Monday 7 November 2016

The Misery of Blood Sand Beach pt3 - Shopping?

Wow my ratings have hit rock bottom. Possibly this series wasn't my best idea. Coincidence? Or possibly I shouldn't think about it and get over it. Look at this baby lizard he is adorable.

So why the hell would anyone come to Blood Sand Beach. Even visiting demons think it is a dangerous shit hole? Here I present a table of business on the streets that might be worth putting on a fake beard and visiting. There are many strange things for sale here from around the world. Many vices common here are forbidden in the empire.

You might have noticed many monsters on the streets by night are female and vindictive like seahags, sirens and kelpies. Desperate men make easy prey. Many of these monsters were created by past suffering of woman kind here. Desperate male energies atract these entities also. Probably this town deserves to be haunted bu yhese monsters. Some women do visit, especially murder hobo women curious and defiant of the laws. Not many stay and the Orc guards are terrible at telling male and female humans apart anyway. Most of the orcs are made by the Barron's wizards and male anyway.

d10 Quick Businesses on the Streets
01 Taverns
02 Inns
03 Eateries
04 Outfitters
05 Tradesmen
06 Merchants
07 Communal Halls
08 Vice
09 Exotic
10 Magic

d100 Businesses on the Streets
01 The Briny Deep - a filthy sailors tavern where barnacled sea zombies serve drinks 
02 The Were Sharks Bum - a gambling den and pub where losers thrown into a shark tank
03 The Mermaids Beard - a salty tavern where gay old sea dogs and disguised women drink
04 The Purple Starfish - a popular tavern where male prostitutes and sailors frequent
05 Davey Jones Locker - a surly tavern of Kraken cultists rumoured to attract fish men
06 The Black Freighter - where melancholic old sailors tell grim tales of savage sea life
07 The Captains Hook - ship officers only are welcome and above average quality drinks
08 The Fisherman's Wife - tako octopus fairy bartender serves amid pornographic art
09 The Bloody Stump - bar favoured by amputee pirates and murder hobos
10 The Tatooed Lady - also a tattoo shop with mostly shirtless tattooed sailor customers

11 The Whales Belly - a inn with whale bone decorations favoured by whaling crews
12 The Selkie's Hole - inn serving sealion and walrus steak and stew for seal hunters

13 The Wounded Albatross - cultist run inn used to recruit down on luck sailors
14 The Twisted Tentacle - where tako octopus fairies run inn with sensual massages
15 The Blistering Bunghole - a halfling run inn of huge greasy meals served any hour
16 The Keelhauled Cabin Boy - a crumbling inn served by clean shaven youths
17 The Barrel 'O Rum - drunken flophouse with vomit stained sheets and occasional corpse
18 The Loose Cannon - inn where musclebound hairy sailors enjoy steam baths
19 The Bloody Stool - inn with whips, chains, a-frames and bondage paraphernalia
20 The Bearded Clam - inn with chaps in frocks serving best seafood in town
21 The Crumbed Cod - diner serving fish and wedges of exotic potatoes of Monster Island
22 The Laughing Squid - diner serving huge buttered tentacles run by halflings
23 The Mermaids Treasure Chest - diner sells fish and has a sad mermaid in display tank
24 The Lost Mariner - diner serving ground meat and cheap beer at low low prices 
25 The Squeaky Wheel - diner specializing in cooked rat and famous giant rat milk cheese 
26 Captain Fatty's Sausage Fest - retired captain serves sausages from rusty old cauldrons
27 The Bilge Rat's Delight - serving muscles, clams, seaweed, seagull eggs and rat pie
28 The Bloody Hook - diner serving mystery meat chunks of the day with crusty bread
29 The Farmers Rest - diner serving beef, lamb, goat and farm produce served by halflings
30 The Marlin Spike - diner serving huge whole roast sea beasts as a buffet 
31 The Shippers Supply Warehouse - selling sails, anchors and ropes
32 The Sea Lords Auction House - where ships and boats are sold by auction
33 The Seaman Suppliers - selling second hand ship fittings, old chests and tools
34 The Lumberjacks Chest - selling wooden beams, masts, barrels and carpentry tools
35 The Copper Spitoon - selling brass and copper pots, tools, urns and sheet metal
36 The Furriers Favorite - selling seal skins, oilsskins, woolen wear, winter clothes 
37 The Soggy Biscuit - bakery making long life sea biscuits sold for ship supplies 
38 The Rum Rebels - distillery selling rich spiced rum for ships supplies
39 The Powder Monkey's Cabin - selling gunpowder made on site by alchemist
40 The Blubber Hut - selling fresh and dried blubber, whale meat and rendered oil
41 The Rusty Spike - blacksmith and iron goods, with several dwarf slaves run by orcs
42 The Hangman's Noose - rope makers use hemp to make fine rope and drugs
43 The Aroused Armourer - selling guns, armour, melee weapons and more
44 The Snipped Fingers - tinsmith selling tins, boxes and sheet metal
45 The Seaman's Cracker - bakery selling bread, sweet buns and rat pies  
46 The Jerked Meat Master - making dried fish and beef jerky for ship stores
47 The Greasy Knob - selling grease, lubricants and oils for fuel and food  
48 The Scribal Store - selling vellum, parchment, papyrus, books, prints and pamphlets
49 The Glass Goblin - making bottles, beads and bowls for trade and storage
50 The Potty House - making bowls, jugs, bottles. plates, chamber pots, lamps
51 The Boneyard - selling exotic animal bones, stuffed monster heads and body parts
52 The Waxen Shaft - selling candles and blocks of wax, wicks and candlesticks
53 The Beastly Box - selling parrots, apes, iguanas and other exotic pests
54 The Menagerie - selling captured monsters from around the world 
55 The Wizz Fizz Biz - eccentric alchemist selling fireworks and delicious potions
56 The Lizard Wizard - selling dinosaur eggs and live creatures from monster island
57 The Slave Hut - selling exotic slaves from around the world
58 The Frock Shop - selling dresses, make up and boots in men's and kobold sizes
59 The Adventurers Chest - selling second hand adventurers supplies
60 The Old Bottle Shop - sells exotic foreign grog, potions, drugs and poison
61 Old Seamen's Home - where failed sailors receive charity beds and soup
62 Kraken House - where the kraken cult meet to exchange deep sea secret wisdom
63 Temple of the Sea God - most popular church for sailors, the grim lord of the briny deep
64 Mariners Guild - where members ritually explore forbidden ancient lore of the sea 
65 The Merry Crab Jig Hall - popular dance hall with 1cp a dance with men in dresses
66 Sea Lords Music Hall - musical theater with bawdy burlesque and amusing performers
67 The Stinking Shank - fighting club where members watch pit fighters and gamble
68 The Golden Fish - posh gambling hall with cards, crab racing and pugilism
69 Reptile Brotherhood - new hall where explorers discuss reptilian philosophy secrets 
70 Explorers Club - where mercenaries who raid monster island feast and get drunk
71 The Dank Hole - drug den with rooms full of passed out sailors in drug comas
72 The Flesh Pit - sexual favours for sale and some say have secret hidden real women
73 The Slippery Eel - tavern used by thieves, really a secret guild hall, rude to strangers
74 The Slippery Fist - club where oiled men wrestle naked for hours en mass
75 The Crumpled Kobold - tavern where kobold haters strangle kobolds all night for fun
76 The Scarlet Seers - a foreign mystical order actually an assassins guild
77 The Troll Hole - where the rich stab and torment chained trolls for fun 
78 The Halflings Hole - where pretty boy halflings entertain old rich men for cash 
79 The Jade Palace - embassy of the celestial eastern empire and opium house
80 The Galloping Gourmet Club - restaurant but secretly a cannibal club
81 Madam Serena's House of Secrets - she is a succubus recruiting for demonic cult
82 LeCor and Sons - Legal firm actually devils in disguise buy souls for cash
83 Madame Satana's House of Curiosity - shop of petty magic crap sold by old witch
84 Count Drune's Leech Emporium - therapeutic blood letting honestly not a vampire
85 Master Hellstrom's House of Black Books - seller of arcane books and tomes
86 Dorian's House of Murder - assassin who is hired to murder clients gently
87 Madam Tabitha's Hous of Torture - devil cultist calls erinyes from hell to torment clients
88 House of the Worm - where goblins sell magic fungus and worship the worm god
89 Kobold Emporium - kobold slave specialist dealers with all kinds of specialists for sale
90 Silver Skull House - necromantic school sells zombie and skeleton ship crew
91 Hall of Ocean Mystery - water elementalist school and cult of evil sea elementals
92 School of Esoteric Diabolism - school of summoners and cult dedicated to hell
93 Tabernacle of Blood - school of blood wizards seeking immortality through ritual murder
94 Palace of Occult Mastery - school of sorcery and black lotus cult
95 Balan's Familiar Emporium - sells exotic weird magic pets for spell casters
96 College of Sea Bards - music school exchanging songs from around the world
97 Whalers Guild - cult hunting chaos whales and seeking long lost relics they swallowed
98 The Pleasure Dome - sorcery personality cult school and drug den
99 House of Chastity - sell chastity belts and magic gender changing girdles in secret
100 The Black Chamber - secret policemen station commanded by one of Barron's wizards

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