave stat blocks on monsters but sometimes zero lore and in the barrier peaks book added creatures for bonus adventures with no illustrations also.

Megadungeon Monster Manual 💗💗💗💥
So this is a companion for Greg Gillespie mega-dungeons and compiles monster sections from other works into one. 108 pages with an orange dress spine to fit in your AD&D 1.5 era books. Lots are familiar and the art is great. I always liked the fiend folio for art the most of TSR monster books and I think this is a good comparison. There are new and variant familiar creatures and it is pretty good. Suspect I probably shouldn't look at the writer's non-gaming opinions. Do you need this? Possibly helpful if you're doing the mega-dungeon campaign and certainly you could use it as your main monster book for a while. Some of these critters needed a consistent update. Pretty art and nostalgia rank high here.

Pathfinder Bestiary vol 1-6 💗💗💗💗
I picked up the smaller mini versions but recently got the larger versions as they are more readable. Im finding lots of digest format stuff with small fonts increasingly hard to read and increasingly likely to not buy stuff that is too hard to read. I even came to like the 90s TSR large print to fill space stuff. So these cover many monsters we consider classics and lots more. I tend to use dnd5 stuff for high level because mostly they are more dangerous and have lots of HP. The monsters here are tougher than 1st ed but not as gross as dnd5. They also seem to have more monsters spreading over various levels. They have filled out more demons and angels and Cthulhu mythos monsters. They have lots of extraplanar beings if you need them. A couple of problems that bug me a bit are Indian Mythology where some of these "creatures" may be living ethnic groups. People still worship Nagas too and most not as evil or troublesome as games suggest. Even Rakshasa have some issues. My other slight dilemma was the inclusion of UFO mythology-based takes on Ancient Iraqui mythology which is kind of racist despite its popularity and all based on awful crackpot Zacharia Sitchin. Unfortunately, recent growth in Idiocy means I'm finding it harder to enjoy UFO cult ideas in my games and comics. Even the whole Cthulu Mythos im struggling to like as much as I did even though I have over 100 RPG books on this. Despite this an interesting monster compilation and a worthy consideration for completeness and consistency.

Creature Feature Compendium 💗💗💗💥
This book I was attracted to the very thick digest format and layouts. I have mentioned it here before but have struggled to get into reading it. All are illustrated and mostly they seem interesting modern monster ideas. My biggest beef is some silly oversized anime weapons. To me lots of these seem better as planar creatures and possibly would suit dark sun with its over-the-top nasty spiky masculine setting (kinda like some Riddick film's looks and vibe would work in Dark Sun). I think I would be more likely to use as individual one offs than as species in the book. Ive had a bash at reading and despite the good info and detail Im not loving it or finding it usable. Possibly I like mythical monsters the most. I don't know If Id like a second volume but id take a look. Some of damages of creatures exceed their HP in a round and lots have magic weapons you can score but I don't think id want in a game. I admire it is well done book that looks good but im not finding useful or in love with it.

The Monster Overhaul 💗💗💗💗
This is the newest star on the Block and it is very good. I like some of the simplifications and new mechanics on offer. Some of the creatures lean more into mythology some a bit away. The eating monsters notes was fun but a few I would have considered deadly poison straight up. At least you can play a gourmet monster eater better now and the risks are the kind of OSR ones like using buttons, drinking coloured pools and pulling mystery leavers. It has a good range of creatures. There are some breaks with traditions like Bugbears a type of ogre rather than goblinoid which is a trope I like. In many ways, it is like what I would do If I did a monster book and I can understand trying to sort monsters by type, season. climate or other factors. The BECMI Creature catalogue tried this approach and I think it is quite tricky to do right and be usable at table. It was a good read and inspirational. Some taste differences to what Id do but a solid big book with lots of utility and inspiration. Lots of interesting mechanics and good integrated monster tables. It diverges from classic lore sometimes for the better. While close to many of my own ideas I probably wont use it as is. Its one of best books this year and not just monster statblocks like many monster books.


Saturday 18 November 2023

Beware the Under-Hippo





































Under-Hippo
Neutral Animal Move 9 Swim 6 Infravision
AC +4 HD8 Att Trample 4d6 or Bite 3d6

Hippos were crossed with demons and used as domestic animals before the sky fell on the underland trapping everyone. Some say the hippos living in alchemist waste are weirder. Most live in caves or underland swamps and fungus forest waterways and help spread wetlands. Similar to surface beasts they have more bat-like ears and pallid flesh with some variations. They are able to be trained to carry goods in wetlands and rivers but sometimes eat handlers. Some are bred for meat and milk.

Sub Species
Necro Hippo - transparent flesh and glowing bones, if killed arises as a zombie in d4 rounds
Narco Hippo - 3 range 90-degree cone narcotic cloud save of confused for 2d4 rounds, once a day can haste self for d4 rounds. Mostly they are busy having narcotic visions from eating magic marine herbs all day. If hurt or surprised sets them off on a d4 round berserk rampage
Spider Hippo - extra spider limbs and face with poison bite and climb and spin webs
Rock Hippo - AC+7 eats delicious mud and rocks and works well in mines and quarries
Muto Hippo - caries d6 minor mutations and a d3 major ones immune tp poison & disease
Shock Hippo - electric horn shoots 3d8 electric bolt range 4 every second round, save halves
Gas Hippo - inflated with gas if edged weapon hits attacker gets a blast of stinking cloud, can float and propel by flatulence Mov3 but prone to wind and weather
Phase Hippo - can slip into an ethereal plane if predators approach then pop back to ambush, can reach food inside barrels or inside a storehouse without leaving a trace
Bat Hippo - has set of huge folding bat wings and hollow bones and pointed fangs
Vege Hippo - formed from vegetation and swamp somehow and it defends plants from being harmed by animals, some have two plant tentacles that can grapple and lift a victim into the hippo mouth
Cave Hippo - Blends into rocks in water and on banks attack anyone medium size getting too close or if it wants a snack. Can spit rocks size of bowling balls range 6 3d4 damage, need to eat a stone to shoot again. Families play catch or weaker ones may supply front ranks with fresh stones in a fight

Make the Underland Kinky Again 2: Svartheim Encounters



Underland Encounters for the dark elf city of Svartheim. 
These are common encounters but city districts have their own encounters and character.
Will be a carousing table and maybe a d100 shops or an A-Z

Obviously not for innocent adventurers who best go home.

d12 Common Svartheim Street Vendors
1 Spiced beetle on a stick 2cp some fancy versions with gold and silver leaf
2 Hot buttered maggots 2cp wiggle all the away
3 Worms in aspic 2cp in a mushroom cap 
4 Marinaded mushroom kebabs 4cp with beetle or mushroom sauce
5 Flat Teast Bread 1cp causes melancholia and pale skin if eaten daily for a week
6 Pickled cave onions 2cp 
7 Lamprey stew 1sp
8 Baby goblin pie 1sp well done or uncooked with black sauce or pea soup
9 Cave nettle soup 1cp quite tasty and nutritious BYO bowl or cup 
10 Cave hog foot 6cp with mushroom gravy
11 Lotus Tea from a silver samovar on a cart 1sp only mildly addictive
12 Goblin brains 2cp stewed or 1sp for fresh living goblin tied to special table to remove top of head and the goblin complains the whole time

d12 Common Buskers in Svartheim
1 Dark elf with lute sings of drugs and orgies and stabbing a former friends
2 Goblins playing bongo drums smoking swamp weed
3 Goblin jester juggling baby goblins and hatchets and burning torches
4 Goblin stabs self for money or invites ppl to stab him and bet they can hurt him (secretly a nilbog and is healed by normal weapons)
5 Bugbear stall where you throw a shrunken head at an erotic goblin fertility idol, 3 goes for 1cp if you can get AC+10 you win a giant hornworm
6 Were rat with amazing rat circus on a cart 
7 Dark elf erotic dancer of indeterminate gender but very pretty
8 Goblin pole dancers slink around on lamp posts in glittery silk g-strings   
9 Kiss my succubus in this tent 1pp d4 1=what it says 2=actually it is a wight with an illusion 3=oops its a medusa 4=really hungry doppelgangers
10 Wretched human magican lost down here doing tricks for food, has become scatty and deranged
11 Goblin jester singing songs about flatulence, VD, diarrhoea and growing up in a brothel
12 Dark elf bard with harpsicord with live squealing kittens inside to make so called music

d20 Common Svartheim Vice on Streets
1 Drug den where children help keep smokers unconscious on black lotus
2 Dealer on street in long coat offering drugs, poison and stolen magic items
3 Sex workers call from an alley offering cheap quick thrills
4 Bar where strange wines with venomous animals in bottles for sale with alchemical brews and common narcotics in drink forms. Some drinks are made from juiced live animals
5 Brothel with performers in window invite travellers inside for sex drugs and floggings
6 Mushroom dealer selling stew, mushroom beer and narcotic magic mushrooms
7 Strange old person selling drinkable dreams and strong emotions extracted from people desperate for cash
8 Goblin offering mystery gloryholes, no questions asked
9 Goblin selling erotic lacquered fungus and root vegetables shaped like royalty
10 Priest soaping up naked goblins and pilgrims on the street for church donations
11 Orc gimps in spiked leather having a smoke and drink between shifts
12 Goblin offering live sex shows with giant insects only 1cp a peek
13 Creepy old goblin offering servis of quick-wristed goblin youths
14 Dark elf in spiked boots stomping on paying customers who crawl on ground like worms
15 Hooded orc hangman offers VIP strangulation service
16 Goblin offers a view of a sex freak show for 1sp, guaranteed you'll be surprised
17 Dark elf outcasts will do anything for food or money
18 Goblin with special diet will poop all over you for 1sp
19 Goblin offers bath with chaos sex octopus 1gp at your own risk
20 Supernatural predatory being in dark elf form invites travellers up to the room from the window, has a whole room full of bones of victims d4 1=hag 2=doppelganger 3=lycanthrope 4=sucubus/incubus

d10 Svartheim Encounter Types
1 Small Critters
2 Humanoids
3 Monsters
4 Beggers
Slaves
6 Workers
7 Citizens
8 Parade
9 Church
10 Nobility

d100  Svartheim Encounters
01 Giant rats scuttling into holes around piles of maggoty garbage
02 Giant purple toads sitting in puddles or on toadstools
03 Giant purple and red centipedes
04 Swarm of disgusting biting flies
05 Huge beetles and bugs feeding off garbage
06 Squeaking bats of various types
07 Gremlins lounging around in garbage make rude gestures
08 Sewer pit with a tentacled neo-otug waiting in the bottom for dinner
09 See building feature relly a mimic eat a rat or a bat
10 Imps, homunculi and small demons fighting in the trash
11 Half squad section of orc soldiers with young dashing dark elf officer
12 Goblin work detail cleaning streets, repairing cobblestones, carrying buckets of filth
13 Hobgoblin oversear whipping crying goblin workers
14 Bugbear making necklaces from shrunken goblin heads
15 Goblin traders selling new goods from the goblin market and goblin snacks
16 Goblins guarding a dark elf low ranking priest 
17 Troglodyte lizardfolk hunters carrying strange meat and prisoners
18 Serpent folk wizard with human hybrid cultists
19 Orc butcher selling cuts of meat from a pushcart
20 Darkstalker with shadowy minions repulsed by surface folk
21 Elf walking its pet owlbear with some handlers and chains
22 Ogres shoving lesser humanoids away except elves, 1in6 have an ogre magi boss
23 Hill giant or troll turning a wheel or performing heavy labour or carrying goods
24 Elder troll wizard with some other seldom seen civilised trolls thought extinct
25 Shape-shifted dragon with entourage here to trade treasures and baubles
26 Dark elf walking a lesser demon or succubus/incubus to show off
27 Dark elves and ogre servants walking a pet tunnel hulk on a chain
28 Humanoid insects of several species visiting as tourists and traders
29 Vampire and entourage here on business
30 Doppelgangers in disguise d4 1=as dark elf merchants 2=as orc heroes 3=erotic dancers 4=religios cult
31 Begger with no limbs crying for food and help (limbs lost in prison)
32 Goblin children begging and picking pockets
33 Small animal folk picking up scraps d4 1=ratlings 2=toadlings 3=lizardlings 4=buglings
34 Bats and small cave apes begging for food
35 Blind elderly beggar formerly a high-ranking religious official
36 Euenach begging for money to be healed
37 Goblin parents selling children
38 Dark elf monk asks for money to set flesh-eating worms loose in his wounds
39 Orc offers you can punch him for a copper coin or stab with knife for 1gp
40 Dark elf begger offers to spare kitten's life for money
41 Slaves carrying baggage with hobgoblin overseer
42 Slave work crew repairing a building while fat bugbear watches with a whip
43 Crowd parts for a slave fight and people taking bets
44 Slaves dressed as skeletons pulling wagon load of corpses
45 Slaves carrying a palanquin with a dark elf noble passenger riding on top concealed by silk screens with hobgoblin guards
46 Slaves dragging a stone monolith with bugbear foreman whipping them in time to goblins drum beat
47 Slaves in chains being transported to market (maybe someone you haven't seen in years?)
48 Slave beaten by owner in the street while crowd laughs
49 Priests requesting sacrificial slaves and some in crowd hand over their servants
50 Selling a slave on the street, tears off clothes while slave begs for mercy
51 Drunk hobgoblin labourers sure you said something about them 
52 Goblins on work scheme with arthritic hands and joints cracking rocks into gravel
53 Ogres butchering a cave hippopotamus they found
54 Ogre smashing realistic statues of frightened adventurers into gravel
55 Busy goblins with piles of corpses. Bodies being skinned and flayed for leather, teeth being extracted and bones are being ground into meal
56 Dark elf with stage and torture equipment for sale, demonstrations every hour on goblins
57 Zombie workers with digging tools on the way to the worksite
58 Goblin giving speech about freedom gets pelted with rotten food which it collects then flees
59 Goblins stomping on fermented mushroom mash in stone bowls to make shroom beer
60 Gathering of workers on strike blocking street while they listen to angry speeches until the law turn up looking for a fight
61 Friendly dark elf merchant looking for someone for some odd jobs
62 Dark elf nobles dueling stab each other and their servants carry the wounded away
63 Dark elf youth gang loitering with drugs to pick fights and know the local law patrols
64 Dark elves watching goblins brawl and making bets, some throw knives near combatants
65 Dark elf-concerned gossip follows strangers to see what they are up to and reports to the secret police
66 Gathering of sex workers drinking and parading wares while nobles pass in carriages
67 Dark elf preaching morality is increasing and a threat to evil way of life. Endorses cannibalism, infanticide, drug abuse, child beating, random stabbings, gambling, duelling and torture for the public good  
68 Hobgoblin bailiffs chasing goblin urchin shoplifters, while dark elf shop owner looks distraught 
69 Dark elf family and servants in nice clothes walking with guards and pet displacer cat
70 Royal secret police in uniforms with wererat trackers looking for traitors
71 Religious procession of priests carrying mummified saints, various floats and ceremonial wagons while robed priests chant
72 Soldiers return from war with changed slaves and leaders in chariots with wagons of treasure
73 Sports team victory parade with huge chanting mobs, sometimes fights break out with surely losers
74 Severed heads of criminals on pikes carried to city walls to decorate them with crowd hoping to see famous criminals or politicians
75 Angry mob tearing apart a house and residents for some shameful act
76 Statue of god leads procession of priests, monks and pilgrims for a holy day
77 Wild drunken party with fornicating and murder in the street with a wild ecstatic religious mob 
78 One of the great houses having a funeral procession and rival houses sometimes try to start fights in the streets
79 Violent mob tearing apart bureaucrats and scribes who performed poorly
80 Royal family members in chariots or carriages or palanquins with squads of royal guards and servants and a hundred retainers following
81 Famous temple harlots being celebrated by a temple with a writhing orgy of church pilgrims
82 Strange lights and spirits around a temple or shrine where priests call on the power of outer planar beings
83 Priests blessing monsters brought to the temple by worshipers 
84 Priests sacrificing victims on roof shrines and hurl corpses downstairs while they eat hearts
85 Church choir of children howling a lament while the conductor whips them
86 Temple harlots wave to passers offering them sacred private ceremonies
87 Temple preparing a BBQ of roasted humanoids stuffed with mushrooms
88 Clan temple dedicated to their sacred beasts, temple overrun by them with biggest in pits. Devotees threw sacrifices to feed the pets and shower them with coins and gems
89 Priests preparing undead to sell to market as slaves or to provide the state for war
90 Temple with crucified victims on walls howling while dark elves aroused by this start an orgy
91 Nobles mounted on monsters showing outer planar being around city d5 1=demon 2=evil elemental 3=nighthag 4=chaos warlord
92 Nobles racing chariots whipping each other, ignoring pedestrian safety
93 Noble house orgy has spilt into the street from an overcrowded house
94 Noble clans and servants meet in the street starting a brawl that blocks traffic and the law stands back helplessly while nobles kill each other
95 Noble abandoning some children on the street and banishing them from the clan for failing tests of cruelty
96 Nobles in decadent costumes on the way to an orgy with leather-clad chained slaves
97 Noble with hunting beasts chasing branded goblins and slaves for fun
98 Obscene harlequin band with the noble audience screaming. Band decapitated a few goblins for the show and the lead singer had sex with a few audience members on stage 
99 Noble gives away cuts of meat by throwing into the crowd and offering drinks of blood from a black cauldron. Part of an attempt to become more popular and win votes on city assembly
100 Naked noble riding a black unicorn or other fabulous monster

Friday 17 November 2023

Make the Underland Kinky Again 1: Svartheim Decor






















Evil elves used to be into drugs and demons and smut in D1-3

They subverted the patriarchy and heteronormative expectations
They were a threatening colonial power up to plots on the surface

Then we got a cover that made them a bit too human rather than inhuman obsidian jet black and a playable version and then we got novels about them and every detail about them filled and fixed to the present edition needs. In the mad mage dungeon, we got them engaged in light consensual bondage which seemed kinda tame. That's not enough for me to be able to kill and rob them. So bring back horrible unappealing nasty dark elves that you wouldn't really want to play. When you find a dark elf up to something its safe to assume they have done it for centuries and not the first time.

I always thought they were copies of Melnebone and Pan-Tang in Elric novels.
My faerie lore for species is probably more based on Wikipedia than Tolkien.

The vastest cavern cities used to be on the surface and were buried during past apocalypses including mountains dropped by the gods on them. Dark elves and Bright elves disagree with each other like seasonal opposites but they avoid conflict where elves die. Goblin minions are acceptable and many goblinoids serve faerie and elves as workers soldiers and bailiffs. Dark elves have eve come to terms with orcs and use them as goons or police in their cities and armies. Even ogres and trolls have a place in the city workforce and defence. Dark elves visit here and have their own district. Dark elves and dark dwarves work together to subvert the surface world norms so fraternising with each other annoys their kindred enemies.

Coming Soon?
Svartheim encounters, missions, carousing, A-Z Underland

Starting with quick decor to spice up your ruins and locations

I guess I'll also start with some Svartheim details also

d100 Population of Svartheim from 50,000
01-30 Dark Elves 30% Citizens of the great houses
(d12 Clans 1=spider 2=scorpion 3=bat 3=toad 4=ghekko 5=dragon 6=mushroom 7=beetle 8=centipede 9=olm 10=lamprey 11=rat 12=salamander)
31-40 Other Fey Folk Guests but not equals of the houses
(Fey Folk d8 1=nature spirit folk 2=animal spirit folk 3=dopelgangers 4=half demons 5=eldren 6=foriegn elves 7=dark sprites 8=dark pixies 9=dark dryad 10=dark satyr 11=faerie 12=hag)
41-80 Goblinoids 40% Serfs to buy and sell as cattle
(Goblinoids d8 1-4=goblins 5-7=hobgoblins 8=Bugbears)
(Other types d8 1=norkers 2=boggles 3=gremlin 4=kobolds 5=mutants 6=beastlings 7=darkwalkers 8=shroomlings)
81-90 Other Humanoids 10% Specialist Allies
(Others d12 1=orcs 2=dark gnomes 3=dark dwarves 4=troglodyte lizard folk 5=snake folk 6=hyena folk 7=cave folk 8=humans 9=fish folk 10=rat folk 11=bat folk 12=lamprey folk
91-100 Giants, ogres, trolls 10%
(Others d6 1=ogres 2=trolls 3=hill giants 4=ogre magi 5=formarians 6=cyclops)
demons are less than 1% of the population and transient, do leave children behind

d12 Districts of SvartHeim
1 Royal Palace (sprawling royal palace with own royal prison for posh convicts who can pay
2 Noble District (where nobles live in beautiful cruel palaces with chosen slaves and pets)
3 Temple District (holy quarter where priests, demon cults and wizardry all side by side)
4 Scribes District (
administration quarter where eunuchs, civil servants and managers live)
 Poor District (where the ordinary citizens and goblinoids live)
Torture Gardens (wonderous garden of fungus and sadists and masochists)
Service District (slave's work areas and barracks, including a prison)
8 Work District (craft guilds, slave sweatshops and big type monsters live in barracks)
9 Vice District (unholy district of perversion for citizens to play or sell themselves)
10 
Market District (shopping quarter for all walks of life)
11 
Aliens District (foreign quarter where all outsiders must stay)
12 Harbour District (river quarter where sailors of the deep bring goods) 

Patrols of Svartheim
1 Official noble youth gangs of districts patrol and harras strangers
2 Half squad section of orcs in spiked plate led by a minor dark elf noble with shortsword
3 Half squad section of hobgoblins in chain with war flails led by  dark elf noble riding preferred beast or chariot with favourite minion
4 Gladiators like to practice by starting fights with minor gangs
5 Goblins riding giant bats observe the city and report
6 Six orc bailiffs and two ogres all with clubs collecting money
Half squad section of beastmen mercenaries serve a noble clan sweep street clean of things their masters dislike or rival clans
8 Holy patrol of inquisitors with flails and whips who will restrain and torture suspicious persons in the street for the common good. They admire those who don't scream the longest
9 Holy Harlots in their chariot searching for people hot enough to attend a demon orgy back at the temple. Sometimes they send hooded kidnappers later if they don't accept
10 Bugbear leading a squad of marching goblins serving a goblinoid king
11 Pack of animals of one type of various sizes out for exercise and food, strangers are delicious 
12 Invisible lesser demons on patrol squeal to masters if trouble on the streets and follow suspicious persons

d12 Street Features
1 Iron lamp posts with glowing insects or crystals
2 Cobblestone road built from basalt
3 Watering trough for riding beasts or slaves
4 Idol of a minor demon a functional shrine
5 Garbage and puddles of maggoty dung smells revolting and might ruin shoes
6 Dead old tired riding beast or goblin left in the street 
7 Piles of garbage 1in6 chance of scroungers looking for food or something to sell
8 People hanging around d6 1=unemployed goblins 2=youth gang 3=cult 4=prostitutes 5=drug dealers 6=priest flagellating self angrily about public indecency
9 Parked wagons and carts pulled by various creatures or slaves
10 Performer d4 1=busker singing for supper 2=puppet porno show 3=shell games for cash 4=predictions of the future
11 Merchant d6 1=black marked dealer with big long coat 2=selling snacks from a cart 3=selling goods on a blanket 4=selling mushroom loaf 5=erotic figurines 6=slanderous print about local leader
12 Erotic gargoyles with outrageous huge genitalia, when it rains looks like peeing 

d10 Quick Svartheim Decor Types
1 Doors
2 Furniture
3 Wall Art
4 Paintings
5 Wall Hangings
6 Pillars
7 Lights
8 Urns
Idols
10 Statues 

d100 Svartheim Decor
01 Lewd satyr face with lewd tongue on each double doors 1in6 magic mouths announce the entrance
02 Erotic large door knockers (a bit cringy) on the heavily bolted door
03 Door handle is a bronze phallus on the elegant lacquered small door that makes some crouch 
04 Door has a manacled prisoner attached to the door fed and watered once a day
05 Door of shroomwood covered in erotic fungus designs with frolicking mushroom men and maids
06 Door gilded with geometric insect designs and pieces of amber
07 Door violet lacquered shroomwood double door with silver inlaid design of the dark elf king and queen on each door 
08 Door black lacquered shroomwood door with a silver door lock with a demon face. The fave will let you in for some of your blood a d4 HP each person. The owner with these samples can track them anywhere
09 Imp door will let you through for your firstborn child so it can be free. It's a liar but the owner was alerted by a spell and is on their way with minions or every perso
10 Goblin Door with lewd dancing naked winking goblins. As you pass save or door picks the pocket of one object of any passing the owner can retrieve from the shadow lands later 
11 Side table with nymphs and satyrs in absurd sexual positions
12 Pedestal with a potted shrieking mushroom trained to  scream at certain trigger like "outsider"
13 Living chairs are beautiful, in set of d6, if roll 6 also a table d4 1=warped human slave 2=fungus 3=natural mimick 4=undead warped skeleton 
14 Benches and chairs with spikes or woven from barbed wire so nobody wants to sit very long or sleep here
15 Erotic chairs where seated looks like they are on laps of naked mythical hybrid creatures
16 Carved shroomwood toadstools in clusters of 2d4 for servants to sit on, looks a bit rude to sit on
17 Bookshelf with several volumes of small books usually by subject 2d4 1=stories of light consensual bondage in the mad wizard's dungeon 2=lewd poetry of a shapeshifting bard and the creatures they made love to 3=erotic prints and poetry 4=diary of wicked dungeon master and torments they inflicted on religious prisoners
18 Shrine
19 Cupboard with simple peg latch and ornate inlaid opal scenes of the 12 great gods   
20 Draws with carved elf orgy scenes containing d4 1=spidersisk stockings and underwear 2=cult robes and unholy symbols 3=amusing lewd shaped mushrooms 4=writhing with tasty bugs for pets
21 Relief carving of dark elves and allies armies crushing enemies. Lots of enemies tormented, executed, sacrificed and enslaved
22 Mural of dark elf court and the most important house clan leaders
23 Walls covered in demonic sigil graffiti
24 Scenes showing the hierarchy of elves on top with goblins serving as the working classes beneath
25 Painted scene of the terrible world beyond the city where monsters and mutants and strangers lurk, made to scare slaves and children
26 Carved scenes in the rock of ancestors searching for the current home cavern and driving away original peoples
27 Mozaic tiles on walls showing dark elves and allies fighting a reptilian army with dinosaurs
28 Crumbling painted fresco of some ancient lord of darkness who failed and was forgotten, large chunks of plaster have fallen out leaving gaps in text and art
29 Elaborate tile design with a maze is actually a map of a real location and provides clues to avoid perils
30 Prisoners imprisoned and bricked inside walls moaning fed and watered daily until sacrificed or turned into undead space 
31 Painting of Dark Elf noble leader posed heroically with symbols of the clan and others concealed in scenery
32 Painting of a famous lost city aeons ago before gods dropped mountains on it
33 Painting of demon orgy in a  world of torment  ruled over by a dark elf jester god 
34 Painting or royal couple consummating their royal marriage in bed chamber
35 Painting of fungus forest nymphs bathing and evaluating lines of near-naked elf knights
36 Painting of the unearthly garden of dark delight where wicked elves go to stop being immortal or reincarnated again
37 Painting of an evil harlequin, if passed the harlequin assassin may follow and kill any who think harm against building inhabitants. If harlequin dies reappears in painting again unless art is destroyed 
38 Painting of attractive naked dark elf in a garden, if looked at too long save or stand drooling for ten minutes in a trance. Slapping them or cold water gives an extra save
39 Painting of a monster if passed without right hand sign the monster jumps out and attacks
40 Painting of a human feast scene is a portal to a pocket universe where people repeat the same 24 hours unknowingly.  Trapped humans killed a dark elf and don't know their castle vanished centuries ago
41 Tapestry of lusty aroused unicorns chasing goblins in the forest
42 Spidersilk macrame wallhangings with d4 1=shrieking fungus in clay pots 2=eldery human entangled in the mess (is really a spider changeling spirit) 3=swarms of baby spiders and egg sacks 4=texturised relief map of kingdom cavern with impressive detail
43 Brass huge platters hang on walls depicting d4 1=various cooked creatures and species 2=actual towns and fortresses of the kingdom 3=still life scenes of arranged mushrooms and funds 4=giant bugs
44 Giant taxidermy mounts attached to walls and a good place to hide stuff) d4 1=giant pinned bugs 2=animal and species heads on plaques 3=stuffed monster 4=stuffed goblins in comical scene
45 Exotic and cruel weapons, shields with extra spikes, serrated blades and cruel weapons like whips and flails
46 Goblins in chains and gibbets and cages and racks or torture equipment
47 Writhing and gagged undead in chains slowly struggling and broken from years of trying
48 Displays of hanging ceremonial objects d4 1=masks 2=ancient decorated skulls 3=musical instruments 4=sexual implements and costumes
49 Flayed skins of slaves and enemies hanging on walls
50 Living fungus grows on walls d4 1=bracket fungus 2=glowing slime 3=obscene purple mushrooms dripping fluid 4=black toadstools in clear slime
51 Mushroom columns and pillars in rows
52 Pillars carved with goblins making rude faces and rude gestures
53 Pillars of stone made to look like natural stone pillars where stalagmites and stalactites fused with smaller ones formations on floor and ceiling around them
54 Pillars of standing dark elf rulers and heroes carved into them
55 Columns with text detailing d4 1=millitary records and captured slaves and loot detailed 2=erotic prayers 3=lists of noble house members deceased 4=blasphemous demon lore 
56 Pillars with chained prisoners or animated skeletons or zombies
57 Pillars carved with demons tormenting frightened humans
58 Pillars carved with depictions of naked gods 
59 Pillars are giant phallus used in ceremonies
60 Pillars covered on breasts or of nymphs presenting bare breasts
61 Bronze penis with light spell turned on or off by clapping
62 Magic crystal lamp hanging from a chain attached to the ceiling
63 Glowing slime mould growing on walls and ceiling provides dimm green or violet light
64 Nude faerie figurine holding ever-burning candle wall bracket
65 Tiny coin size glowing naked faerie in a bottle hanging from a hook squeaking for release
66 Crystal candelabra hanging from cering by the chain with magical lights 
67 Hundreds of black, white and purple long burning candles burn in wall brackets or ledges 
68 Glowing bugs in jars hanging from strings
69 Glowing blue stars on the ceiling light area
70 Glowing waiting lights area d4 1=evil prayers 2=demon names 3=dynastic lists 4=names of lesser gods and spirits who aided builders 
71 Rows of huge stone jars of mushroom spoors and truffle oil
72 Urn on pedestal with an erotic scene of elf god fornicating with monsters
73 Niches with ashes of favoured slaves and pets with commemorative plaques
74 Giant vase with scenes of elves battling dragons and giants
75 Crystal urns with rune carved skulls inside
76 Jars with bubbling fermented coloured liquids used by alchemists
77 Great crystal vessel growing a dragon inside by alchemists
78 Jars with imprisoned souls inside, a broken angry skeleton appears and fights to be destroyed 
79 Jars with strange sticky viscous fluids inside d4 1=mutagen 2=poison 3=green slime 4=ochre jelly
80 Glass vessels with pickled or living goblins inside
81 Idol of an erotic posed dark sprite
82 Idol of a winged phallus
83 Naked goddess idol with extra breasts
84 Idol of dark elf praying
85 Idol of a harlequin clown with creepy masked face
86 Idol of underland monster (collect them all)
87 Display cabinet shrine with 3d4 demon idols
88 Niche shrine with idol of deity or spirit or demon
89 Idol dancing lewd goblin
90 Idol of pretty d4 1=sphynx 2=centaur 3=succubi/succubus 4=vampire
91 Statues of frightened petrified adventurers who could be revived by stone-to-flesh
92 Statue with an altar of a demon with glowing gem eyes
93 Statue of hero holding a real weapon
94 Statue of a past ruler with the book of laws  and a wavy witch knife
95 Guardian statues constructed who attack unauthorised persons in the area
96 Beheaded statue with inscriptions rubbed out of a traitor noble
97 Fountain with an orgiastic scene of statues that squirt water in lewd manner 
98 Statue of monster, if passed by enemy comes to life
99 Stone golem statue of a huge warrior hero or god will awake if intruders with weapons pass
100 Statue of the dark elf king and queen in a sacred sexual position

Wednesday 15 November 2023

Weird Weapons of Auldwood





































d12 Weird Weapons of Auldwood
All increase + based on user Lv1=4 +1 5-8 +2 9-12 +3 13-16 +4 17-80 +5
non-worthy users are -4 and the blade may try and take them over at zero HP,
save or the weapon will animate the body giving it 1 HP and controlling them for a d4 ten minute turns which the wielder will not remember, Some swords are bigger jerks than others.

1 The Crow Blade - if a murder of crows selects a champion who has helped them they will summon the tomb of the carrion king and if you pass the kings test he will grant you the black crowblade with grip and pommel that resembles a crowfoot gripping an eyeball. The wielder can speak with crows, and cast these spells once per day darkness, featherfall and levitate. Once a week can summon a swarm of carrion crows for 3d4 rounds (outdoors only) and once a month, you can summon a were-crow witch who may fight or scout or offer advice only under a full moon. The sword whispers creepily to the user things local crows can see

2 The Tree Blade - is held by a dryad who will reward a faithful lover to her for a year if they are a knight. The blade allows the user to speak elvish, sylvan, faerie, and treant and can detect changelings within 3 range.  Can snuff natural flame in 12 range once per day and may turn into a tree or back equal to your Lv per week. You can use tree form to rest, save food or just spend years. You don't age as a tree

3 The Troll Sword - may be found in a horde with treasure with troll and human remains. The trollblade gives the user regeneration like a troll 1HP per round except vs acid or fire. If you ever regenerate from 0 HP save or you regrow as a troll you become insane, cannibalistic and chaotic evil. The sword uses empathy to communicate its aggressive urges and to take risks. One user became a troll and cut off his own limbs to keep making more trolls until he killed

4 Hell Blade - works as normal for anyone but is an intelligent devil bound into the blade. If you sell your soul to the blade becoming lawful evil you gain one wish if 10th level and these powers with one use per day at any level: Protection From Good, Darkness, Charm Person & Levitate. The blade is recommended to the user as a means to gain power over others and to manipulate laws for personal gain. Often its in the hands of an evil tyrant or bully

5 Staff of the Elders - used by lawgivers and assembly leaders rather than warriors and if lawful user gains the following spells once per day: Cure Light Wounds, Detect Lies, Detect Chaos, Protection from evil. Once a week if 10th or better can cast Oath. The staff has the spirit of a cleric who was a famous judge. If broken releases a lesser angel which will attack evil in sight if any then ascends to the heavens leaving the staff broken forever

6 Bow of the Dragon - a composite bow made from dragon bone and sinew. Once per day the user can cast protection from missiles, burning hands and featherfall. The user gets +2 save vs dragon breath. Users of the bow seem to become tempted to hoard wealth and sit on the pile. Once per month make a save to resist the effect. If you fail one save you crave gold and gems. Fail a second save and you are reluctant to give up bow without removing curse spell and three failed saves you turn into a red dragon forever

7 Spear of the Serpent Kings - can change size from javelin to short spear, long spear lance or pike with appropriate attributes. The wielder can talk to any snake kindred beings and can cast the following spells once per day: Snake Charm. Sticks To Snakes and Cure Poison. Every month user must save. One fail save gains a snake-like lisp, a second fail gain scales on the body and a third turn into a serpent person

8 Axe of the Underland - dwarf battleaxe that can cut stone as if it were wood and allows one to speak with elemental earth creatures. The user finds they grow a d6 inches of luxurious beard per day. If the weapon reduces a goblin to zero HP they melt into slime and one GP. Many dwarfs crave this weapon and will seek to duel the wielder. Dwarves will be especially unimpressed if thieving human scum use the axe or worse orcs or hobgoblins

9 Bonebreaker Mace - a weapon with bone haft and skull-like head made of silver that inflicts +d4 to any undead it strikes. Once per day, the user can cast Invisibility to Undead and Light. Any undead slain turns to dust and can't be restored by magic or regeneration. The wielder can hear any undead within 30 feet whispering even if buried or through the stone. Minions of Orcus hate this weapon and may call on the demon prince for help to slay anyone using it. There are several books detailing the weapon history

10 Null the Old Ones Blade - a black glassy blade can shift size in a round of thought from a cruel dagger to a shortsword or long sword or two-handed sword. +d3 damage to any being with a soul or spirit including animated undead or spirit. All the energy is sent to the gods of the outer void to feed on. The user can cast these spells once per day: Magic Missile, Levitate, ESP. The NE blade whispers advice from beyond seeking to spread violence and constant war. The sword will kill for anyone for any cause as long as it is kept busy killing

11 Witch Blade - turns from a wavy iron dagger to a cruel sword. The sword allows a female user to cast these spells once per day: Fly, ESP, Protection from evil. The blade holds the soul of an elder witch who will teach you magic and herbal secrets and prehuman lore if you perform certain tasks d4 1=steal witch remains from holy ground to their proper places 2=curse the descendant of a person who hurt a witch 3=punish a witch hunter 4=raise a changeling child

12 Dragon Sword - in a scabbard of dragon skin, made from a great wyrmms tooth. Does +d4 to any reptilian and a d8 to any draconic-blooded being. Detects gold in a range of 3 and speaks to the wielder's mind advice on reptilian genocide. Fish and amphibians are pretty bad too but get no special damage. Declares the wielder now part of its cosmic crusade against the scaly ones

Monday 13 November 2023

d100 Things I Had To Do Growing up a Dwarf
























This is a revival of an old d100 series
https://elfmaidsandoctopi.blogspot.com/2018/06/d100-things-my-master-did-to-me-at.html
https://elfmaidsandoctopi.blogspot.com/2018/06/d100-things-my-master-did-to-me-at_27.html
https://elfmaidsandoctopi.blogspot.com/2018/06/d100-things-that-happened-growing-up-in.html 
https://elfmaidsandoctopi.blogspot.com/2018/06/d100-unpleasant-masters-life-events-for.html

Dwarves love complaining about unfair things and suffering so here are some samples. You might get invited to a dwarf family dinner on a holy day where they will be sober and each dwarf recants the worst thing that ever happened to them or they saw. Some get competitive and boastful and drink is forbidden so nobody fights.

d10 Quick Dwarf Drama
1 Punishment
2 Orphaned
3 Imprisonment 
4 Lost
5 War
6 After the battle
7 Humiliation
In the deeps
9 Mastercraft
10 Fabulous Fights

d100 Things I Had To Do Growing up a Dwarf
01 Beaten with rods by fellow apprentices for petty reasons
02 Put in an iron cage and hung from the ceiling starving 
03 Chained to a wall for months and grew a few inches
04 Ran in a wheel for a crane or siege machine for months
05 Forced to run the gauntlet of a vast murder maze machine as a death sentence
06 Branded with a mark for being a d4 1=thief 2=traitor 3=slave 4=heretic
07 Thrown into the sea in a trunk but you were saved and survived 
08 Escaped prison after given death sentence for angering ruler
09 Kicked out of your clan for a dispute with the leader
10 Exiled from your home kingdom as a traitor
11 Parents were merchants who never returned from a trade trip
12 Parents were eaten by goblinoids overtaking an underground village
13 Dragon ate your whole family and stole the clan treasures
14 Parents were killed in a cave-in caused by burrowing gigantic monsters
15 Parents died waging war with rival dwarf kingdom
16 Parents were killed by a relative who claimed their wealth, you had to flee
17 Parents were killed when undead overran their underground citadel
18 Parents and family died of a terrible plague 
19 Hoarde of trolls carried away kin and ate them all 
20 Family feud resulted in kin-slayings and you were sent far away
21 Sent to work in a famous hellish prison mine to be silenced
22 Enslaved by goblins, when you escaped your home was destroyed 
23 Locked in a dungeon for years by an evil cult
24 Locked in human city prison for drunken tavern brawls when people mocked you
25 Trapped by villagers and made to work a smithy or other craft workshop
26 Kept imprisoned in an asylum for raging madness after some awful tragedy or curse
27 Kidnapped by slavers and taken to far away land which took years to escape
28 Imprisoned by cult to sacrifice but always chosen last when more attractive sacrifices available
29 Taken as a hostage and kept in a tower for years, and lost contact with family
30 Kept prisoner by a wizard demanding dwarf secrets 
31 Lost in deep caverns in complete darkness for years
32 Stranded on an island with monsters and strange tribes 
33 Lost in deep underground highways of ancient dwarf kingdom but finally found the surface
34 Lost in Giantland and had to hide from hungry giants and lived like a rat stealing food scraps 
35 Lost in Faerieland and had to live among talking animals and brownies until you got back
36 Carried away by a giant bird and dropped on a distant mountain years from home
37 Lost in a vast ruined dwarf city full of orcs and undead for months in a delirious fever
38 Lost in a vast goblin mine and had to hide constantly and even ate some goblin flesh to survive
39 Stranded in mountains separated from allies and had to avoid orcs and monsters for months
40 Wandered through mist to a strange haunted land and some force kept you there for years
41 Caught in a battlefield with goblins for years of awful conflict
42 Clan vs clan warfare wiped out both dwarf peoples and only you survived
43 Survived a terrible Underland war and fled to the surface to escape destruction
44 Were terribly wounded in battle and comrades all massacred while you recovered
45 Unable to save a famous leader in battle and ridden by guilt you couldn't save them
46 Was sent to recover a banner in battle and while searching your army was destroyed
47 During a battle there was a great cataclysm destroying both armies
48 A traitor you knew betrayed your leaders who were all slaughtered in battle
49 A vast horde of chaos-tainted humanoids, mutants and beast folk overran your kingdom's fortifications ending its history 
50 Your clan waged war on humans for stealing secrets of metallurgy, crossbows and gunpowder but the humans bred faster and won the war
51 Had to decapitate 100 goblin prisoners and survivors remember your name
52 Trapped in a siege but plague came killing most people and driving away the enemy too
53 The War ended when both sides starving and the region was gripped by famine that killed even the mightiest warriors
54 After the war an evil necromancer came and rose the dead. This new army decimated the survivors on both sides
55 Spent years rebuilding community and searching for survivors after a terrible war
56 After a terrible war the kingdom and clan were left broke and had to sell their relics
57 Since a great war all your clan have been stalked and killed by old enemies
58 After the war you were mad with grief and lived as a hermit for years
59 Led wounded refugees after a war into the human kingdom to live lives of squalor
60 Led tired war refugees through strange caverns of the underland wandering aimlessly for years
61 Sworn enemy killed family and dared you to stop them
62 Goblins cut off your beard and ran away it and you would like to punish them
63 Famous bard wrote a humorous song about you still sung today in taverns 
64 Fell off a goat and rolled down a hill in front of the king
65 After a great victory carried by a crowd on a shield the moment was ruined by violent diarrhoea
66 Discovered your clan all married to their cousins but must keep it secret
67 Clan prone to madness and deranged episodes
68 Arrived late to a battle and was given an embarrassing nickname
69 Had an affair with a clan traitor who used you to get close to their real target
70 Charmed by elves and dryads who made you live as their jester
71 Discovered a fabulous mine in the deep but had to flee as full of goblins
72 Explored several vast cave systems with fungus forests and ancient ruins
73 Found the ancient tomb of a clan leader but had to flee trolls in area
74 Found an elemental portal in the deep with strange elemental creatures guarding it
75 Found a lost dwarf city under a mountain chain occupied by orcs. goblins and undead
76 Discovered a cavern entrance to the underworld and the river of the dead but retreated
77 Discovered an ancient cavern of sleeping titans under a spell from the gods
78 Located a passage to the dragon spawn pits of the Underland and lost all your friends
79 Discovered in the deep roots of the world tree where vile black dragons chew the roots to kill the universe, the span of Nidhog and Hydra
80 Found a vast underland cavern with many kingdoms and strange terrain types. Whole kingdoms here were smothered when the gods dropped a mountain on this wicked land aeons ago 
81 Worked in the forge of a famous master smith when they made a famous magic item
82 Spent years gathering meteoric steel fallen from the stars for a magic item to be made
83 Stole the gems from the idol of a goblin god now that clan hate you with fanaticism
84 Spent years on a fruitless quest to recover a clan relic, while you were gone your civilisation moved away
85 Worked on the great hidden mountain gate of a dwarf nation then you were accidentally sealed outside
86 Helped build a fabulous machine to improve production in a refinery and goblins burned it down
87 Saw a famous dwarf hero battling a monster fall into a deep underground pit with their famous weapon with them
88 Saw orc hero murder your kinfolk with a famous orc weapon associated with one of their gods
90 Took a wound from a supernatural weapon wielded by the dead and only a dedicated healer helped you survive with a miracle effort
91 Chased from a famous crystal mine by strange creatures from the elemental planes
92 Saw the fall of a troll tusked titan with its vast ivory weapons. You even met the great dwarf hero who did it
93 Helped to hold the great gate from a horde of d4 1=undead 2=orcs 3=trolls 4=evil dwarves
94 Escaped a vast underland battle smothered in collapse of a vast cavern kindom
95 Saw the mighty titan-golem Uluk-Ghan slay thousands before orcs got inside and killed the crew and burned it from within
96 Had to flee a mighty city as a youth and defend the refugees while the mature warriors were slaughtered in a delaying attack on enemy d4 1=orcs 2=dragons 3=undead 4=dark elves
97 Saw thousands of dwarf prisoners decapitated by an evil human warlord as an act of betrayal and had to hide and do nothing to report the crime
98 Were at a famous battle where another species betrayed them d4 1=humans 2=elves 3=now evil dwarf clan 4=beast folk
99 Were in a famous last battle with giants where the sun was blotted out by the forest of them 
100 Saw great battle with chaos where gods battled in the sky overhead and spent months hunting chaos fiends after that fled the battle