Sunday 21 June 2020

More Murder Hobo Sing Along

More of these
I remember i wrote a murder hobo musical in a notebook (ones of 80kg of notebooks I have since a teen). So I will look for it. Sadly I have performed with a band as Brother Bugger McNuggets of the Boulder Colarado Hollow Earth Church but not recently.

My shadelport setting is as grimy as Elizabethan England at times so these all help set the mood and I might include them in update of the Shadelport Book (see my downloads in sidebar).

Also I'm getting up on twitter, redbubble and hope to Instagram shortly as I shrug off some social media that wasn't really worth it post the G+ platform death (I used more than FB).

O'er The Dungeon Way
A warrior will take a monsters life
A thief will take their gold
A wizard just wants their magic and books
A priest wants to save their souls

A druid dwells in outdoor filth
A monk just likes to sit
A sorcerer just craves thralls
A bard wants to sing tales of shit

A elf always must look the best
A dwarf is short and squat
A halfling just wants to always eat
A gnome just wants some stilts

A kobold craves what shines
A goblin likes dirty holes
A orc just want to kill everyone
A ogre will eat what's left
The Adventuring Life
If you're forlorn and cursed by fate 
Adventuring life is yours to take
Or die the thrall of a better man
Live your life a slave to the land
Pack your dagger torch and pole
Grab some mates and explore a hole

Search the dark keep alert
Make sure you murder them all first
Kill the monsters chop their heads
Burn their corpses in their beds
Take the sword spill their blood
Halt the tide of evils foul flood

Dash their brains and take their cups
Smash their idols foul and squat
All the monster hoarding gold
Give it freely if dead and cold
Cut their fingers take their rings
Claim their land for the one true king(s)*

Take their treasure trick the traps 
Chase them all to hell then back
Drink some rum to make you brave
Don't kill em all sell some as slaves
Counting the silver then tales told
Lies grow larger as you get old

Catch the monster take his life
Ignore cries of child and wife 
Fill wagons with the dead
Spared orphans need to be fed
Monsters are left and outlaws have gone
When settlers come I'll move along

*Treasonous rebels say Kings plural to mock the institution of the state. Dynastic struggles are not talked about or mocked. Long ago one king ordered death to say kings but it was one of those laws forgotten about

Humans are the best
A dwarf has a short and hairy one
A elfs is limp and thin
A halflings is half as long 
But a humans is the best

A goblins is the smelliest
An orcs is covered in warts
A big bugbears is barbed on the end
But a humans is the best

A dragons is too dangerous
A giants is too big
A frogman he has none at all
But a humans is the best

A basilisks will turn a maid to stone
A salamander is on fire
A incubus member has a price to pay
But a humans is the best

A manticores is the mankiest
A satyrs is slathered in sores
A vampires takes more than it gives
But a humans is the best

A zombie cannot always rise
A skeleton has no bone
A spectre is insubstantial
But a humans is the best

A werewolfs works but once a month
A troll is wider than long
An octopus uses one of his legs
But a humans is the best

O''r the dungeon way
a warri'r shall taketh a monst'rs life
a cut-purse shall taketh their gold
a wizard just wanteth their charm and books
a augurer wanteth to saveth their souls

a druid dwells in outdo'r filth
a monk just likes to sitteth
a s'rc'r'r just craves thralls
a bard wanteth to singeth tales of the horror

a elf at each moment might not but behold the most wondrous
a dwarf is sh'rt and squat
a halfling just wanteth to at each moment consume
a gnome just wanteth some stilts

a kobold craves what shines
a goblin likes filthy holes
a 'rc just wanteth to killeth ev'ryone
a ogre shall consume what's hath left
The adventuring life
if 't be true thou art f'rl'rn and curs'd by fate 
adventuring life is yours to taketh
or die the thrall of a bett'r sir
liveth thy life a slave to the landeth
packeth thy dagg'r t'rch and pole
grabeth some mates and expl're a hole

searcheth the dark keepeth al'rt
maketh sure thee murd'r those folk all first
killeth the monst'rs chopeth their heads
burneth their c'rpses in their beds
taketh the sw'rd spilleth their blood
halt the tide of evils foul flote

dash their brains and taketh their cups
smasheth their idols foul and squat
all the monst'r hoarding gold
giveth t freely if 't be true dead and bitter cold
cutteth their fing'rs taketh their rings
claimeth their landeth f'r the one true king(s)*

taketh their treasure dissemble the traps 
chaseth those folk all to hell then backeth
drinketh some rum to maketh thee brave
killeth not em all selleth some as slaves
counting the silv'r then tales toldeth
lies groweth larg'r as thee receiveth fusty

catcheth the monst'r taketh his life
ign're cries of issue and jointress 
filleth wagons with the dead
spar'd 'rphans needeth to beest did feed
monst'rs art hath left and outlaws has't gone
at which hour settl'rs cometh i'm moving 'long

Humans art the most wondrous (possibly a better title)
a dwarf hast a sh'rt and hairy one
a elfs is limp and thin
a halflings is half as longeth 
but a humans is the most wondrous

a goblins is smelliest
an 'rcs is cov'r'd in warts
a big bugbears is barb'd on the endeth
but a humans is the most wondrous

a dragons is too dang'rous
a giants is to big
a frogman that gent hast none at all
but a humans is the most wondrous

a baslisks shall turneth a maid to stone
a salamand'r is on fireth
a incubus memb'r hast a price to payeth
but a humans is the most wondrous

a carrion cannot at each moment riseth
a skeleton hast nay bone
a spectre is insubstantial
but a humans is the most wondrous

A mantic'res is the mankiest
a satyrs is slath'r'd in s'res
a vampires doth take m're than t gives
but a humans is the most wondrous

a w'rewolfs w'rks once a month
a troll is wid'r than longeth
an octopus uses one of his legs
but a humans is the most wondrous

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