Saturday, 7 April 2018

d100 Magic Animal Droppings

Firstly I apologise for lowering the tone of all gaming forever. I was accused of this by a TSR pioneer when I did a post on dungeon toilets. Greg mentioned magic poop and I realised its just the kind of grimy unclean content I need. Now there will be magic poop shops in the city, murder hobos will collect monster turds. Adventurers will find turds, taste them using their Gong Lore and evaluate the profitability of the dung. Now poor DMs will have to deal with adventurers investigating every heap of dung. Sorry again. Blame Greg.

In my game unicorn poop heals a d4 damage. So when party turned into unicorns by the king of elfland they got through various challenges after describing their unicorn forms, after they all took dumps and rolled in each others turds. This almost never happens in most of my games. Peasants sneak into the elf wood to gather unicorn turds, a right claimed by nobility. Wizards will study scatalogical tomes and copramancers will use arcane turd secrets.

I's ok kids love poop. Monster Urine table?
Dungeons are just big public dunny's for monsters.

Amendment - look out for fake poop dealers and it might take sniff taste and texture tests to get real valuable monster poop not just faux magic poop. I wonder if wizard poop magic?

d100 Magic Animal Droppings
01 Unicorn, perfect mr whippy form in rainbow colours with glitter, heals d4 if rubbed on wounds or provides a days food and delicious warm or cold 50gp/Lb
02  Troll (common troll), is foul and sloppy green, if touched can infect you with tiny trolls that wreak havoc inside your body causing disease if a save is failed 5gp/Lb
03  Orc, black and sticky, can be used in mud bogs by wizards to create new orcs from mud to help the spell (gain extra d4 orcs) 1gp/Lb
04 Owlbear, pellets are only good for fertiliser but young necromancers like to use owlbear castings or regurgitated pellets of bones and fur and feathers for study and early animation studies. The castings make good necromancer spell components in part or whole 4gp/Lb
05 Stirge, pellets are a crystal of solidified blood that can be mixed in water and fermented to make a stinking bloodlike diseased liquid that can be flung at foes or used on weapons 1gp/ounce
06 Basilisks only excrete rarely. The turds are small and luminous pellets but each weighs d6x10lb. People use to make luminous writing and emergency fireless light sources that last thousands of years. Workers in the factories using it do get sick. Some say there were spells of mass destruction using the turds. Over time the area becomes toxic and lifeless 50gp/ounce
07 Gorgon a large wet mess that dries into a flat metallic disk. If used to forge into iron it makes cold iron less brittle and rust less and last longer. Gorgon Iron sells for double the normal cost 10gp/lb 
08 Beholder, very prised dung detects as magical and can be used as a component in many spells similar to beholder attacks. S0me say it cures blindness but it doesn't 50gp/Lb
09 Bugbear dung if applied to a person makes goblins afraid and lowers their morale. Slavers use it to train goblin workers 3gp/Lb
10 Giant stools vary in size but can be used to extract ingredients to growth potions or in tiny doses mixed in children's food helps them grow bigger faster (only 1% become cannibalistic ogres as teens). Bigger the giant type the better the effect 1gp/Lb
11 Angel perfect stools glows and act as holy symbols and smell sweet. Churches use in blessings, to sanctify areas and as relics and lanterns, efficacious in some plague remedies 100gp/ounce
12 Demon stools are sloppy and smell foul. If set alight they produce a stinking smoke and smoulder for ten minutes. Most living things find foul and cults use as incense or for making places unholy 50gp/ounce
13 Blink Dog, these crumbling white odourless turds are used in blink spells and items 75gp 
14 Shedu, these luminous sweet smelling pats can be used to make incense used in divination rituals. Eating one grants +1 WIS for 24 hours 200gp/Lb
15 Sphynx pellets are unpleasant but if swallowed grant +1INT for 24 hours 200gp   
16 Treant feces is wet and sloppy and earthy but if mixed with water makes incredible fertilizer that sprouts all kinds of herbs, flowers and berry trees. Elves use it in their gardens 40gp/Lb
17 Goblin dung is wet and smelly. Cave goblin dung can be used to start a cave fungus garden while forest goblins produce ferns or thorny shrubs 1sp/Lb
18 Troglodyte stools are foul and handling one requires a saving throw or vomiting. Coating things in it keeps away most living creatures 4gp/Lb
19 Displacer Beast dung can be rubbed on a person of object to give the displacement ability for a d10 rounds. Picking them up is tricky and stains are not where they appear to be 75gp/Lb
20 Hook Horror dung is gravely and sloppy tar like and sometimes bloody. It is repellent to many dungeon monsters less powerful, especially carrion crawlers. By using a dab in a privy chamber it stops crawlers in the sewer entering your mansion 30gp/Lb
21 Rust Monster dung is black carbon powder used by blacksmiths and some other artisans and tattoos. 1gp/Lb
22 Griffon guano is a sloppy wet mass they usually make from high up and hard to obtain. Some colonies find a single high rock to mark their pride territory. It is a good ingredient for fly potions or spells 50gp/lb
23 Zombie stools are never just found as their metabolic processes stop. You have to cut them out of the corpse. Some use to make potions of zombie control. If implanted in a fresh corpse the body will raise as a feral zombie after 24 hours gp/ounce dose
24 Wyvern stools can make a poultice that can give someone a second chance to save vs a wyvern or scorpion sting. 75gp/Lb
25 Boggle feces is a good quality but smelly grease useful for machinery and awful smelling lamp oil 5gp/Lb
26 Firenewt stools are full of sulphur which can be extracted with a alchemical process. Colonies might have a central pit but some crap into volcanoes and leave very little. In some places prices rise where sulphur is rare 1sp/Lb
27 Salamander poop is a glowing hot pellet of charcoal that stays hot and warm for 24 hours for starting fires or cooking. Will remain warm for a d4 days more which is nice in winter. The remains have uses in spell and potions 5gp/pellet fresh 1ep/pellet when only warm 1sp after cold 
28 Fishman coils or cables smell revolting and stain skin. Anyone touching is will be discoloured and smell fishy for a month. Some people throw it at people or use as a prank 1sp/Lb
29  Mutant Chaos Goatman pellets can be used to infect eaters with minor mutations if they fail a saving throw. Goatmen force feed it to victims hoping they will become goatmen or monsters. Chaotic alchemists use it to taint potions with chaos 1gp/Lb
30 Fire Lizard guano  is fireproof clay and can be paste applied to shields (+1 save vs fire, ten uses a jar) or armour (+2 save one jar) 40gp/Lb 
31 Night Hag feces is a resin of evil darkness. It bubbles and boils if touched by a holy symbol and holy water turns it to ash.  It can be used to set off detect evil magic if smeared on a victim and could set off some magic traps or curses. 15gp/ounce
32 Carrion Crawler dung is found in black nuggets and has a intense odour up close and is only sticky when fresh. Covering objects in it protects from green slime. An pound could cover ten hands or one person 12gp/Lb 
33 Minotaur dung is very attractive to cows. If covered adds +2 to your CHA to bovine creatures. Farmers use it to help mathe cattle 4gp/Lb
34 Lycanthrope dung, if fed to a victim (possibly slowly) they require a save or turn into a lycanthrope after 30 days. They will feel more awake at night 5gp
35 Centaur dung is a mild poison with a earthy grassy flavour if ingested +2 to save one pat can infect a meal for ten 5gp/Lb
36 Satyr contains yeast culture good for wine making and a single stool will make a typical vat that improves the wine flavour 12gp/lb
37 Chimera dung, confuses and scares tracking animals especially dogs, ten pairs of boots per batch or one whole person 12gp/Lb
38 Ghoul dung is black sticky necrotic mass with grey jelly. Throwing it at a victim or touching it can cause save +2 or paralysis. It works for a d4 days. Throwing it uses the whole mass, slapping people or a contact use last ten touches 10gp/Lb 
39 Brain Mole dung causes who eats it to hallucinate for a d6 hours 100gp/ounce
40 Bullette dung is useful as mortar for building, luckily they leave hundreds of pounds of shit everywhere 1cp/Lb 
41 Catoblepas dung reeks of rotten meat and scares away most normal animals for a d4 months from a area. It burns fiercely and is used in forges and furnaces 15gp/Lb
42 Cockatrice guano is desirable as a transformative ingredient in alchemy worth 75gp/ounce
43 Crocodile dung is used as a form of birth control and various medicinal uses that possibly work 1sp/Lb
44 Doppelganger dung blocks scent receptors of animals and can be used to cover odours 1sp/ounce
45 Gargoyle dung is gravelly pellets used to make a material used to repair statuary and fill cracks 25gp/ounce
46 Harpy dung is revolting and diseased and very sticky. Throwing it spreads disease 10gp/Lb
47 Intellect Devourer feces can be used to make a potion that causes madness. Victim saves or becomes mad for a d6 flowers 65gp/ounce
48 Invisible Stalker dung is invisible and can be used to make invisibility potions 35gp/ounce
49 Ki-Rin stools are valued as holy incense and smells sweet and spicy 250gp/lb
50 Lamia feces is vile and unholy, used by evil priests to anoint unholy places 45gp/ounce
51 Leucrotta stools look human but smell foul. Some alchemists make a narcotic confusion causing paste used as a drug 25gp/ounce

52 Lurker Above dung looks like semi precious stones and often are scattered on floors to distract victims. 20gp/ounce
53 Manticore turds are horrible sticky masses that the smear on rocks to mark their territory. Some use it to drive other manticores away 35gp/Lb
54 Medusa stools are used in potions of reverse petrification but the creatures hide them away from their lairs 25gp/ounce
55 Mimic poop is hard to find and just looks like ordinary rocks. It is used in some polymorphing potions 40gp/Lb
56 Mind Flayer dung if eaten gives traumatic hallucinations of mind flayers recent victims, save or spend a d3 days in coma 40gp/ounce
57 Naga feces id black and earthy and damp. It has various unholy purposes and magical purposes depending on the naga's alignment 45gp/Lb
58 Pegasus dung resembles horse manure but is hard to find or identify. Some use it in flying potions and other magical uses 30gpLb
59 Nightmare dung flames for several days, when cooled has uses in planar travel potions and ethereal oils 85gp/Lb
60 Ogre Magi is larger than human, smells of unearthly incense and is oddly coloured. It has a faint magis residue and has many uses in potion ant item making 45gp/Lb
61 Otyugh dung is sloppy and mostly mucous and usually ends up mixed up with the mess in their lairs. While handling the mess risks disease it can be used in potions of telepathy 30gp/Lb
62 Neo-Otyugh dung is sloppy and mostly mucous and usually ends up mixed up with the otyugh wallowing sewerage matter. While handling the mess risks disease it can be used in potions of telepathy or increasing intelligence 60gp/Lb
63 Peryton only eat human hearts and their pellets are black and shiny. By rubbing the mess all over a person the subject casts uncanny human like shadows 25gp/Lb
64 Pixie pixie stools ae tiny but quite magical and used for invisibility and illusion potions 65gp/ounce
65 Purple Worm stools are human sized, sloppy and mucous covered segments. the presence of this dung scares away many subterranean creatures but attracts giant dung beetles. 1sp/Lb
66 Remorhaz feces can be used by alchemists to create fireless heat with certain reagents 25gp/Lb
67 Roper turds are wet and slimy and can be used to make a strength sapping contact poison 20gp/Lb
68 Thought Eater dung is hard to find on this dimension but if found can be a good ingrediant for ethereal oil or contact poison that saps intelligence points 75gp/ounce
69 Umber Hulk dropping are large and foul. Many smaller monsters fear their odour. It also can be used to soften rock making it easy to dig like clay. One Lb of dung can effect 10 cubic feet of rock 20gp/Lb
70 Winter Wolf poop is frozen solid and remains cold for a d4 days. Has various uses as ingredient for ice spells, potions of cold resistance and other magical ingredients 35gp/Lb
71 Xorn devour gems and minerals. Their pellets are incredibly dense, a spoonful weighs ten pounds. Some use it for acts of sabotage and it also has alchemical uses 65gp/Lb

72 Yeti stools are frost covered frozen humps. It is used by mountain folk to make medecine vs cold or altitude sickness 30gp/Lb
73 Titan stools are large and perfectly formed with no odour. All kinds of magical uses are possible including levitation, invisibility, heroism but titans might only excrete once a century. 100gp/lb
74 Black Puddings leave little waste but some occasional gravel pebbles. The pebbles are highly resistant to acid and can make resistant glazes for ceramics and glass useful in alchemist laboratories 25gp/ounce
75 Pyrolisk guano burns like magnesium with a bright red flame and has many alchemical uses 30gp/Lb
76 Elephant dung has many uses including treating tooth aches, stopping running sinuses or bleeding, 5gp/Lb less in countries where elephants common 
77 Imp poop is easily ignitable and flammable and has a dim phosphorescent glow. Some alchemists use them to make matches you can make 40 matches per ounce and some alchemists keep dozens in cages 1gp/ounce
78 Dwarf poop is solid almost cubic large dice like pellets. Blacksmiths use it as a polish that prevents rust on iron 1sp/Lb  
79 Elf stools are perfectly formed from elven superior diet and has little odour. When planted flowers and and grass grows in that spot (or fungus if in a cave) 1sp/Lb
80 Cave Fisher dung is usually flung well away from the creatures hunting place and is a warning to look out. It can be used as a ingredient in all kinds of glues including magical ones 15gp/Lb
81 Behir dung smells of ozone and has a strong static charge and is highly conductive. Some alchemists study it and use for electrical based potions 20gp/Lb
82 Lammasu dung is very holy and can be burned as a sweet smelling incense and can be used in protection from evil potions 65gp/Lb
83 Ettin Dung is highly prized by orcs for war paint and camouflage. It keeps for years in a gourd. 1gp/Lb
84 Froghemoth dung is magically fertile and promotes growth in vegetation and fish. A pound with fertilize a 1" area making it burst into life rapidly doubling biomass in a d4 days, highly praised by druids 10gp/Lb
85 Sea Serpent feces makes good shark repellent if rubbed all over and lasts a d6 hours in water 4gp/Lb
86 Bee dung is gathered from giant bees and is a sticky sweet resin useful for craft, book binding, lacquer and other uses 5gp/ounce
87 Ant dung is from giant ants and useful for growing fungus. A pound covers 10 foot area and within a week fungal blooms cover the surfaces 1gp/Lb
88 Spider feces is used by witches and wizards for various potions and spells and the best comes from giant spiders. Unfortunately with the biggest spiders some of their dung is actually a species of smaller poison spider camouflaged that prey on creatures that eat the feces 10gp/ounce
89 Flailsnail feces is gathered by mutants to make mutagen potions to anoint their young. Some make temporary only potions but best to be sure which you imbibe 45gp/Lb
90 Hippo dung added to a body of water provides a burst of nutrients to fish and marine plants, a single pound will rejuvenate a typical garden pool and increase growth of fish and plants for a month 1gp/Lb
91 Black Dragon poop smells acrid and is sloppy but can be applied to cover a person to resist acid damage by half 65gp/Lb
92 Blue Dragon poop smells of ozone and is used by alchemists to perform simple electroplating and other reactions 90gp/Lb
93 Green Dragon poop smells salty and dries into crystalline mass used for sterilizing public baths and pools 30gp/Lb

94 Red dragon dung is sulphurous and a log burns for a d4 days. Nobles like to boast their homes are heated by dragon dung 40gp/lb
95 White Dragon dung is frozen and absorbs heat for a d4 days making it a useful refrigeration material in a ice box 30gp/Lb
96 Dragon Turtle dung is a waxy floating pellet that makes a good water proofing material and metal polish, it often washes up on certain beaches 25gp/Lb
97 Hydra feces can accelerate growth in small animals but 1in10 grow a d3 extra heads. Some refine it to make monsters 25gp/Lb
98 Pyrohydra dung can burn for a week and the flame makes weird patterns and smoke. Temples value it especially 65gp/Lb
99 Lernaean Hydra dung is used to make healing or regeneration potions 30gp/Lb
100 Tarrasque dung is rare but fossilized coprolites have been found around the world. Some races fashion into stone weapon heads that can harm magical creatures 100gp/Lb


  1. Collecting and selling dung of all sorts was actually a trade in the good old days and not just for waste removal and the obvious use as fertilizer.

    1. yes was the gongfarmers selling rich mans poop for higher cost was part inspiration

      how many ENC of poop can you get out dungeon a great zero level qust

  2. This is capital-letters Good Content.


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