d100 Terrible Times Growing up an Elf

Has hayfever and pet dramas so no patreon last month
Have had up to 4 gigs a day for Dec already
Frog related dramas here too

I do want to do a book for Xmas
Possibly music and sick frogs got in way also
I find if I'm on a roll writing blog stuff it can make patreon suffer or vice versa

So if you don't know elves in my game are snooty elitist jerks. They made some other races to be slaves and even just kidnapped humans as malleable pawns. Elves are mostly immortal even the earthborn ones are very long-lived and not very fertile. Many can't even breastfeed their babies so they have to find human wet nurses. Their nobles and elites are even more infertile and struggle to care for their infants. The wilder earthborn elves survive much better but do suffer some effects of time only living a thousand years. Elves like to credit themselves as one of first people who served the gods but over time their numbers have dropped and they have become isolated.

I use a BX-like elf class but they can choose any of 4 spell lists to use and can change their class. Even zero-level elves have a cantrip and people know it. Elves are most likely to cast spells and run. They don't take risks or fight fair wars, preferring to skirmish and use vassals and slaves to fight. The nicer elves are paternalistic to the lesser mortal peoples. The evil ones enjoy tormenting and pranking humans. They would rather make a person suffer for life or kidnap slaves than just kill people.

d12 Fun Facts about Faerieland
1 Faerieland has distorted flow of time and most inhabitants are virtually immortal
2 Those who die in fairyland are reincarnated in the faerie world
3 Faerie food like fruit from faerieland is highly addictive and goblins use it to entrap humans into slavery. Non faerie food can be harmful to faerie folks and weakens their bond to the other world if they spend too long in the mortal world. It can cause them to become like earthborn faerie and elves
4 In past times faerie colonised the world and elves aided the gods in spreading life over the world. Those born on the mortal world were cut off from the fey source and are the more common faerie folk we now know
5 The bright and dark faerie do not fight as people think - they are kindred and avoid conflict. Their kings and queens and gods are the same they just have different forms to appear to their bright or dark elf subjects. They are aspects of summer and winter or night and day
6 In the great world tree you can reach realms of the bright elves and dark elves and meet all kinds of faerie folk and creatures in its branches, trunks, roots and crowns

7 Faerie folk are great gardeners of plants and fungus and surround their lands in dense defensive vegetation such as poison thorns, spore bearing fungus and ambulant trees and mushrooms
8 Faerie are long lived but have poor fertility and high infant mortality and struggle to feed their babies milk. Thus they kidnap wet nurses or swap their ailing babies with humans to give them a better chance of survival. Elves raised by humans and live eventually are contacted by their true families and taken home
9 As elves are kindred to the trees and giant mushrooms, goblins are kindred to shrubs, bushes, scrub and toadstools. Many served the elves and still do but many became feral and now hate elves for slavery
10 Orcs were made from elves once but those methods are lost in time partly due to elves killing the wizards who did this and burning their schools. Orcs were also made from corpses and med or even alchemical mud but orcs themselves gained the power to reproduce as other races. They still hate elves but some serve them There are still wizards who make orcs but many more orcs hate wizards

11 The oldest elf kingdoms are hidden from humans and do not let humans leave. In some places their ancient forests are growing again with unnatural speed. They are preparing to fight ancient enemies again
12 Dwarves and trolls are also older races with long histories of conflict and allegiances with elves. Now most trolls are insane cancerous creatures and the other troll races were slaughtered by their degenerate kin. Only giants and dragons and the gods are older

d10 Quick Types of Terrible Times
1 Past Lives
2 Servitude
3 Slavery
4 Childhood
5 Rituals
6 Friendship
7 Terrible Perils
8 Wonders
9 Warfare
10 Strange Life

d100 Terrible Times Growing up an Elf
01 Recall a past life long ago as human barbarian buried in a barrow that later came to be worshipped as a faerie place
02 In a past life you were a lesser faerie d4 1=brownie 2=sprite 3=boggart 4=
03 In a past life were a spirit folk changeling who change from an elf like form to another species d4 1=animal spirit 2=plant spirit 3=water spirit 4=earth spirit
04 In a past life you were a human kidnapped by elves and who worked as a slave for an unnaturally vast time period before dying in faeriland and were reborn as a faerie
5 You were a goblinoid in a past life a slave to elves who died doing your duties
6 You were a plant or an animal in a past life living in fairyland
7 You remember a past life as a human in a settlement destroyed by a great apocalyptic disaster brought by the gods d4 1=drowned by sea or lake 2=volcanic activity 3=comet strike 4=swallowed up by earth
8 In a past life you served a cruel faerie noble and was callously killed for some error
9 In a past life lived as an elf in the golden age but were slain in wars commencing the age of darkness. Now that age is long over and you have been reborn
10 In a past life lived as an elf in the golden age but were slain by dragons and you now shudder at their mention
11 You served in the wilderness spreading trees and fungus to expand the borders
12 You served in a nobles court as servants bearing your masters implements and carrying their cloaks and dresses of the ground
13 You worked in the stables waiting on the steeds and pets of nobility and cleaning up their excrement
14 You carried messages from the mortal world to fairylands and back
15 You shaved nobles keeping them free of unsightly body hair from some past lineage with bestial hairy humans. You had to keep this secret and pose as some other personal servant
16 You were a privy attendant of a faerie noble and cannot believe how disgusting the streets and sewers of humans are by comparison to the odourless stools of fey folk
17 You served your master obtaining exotic addictive drugs used by decadent elites and helped them remain high for months at a time in drug comas. You had to feed them and care for them in this state
18 You cared for some monstrous pet of your faerie masters d6 1=unicorn 2=werewolves 3=faerie hounds 4=griffons 5=pegasai 6=drake
19 You were a bath house attendant for nobles, scrubbing them and keeping the water and bubbles and scented oils just right and occasionally being used by them as lovers
20 You served food in the house of a noble and got to eat food scraps even human kings have never seen the likes of
21 Lured humans off the forest paths into traps with seductive glances and addictive faerie food
22 Stole human babies and left sickly elf babies in return
23 Trapped feral goblins and returned them to elven domination
24 Cared for baby goblins and trained them to serve elves
25 Charmed innocent humans who were pretty enough and took them forever to faerieland
26 Directed werewolves on horrible missions into human lands
27 Trained captive humans in their chores and duties, especially those who waited on or talked to the masters
28 Had to punish goblin and human slaves for the pleasure of the masters
29 Had to track escaped slaves and return them to the masters
30 Worked at the slave markets preparing goblins and humans for sale
31 Were weak and sickly as child until saved by a human wet nurse you still remember fondly
32 Your siblings were sickly and died leaving you alone as a child
33 Goblins used to bully you as a small child and pull your hair out
34 Your teacher beat you with thorny sticks when you rebelled in school
35 Chased by orcs in the forest as a child and were lost for days crying
36 As child raised by humans who feared if harm came to you their own child held by elves would suffer. Eventually you were traded back and you wonder what happened to your human family and the changeling spy that took your place
37 Spent several years living with strange foreign elf clans which was horrible but you did learn much
38 Rival elves kidnapped you as a hostage for decades and kept you imprisoned until you escaped at great cost
39 Had a beloved pet that looked after you and eventually died saving you from peril
40 Parents were killed by orcs and you spent years lost and alone in hiding
41 Married to a nature spirit for a ritual and lived as their servant for a year
42 Selected for a great honour in a festival but when priests inspected you they found a freckle and you were declared imperfect for the gods
43 Selected be a sacred servant of a seer but you had a forbidden affair and had to flee or be sacrificed for your crime
44 Led a spring parade that ended in a feast and a orgy with nobility
45 Led a summer procession to greet the new sun and celebrate the end of the great darkness
46 Led a autumn festival and met the lord of the forest which you cant forget even if you try
47 Led a winter celebration ceremony and there was an accident on the ice. Someone you know fell into the cracked ice into a chilling lake and vanished
48 Saw festivities and coronation centenary party and any other party seems lame now
49 Saw the funeral of one of the great elders who served the gods at the dawn of time
50 Had to oversee a goblin celebration and saw all their filthy sordid antics for days and thinking about it still makes you shudder
51 A mighty elf wizard friend of your parents left you in the care of used to entertain you and you used to jump on their enormous swan down mattress and have midnight feasts of magical food
52 When lost on the world tree you were found by a peculiar sphere headed being who gave you magical sweets and cared for you a few years until your parents found you
53 You made friends with a werewolf servant of your parents and used to run in the forest with them
54 You met a dwarf hostage imprisoned in your parents cellar making metal items. You freed them and even though you were punished by being beaten with live snakes, you are sure this dwarf friend is out there somewhere
55 You met a clan of gnomes and used to dance with them at night until you family told you to stop fraternising with them
56 You met a ancient dragon friend of a elf noble and you spent time reading poetry together while they were in elf form
57 You fell of a ship and were rescued by selkies who showed you their undersea grotto then took you home
58 You had a goblin servant who cared for you like a grand parent. They would take you to the goblin markets. You set them free when they become old as they wanted to see their homeland a last time
59 You remember getting along with sprites and brownies as a child, but as an adult it became a bit odd. You still think fondly of them
60 Long ago you had a human servant you cared for deeply but one day d4 1=vampire snatched them 2=they took an arrow meant for you 3=dire wolves ate them 4=they were retired to a farm where all your mortal servants go to live out their days in peace and contentment. They never said where it was though
61 Orcs captured you and before they could do unspeakable things to you dwarves killed them all and released you
62 A mountain rope and wood bridge collapsed. You held on to the rope but saw some family fall into a chasm
63 Rebel goblins started a revolution on your clan estate and you saw it burn and had to flee
64 You were riding in the forest alone the first time and got lost. You were chased by dire wolves and the horse was eaten while you fled
65 A dark elf noble kidnapped you and tortured you for fun. You remember their laughter in your nightmares
66 Dark elves threw you into a pit of purple worms and you barley escaped
67 You were kidnapped by deluded humans who believed your blood and bones make beauty products to make people look younger. You barley got away
68 A vampire held you in their larder trapped in a coffin in darkness but adventurers drove the vampire away and released you
69 You were shot with an arrow while travelling and awoke in a ditch after days alone. It took months to find you friends
70 An undead monster infected you with a terrible disease but priests saved your life and destroyed the creatures
71 Saw a deity in the elvish court
72 Saw the majestic crystal grotto where elf nobility and divinities bathe
73 Saw a council of ancient trees at their centennial meeting
74 Saw one of the star faeries descend to earth with their crystal ornithopter and courtiers
75 Saw majestic dance of dryads and nymphs at a forest festival
76 Saw giants erect standing stone monoliths
77 Saw unicorns in their sacred grove elect their new leader
78 Shown visions of the dragon spawning pits of hell in a crystal ball
79 Saw the last migration of giants go into the mountains, shunning the realms of humans and their frontier
80 Saw vast flight of griffin riders performing aerial manoeuvres you were not meant to see
81 Saw your army exterminate rebel goblins and their villages
82 Saw your army battle dwarves over a gem mine until a peace reached
83 Sole survivor of a battle against orcs and you were sent to get help, but it was too late
84 Saw a giant attack on an outpost and managed to hide but saw giants eating your friends alive
85 Saw a mob of anti elf human zealots chasing local elves including you. When they crossed the border to elfland. They were all enslaved and the leaders turned into lycanthropes and sent home
86 Saw a goblin army chasing elves into a forest but then the tree spirits awoke and massacred the goblins. You remember the blood covered trees filled with skulls like rotting fruit
87 You remember when orc soldiers chased elf scouts into the woods and broke their ranks. The orcs were charmed and turned on their friends and then willingly followed elves to elfland to be slaves
88 You saw the sky dark with arrows and vast fields of slaughter that haunt your dreams. Sometimes people you meet remind you of a corpse on that bloody field
89 You were in a outpost that spent days fighting off constant waves of trolls and when you ran out of flammables things got worse. Luck allies came and drove the trolls away
90 You remember a terrible frontier war and lost many relatives, some who were vastly ancient. Your short lived enemies barely remembers the war d4 1=humans 2=orcs 3=goblins 4=beast folk
91 Imprisoned by a polar wizard making magical toys in his icy sweatshop
92 Visited the crystal city in the sky of a star spirit and served in their court
93 Lived in a hidden hill fort on the borderlands spying on local humans and helping plant new forests in secret
94 Missed several thousand years history asleep in a mighty oak tree
95 Saw the celestial orrery outside the world sphere and into the outer void where hungry beings older than time lurk. You and your family turned back and abandoned the great void ark
96 Served a wizard and used his crystal sphere to watch life on the elemental planes until a elemental deity whispered your name and you stopped
97 Saw the underworld prison where elder giants and old gods are chained in a vast cave of suffering by the gods
98 Live in the trunk of the world tree for a time meeting many faerie folk and travellers between worlds. There were some views from the world tree that would stagger the minds of mortal beings
99 You spent a time lost in the vast world of living flesh known as Xor. You found savages there with no metal or plants feeding from meat but afraid to take too much. Eventually you were devoured and shat out onto your home world
100 Left in an elemental plane by your teacher. You miraculously survived by your resourcefulness and luck and you barley hurt anything. you found a portal you found and left behind others who didn't make it

Strange Stars Play Notes & What to do Next

My Strange Stars game has lasted months now with 3 players which means if one away still doable as a few family guys have conflicts for a sat game but we have done better this year. Possibly might get a game off b4 xmas. Maybe some long-day one-offs in New Year holidays. Boxing day bachelor gathering is possible too.

Re reading Traveller New Era Vampire fleets which has some nice AI personalities I had not considered. I should probably add all the ones I've done to date into a d100 table and expand some types out like the simulated personalities. Currently, the player's ship has two AI. One the Lucky Lady an ex Beler Casino AI now ship computer. She is friendly and hospitable who appears as a rootin tootin lucky cowgirl who finds gold nuggets in space. The other ship AI is a military security model in the secret genetics lab that the ship has a block on knowing exists and can be overridden. The player space marine gun thinks its a French rock star from the 22nd century (classical music). I did roll for the gun to not fire in today's session.

So based on lots I've been reading and watching about realistic space stuff had players go from the Martian training on one of the moons of mars and were frozen for hiG millitary transport to their ship near Jupiter. They Flew on to Uranus then on to rendezvous with a long lost ship. The players have an undercrewed large salvage ship with two crane arms and two Hab rings that rotate. When they got 10 weeks closer to the target and training the detected another unknown vessel moving to the same coordinates. Crew increased acceleration for a week and got to a few astronomical units away. Was a bit dangerous for the non-G-enhanced characters (martian marines built for acceleration). No accidents and spoke to angry belters who complained their starving family needed this salvage. Then they tried to threaten with their contacts. It seems the belter salvage crew were moving at 2G and wouldn't have fuel to get far arter. As the party pilot was a belter he tried being nice and threatened them back and it went as well as possible. Party frozen leaving the marine in charge and he spent a week at 4G studying engineering and the schematics of the salvage ship model.

So they easily beat the rival ship who made vague threats about their buddies. Party contacted the wreck AI and was convinced it was in a simulation because of all the impossible things it had seen over 50 years. Poor ship was keen to end the simulation and assumed its a test for long-range missions. The party moved ship close and took a launch with the Doc and pilot while the marine in his power armour rode outside on the "runner-boards" . Did some non-auto examination of the wreck and saw a suited body fly from the wreck to their ship. Hmmm everyone went to check it out. It seemed to be hanging like a ragdoll on a ladder staple by a work pod door on the Lucky Lady. The marine shot the old damaged suit without a response then shot its hand off. Marine got a sack and claw arm from the ship and collected arm. The pilot returned to ship and got a work pod to catch body flying into space while doc flew the launch into the wrecked ships cargo bay. The rest of the part was entered by Workpod Bay into engineering. The AI seemed cheerful and hopeful of victory in the game.

Repreasurised the ship but low temps and frozen slush everywhere. Fixed heating and slush melted into exotic comet gases and were vented. Doc started to look at the body and found a mummified corpse. Found under useless suit a strange chest wound which they know meant this guy had some kind of cult implant. So as it was engineering Doc grabbed power saw for a vivisection. And the long undead being tried to claw Doc. The marine destroyed it but the AI gun almost hesitated to fire. Kept exploring and found no crew signs and the passenger g-couches with dead passengers in old broken work suits. The party mentioned nuking the place and leaving. Something twitched. Then the next room were 24 crypods all occupied and all with zero life signs. These bodies were dressed in the style of ancient Iceland, which they had found signs of before, FOund a shrine in captain's office of a shrine with half a mummified wendigo and a mess. Unlocked pursers safe and found two idols one of clay a screaming long skinny limbed creature hugging its legs and the other of a six-horned rhino made of some sort of horn.

Final room was VIP room and this wasn't so great, Six undead cult wizards, centuries old and mummified chanted for Iquatha some lept at the party one tried strange powers. The pilot and marine opened fire and badly wounded several. Three ancient Icelandic wizd lich dived at party without magnetic boots or velcro slippers. Two flew through a hatch flying dozens of meters into a wall. A third grabbed chair on the way. One hit the door next to Doc and he shot with his silent pistol. several. More bursts and more wizards exploded chanting Iquatha. A greneide after all the old wizards who turns out have poor extravehicular and zero G training were all blown to bits. The other passengers began to awake.

Doc and pilot went to grab black box and the AI core. The marine went done to the actor and did a brilliant scrambled start up sequence for a smooth ten-minute self-destruct sequence, Saw undead coming and worked faster and just made it and fled. Pilot and Doc with the data got chased into a work pod door and managed to get in a pod and smash out. Turns out decompression sucked lots of undead away from the marine who got outside and flew jetpack to safety.

Luck Lady informed them of a strange white cloud about 10km across composed of gas and ice crystals an unknown phenomena perhaps like rings of Uranus edges. Enveloped in the cloud as the ship puts in maximum acceleration. The nuke went off and the cloud seemed to react violently. The pilot thought he heard a scream. The marine didn't notice a thing. Doc passed out spasming having visions of Iquatha threatening vengeance. He awoke wary of the cold and considered must get some incendiary weapons and maybe visit Mercury. Hay didn't the party decoys get killed by some ball of fire destroying their ship?

It was a nice fun scenario.

Meanwhile, the Astronomers Guild cult has relaxed and is sure the party is dead because of the decoys. But also the party have escalated conflict with the Iquatha cult to summoning gods. The Astronomers guild wants to use lesser cults to fight for them and kill investigation teams. Party passing through Uranus to get fuel home I'm sure nothing bad will happen.

Will try and do some more detailed entries on major worlds then lots of major moons and asteroids. Possibly all major cults could get bio mod trees. Maybe top black science programs by governments and cults.

Enjoyed players doing lots of research, science roles and nice tech most sf games were blocked in games we played years ago. Happy to not worry about old books and magic.

Halfling Hangups from Growing Up

Terrible Backstories and grimy pasts for small folk. Halfling problems can seem mild compared to dwarves and elves but they are also often targeted by bullies who see them as rich lazy weak and decadent. I guess the problems of an elf and a gnome will be soon. A few Patreon things dropping soon. 

d10 Quick drama type
1 Feasts and famines

2 Homelife

3 Monster 

4 Bullies

5 Exploring

6 Contests

7 Romance

8 Friends & Foes

9 Mysterious passages

10 Strange tales

d100 Halfling Hangups Growing Up
01 Ate so many pies at a pie eating contest you can't eat one specific pie ingredient ever again without vomiting

02 Older generation offended by comments at a festival feast and now they all think you are a whiny complaining troublemaker

03 Your crazy uncle at a feast kept bringing up to you the Dark Lord's reign as the good old days and a few years later he left the village of "soft stupid fatties"

04 A terrible shortage of butter for several years made so many meals bland it was awful

05 Accidentally burned grandma's recipe book and was outcast 

06 During a winter famine you broke into the food stores and ate everything and have been hated ever since by clan

07 One winter famine you were so hungry you ate bark and dead leaves and you became skinny with sagging skin for months until you found the remains of a frozen hald eaten dead badger in the snow 

08 You developed a mad craving for sweet food and got caught stealing pies and cookies and now other kin know you are dirty thief

09 One winter was so cold your clan ate several grandparents. It was embarrassing and sad but you kept bringing it up every year at family dinner after

10 A certain food makes you sob uncontrollably even when stuffing your face but you can't talk about it
11 Started a burrow fire and destroyed handmade crafts from generations and the whole family never stopped bringing it up and look wary when you are near fire

12 Burrowed into a rival family larder and shamefully stole their food

13 Was in an arranged marriage with a spotty short bossy brat who hated you so you fled

14 Your siblings robbed your inheritance and framed you for sacrilege so you had to flee

15 Orcs followed your trail home and ate your family and you escaped with your life and not much else

16 Your burrow was invaded by giant bugs who carried away your kin while you were fishing

17 While you were in woods looking at erotic parchments from an uncles trunk slavers took your clan

18 Burrow flooded and destroyed family became homeless nomads and paupers

19 Long winter where snow wolves constantly attacked and ate half your family

20 A human army came through demanding food and supplies and took everything

21 Carried away by a magical water horse and found wound up on another continent 

22 Dragon attacked and stole family wealth and ate some elders who could not flee

23 Dryad kidnapped you for years and when she abandoned you your village was abandoned

24 Plague of giant animals invaded village and burrows, eating family and took over d4 1=frogs 2=rats 3=scorpions 4=spiders 

25 Basilist petrified family and poisoned land ruining your home

26 Nighthag came from the underworld and kidnapped your siblings and left you

27 Chaos unicorns came and poisoned your home woodlands with mutants  

28 A deranged treant attacked your village, it had rotting brains and termites and was mad with pain, but lots of your kin died

29 Giant came to the village eating everyone's food so halflings only got 4 meals day

30 During a terrible famine you found a frozen troll, chopped it up and brought it home for food. Mysteriously dozens of trolls attacked your burrow that night. You wonder if you were somehow responsible
31 The dark lord broke the dam upstream and flooded the village 

32 A wizard came to live in your village d4 1=was a mean tyrant 2=was a necromancer 3=was a vampire 4=had a demon familiar

33 Local slavers kidnapped your family and sold them to foreign lands

34 You were with a party who all broke into a villainous robber knight ruined caste and discovered he was a vampire. Only you survived 

35 The dark lord had your village overtaken by doppelganger changelings who ate your family as they replaced them

36 A mean wizard sent his orcs to steal all our village pipeweed for years

37 A human guild master tried to ban halfling goods making the village poor until we found that guild contract in a trunk exempting us signed by three kings

38 A bandit gang tried to steal our food in winter but they mysteriously disappeared and other bandits know your clans now

39 A crime guild came to get extortion from us and your uncles ground them to pulp in the village mill. The rose garden loved it but the guild master escaped

40 A noble tried to impose a tax on luxury food on your village but the lord found nobody wanted to try and collect it so nothing happened  

41 Discovered a sinkhole with pre-human ruins but ran away from the albino cave lizards there

42 Found a new trade route to a new town with excellent chees and ham, were given a pewter mug from your clan out of gratitude

43 Found a mysterious door while expanding your burrow but your grandma made you bury it again and leave it alone

44 Found a mysterious garden gate under a full moon while picking mistletoe in the village blackberry bush maze. It was gone the next day

45 Dreamed of finding a ruin on a mountain top and years later you saw the mountain

46 On a ramble as youth discovered caves in the wild where dragons breed

47 Found a secret trap door in uncles trunk, it opens into the planar library of hell where Imps offer free tuition wizard schooling 

48 While swimming fled from a lake monster by hiding in an ancient stone passage of some sunken ruin

49 Exploring a barrow mound you got home with treasure but that night undead attacked and turned your childhood friends into ghouls and ate your family

50 Found on the frozen mountain an ice-covered doorway. Before you could get close a giant saw you and got a few of your siblings
51 Won the village farting competition three years running

52 Caught your father cheating in a pumpkin growing contest. He got some magic powder from pixies who lived in a tree trunk he used 

53 Won the prettiest baby competition twice but some are still resentful to you

54 Accidently shot your brother in the eye during a hunting contest and he just wont get over it

55 You fleeced a crooked gambler now his crime want to skin you alive

56 Won the steal from an elf witch contest but she turned you into a frog for a while

57 Banned for life from temple eating contests for having explosive diarrhoea

58 While having a belching contest near a strange eldrich monalith accidentally uttered the arcane words to release shadowy creatures before the human age. Everyone blames you for the mess after

59 Only survivor of a fishing contest and the losers families all hate you and the giant lake eel who ate them

60 Vomited in grandma's lap at a wedding when you organised a cider-drinking contest at the feast
61 Caught a terrible disease at a party and everyone knows who you were with 

62 Caught by your lover's parents who beat you and chased you all over town

63 Your lover was really a doppelganger who tried to eat you

64 Stole flowers from a wizard garden for your sweetheart and they turned out to be deadly carnivorous plants that infested the village and caused problems for years

65 Your sweetheart jilted you to run away to marry a bandit

66 You met a wonderful lover and were sworn to marry but a dragon ate them

67 You were flirting at a party but your love interest's family wanted you gone and had you chased away with assassins

68 Caught your lover with an imp learning evil magic and fled for your life

69 Your lover was found undead, drained by a succubi/incubus  

70 Your lover was carried away by drunk satyrs and centaurs celebrating the wine god
71 You met real elves and visited elfland and was impressed by food quality but not quantity. You know a few elves  

72 Were mentored by a gnome who lived in a treestump near your village and listened to your problems

73 An old wizard used to give you sweets and pinch your cheeks and said he would always try to help you if you ask

74 You saw a damn dirty orc dire wolf rider burn your barn and frighten your family. If you ever see that damned fiend again you will make them pay

75 A hermit priest long retired lived in a dolmen and you used to hear his stories and wonder about the world

76 A cousin was possessed by an evil ghost and fled into the arms of a secret evil cult. If only you could save your cousin

77 An old shopkeeper you respected you caught talking to his imp. He tried to kill you then fled the village. It was quite a surprise i can tell you

78 Sherrif of village got you and your gang running errands in emergencies as kids and you would have been a beadle if only your family didn't sabotage your dream by being of the criminal class 

79 An old druid used to sit you on his knee and teach you about plants and animals

80 Knew a famous cook and got their valuable recipe book including foods that act like potions. You need to learn some alchemy to make these
81 You found a hidden complex of gnomes with secret doors all over a forest. These gnomes kidnapped you and made you their prisoner but lucky you escaped the black cap clan of spiteful bullies

82 Found a hag cave and she put you in a cage and fed you on sweet cakes and buns you couldn't resist. Luckily you escaped by pretending to be dead and never looked back

83 Found a haunted witch house rumoured to contain treasure and spooks but ran away

84 Found a secret entrance into a barrow mound where dark elves were celebrating their evil deeds for the year and you hid then fled when all clear

85 Found a semi-sunken underground city in a sinkhole in a swamp but a dragon lives there

86 Found a scary wrecked ship in a swamp people say is the home of a witch ogre who once served an ogre king long ago

87 Found a lost prehuman crypt on the estate of a nobleman while poaching but he set dogs on you and you are wary of them a bit especially of ones trained to attack your folk

88 You found a cave that took you to a hidden clifftop ruin most don't know exists. There are mystic spirals on dolmen and monoliths and statues of ancient trolls before their fall into brutality. Many types and sizes are depicted and many are small and harmless ancestors of barn stove and roof trolls. You fled when the bad kind of trolls came

89 Exploring a haunted lighthouse with your friends and your dog as a youth and you fled from a real ghost! Have a cowardly old hungry war dog of the north folk still

90 You and your gang foiled plans of robbers and got kidnapped and escaped as kids several times and were well-known meddling kids. You hope you can be remembered for more recent adventures as the others were spread by bards and puppet shows
91 Found a magic circle to faerie land that works under a full moon d4 1=stone 2=mushroom 3=flowers 4=trees

92 Overheard faeries plotting to influence local nobles and replace noble babies with changelings

93 Talking goats made you swear to tell nobody of their secret network of sentient farm animals fighting chaos

94 Family turned into cannibals were-rat chaos cultists who hunt you from time to time

95 Found a suspicious travelling carnival with many weird characters from other worlds. In the morning they were gone but you'd love to see them again

96 Grew magic beans that let you climb to Giantland where giants chased you and ate your friend

97 Found a badger hole and looked inside to find a tiny doorway to a land of small faeries and various beasting folk who drank tea and ate cake. Lucky they thought you were a hedgehogling and one of them 

98 Haunted by your perverted uncle who was in a demon cult and craves your young physical body

99 Discovered an underground cave while lost underground for months. There were albino cave dinosaurs living in a fungus forest. It was amazing but nobody believed you

100 You saw a sinister shadowy tower appear and disappear hours later. Apparently, this happens every year and it can be used to travel vast distances. Sometimes awful creatures come out and sometimes knights of Law will attack them

Monster Book Reviews

To be fair im not into monster books much. Most i just run from my head even if I've been doing wrong for 40 years. I do use books more at higher lever to find challenges so patfinder and DnD5 and Sandy Paterson's Cthulhu Mythos for more powerful monsters. Sandys Mythos for 5th ed been by me bed several years and sometimes I prefer to Call of Cthulhu 7 versions (older eds slightly different). I still like Wikipedia on folkloric monster lore. I'm looking for the Dolemwood books. I still like the Stormbringer rpg take that hafl monsters should be unique and I like animal mashup lots. Still here are my takes on some monster books available. I kinda wish was a definative Mystara monster book - ive got several but not creature catalogue and none feel complete. My biggest beef with original adventures reincarnated series is gave stat blocks on monsters but sometimes zero lore and in the barrier peaks book added creatures for bonus adventures with no illustrations also.

Megadungeon Monster Manual 💗💗💗💥
So this is a companion for Greg Gillespie mega-dungeons and compiles monster sections from other works into one. 108 pages with an orange dress spine to fit in your AD&D 1.5 era books. Lots are familiar and the art is great. I always liked the fiend folio for art the most of TSR monster books and I think this is a good comparison. There are new and variant familiar creatures and it is pretty good. Suspect I probably shouldn't look at the writer's non-gaming opinions. Do you need this? Possibly helpful if you're doing the mega-dungeon campaign and certainly you could use it as your main monster book for a while. Some of these critters needed a consistent update. Pretty art and nostalgia rank high here.

Pathfinder Bestiary vol 1-6 💗💗💗💗
I picked up the smaller mini versions but recently got the larger versions as they are more readable. Im finding lots of digest format stuff with small fonts increasingly hard to read and increasingly likely to not buy stuff that is too hard to read. I even came to like the 90s TSR large print to fill space stuff. So these cover many monsters we consider classics and lots more. I tend to use dnd5 stuff for high level because mostly they are more dangerous and have lots of HP. The monsters here are tougher than 1st ed but not as gross as dnd5. They also seem to have more monsters spreading over various levels. They have filled out more demons and angels and Cthulhu mythos monsters. They have lots of extraplanar beings if you need them. A couple of problems that bug me a bit are Indian Mythology where some of these "creatures" may be living ethnic groups. People still worship Nagas too and most not as evil or troublesome as games suggest. Even Rakshasa have some issues. My other slight dilemma was the inclusion of UFO mythology-based takes on Ancient Iraqui mythology which is kind of racist despite its popularity and all based on awful crackpot Zacharia Sitchin. Unfortunately, recent growth in Idiocy means I'm finding it harder to enjoy UFO cult ideas in my games and comics. Even the whole Cthulu Mythos im struggling to like as much as I did even though I have over 100 RPG books on this. Despite this an interesting monster compilation and a worthy consideration for completeness and consistency.

Creature Feature Compendium 💗💗💗💥
This book I was attracted to the very thick digest format and layouts. I have mentioned it here before but have struggled to get into reading it. All are illustrated and mostly they seem interesting modern monster ideas. My biggest beef is some silly oversized anime weapons. To me lots of these seem better as planar creatures and possibly would suit dark sun with its over-the-top nasty spiky masculine setting (kinda like some Riddick film's looks and vibe would work in Dark Sun). I think I would be more likely to use as individual one offs than as species in the book. Ive had a bash at reading and despite the good info and detail Im not loving it or finding it usable. Possibly I like mythical monsters the most. I don't know If Id like a second volume but id take a look. Some of damages of creatures exceed their HP in a round and lots have magic weapons you can score but I don't think id want in a game. I admire it is well done book that looks good but im not finding useful or in love with it.

The Monster Overhaul 💗💗💗💗
This is the newest star on the Block and it is very good. I like some of the simplifications and new mechanics on offer. Some of the creatures lean more into mythology some a bit away. The eating monsters notes was fun but a few I would have considered deadly poison straight up. At least you can play a gourmet monster eater better now and the risks are the kind of OSR ones like using buttons, drinking coloured pools and pulling mystery leavers. It has a good range of creatures. There are some breaks with traditions like Bugbears a type of ogre rather than goblinoid which is a trope I like. In many ways, it is like what I would do If I did a monster book and I can understand trying to sort monsters by type, season. climate or other factors. The BECMI Creature catalogue tried this approach and I think it is quite tricky to do right and be usable at table. It was a good read and inspirational. Some taste differences to what Id do but a solid big book with lots of utility and inspiration. Lots of interesting mechanics and good integrated monster tables. It diverges from classic lore sometimes for the better. While close to many of my own ideas I probably wont use it as is. Its one of best books this year and not just monster statblocks like many monster books.

Beware the Under-Hippo

Under-Hippo
Neutral Animal Move 9 Swim 6 Infravision
AC +4 HD8 Att Trample 4d6 or Bite 3d6

Hippos were crossed with demons and used as domestic animals before the sky fell on the underland trapping everyone. Some say the hippos living in alchemist waste are weirder. Most live in caves or underland swamps and fungus forest waterways and help spread wetlands. Similar to surface beasts they have more bat-like ears and pallid flesh with some variations. They are able to be trained to carry goods in wetlands and rivers but sometimes eat handlers. Some are bred for meat and milk.

Sub Species
Necro Hippo - transparent flesh and glowing bones, if killed arises as a zombie in d4 rounds
Narco Hippo - 3 range 90-degree cone narcotic cloud save of confused for 2d4 rounds, once a day can haste self for d4 rounds. Mostly they are busy having narcotic visions from eating magic marine herbs all day. If hurt or surprised sets them off on a d4 round berserk rampage
Spider Hippo - extra spider limbs and face with poison bite and climb and spin webs
Rock Hippo - AC+7 eats delicious mud and rocks and works well in mines and quarries
Muto Hippo - caries d6 minor mutations and a d3 major ones immune tp poison & disease
Shock Hippo - electric horn shoots 3d8 electric bolt range 4 every second round, save halves
Gas Hippo - inflated with gas if edged weapon hits attacker gets a blast of stinking cloud, can float and propel by flatulence Mov3 but prone to wind and weather
Phase Hippo - can slip into an ethereal plane if predators approach then pop back to ambush, can reach food inside barrels or inside a storehouse without leaving a trace
Bat Hippo - has set of huge folding bat wings and hollow bones and pointed fangs
Vege Hippo - formed from vegetation and swamp somehow and it defends plants from being harmed by animals, some have two plant tentacles that can grapple and lift a victim into the hippo mouth
Cave Hippo - Blends into rocks in water and on banks attack anyone medium size getting too close or if it wants a snack. Can spit rocks size of bowling balls range 6 3d4 damage, need to eat a stone to shoot again. Families play catch or weaker ones may supply front ranks with fresh stones in a fight

Make the Underland Kinky Again 2: Svartheim Encounters

Underland Encounters for the dark elf city of Svartheim. 
These are common encounters but city districts have their own encounters and character.
Will be a carousing table and maybe a d100 shops or an A-Z

Obviously not for innocent adventurers who best go home.

d12 Common Svartheim Street Vendors
1 Spiced beetle on a stick 2cp some fancy versions with gold and silver leaf
2 Hot buttered maggots 2cp wiggle all the away
3 Worms in aspic 2cp in a mushroom cap 
4 Marinaded mushroom kebabs 4cp with beetle or mushroom sauce
5 Flat Teast Bread 1cp causes melancholia and pale skin if eaten daily for a week
6 Pickled cave onions 2cp 
7 Lamprey stew 1sp
8 Baby goblin pie 1sp well done or uncooked with black sauce or pea soup
9 Cave nettle soup 1cp quite tasty and nutritious BYO bowl or cup 
10 Cave hog foot 6cp with mushroom gravy
11 Lotus Tea from a silver samovar on a cart 1sp only mildly addictive
12 Goblin brains 2cp stewed or 1sp for fresh living goblin tied to special table to remove top of head and the goblin complains the whole time

d12 Common Buskers in Svartheim
1 Dark elf with lute sings of drugs and orgies and stabbing a former friends
2 Goblins playing bongo drums smoking swamp weed
3 Goblin jester juggling baby goblins and hatchets and burning torches
4 Goblin stabs self for money or invites ppl to stab him and bet they can hurt him (secretly a nilbog and is healed by normal weapons)
5 Bugbear stall where you throw a shrunken head at an erotic goblin fertility idol, 3 goes for 1cp if you can get AC+10 you win a giant hornworm
6 Were rat with amazing rat circus on a cart 
7 Dark elf erotic dancer of indeterminate gender but very pretty
8 Goblin pole dancers slink around on lamp posts in glittery silk g-strings   
9 Kiss my succubus in this tent 1pp d4 1=what it says 2=actually it is a wight with an illusion 3=oops its a medusa 4=really hungry doppelgangers
10 Wretched human magican lost down here doing tricks for food, has become scatty and deranged
11 Goblin jester singing songs about flatulence, VD, diarrhoea and growing up in a brothel
12 Dark elf bard with harpsicord with live squealing kittens inside to make so called music

d20 Common Svartheim Vice on Streets
1 Drug den where children help keep smokers unconscious on black lotus
2 Dealer on street in long coat offering drugs, poison and stolen magic items
3 Sex workers call from an alley offering cheap quick thrills
4 Bar where strange wines with venomous animals in bottles for sale with alchemical brews and common narcotics in drink forms. Some drinks are made from juiced live animals
5 Brothel with performers in window invite travellers inside for sex drugs and floggings
6 Mushroom dealer selling stew, mushroom beer and narcotic magic mushrooms
7 Strange old person selling drinkable dreams and strong emotions extracted from people desperate for cash

8 Goblin offering mystery gloryholes, no questions asked

9 Goblin selling erotic lacquered fungus and root vegetables shaped like royalty

10 Priest soaping up naked goblins and pilgrims on the street for church donations

11 Orc gimps in spiked leather having a smoke and drink between shifts

12 Goblin offering live sex shows with giant insects only 1cp a peek

13 Creepy old goblin offering servis of quick-wristed goblin youths

14 Dark elf in spiked boots stomping on paying customers who crawl on ground like worms

15 Hooded orc hangman offers VIP strangulation service

16 Goblin offers a view of a sex freak show for 1sp, guaranteed you'll be surprised

17 Dark elf outcasts will do anything for food or money
18 Goblin with special diet will poop all over you for 1sp
19 Goblin offers bath with chaos sex octopus 1gp at your own risk

20 Supernatural predatory being in dark elf form invites travellers up to the room from the window, has a whole room full of bones of victims d4 1=hag 2=doppelganger 3=lycanthrope 4=sucubus/incubus

d10 Svartheim Encounter Types
1 Small Critters

2 Humanoids

3 Monsters

4 Beggers

5 Slaves

6 Workers

7 Citizens

8 Parade

9 Church

10 Nobility

d100  Svartheim Encounters
01 Giant rats scuttling into holes around piles of maggoty garbage

02 Giant purple toads sitting in puddles or on toadstools

03 Giant purple and red centipedes

04 Swarm of disgusting biting flies

05 Huge beetles and bugs feeding off garbage

06 Squeaking bats of various types

07 Gremlins lounging around in garbage make rude gestures

08 Sewer pit with a tentacled neo-otug waiting in the bottom for dinner

09 See building feature relly a mimic eat a rat or a bat

10 Imps, homunculi and small demons fighting in the trash
11 Half squad section of orc soldiers with young dashing dark elf officer

12 Goblin work detail cleaning streets, repairing cobblestones, carrying buckets of filth

13 Hobgoblin oversear whipping crying goblin workers

14 Bugbear making necklaces from shrunken goblin heads

15 Goblin traders selling new goods from the goblin market and goblin snacks

16 Goblins guarding a dark elf low ranking priest 

17 Troglodyte lizardfolk hunters carrying strange meat and prisoners

18 Serpent folk wizard with human hybrid cultists

19 Orc butcher selling cuts of meat from a pushcart

20 Darkstalker with shadowy minions repulsed by surface folk

21 Elf walking its pet owlbear with some handlers and chains

22 Ogres shoving lesser humanoids away except elves, 1in6 have an ogre magi boss

23 Hill giant or troll turning a wheel or performing heavy labour or carrying goods

24 Elder troll wizard with some other seldom seen civilised trolls thought extinct

25 Shape-shifted dragon with entourage here to trade treasures and baubles

26 Dark elf walking a lesser demon or succubus/incubus to show off

27 Dark elves and ogre servants walking a pet tunnel hulk on a chain

28 Humanoid insects of several species visiting as tourists and traders

29 Vampire and entourage here on business

30 Doppelgangers in disguise d4 1=as dark elf merchants 2=as orc heroes 3=erotic dancers 4=religios cult
31 Begger with no limbs crying for food and help (limbs lost in prison)

32 Goblin children begging and picking pockets

33 Small animal folk picking up scraps d4 1=ratlings 2=toadlings 3=lizardlings 4=buglings

34 Bats and small cave apes begging for food

35 Blind elderly beggar formerly a high-ranking religious official

36 Euenach begging for money to be healed

37 Goblin parents selling children

38 Dark elf monk asks for money to set flesh-eating worms loose in his wounds

39 Orc offers you can punch him for a copper coin or stab with knife for 1gp

40 Dark elf begger offers to spare kitten's life for money

41 Slaves carrying baggage with hobgoblin overseer

42 Slave work crew repairing a building while fat bugbear watches with a whip

43 Crowd parts for a slave fight and people taking bets

44 Slaves dressed as skeletons pulling wagon load of corpses

45 Slaves carrying a palanquin with a dark elf noble passenger riding on top concealed by silk screens with hobgoblin guards

46 Slaves dragging a stone monolith with bugbear foreman whipping them in time to goblins drum beat

47 Slaves in chains being transported to market (maybe someone you haven't seen in years?)

48 Slave beaten by owner in the street while crowd laughs

49 Priests requesting sacrificial slaves and some in crowd hand over their servants

50 Selling a slave on the street, tears off clothes while slave begs for mercy
51 Drunk hobgoblin labourers sure you said something about them 

52 Goblins on work scheme with arthritic hands and joints cracking rocks into gravel

53 Ogres butchering a cave hippopotamus they found

54 Ogre smashing realistic statues of frightened adventurers into gravel

55 Busy goblins with piles of corpses. Bodies being skinned and flayed for leather, teeth being extracted and bones are being ground into meal

56 Dark elf with stage and torture equipment for sale, demonstrations every hour on goblins

57 Zombie workers with digging tools on the way to the worksite

58 Goblin giving speech about freedom gets pelted with rotten food which it collects then flees

59 Goblins stomping on fermented mushroom mash in stone bowls to make shroom beer

60 Gathering of workers on strike blocking street while they listen to angry speeches until the law turn up looking for a fight
61 Friendly dark elf merchant looking for someone for some odd jobs

62 Dark elf nobles dueling stab each other and their servants carry the wounded away

63 Dark elf youth gang loitering with drugs to pick fights and know the local law patrols

64 Dark elves watching goblins brawl and making bets, some throw knives near combatants

65 Dark elf-concerned gossip follows strangers to see what they are up to and reports to the secret police

66 Gathering of sex workers drinking and parading wares while nobles pass in carriages

67 Dark elf preaching morality is increasing and a threat to evil way of life. Endorses cannibalism, infanticide, drug abuse, child beating, random stabbings, gambling, duelling and torture for the public good  

68 Hobgoblin bailiffs chasing goblin urchin shoplifters, while dark elf shop owner looks distraught 

69 Dark elf family and servants in nice clothes walking with guards and pet displacer cat

70 Royal secret police in uniforms with wererat trackers looking for traitors
71 Religious procession of priests carrying mummified saints, various floats and ceremonial wagons while robed priests chant

72 Soldiers return from war with changed slaves and leaders in chariots with wagons of treasure

73 Sports team victory parade with huge chanting mobs, sometimes fights break out with surely losers

74 Severed heads of criminals on pikes carried to city walls to decorate them with crowd hoping to see famous criminals or politicians

75 Angry mob tearing apart a house and residents for some shameful act

76 Statue of god leads procession of priests, monks and pilgrims for a holy day

77 Wild drunken party with fornicating and murder in the street with a wild ecstatic religious mob 

78 One of the great houses having a funeral procession and rival houses sometimes try to start fights in the streets

79 Violent mob tearing apart bureaucrats and scribes who performed poorly

80 Royal family members in chariots or carriages or palanquins with squads of royal guards and servants and a hundred retainers following
81 Famous temple harlots being celebrated by a temple with a writhing orgy of church pilgrims

82 Strange lights and spirits around a temple or shrine where priests call on the power of outer planar beings
83 Priests blessing monsters brought to the temple by worshipers 

84 Priests sacrificing victims on roof shrines and hurl corpses downstairs while they eat hearts

85 Church choir of children howling a lament while the conductor whips them

86 Temple harlots wave to passers offering them sacred private ceremonies

87 Temple preparing a BBQ of roasted humanoids stuffed with mushrooms

88 Clan temple dedicated to their sacred beasts, temple overrun by them with biggest in pits. Devotees threw sacrifices to feed the pets and shower them with coins and gems

89 Priests preparing undead to sell to market as slaves or to provide the state for war

90 Temple with crucified victims on walls howling while dark elves aroused by this start an orgy
91 Nobles mounted on monsters showing outer planar being around city d5 1=demon 2=evil elemental 3=nighthag 4=chaos warlord

92 Nobles racing chariots whipping each other, ignoring pedestrian safety

93 Noble house orgy has spilt into the street from an overcrowded house

94 Noble clans and servants meet in the street starting a brawl that blocks traffic and the law stands back helplessly while nobles kill each other

95 Noble abandoning some children on the street and banishing them from the clan for failing tests of cruelty

96 Nobles in decadent costumes on the way to an orgy with leather-clad chained slaves

97 Noble with hunting beasts chasing branded goblins and slaves for fun

98 Obscene harlequin band with the noble audience screaming. Band decapitated a few goblins for the show and the lead singer had sex with a few audience members on stage 

99 Noble gives away cuts of meat by throwing into the crowd and offering drinks of blood from a black cauldron. Part of an attempt to become more popular and win votes on city assembly

100 Naked noble riding a black unicorn or other fabulous monster

Make the Underland Kinky Again 1: Svartheim Decor

Evil elves used to be into drugs and demons and smut in D1-3

They subverted the patriarchy and heteronormative expectations
They were a threatening colonial power up to plots on the surface

Then we got a cover that made them a bit too human rather than inhuman obsidian jet black and a playable version and then we got novels about them and every detail about them filled and fixed to the present edition needs. In the mad mage dungeon, we got them engaged in light consensual bondage which seemed kinda tame. That's not enough for me to be able to kill and rob them. So bring back horrible unappealing nasty dark elves that you wouldn't really want to play. When you find a dark elf up to something its safe to assume they have done it for centuries and not the first time.

I always thought they were copies of Melnebone and Pan-Tang in Elric novels.
My faerie lore for species is probably more based on Wikipedia than Tolkien.

The vastest cavern cities used to be on the surface and were buried during past apocalypses including mountains dropped by the gods on them. Dark elves and Bright elves disagree with each other like seasonal opposites but they avoid conflict where elves die. Goblin minions are acceptable and many goblinoids serve faerie and elves as workers soldiers and bailiffs. Dark elves have eve come to terms with orcs and use them as goons or police in their cities and armies. Even ogres and trolls have a place in the city workforce and defence. Dark elves visit here and have their own district. Dark elves and dark dwarves work together to subvert the surface world norms so fraternising with each other annoys their kindred enemies.

Coming Soon?
Svartheim encounters, missions, carousing, A-Z Underland

Starting with quick decor to spice up your ruins and locations

I guess I'll also start with some Svartheim details also

d100 Population of Svartheim from 50,000
01-30 Dark Elves 30% Citizens of the great houses
(d12 Clans 1=spider 2=scorpion 3=bat 3=toad 4=ghekko 5=dragon 6=mushroom 7=beetle 8=centipede 9=olm 10=lamprey 11=rat 12=salamander)
31-40 Other Fey Folk Guests but not equals of the houses
(Fey Folk d8 1=nature spirit folk 2=animal spirit folk 3=dopelgangers 4=half demons 5=eldren 6=foriegn elves 7=dark sprites 8=dark pixies 9=dark dryad 10=dark satyr 11=faerie 12=hag)
41-80 Goblinoids 40% Serfs to buy and sell as cattle
(Goblinoids d8 1-4=goblins 5-7=hobgoblins 8=Bugbears)
(Other types d8 1=norkers 2=boggles 3=gremlin 4=kobolds 5=mutants 6=beastlings 7=darkwalkers 8=shroomlings)
81-90 Other Humanoids 10% Specialist Allies
(Others d12 1=orcs 2=dark gnomes 3=dark dwarves 4=troglodyte lizard folk 5=snake folk 6=hyena folk 7=cave folk 8=humans 9=fish folk 10=rat folk 11=bat folk 12=lamprey folk
91-100 Giants, ogres, trolls 10%
(Others d6 1=ogres 2=trolls 3=hill giants 4=ogre magi 5=formarians 6=cyclops)
demons are less than 1% of the population and transient, do leave children behind

d12 Districts of SvartHeim
1 Royal Palace (sprawling royal palace with own royal prison for posh convicts who can pay
2 Noble District (where nobles live in beautiful cruel palaces with chosen slaves and pets)
3 Temple District (holy quarter where priests, demon cults and wizardry all side by side)
4 Scribes District (administration quarter where eunuchs, civil servants and managers live)
5  Poor District (where the ordinary citizens and goblinoids live)
6 Torture Gardens (wonderous garden of fungus and sadists and masochists)
7 Service District (slave's work areas and barracks, including a prison)
8 Work District (craft guilds, slave sweatshops and big type monsters live in barracks)
9 Vice District (unholy district of perversion for citizens to play or sell themselves)
10 Market District (shopping quarter for all walks of life)
11 Aliens District (foreign quarter where all outsiders must stay)
12 Harbour District (river quarter where sailors of the deep bring goods) 

Patrols of Svartheim
1 Official noble youth gangs of districts patrol and harras strangers
2 Half squad section of orcs in spiked plate led by a minor dark elf noble with shortsword
3 Half squad section of hobgoblins in chain with war flails led by  dark elf noble riding preferred beast or chariot with favourite minion
4 Gladiators like to practice by starting fights with minor gangs
5 Goblins riding giant bats observe the city and report
6 Six orc bailiffs and two ogres all with clubs collecting money
7 Half squad section of beastmen mercenaries serve a noble clan sweep street clean of things their masters dislike or rival clans
8 Holy patrol of inquisitors with flails and whips who will restrain and torture suspicious persons in the street for the common good. They admire those who don't scream the longest
9 Holy Harlots in their chariot searching for people hot enough to attend a demon orgy back at the temple. Sometimes they send hooded kidnappers later if they don't accept
10 Bugbear leading a squad of marching goblins serving a goblinoid king
11 Pack of animals of one type of various sizes out for exercise and food, strangers are delicious 
12 Invisible lesser demons on patrol squeal to masters if trouble on the streets and follow suspicious persons

d12 Street Features
1 Iron lamp posts with glowing insects or crystals
2 Cobblestone road built from basalt
3 Watering trough for riding beasts or slaves
4 Idol of a minor demon a functional shrine
5 Garbage and puddles of maggoty dung smells revolting and might ruin shoes
6 Dead old tired riding beast or goblin left in the street 
7 Piles of garbage 1in6 chance of scroungers looking for food or something to sell
8 People hanging around d6 1=unemployed goblins 2=youth gang 3=cult 4=prostitutes 5=drug dealers 6=priest flagellating self angrily about public indecency
9 Parked wagons and carts pulled by various creatures or slaves
10 Performer d4 1=busker singing for supper 2=puppet porno show 3=shell games for cash 4=predictions of the future
11 Merchant d6 1=black marked dealer with big long coat 2=selling snacks from a cart 3=selling goods on a blanket 4=selling mushroom loaf 5=erotic figurines 6=slanderous print about local leader
12 Erotic gargoyles with outrageous huge genitalia, when it rains looks like peeing 

d10 Quick Svartheim Decor Types
1 Doors

2 Furniture

3 Wall Art

4 Paintings

5 Wall Hangings

6 Pillars

7 Lights

8 Urns

9 Idols

10 Statues 

d100 Svartheim Decor
01 Lewd satyr face with lewd tongue on each double doors 1in6 magic mouths announce the entrance

02 Erotic large door knockers (a bit cringy) on the heavily bolted door

03 Door handle is a bronze phallus on the elegant lacquered small door that makes some crouch 

04 Door has a manacled prisoner attached to the door fed and watered once a day

05 Door of shroomwood covered in erotic fungus designs with frolicking mushroom men and maids

06 Door gilded with geometric insect designs and pieces of amber

07 Door violet lacquered shroomwood double door with silver inlaid design of the dark elf king and queen on each door 

08 Door black lacquered shroomwood door with a silver door lock with a demon face. The fave will let you in for some of your blood a d4 HP each person. The owner with these samples can track them anywhere

09 Imp door will let you through for your firstborn child so it can be free. It's a liar but the owner was alerted by a spell and is on their way with minions or every perso

10 Goblin Door with lewd dancing naked winking goblins. As you pass save or door picks the pocket of one object of any passing the owner can retrieve from the shadow lands later 
11 Side table with nymphs and satyrs in absurd sexual positions

12 Pedestal with a potted shrieking mushroom trained to  scream at certain trigger like "outsider"

13 Living chairs are beautiful, in set of d6, if roll 6 also a table d4 1=warped human slave 2=fungus 3=natural mimick 4=undead warped skeleton 

14 Benches and chairs with spikes or woven from barbed wire so nobody wants to sit very long or sleep here

15 Erotic chairs where seated looks like they are on laps of naked mythical hybrid creatures

16 Carved shroomwood toadstools in clusters of 2d4 for servants to sit on, looks a bit rude to sit on

17 Bookshelf with several volumes of small books usually by subject 2d4 1=stories of light consensual bondage in the mad wizard's dungeon 2=lewd poetry of a shapeshifting bard and the creatures they made love to 3=erotic prints and poetry 4=diary of wicked dungeon master and torments they inflicted on religious prisoners

18 Shrine

19 Cupboard with simple peg latch and ornate inlaid opal scenes of the 12 great gods   

20 Draws with carved elf orgy scenes containing d4 1=spidersisk stockings and underwear 2=cult robes and unholy symbols 3=amusing lewd shaped mushrooms 4=writhing with tasty bugs for pets

21 Relief carving of dark elves and allies armies crushing enemies. Lots of enemies tormented, executed, sacrificed and enslaved

22 Mural of dark elf court and the most important house clan leaders

23 Walls covered in demonic sigil graffiti

24 Scenes showing the hierarchy of elves on top with goblins serving as the working classes beneath

25 Painted scene of the terrible world beyond the city where monsters and mutants and strangers lurk, made to scare slaves and children

26 Carved scenes in the rock of ancestors searching for the current home cavern and driving away original peoples

27 Mozaic tiles on walls showing dark elves and allies fighting a reptilian army with dinosaurs

28 Crumbling painted fresco of some ancient lord of darkness who failed and was forgotten, large chunks of plaster have fallen out leaving gaps in text and art

29 Elaborate tile design with a maze is actually a map of a real location and provides clues to avoid perils

30 Prisoners imprisoned and bricked inside walls moaning fed and watered daily until sacrificed or turned into undead space 
31 Painting of Dark Elf noble leader posed heroically with symbols of the clan and others concealed in scenery

32 Painting of a famous lost city aeons ago before gods dropped mountains on it

33 Painting of demon orgy in a  world of torment  ruled over by a dark elf jester god 

34 Painting or royal couple consummating their royal marriage in bed chamber

35 Painting of fungus forest nymphs bathing and evaluating lines of near-naked elf knights

36 Painting of the unearthly garden of dark delight where wicked elves go to stop being immortal or reincarnated again

37 Painting of an evil harlequin, if passed the harlequin assassin may follow and kill any who think harm against building inhabitants. If harlequin dies reappears in painting again unless art is destroyed 

38 Painting of attractive naked dark elf in a garden, if looked at too long save or stand drooling for ten minutes in a trance. Slapping them or cold water gives an extra save

39 Painting of a monster if passed without right hand sign the monster jumps out and attacks

40 Painting of a human feast scene is a portal to a pocket universe where people repeat the same 24 hours unknowingly.  Trapped humans killed a dark elf and don't know their castle vanished centuries ago

41 Tapestry of lusty aroused unicorns chasing goblins in the forest

42 Spidersilk macrame wallhangings with d4 1=shrieking fungus in clay pots 2=eldery human entangled in the mess (is really a spider changeling spirit) 3=swarms of baby spiders and egg sacks 4=texturised relief map of kingdom cavern with impressive detail

43 Brass huge platters hang on walls depicting d4 1=various cooked creatures and species 2=actual towns and fortresses of the kingdom 3=still life scenes of arranged mushrooms and funds 4=giant bugs

44 Giant taxidermy mounts attached to walls and a good place to hide stuff) d4 1=giant pinned bugs 2=animal and species heads on plaques 3=stuffed monster 4=stuffed goblins in comical scene

45 Exotic and cruel weapons, shields with extra spikes, serrated blades and cruel weapons like whips and flails

46 Goblins in chains and gibbets and cages and racks or torture equipment

47 Writhing and gagged undead in chains slowly struggling and broken from years of trying

48 Displays of hanging ceremonial objects d4 1=masks 2=ancient decorated skulls 3=musical instruments 4=sexual implements and costumes

49 Flayed skins of slaves and enemies hanging on walls

50 Living fungus grows on walls d4 1=bracket fungus 2=glowing slime 3=obscene purple mushrooms dripping fluid 4=black toadstools in clear slime
51 Mushroom columns and pillars in rows

52 Pillars carved with goblins making rude faces and rude gestures

53 Pillars of stone made to look like natural stone pillars where stalagmites and stalactites fused with smaller ones formations on floor and ceiling around them

54 Pillars of standing dark elf rulers and heroes carved into them

55 Columns with text detailing d4 1=millitary records and captured slaves and loot detailed 2=erotic prayers 3=lists of noble house members deceased 4=blasphemous demon lore 

56 Pillars with chained prisoners or animated skeletons or zombies

57 Pillars carved with demons tormenting frightened humans

58 Pillars carved with depictions of naked gods 

59 Pillars are giant phallus used in ceremonies

60 Pillars covered on breasts or of nymphs presenting bare breasts
61 Bronze penis with light spell turned on or off by clapping

62 Magic crystal lamp hanging from a chain attached to the ceiling

63 Glowing slime mould growing on walls and ceiling provides dimm green or violet light

64 Nude faerie figurine holding ever-burning candle wall bracket

65 Tiny coin size glowing naked faerie in a bottle hanging from a hook squeaking for release

66 Crystal candelabra hanging from cering by the chain with magical lights 

67 Hundreds of black, white and purple long burning candles burn in wall brackets or ledges 

68 Glowing bugs in jars hanging from strings

69 Glowing blue stars on the ceiling light area

70 Glowing waiting lights area d4 1=evil prayers 2=demon names 3=dynastic lists 4=names of lesser gods and spirits who aided builders 
71 Rows of huge stone jars of mushroom spoors and truffle oil

72 Urn on pedestal with an erotic scene of elf god fornicating with monsters

73 Niches with ashes of favoured slaves and pets with commemorative plaques

74 Giant vase with scenes of elves battling dragons and giants

75 Crystal urns with rune carved skulls inside

76 Jars with bubbling fermented coloured liquids used by alchemists

77 Great crystal vessel growing a dragon inside by alchemists

78 Jars with imprisoned souls inside, a broken angry skeleton appears and fights to be destroyed 

79 Jars with strange sticky viscous fluids inside d4 1=mutagen 2=poison 3=green slime 4=ochre jelly

80 Glass vessels with pickled or living goblins inside
81 Idol of an erotic posed dark sprite

82 Idol of a winged phallus

83 Naked goddess idol with extra breasts

84 Idol of dark elf praying

85 Idol of a harlequin clown with creepy masked face

86 Idol of underland monster (collect them all)

87 Display cabinet shrine with 3d4 demon idols

88 Niche shrine with idol of deity or spirit or demon

89 Idol dancing lewd goblin

90 Idol of pretty d4 1=sphynx 2=centaur 3=succubi/succubus 4=vampire
91 Statues of frightened petrified adventurers who could be revived by stone-to-flesh

92 Statue with an altar of a demon with glowing gem eyes

93 Statue of hero holding a real weapon

94 Statue of a past ruler with the book of laws  and a wavy witch knife

95 Guardian statues constructed who attack unauthorised persons in the area

96 Beheaded statue with inscriptions rubbed out of a traitor noble

97 Fountain with an orgiastic scene of statues that squirt water in lewd manner 

98 Statue of monster, if passed by enemy comes to life

99 Stone golem statue of a huge warrior hero or god will awake if intruders with weapons pass

100 Statue of the dark elf king and queen in a sacred sexual position