Tuesday, 6 December 2016

d100 Books Found In A Dungeon

So this is a quickie inspired by Tower of The Archmage post featuring a miniture dungeon library that i could only dream of.

d100 Books Found In A Dungeon
01 How to Recharge a Wizards Wand - secrets of  stamina for the lonely enchanter
02 Experiments With Troll Flesh - hundreds of gross things to do with a troll corpses
03 Why I Hate Bards - a collection of rants collected from hundreds of adventurers
04 How I Ate My Mother - confessions of a lycanthrope
05 Management Secrets of The Orcs - dungeon boss guide to managing minions
06 Dungeon Design of the 38th Kobold Empire - with blueprints and trap designs
07 Carnivorous Plant Arranging - guide to decorating your tower with monster plants
08 Raising Baby Owlbears - a complete guide to feeding and fattening owlbears
09 To Serve Man - a cookbook for monsters with 363 recipes to cook humans
10 Vampire In My Catacomb - guide to hunting vampires in your family mausoleum
11 Goblin Mating Habits a Illustrated Guide - exotica porn for strange wizards
12 Guide to toad and Newt Licking for Beginners - documents 450 species
13 What Is Inside A Elf - vivisectionist manual for elven studies
14 Bugbear Head Pickling and Shrinking Methodology vol 12
15 Mutant Venereal Diseases In Slum Populations - with over 300 detailed illustrations
16 Diary of a Rot Grub - experimental literature from a hundred and fifty years ago
17 Ecology of the Flumph - detailed but mostly copied from previous essays
18 Devil Swine Spawn of Hell - possibly paranoid delusions of wizard sure he was spied on
19 Erotic Spectres of Exile Island vol4 - sexy supernatural manifestations
20 Dwarvern Secret Glory Holes - description of abandoned mines
21 Delightful Hobbit Holes - decor and design of over 40 hobbit houses
22 Flesh pits of Xor, A complete guide - hopeless flawed book based on hearsay
23 A Treasury of barbarian Catch Phrases - collected from taverns and bars across the world
24 Pleasure Palaces of The East - written by ex concubine
25 Orc Humour of the Eastern Hills Dungeon Complex Level Three - not very funny at all
26 Sex Secrets of a Doppelganger - fictional account based on lurid fantasies of author
27 Dungeon Invertebrates and their Lives F-J - detailed boring book on dungeon bugs
28 Seedy Pamphlets of Shadelport - compilation of forbidden street publications
29 Pixie Lexicon G-H - dictionary of pixie language, mostly beyond human audio wavelength
30 Reptile Men Temples of the Upper River District vol 4 - descriptions of long lost buildings
31 Tumors and Growths a complete Guide - medical manual and surgical guide
32 My Life With A Nymph - unintentional sexy treatise by famous scholar
33 Brick Laying Techniques of the Kobolds Vol 9 - guide to brick styles and laying patterns
34 Halfling Pipes and Curing Methods - complete guide to halfling drug abuse
35 Intermediate Torture Manual - from the secret police training fortress library, long overdue
36 Alchemical Supply Catalogue - from Shadelport glassworks and alchemical supply co
37 Witch Burning Made Simple - by famous witch hunter who was burned at the stake
38 My Life As A Newt - autobiography from wizard cursed bard
36 Paladins, Saintly Slaughterers or Crackpot Cult - critique of famous paladin's flaws
37 Prison Log - detailing prisoners and sentences and incidents of over a hundred years
38 Invisible Horrors of the Microscopic World - descriptions of microscope observations
39 Goats Plot Among Us - wizard theorises that goats are up to something and are intelligent
40 Dungeon Security and Design - by royal dungeon engineer of the old empire
41 Realms of the Underworld - explorers journal of the underlands connecting hundreds of dungeons
42 Sex Secrets of the Troglodytes - a touching intimate portrait of sub human romance
43 Beatinetics a Guide to Educating Children - explains how beating improves learning
44 Ogre Economics - theories as to how ogres make their money in compilation of essays
45 Goblin Morphology - theories explaining goblinoid races relations
46 Mineralogy of Electrum - theories about electrum being natural or divine or ancient
47 Hobgoblin Aphorisms - a dictionary of hobgoblin phrazes and real meanings
48 Goblin Poetry - mostly ancestral lineages and terrible heroic purple prose
49 Constellations and You - a once popular astrology text but skies have changes since then
50 Phrenology of the Humanoids - scholar treatise on humanoid skull measurements and personality
51 Chaos Goat Secrets - tales of goat battling and magical properties reputed to come from milk
52 Kobold Pottery - drawings of kobold pots and ornaments and stratiographic diagrams
53 Beast Men Mating Secrets - lurid love rites of monster men as observed by priest
54 Monasteries of the Mad Monks - stories of depraved monks based on gossip and rumour
55 Lost Relics of the Monster Gods - describes terrible artifacts of destruction but often flawed
56 Folk Tales of the Farming Folk - gruesome tales for educating children
57 Hairdressing For the Emperors Court - hair styles long forgotten with diagrams
58 Blood Rites of Forbidden Cults - lurid possibly untrue tales of human sacrifice
59 Lubrication of Dungeon Fittings - guide to making mechanisms work quietly
60 Seed Catalogue - list and description of farm seed from Shadelport seed bank
61 Conduct in the Hells - manners explained to help souls migrate through the nine hells
62 Great Court Feats of the Empire Vol 57 - highly prized by cooks for decadent food porn
63 Pickle Merchants of the Lowlands - definitive work on pickle types village by village
64 Ruins of the Bone Forest - discussion on the the long lost kingdom  smothered by the woods
65 Brutal Torments of the Black Dungeon - details of torture of famous victims
66 Fleshcaft - magic and artistic uses of flesh and flayed skin bound in human leather
67 Tattoos of Criminal Gangs of Shadelport - document hundreds of tattoos of mostly defunct gangs
68 Halfling Handycrafts - documents knitting, weaving, pottery and other domestic arts
69 Halfling Recopies - actually a book on eating and butchering halflings by evil elves
70 Metalwork Ornaments of the North - drawings of metal designs of decorated functional items
71 Hoards of the Deep - lists of found and lost treasure describing most valuable and magical
72 1001 Filthy Limericks - potty humour with detailed footnotes for the witless
73 Harlots of the Redlight District - actually a non erotic book of medical examinations and welfare
74 Of Bondage and Beatings - guide to beating and knot tying for sadists and slaves
75 Light Operettas of the Masters - guide to stage craft, costume and music of popular entertainment
76 Corset Making - elaborate guide to making corsets and selecting bones and animal parts
77 Whimsy of the Dancing Owlbears - describing the cruel spectacles of the empires court
78 The Art of Shanking - how to make shanks, slit throats and stab people by master thief
79 Hating Orcs - guide to hating orcs and why orcs are all bastards, includes how to torture them
80 Goats I Have Known - a nobleman's ode to goats he loved in beautiful verse
81 Racing Flail Snails - disastrous accounts of this empire court folly in fashion 300 years ago
82 Erotic Lycanthropy - curious wizards love making with various monster shape shifters
83 Rat Populations of the City Sewers - documents many rodent types and detailed population studies
84 A History of Artificial Limbs - with useful diagrams for surgeons
85 Underland Fishing Stories - fish catching in underground wells and lakes and dangers
86 Eunuch Making for Pleasure and Prophet - guide written in the western desert kingdoms
87 Succubi and other Attractive Denizens of the Deep - erotic misadventures with monsters
88 Harlot's Tales - stories collected from elderly prostitutes and mistresses of the the rich
89 Dungeon Engravings & Writings - thousands of graffiti texts from dungeons
90 Goat Herder Songs of the Southern Hill Country - exactly what the title says
91 Witches I Have Burned - collections of legal documents and case files of a witch hunter
92 Misanthropy and Nihlism for Beginners - written as revenge on world by prison inmate
93 Endurance for Lovemaking - folk remedies to improve sex life and cure male impotency
94 Dog Breeds of the Humanoids - detailed lore on breeds, training and recipes of dungeon dogs
95 Folk Instruments of the Goblins - detailed drawings and descriptions
96 Demons I have Summoned - descriptions and summoning tips of dozens of demons
97 Secrets of the Black Barron - a forbidden book of mostly lies by a bard of the empire
98 Beautiful Boys of the Docklands - guide to pederasty for city noblemen
99 Married Woman's Almanac - medical advice, child keeping tips and recipes
100 Codpiece Collecting - descriptions of the codpieces of all the major races and regions

Sunday, 4 December 2016

Fun with language translators

Faux elizabethan translator fun

this is a fun toy and will be very handy in my games

exile island is a pirate colony
wh're cutteth throats and murd'r'rs liveth
all who is't wend th're art damn'd to hell
men art all scum
ladies art hags
dread monst'r kings dwell'd th're longeth ago
those beasts did rule the w'rld as tyrant mast'rs
killing and enslaving as their lust decre'd
until m'rtal humans didst rebel
sealing the eld'r ones beneath most wondrous stones

came from this

exile island is a pirate colony
where cut throats and murderers live
all who go there are damned to hell
men are all scum
ladies are witches
dread monster kings dwelled there long ago
those beasts ruled the world as tyrant masters
killing and enslaving as their lust decreed
until mortal humans did rebel
sealing the elder ones beneath great stones

I did tweak a few words to work better but this will be great in game for clues, names, notes and more

It is designed for fun not reality but pretty good

This will be handy for maps and intros sections of any campagn book i ever do

And now your room descriptions will be ever so clear

four scoudrels c'rpses did lie on the flo'r
the cubiculo is twenty by twenty
with a doth'r in each direction
th're is a chest in the centre of the cubiculo
the chamb'r is did light by candle

The old english one is better for names or short phrazes

See what it did to my poems from a few posts ago

Exile island
men of the frozen n'rth dread t's shatt'r'd sh'res
wh're stony coastal battlement toweth'rs reacheth the sky
men of the mystic east loathe t's filthy grubbing maggot men
who is't's swarming cutteth throats scrounge f'r longeth hath lost treasures
men of the ancient west feareth t's f'rgotten und'rland h'rr'rs
which once did rule the w'rld as blood soak'd tyrant monst'r kings
men of the south did crave golden plund'r and ancient wizardry
at which hour the treasure fleets of the empire cameth to digeth and killeth and kicketh the bucket

I might change the bucket bit

Shadel p'rt the pirate city
shadelp'rt grim shadelp'rt
enshielf in the dread misty flotes of the the n'rth
a shambling sprawling oozing heapeth of a city
c'rrod'd spires and domes from ruins prehuman
chock'd by the horror stain'd cottages of the fest'ring po'r
wh're 'rcs walketh the streets as men
wh're the ev'r living barron watches all
wh're glistening eyes of thieves drowneth out the stars
wh're pirate scum cometh to drinketh and chund'r
shadelp'rt grim shadelp'rt
nobody cries drops of sorrow f'r thee

whaling town of bloodsand beach
bloodsand beach wh're black souls meeteth
barnacl'd walls and moaning slaves
screaming sealions and whale blood sprayeth
did slit strang'rs throats and iron rend'ring vats
winnow the week and squeezeth out their bacon-fed
not a bone hath left spareth, not a scrap 'r rag
not a selkie 'r saileth'r 'r slave ev'r didst roam
nothing and nobody ev'r cameth home

I would change the bacon bit
I would try the Shakespearean insult generator too, plenty of them around

More Fun

The hell bog
t is a evil lodging of malice
with a evil heart yond hates mankind
wh're slimey creatures reside
wh're poison v'rmin swarm
wh're the black dragon dwells
wh're hags cackle with impunity
wh're mud sucks men down 
to joineth the slumb'r of the dead

The Emp'r'r
that gent protects the lands of mankind
from vile 'rcs and troll and goblins
that gent chastises the unruly dwarves and fa'rie folk
who is't disregard the law of mankind
that gent gives the ingraft s'rfs bread and w'rk
those who is't payeth their tithes avoideth the whipeth 
that gent doth take the po'r widows into his castle
and gives those folk succ'r in his quart'rs
he is the most handsome man ever alive
but he is ever so humble as ever a man was
that gent scolds the naughty with his justice
disembowels the laws transgress'rs
that gent burns the hags and sland'r'rs
and beheads the trait'rs and plott'rs
that gent fairly only t'rtures the guilty
his many dungeons art the fairest
that gent is the king of kings
the angels praise his ev'ry de'd
that gent is did love by the gods
and all lands knoweth that gent to beest the greatest

from this

The Emperor
He protects the lands of mankind
from vile orcs and troll and goblins
he chastises the unruly dwarves and faerie folk
who disregard the law of mankind
he gives the common serfs bread and work
those who pay their tithes avoid the whip
he takes the poor widows into his castle
and gives them succor in his quarters
he is the most handsome man ever alive
but he is ever so humble as ever a man was
he scolds the wicked  with his justice
disembowels the laws transgressors
he burns the witches and slanderers
and beheads the traitors and plotters
he fairly only tortures the guilty
his many dungeons are the fairest
he is the king of kings
the angels praise his every deed
he is loved by the gods
and all lands know him to be the greatest

this came out ok but i lost first draft from a blogger screw up

oops found it - probably better
possibly two versions might be a good clue or something one day
I imagine students in empire all being forced to learn this

praise to the emp'r'r
who is't staunchly defends the realm
who is't kills trait'rs to the realm
and spills the gizzards of the naughty in the streets
praise to the emp'r'r
who is't is did test s'rely by his many enemies
who is't is kind to sir and beast alike
who is't doth take widows into his castle
praise to the emp'r'r
who is't gives w'rk and bread to the needy
who is't keeps the 'rcs and trolls and goblins hence
who is't maketh dwarfs and elvves payeth respect
praise to the emp'r'r
who is't angels in heaven praise
who is't the gods doth loveth
who is't is v'ry rich and handsome
praise to the emp'r'r
mast'r of the landeth
l'rd of the flote
greatest king in the w'rld
praise to the emp'r'r
only the naughty misprise 'r feareth that gent
only the sly and taint'd sland'r that gent
only the guilty doest that gent chopeth off their heads


The Black Barron of Shadelport

The black barron of shadelp'rt
mast'r of pirates and all the oceans
imm'rtal, uncaring and et'rnal
his foes envy burns bright
but that gent shall outlast those folk 
his cruelty shall ling'r longeth aft'r those folk
their lands and treasures shall his
their offspring shall beest his slaves
their did love ones putteth in dungeons deep
their souls playthings f'r the dukes of hell
their skulls shall beest setteth in his castle walls
his secret police art the bane of his foes
any who is't sayeth that gent is unfair 
shalt has't cutteth off their fing'rs and toes
harsh but fair the people sayeth
then moveth on and behold hence

original version

The black Barron of Shadelport
master of pirates and all the oceans
immortal, uncaring and eternal
his foes hatred burns bright
but he will outlast them
his cruelty will linger long after them
their lands and treasures will his
their offspring will be his slaves
their loved ones put in dungeons deep
their souls playthings for the dukes of hell
their skulls will be set in his castle walls
his secret police are the bane of his foes
any who say he is unfair
shall have cut off their fingers and toes
harsh but fair the people say
then move on and look away

Saturday, 3 December 2016

Annoying Xor (biological traps)

Thinking i might run for xmas game using LOTFP rules. I never thought I could write for this game but I guess Xor works pretty well and i dont need to use my more campagn driven system.

Annoying Xor is pretty impressive really but as a collective organism has many antonymous responses and organisms that react to Xor and act as antibodies. Some things attracted to wounds on Xor hoping to feed or infect it. If you start a fire, or torment a gland for exotic secretions, start a meat mine or tear out a ivory tusk you might annoy Xor. If you smash in a tooth gate or hack your way through a sphincter portal with axes you might annoy Xor.
This is a table to show what might happen.

Materials of Xor Update

A wicker shild of Xor hair and rib bones might be dipped in some secretions to strengthen and camouflage. The shield could look like a huge scab or crystallized serum from wounds. Plates could be formed from woven hair then dipped in a secretion then add to a woven hair or cured leather. Crystallized urea might be good replacement for flint and might be diseased. Enchanted urea or bio secretion crystal weapons might be exploited be natives.

d100 Ways Xor Reacts To Being Annoyed
01 Salty secretions flood area like tears
02 Blood leaks out then congeals into scab
03 Blood leaks out and forms defensive Ochre Jellies
04 Yellow serum leaks out and forms a hard crystal glaze
05 Amber like fluid traps irritants and solidifies
06 Bubbling mass forms monsters (rust monsters vs metal users common)
07 Irritating vapours pour from wounded point
08 Nauseating vapours pour from wounded point
09 Toxic vapours pour from wounded point
10 Diseased miasmas 
pour from wounded point 

11 Digestive avid floods area around irritant
12 Sylvia froths over area with huge bubbles, corrosive and confusing 

13 Pus bursts from disease causing nausea and plague
14 A sphincter appears and erupts feces everywhere
15 A orifice opens and vomit is sprayed everywhere
16 A cloaca starts laying eggs which rapidly hatch into huge bugs
17 Eggs in a pod from a cloaca hatches a hostile swarm of small critters
18 Large monster bursts from a amniotic sack that lies under the skin
19 Trumpet like structures make alarm calling wandering monsters
20 Spinneret structure shoots web lines that entangle
21 Blister of webbing bursts open acting like a web spell
22 Blister of rot grubs bursts open
23 Blister of Kyuss grubs burst open
24 Blister of oil bursts like a grease spell
25 Blister of napalm explodes like fireball
26 Blister of hallucinogenic venom (highly desirably to some)
27 Blister of digestive enzymes dissolve only flesh like acid
28 Blister of mutagen which also makes you a being of Xor
29 Blister of blinding fluid that can permanently remove sight
30 Blister of green slime that Xor is immune to
31 Giant maggots erupt from flesh
32 A horrible semi humanoid flesh golem erupts from flesh
33 A group of adherers burst from ground
34 A mimic drops off a organic structure
35 Floor morphs into a trapper
36 A lurker above lives on ceiling or overhang
37 Gelatinous cubes grow from ground forming from liquid jelly
38 Flying manowar type jellyfish with gas bag
39 Flumph grows from ground keen to save Xor
40 Grey ooze pours from a huge pore
41 Naked fleshy stirges pour from pod which keeps generating one per round
42 Mucous floods area and rapidly sets into green and white and yellow snot
43 Shootable porcupine like quills a of modified hair can shoot a d6 arrow like quills a round
44 A huge set of jaws clamp over area blocking it with portcullis like teeth

45 A huge sack of skin folds over area pinning everything, asphyxiate then absorb
46 Trumpeting sound makes listeners save or deficate explosive diarrhea 
47 Structure shoots toot like darts rapidly like a sub machine gun d10/round
48 Structure shoots a poison tooth dart every round
49 Structure shoots a tranquilizing or paralyzing tooth dart every round
50 Structure shoots a liquid onto faces which shrinks solid blinding and asphyxiating
51 Bio electric auras affect nervous system causing paralysis
52 Bio electric arcs of electricity shoot from area
53 Bio electric arcs cause confusion
54 Fleshy tentacles try to enfold enemies d6
55 Barbed and toothed tentacles try to rend enemies d6
56 Barbed tentacles try to poison enemies d6
57 Ovipositor, or egg-laying tube tentacles try to inject d6 rot grub eggs in victim
58 Stench orb shoots gelatinous bursting nauseating slime stinks for months
59 Sprays flammable gas then ignites as a fire ball
60 Jets of flaming gas form a fireall
61 Armadillo like plates fold out from under skin and lock down area with bony plates
62 Spiked horns sprout from ground impaling intruders
63 Caltrop like spikes grow from ground
64 Porcupine like quills sprout from ground
65 Rapid growing hair covers everything 10 foot thick
66 Rapidly growing hard skin covers and envelops targets
67 Stinging spines erupt from ground causing pain
68 Eye sprouts from surface and telepathically calls wandering monsters
69 Eye sprouts from surface and telekinetic hurls intruders one by one away
70 Eye sprouts from surface and telepathically calls wandering monsters
71 Mouth sprouts from surface and summons a demon to fix problem
72 Shoggoth sprouts from surface screaming "Xor Xor Xor XorXorXor Xor!"
73 Orc squads burst from fleshscape with bone weapons and angry
74 Ogres form from the flesh of Xor with bone clubs
75 Hairless ape erupts from ground
76 Featherless terrorbird erupts from ground
77 Giant lizard (any type) crawls from huge egg under skin
78 Giant snake forms in marrow of giant bone beneath ground and bursts to surface
79 Purple worm bursts up from surface covered in blood and gore
80 Horrible screaming hungry giant baby is born from ground (hill giant or ogres)
81 Ground shakes and quakes in spasms
82 Ground drops away into huge deep oily pore pit
83 A flesh mouth opens from underneath to eat problem
84 A fleshy hive grows from ground and releases a swarm
85 Giant hairless rats burst through ground and attack anything in area
86 Tribe of hairless guineapig men (re skin halflings) with bone tools are borm
87 Bone golem with red sinew binding body together steps from wall, four bone swords
88 Dozens of gory skeletons erupt from ground with bone weapons 
89 A giant walking squid slides from the skin surface of Xor or just snatches with tentacles
90 A wet tooth lined pit swallows any in area and sucks them into the depths of Xor's belly
91 A flesh tower erupts from ground and pink lizard men plus serpant man wizard step out
92 Pheranome cloud released make victims part of Xor and unwilling to cause it harm 
93 Sprays every one with with fluids from flacid tubes, save or turn into a ochre jelly
94 A fleshy roper buds from xor's Flesh but it might be willing to talk telipathicly
95 Doppelgangers bud from flesh of Xor and separate a short distance away
96 Clones equal enemy opposite made by Xor with biological equipment is born
97 Clones equal enemy opposite made by Xor but with multiple major mutations is born
98 Desirable partner made by Xor to tempt enemies away is born
99 Deep sub vocal sound causes those in area to save or die of ruptured cells
100 Xor manifests as a fleshy drooling idiot titan who snatches and swallows victims


I have made a quick compilation for my Gamma Aeon stuff and added a non gaming section including some art zines. Go to my sidebar list of pages and look under downloads. Comments welcome. I have not really tried to edit this much but please tell me if tables have any numerical errors.

Friday, 2 December 2016

Murder Highway Image Dump 7

Been busy working in Sydney lots. Prepping for a mural with red tape, insurance for Canberra. Got my xmas airfairs for Adelaide check. A month behind in rent. Shit. Today I saw hippies doing yoga while dry humping trees and swinging about and being dicks with orgasm faces while I walked past them with bunch of kids i collected from school. A bit icky. Is this some new fad? Is it consensual? Got cut off my pension for not attending meeting with the org who state insist I visit to help me find work when I work as much as I am legally obligated to already. I will have to miss paid work to meet this hopeless organisation that is really about torturing ppl. That's how Australia rolls nowadays. My Canberra home had a bit of a make over and is more roomy. Nicer place to sort my crap and listen to music and read comics in.

Will start compiling my Roadwar book this weekend. Have a cover and basic layout. Could do the Gamma world one. Will put out a bunch of game books and zines as PDFs out this holiday season during my 2 weeks off in Adelaide.

Snake is one of the great apocalypse heroes and escape from new york is awesome film. Just enough black comedy. It is cyberpunk and post apocalypse like Judge Dredd and fits in my setting pretty well.

Nun gangs are awesome. The dark Future novels by Jack Yeovil are amazing. Martial Law comics also featured a nun cyborg gun. Well Poster and a T-shirt did Im not sure if comic used them much. In my setting like the novel the Vatican sends cyborg nun agents around the world to hunt occult menaces and serve Vatican interests.

Hippies have grown weirder in the wasteland. Crazed cults, mutant lovers, eco terrorism and cannibalism. The sight of a coloured combivan fill many with fear on sight

Retro hot rods are big again. While leagues of death racing with retro rockabilly rock n roll meet ups is huge they have increasingly included partially undead and mutant racers join their events. Apparently looking like a 70s hotrod mag cartoon with a metre long slobbering toungue, green skin and bulging eyballs is pretty big. Bikes are big in scene especially ridiculous long forks and trikes. Some gangs in scene have turned nazi. The scene often fights over beaches with surfer gangs. Undead mutant nazi surf punks are the worst.

Australia was always mostly crap desert and since the 80s it has only gotten worse with the solar flares and the loss of the ozone layer. This car is typical of the elite sanctioned ops with nano repair hulls, artificial intelligence and even a cd player.

Players have noticed my setting uses antiquated computers like Apple Newtons and the weights of laptops. This here the kind of set up in a gov or corporate black lab. Such a terminal controls whole facilities. Reel to real tape still exists but some of the most advanced Muller Fokker tape is holographic nanite colony suspended in a liquid crystal solution. Such tape is not really understood by it's makers but is capable recording a AI or human brain. These are mostly used for clone insurance companies and programming skills in brain hacked cyborg agents for missions.Tape can be played in normal reel to reel players and computers but they can behave strangely like playing songs form memory or developing personality bugs, making art or desperate cries for help or death. (Muller Fokker Effect,by John Sladek - makes Douglas Adams seem lame).

Retro car hulls are popular but anything could be underneath for the rich. Death race bikini girls attend all the races, hoping to score with a famous racer. Of course deathrace teams hire these girls to sabotage rival drivers and cars. Many drivers keep a loyal "navigator" team member who is really a sexual plaything but often operates rear dropped weapon systems. Some can even read a map. They certainly make drivers look good and more desirable which is good for sponsorship. Musclebound pretty boys in leopard skin or gold briefs are pretty common too.

Weird stuuf is happening in the waste. Hooded mask wearing gangs are pretty common and you dont know what they hide. Disease, mutants, undead, rogue androids anything could be under there. If you see such gangers with glowing eyes come from the dust clouds with a machine gun odds are they are unfriendly.

Having a awesome car with futuristic tech is pretty awesome but the real rich ops and A-list death race teams are replacing the oldschool bikini girls with high tech sex androids. The risk of a driver being seduced and sabotaged became very high. Unfortunatly while these androids are highly secret, they in turn can be hacked. Most users dont know about this yet. Then there are those android theme parks. Some have been shut down due to homicidal androids. Some escaped and have gone rogue. One headless one became a death racer and had to find new human heads to pass as human. Great times.

The wastes get weirder all the time and it is best to beware of anyone you meet. It isnt like most have a choice to hide in the walled cities and controlled zones like the rich. The occasional rich idiot goes to the wastes for a lark. The few who live don't try again. Mostly. Full body covering helps keep away bullets and bioplagues and hide deformity. But don't trust the normal looking people either. Or anyone.

The plagues and eco disasters have left many areas industrial toxic wastes where automation mostly operates. Inhospitable to life Mutants flock here as they don't get bothered much if they stick to the ruins. Operating estates use kill drones and robots. Some employ gangs to keep property free. Nobody would work here unless they were desperate. Many are forced to work here in dole work schemes or are desperate foreign labour.  

Most of the core bigger cities survive with walls and controlled zones and airship freight. Smaller regional cities are the worst hit. There is plenty to loot but the gangs dont like outsiders. Some have martial law imposed on them by military or are crawling with undead. Sometimes a death race goes through one or the new reality show Death Scav, where teams with a vehichle have to go on scavenger hunt. The rich like to operate turkey shoots in such places too. Many buy a convicted crim from a prison or find a terminal plague victim or someone desperate for cash. The hunters have been getting more gimicky and ecentric. At least the Death Scav and turkey shoots have been held at the same time in the same city which got great ratings.

Somewhere i have hand written cable tv program guides for my setting...

have a good holiday season or else

Cthulhu Pulp Metropolis Decopunk Image Dump #1

So this is for my Cthulhu Metropolis Decopunk setting I might do for a con this year - see links for this under my BRP sidebar. I keep finding more images and some will be handy for normal cthulhu, or pulp games. I dislike the term diesel punk as it is all too grimy for me (I loathe steam trains too). Deco art is something I love even though it was a mass produced corporate thing and not a organic movement like art nouveau (but it had plenty of corporate interest too). I also like that Deco buildings and bakelite radios sometimes reminds me of ancient Iraqi buildings. I might draw some radios for practice getting deco forms down. Everything here not strictly deco but retro future at least. Also retro hair. Not enough good hair in role playing games.

Aviatrix was a respected profession for a female adventurer this era. To think by 1970s Jamie Summers in The Bionic Woman was a tennis player because there were so few excuses for a international independent woman by then. This woman is not to be messed with.

Yes I like 1920's hair alot and I've painted more girls with bob hair than any other haircut. This woman has a amazing retro look. Jazz age fashion still thrills me.

Scary thing about the post war Jazz Age it must have been like punk rock to their grand parents. The war had given many women a taste for traditional mens work, So many women had experience in industry. With a generation of aritocrats dead in the trenches people were to hell with traditional norms. If you watch dance numbers from 20s and 30s, the 40s and 50s seem a massive throwback. Androgyny was bigger in the 20s and 30s,

Performers and actors are also good options for female globe trotting independent characters. For every glamorous wealthy success far more had to look fabulous and earned money from tips and selling jewelery from dates with the rich or worse. I have a book detailing the sex clubs of the Weimar republic, with experimental masturbation machines, artists and even maps of clubs and clientelle. Shadow of the Vampire has some glimpses of this life, Id like to see more but the book alone is one of the most amazing shocking things Ive ever seen. Voluptuous Panic: The Erotic World of Weimar Berlin by Mel Gordon. Not for feint of heart and interesting take on gender and sexuality.

Coleen Moore, not as serious or sexy as my favorite Actress Louse Brooks but seemed more cheery and amiable and jolly by far. She certainly has many quirky facial expression.

Hugh Ferris did lots of amazing designs and I hope to get several Dover books of his one day (after I get the new Moon Knight comic compilation obviously - some more good Osprey books too). Many of his iconic designs were based on New York zoning laws that never happened. 

This would be a nice gun for a vain millionaire or perhaps a villain. I ran a White Dwarf Cthulhu adventure where cultists used WW1 sapper armour and automatic weapons. The players won using AK47s from a time traveling cult in Shadows of Yog Sothoth and survived but after that the players became frightening combat monsters using this armour, custom mausers with drum mags, tommy guns, grenaides, BAR, and more. Ive had players bomb cultists with dynamite from biplanes. Once players know how easy it is to get this stuff it is kind of hard to stop it. A bunch of WW1 sapper vets would really mess up some monsters. Actually in my vikings game the melee prowess of characters really messed up monsters usually a menace in modern mythos games.

The elevation of a cenotaph dedicated to Sir Isaac Newton as given in a drawing by Boullée in 1784. Hitler planned a city Germania that was to include a structure like this so big it would have micro weather. Airship hangers had this effect too.

So many amazing things never built but in my games they all got built

More mystery retro monster sky scrapers

Amazing car. Metropolis film didn't think of cars so much but this is the kind of thing a playboy spy or batman might ride. Im tempted to do retro roadwar game one day. The Cars That Ate Sanity in white dwarf magazine - included in rules since was one of the things that got me into car wars using BRP. Star Frontiers had good vehicle fight rules too, especially with dragon magazine add ons.

No idea where this from and possibly later than the era I use but certaily looks like a dance outfit that could have been around in deco era. Queen of outerspace? Villainess? Venusian conqueror?

More brilliance from hugh ferris

He is so the boss

Really captures the feel of the the colossal cities of the setting

From his book ‘Metropolis of Tomorrow’ (1929) Dover books have well priced versions

Not sure where this from. French? Im terrible at referencing where i get stuff. I just spend hours down loading stuff like historic costumes and buildings in a daze.

Auto giros are a must. So many films and pulp mags show autogiro landing points on rooftops. Eventualy improvements in metalurgy made helicopters work. Early attempts to make copters fell apart. Videophones like in the boring but beautiful "The Tunnel" (1935) and in metropolis and we dont quite have every day yet or Dick Tracy wrist TVs.

This is fabulous. i work in part of Sydney called Ultimo the densest urban space in Australia.

A bit later but fits pretty well and shares many ideas of earlier visions

Controls of a airship, the more graceful way to travel when autogyros wont do

This is from earlier batman movie. The burton films really captured that gotham and the setting were an major character. Last few films could have been any city. I think last Dredd film didnt do mega city one as well as the stallone version.

More conceptual architecture

Found this great article which coincedentaly talks abouut some of same stuff I have here but better.

Ive shown this before and reminds me of Bohn ads from 40s and 50s showing future stuff. Now we live in the future we are harder to covince.

This is a bit later too but pretty awesome

This is for a world fair but it shows one thing other concepts lack - advertising. Actually i liked the inclusion of ads in the star wars prequels.

A Hugh Ferris bridge with skyscrapers included

Im probably over doing it now but at least in game i can show every skyscraper and plan a rooftop battle or airship landing

A little bit more high tech but not a big leap from Metropolis. Possibly a space centre?

Thats enough for now may do more deco sf porn again....

Wednesday, 30 November 2016

Builders of Xor

On Xor materials for building are limited. This is a post about basic building ,materials of technology and some notes on structures that probably belongs wit this post of Xorian settlements.


Replacing materials of the outer world
Wood and plants can grow on Xor in places and is imported. Bird might drop seeds into areas where a seed can grow and some plants cope better than others. Some natives have made soil from detritis and have gardens or small feilds. Rooftop gardens and high places prevent theives and birds and vermin need to be kept away.

Metal is rare but can be imported and occasionally a star stone of pure iron falls and if burried in Xor and coated in tissue to keep it from Xor. Metallic nodules can be found in some organs too. Many natives see metal as a symbol of the alien world outside and assume metal bearers are suspicious. Some tribes hate meta bearers.

Bone and sinew is a common materiel for weapons and buildings and armour. Often it is formed by attaching it with wet sinew that dries hard and inflexible. Some bones can be carved into blades or edges far stronger than mortal bones. Composite bows are one example of Xor technology, made from nothing but bone and sinew. Some long thin bones can be used like wicker. Some grind bone into meal and use like cement or daubing

Teeth and ivory can be used for edges on weapon or be carved into extraordinary art objects and functional devices.

Hair grows like savanna grass lands in places and is common for grazing animals to eat it. It grows fast and without grazers the hair might get quite long and tangled. The fire risk is doubled by Xor quakes spasming in pain from fires and Xor might react with flooding area in tears or syliva or roll the flesh up to smother the fire which mostly crushes and animals trapped. Some hairs are thicker six inch or thicker and make good building materials. Hair can be woven into rope, clothes, basket, sheilds, blankets and more.

Skin can found in loose dry flakes and eaten or used to create soil. Sheets of dry skin slough off in places like a reptile and can be made into clothing. Some Xorians dislike hurting Xor other happily cut off sheets of skin and cure them into hard leather useful for containers, clothes, armour, roofing.

Some Xorians have mastered the arts of living materials and can make armour and weapons that live and require food and water. Living houses and buildings are warm and some people even hollow out extensions by eating new rooms. Some do this in a way that causes Xor pain through ignorance or malice. Others work with Xor, coaxing it to provide for them. Others are pragmatic and do it from necesity but still respect Xor. Some flesh sculptors make living machines, vehicles and other wonders. These are more like golems and might look like animals but mostly cannot breed or show self interest. Other peoples can make useful customized animals and even make living fire arms, or mobile communities in gigantic kaiju bodies. To those who use living biological tech can tell on sight what form of living tech is. Many disapprove of other types of tech. Those who live in harmony with items dislike the more torturous schools.

This table is good for a village style. Bigger communities might be larger version or several styles

d12 Common building styles
1 Dry bone structure often in towers or keeps
2 Living bone coated in skin riddled with chambers
3 Bone structures with sheets of skin tarpaulins attached
4 Bone or tusk frame with cured skin dome huts or tepees
5 Skin tents huddled together around communal fire pit
6 Large bone perimeter wall with shingle or thatch roof covering smaller shacks
7 Cottages of carved bone blocks or bonemeal mud bricks with thatched hair roof
8 Carved into bone structure (like Petra or Cappadocia)
9 Bone cement buildings with bone bricks covered in bone meal plaster (pueblos)
10 Bonemeal mudbrick pueblo with ladders to gain entry and public courtyards
11 Houses grown from flesh, often resemble organs or with food growing inside
12 Flesh tower or citadel with living gate house with many chambers inside

d12 Bridges of Xor
1 huge spine structure spanning gulf
2 Sinew cables d3
3 Sinew with bone slats bridge
4 Sinew and bone slats with hand rails
5 Long femur like bone crossing span
6 Stretchy bouncy skin sheet
7 Wet stretchy fleshy tissue
8 Dried cartilage carved into bridge
9 Tube of woven hair fibers
10 A tusk growing across obstacle
11 Flesh drawbridge
12 Living bridge with face each end and mouths for gatehouse

Saturday, 26 November 2016

Children of Xor

When I used standard DnD monsters In Xor some ppl were a bit miffy. Rust monsters especially. Now I'm thinking rust monsters are part of Xor's immune system response to metal equipped invaders. They grow where needed and are born fully formed from tumors hungry and pregnant. They starve to death and are reabsorbed when no longer needed.

Here are some Xorian critters for every day life.

You can improve them with these tables...

Xor to do list

Harvesting organs, hormones, peptides, hormonal Secretions of Xor
Grafting godflesh and bio augs
Whore Lore of Xor i dont know what i was thinking here
The Great Flesh Cube - dungeon location plus a tower and a cave
Meat Ziggarutt of Xor
Other valuable items
Spells for bone wizards

Notes on the Ecology of Xorian Life
Many creatures on Xor eat meat or dried skin or hair instead of normal diets
Many hairless animals rely on the body of Xor to keep warm or eat 10% more
Many creatures born spontaneously from the flesh of Xor as needed
Many eat meat but will eat strangers from boredom or curiosity

d20 Tiny and Swarm Animals
1 Xor Locusts - six inch red meat eating locusts, some get dog size in swarms

2 Scab rats - scab covered rats, often tails are fused into a ball, often diseased
3 Muscle Snake - red or tan or black venomous sake, equally at home in liquid
4 Bone Spiders - palm size bone eating spiders with acid venom bites

5 Vampire Finches - horrid little birds that pick at scabs and wounds
6 Blood Gulls - squawking birds love to steal food, like wetlands and shore lines
7 Fang Fairies - tiny bug wing faerie folk with set of fangs, drink blood of sleeping 
8 Gore Flea - fist size fleas often swarm and sneak up trouser legs
9 Clot Frogs - shiny dark inedible red frogs lurk around water and croak all night
10 Scarlet Scorpion - red scorpions some swarm and eat bigger animals
11 Crimson Crabs - cover landscape in tidal areas and occasionally mass migrate in millions
12 Scab Roach - horrible up to hand sized critters eat detritus and feces

13 Pigeons - colurful pink birds, eat dried skin and scabs, a popular food item
14 Blood Worms - foot to yard long inch thick edible scarlet worls that burrow into Xor
15 Xor Flies - Huge stinging flies often swarm, maggots also aggressive and both swarm
16 Scarabs - harmless beetles gather dung to feed babies, important cleaners
17 Cavies - hairless guinea pigs that eat hair and skin
18 Flesh Squirrels - hairless climbing gliding rodents that collect things in hollow cavities
19 Quakkas - hairless hopping jolly faced marsupials, love tabbacco and friendly
20 Possums - hairless marsupials come in ring tail, gliding and standard varieties

d20 Small Animals - common domestic and wild
1 Meat Rats - giant hairless mole rats that burrow into flesh and live in colonies
2 Armadillos - adorable armoured and can move by rolling, carry leprosy
3 Flamingoes - pink tall birds that dwell in wetlands, pelican and spoonbills possible too
4 Blood Weasel - brilliant red furred weasels that tear flesh and drink blood
5 Capybara - huge hairless guinea pigs live in flesh tunnels eat mucous and hair
6 Hell Possum - dog size often rapid possums hurl children that grow from tails at enemies
7 Scarlet Turkey - brilliant coloured large turkeys, a blue variety also
8 Bone Snake - ten-thirty foot 
constrictor snake, colourful pink and purple or chocolate

9 Sphynx Cat - hairless cats that eat vermin on Xor, sacred to many peoples
10 Goanna - 2-3 yard large lizard, if startled climb person, bite carries disease
11 Protojelly - foot wide fleshy blob feeds off dead skin and hair and finger nails
12 Bloodbat - hairless flesh toned huge vampire bats
13 Wombat - large hairless burrowing marsupials live in burrows, eat giant hair roots 

14 Gore Devil - naked Tasmanian devils, horrible aggressive little brutes
15 Frill Neck Lizard - camouflaged large lizard, turn red and open frill if startled
16 Scarlet Ibis - long beaked birds, like wetlands, a blue and a vampire variety also
17 Crimson Toad - huge poison toad, often blend into environment, grab feet 
18 Stirge Owls - a featherless bat winged variety of owl that sucks blood through it's beak
19 Violet Geese - live in xor wetlands, graze on hair and bugs, aggressive in groups
20 Xor Hound - packs of hairless dingo like dogs, quite aggressive in large packs

d20 Medeum Animals - common domestic and wild

1 Xor Goat - adorable goats graze on hair, make good pack animals or pull waggons
2 Giant Leech - horrible blood sucking giant worms
3 Baboons - similar to huge baboons but hairless and more highly sexualized
4 Terror Bird - man sized carnivorous flightless birds
5 Blood Wolf - hairless wolves that cry tears of blood when howling

6 Flesh Bear - hairless black bears can be territorial but mostly harmless
7 Rust Monster - anti intruder creatures to drive off metal using outsiders
8 Gore Boar - huge skinless pigs that scavenge and eat anything, very adaptable
9 Giant Weasels - huge evil blood sucking mammals that latch onto prey and drain dry
10 Kangaroos - large hopping marsupials, some breed aggressive to humans an deadly
11 Giant Tarantula - huge spider bite causes magical dancing sickness
12 Flesh Horse - hairless pink ponies roam in packs and graze on hair
13 Ochre Jellies - red gelatinous masses that attack foreign bodies
14 Carrion Crawler - parasitic giant worms that paralyses prey to lay eggs in
15 Gelatinous cube - glistening paralyzing cubes that cleans up mess on Xor
16 Hellhounds - roam freely seeking victims to drag to hell
17 Blood Apes - hairless gorillas, very aggressive flesh eating variety
18 Emus - huge flightless birds travel in large flocks and panic if threatened
19 Blood Eagles - huge eagles snatch prey and dismember them in high places
20 Giant Ants - mostly busy but can be agressive defending their bone covered mounds

d20 Huge Animals - common domestic and wild
1 Turtle Bear - huge cave bear with turtle plastron and bony plate hide
2 Pteradactyl - flying leathery winged flesh toned reptiles
3 Pink Dragon - blows a cloud of charm gas that turns victims to enthralled slaves
4 Red Rhino - saggy skinned huge horned aggressive herd animal
 Hairless Mammoth - saggy baggy flesh toned pachyderm
 Sabretooth Sphynx Cat - huge hairless fanged cats, a dangerous predator
7 Shoggoth - amorphous fleshy tentacled eyeball horror bio machines of ancient aliens
8 Griffon - half lion and half eagle, dangerous flying predators, some intelligent

9 hydra - multi headed giant snake monsters, some breathe fire and/or regenerate
10 Dinosaur - many varieties, mostly flesh hue colour schemes
11 Giant Crabs - mostly near wetlands, may explore inland for food or migration
12 Giant cave lobsters and occasional cave fishers dwell on underground and wetlands
13 Giant Snapping Turtle - wagon size horror often in wetlands or caves

14 Giant Slug - eat all kinds of scraps and materials on Xor
15 Giant Vulture - travel in flocks, often follow beings they hope are soon to die
16 Diprotodon - giant hairless wombats some have a elongated trunk like snouts 
17 Giant Sloth - huge very difficult to hurt sloths, slowly amble about peacefully
18 Giant Snail - used as very slow transport and possible to live inside shells
19 Glyptadon - huge armoured animal with spiked mace tail mostly harmless
20 Giant Ape - these huge hairless apes are mostly harmless but battle other creatures

d20 Humanoids
1 Kobold
 - savage small goblinoids famouf for traps and ambushing, many sub breeds2 Hemogoblin - scarlet blood drinking goblins who live in flesh tunnels beneath Xor
3 Hobgoblin - larger more brutal surface dwelling goblinoids
4 Bugbear - as typical ones but hairless with huge human like ears and noses
5 Orcs - former humans or elves transformed into savage humanoids by mutation
6 Ogre - huge bloated bitter humanoids who graze on flesh feilds but crave novelty food
7 Troll - magenta blubbery cancerous insane trolls
8 Flesh Giants - huge primative humanoids similar to hill hill giants
9 Beastmen - many varieties with local variations in types
10 Ghouls - Xorian ghouls are skinless, some wear skin as capes other eat it off

11 Zombies - animated human corpses reanimated by Xorian bioplasm
12 Cavy Folk - Guinea pig humanoids actually hybrin halflings
13 Halflings - hairless halflings live as common homely humans, mostly naked
14 Redcaps - evil blood thirsty gnomes that can change to ogre size at will
15 Adhearer - mummy like humanoid covered in sticky resin that traps weapons
16 Doppelganger - hideous shape shifting psionic humanoids that impersonate humans
17 Feral Baby - savage babies use cuteness to lure victims actually mutant kobolds
18 Dark Dwarves - come to Xor seeking to mine exotic nuerochemicals and materials
19 Bone Elves - silent white skinned elves who live off mone meal and use bone tools
20 Blood Elves - savage cruel blood crazed elves

d10 Marine Creatures
1 Dolphin - small pink saliva river ones to larger ones that swim in seas of tears
2 Squid - from tiny cuttleshish to huge specimen that snatch men off ships with long arms
3 Octopus - from very tiny to ship sized horrors, some species like tako are intelligent
4 Giant Sea Urchin - many coloured varieties, walk on land to hunt with poisonous spines
5 Jellyfish - many varieties some huge, harmless or stinging varieties, edible
6 Dinosaurs - including Megaladon or Plesiosaur or various other marine breeds
7 Marine Turtles - from dog to elephant size turtles eat mostly jellyfish
8 Narwhal - the unicorn of the sea, use horns to stab prey, very wise creatures
9 Killer Whale - carnivorous whales live in packs hunting smaller life forms
10 Sealion - many breeds of these blubbery mammals from dog to elephant sized
11 Walrus - a huge blubbery fanged sea beast who love to wallow in shallows
12 Mermaid - half human half fish race who dwell in coral castle kingdoms
13 Sea Scorpion - agressive underwater giant scorpions some crawl on shore for prey
14 Giant Trilobite - many breeds of these ancient arthrapods, many crawl on beach to breed
15 Sea Serpant - huge serpents adapted to the syliva seas of Xor
16 Giant Hermit Crab - breed of giant crab that live in shells discarded by shellfish
17 Marine Crocodile - huge pink reptiles some breeds have flippers instead of legs
18 Giant Otter - delight in swimming on their backs and cracking open skulls on their bellies
19 Giant Clams - huge clams grab limbs of any who step on them and chomp off
20 Sharks - live in tear seas range from small to gigantic, also include manta rays

Thursday, 24 November 2016

Oldschool DnD Poetry Pit

Blogger I read other day was writing poetry for his setting (citation needed? Doh sorry i forgot who now, why im not a academic). Being a fan of Clark Ashton Smiths purple pulsating prose I was Inspired as I realise my campaign is based on literary and history more than post Dragonlance fantasy fiction trilogies.

So here are some terrible poems for my DnD setting

Exile Island
Men of the frozen North dread it's shattered shores
Where stony coastal battlement towers reach the sky
Men of the mystic East loathe it's filthy grubbing maggot men
Who's swarming cut throats scrounge for long lost treasures
Men of the ancient West fear it's forgotten underland horrors
Which once ruled the world as blood soaked tyrant monster kings
Men of the South craved golden plunder and ancient wizardry
When the treasure fleets of the Empire came to dig and kill and die

Shadel Port The Pirate City

Shadelport grim Shadelport
Hidden in the dread misty seas of the the north
A shambling sprawling oozing heap of a city
Corroded spires and domes from ruins prehuman
Chocked by shit stained cottages of the festering poor
Where orcs walk the streets as men
Where the ever living Barron watches all
Where glistening eyes of thieves drown out the stars
Where pirate scum come to drink and chunder
Shadelport grim Shadelport
Nobody cries tears for you

Whaling Town of Bloodsand Beach

Bloodsand beach where black souls meet
Barnacled walls and moaning slaves
Screaming sealions and whale blood spray
Slit strangers throats and iron rendering vats
Winnow the week and squeeze out their fat
Not a bone left spare, not a scrap or rag
Not a selkie or sailor or slave ever did roam
Nothing and nobody ever came home

After I trying to read Dragonlance a second time in 1985 and couldn't I realized I was enjoying reading history for Call of Cthulhu more. I found Louse Brooks Autobiographical essays and blew my mind. I read the power of Myth by Joe Campbell which led to me reading classics and history and archaeology and got me going to uni. Also If I talked about history people thought I was well educated. If I talked about some obscure game thing people thought something very different. Anyway I used to envy the use of poetic literary tricks and while I don't understand what I'm doing or what caesura or enjambment is. But after reading lots of old classics and modernism and epics and sagas, something must have stuck and leaks out occasionally. Ive written fake Arthurian and Sumerian stuff and people where very angry with me when I explained it was intended as comedy to parody conspiracy culture.

I have lots of work for next 2 months and a mural to paint so Im hoping to get my own residence next year after 4-7 years of not having proper residence I can do as I please in and have my stuff on shelves and cook what I want and hopefully less rats and roaches. Maybe I should have studied and read more about accounting.