Friday, 13 March 2015

d100 Tragic Old Murder Hobos



Hey Pip, when we go adventuring lets not take anymore runaway kids to hold our torches and teen gangs to be scouts or accept people the militia wouldn't take, lets get some competent hirelings.

You mean mercenaries?

Well I guess they would be expensive but i thought more like some experienced adventurers.

Well they might accept us as their  follows or take all our loot.

Why I meant more just some washed up old guys who need the money?

Oh you mean murder hobos.

When you want a vet dungeon raider but without the attitude or cost, look around your graveyards, parks, alleys and that really cheap sly grog shop near the edge of town. Quite a few work at the abattoir too. Everyone has a sob story best discovered sooner than later.

d10 Quick Tragic Old Murder Hobos
1 Broke and down and out - usually needy

2 Mutilated on the job - disabled but a willing scrapper
3 Imprisoned - spent years imprisoned
4 Enslaved - spent years performing humiliating back breaking work
5 Sole Survivor - all comrades long gone
6 Legal Problems - has some problems with authority
7 Sickness - has some problems with illness
8 Madness - has some problems with sanity
9 Cursed by something - a magical burden placed on you
10 Tainted by something - a strange secret best kept hidden


d100 
 Tragic Old Murder Hobos
01 "Ive been homeless for years but I know all the local dungeons" needy and possible exaggerates or underrates danger
02 "For a few years business was good then my partners robbed me" bitter and paranoid, might stab and run first chance for loot
03 "I need help paying off my gambling debts, the mob are really unforgiving" desperate to pay off mob, might sell out part to them
04 "I just need enough for a really big fix so i can get really high then i can quit for good" hopeless drug fiend
05 "Prostitutes, I cant get enough, I will follow you anywhere for money" sleazy pervert will harass party members of any gender and will harass prisoners and monster corpses
06 "For a while everything was lovely, then my partner and kids died" bitter about family loss now has nothing to live for but revenge
07 "I invested everything in a farm but it was was eaten by (d4 1=kobolds 2=rats 3=gremlins 4=undead)" bitter and ruined warns young to not bother trying life is hopeless
08 "Do you have anything to drink for an old person?" will do anything for booze, mostly unreliable
09 "Nobility took everything as tax. Said it was a social climber tax for living outside my class" bitter to rich and authority and likes to get in fights with lawmen and nobility
10 "I invested everything in a ship and cargo but it was (d4 1=sunk 2=pirated 3=lost 4=crew mutinied)" desperate and broken with do anything to get cash even rob party
11 "Oh yes I spent quite a while in dungeons" Has terrible whip marks and torture scars, winces often
12 "If there is a chance I can kill a wizard Im in" Has terrible burn marks, mutters something about hating wizards and fire
13 "There is plenty of life in me yet" Has a artificial leg or walking stick with a compartment for d4 1=grog 2=weapon 3=map 4=potion
14 "Yous hould see the other guy who did this to me" Has a artificial hand or arm d4 1=claw 2=weapon 3=advanced functional hand 4=buckler
15 "I dont want to talk about me eye but I can see well enough to kill" Has a missing eye and possibly eye patch d4 1=glass 2=gem 3=glowing gem 4=magical stone
16 "Im keen to take back what I lost" Has no hair blames it on d4 1=time in dungeons 2=wizards 3=monsters 4=fear
17 "Sniff, I will fowwow yoo to tha unnerworld" Nose missing, hideous especially when sneezing
18 "You need a barrelwright? No sonny I'm a murder hobo by trade" Ear or ears missing or hearing lost, might use a ear horn but misunderstands everything
19 "Yes I long to come with you and kill things in the deep" Hideous mutilated face with bite marks, sweats when thinks can hears monsters
20 "One last trip eh, well Ive been lucky so far" Wrinkled and old, time has not been kind, a bit deranged and limpy but still dangerous
21 "I was kept there for years by a cult of madmen, if I ever find them..." Imprisoned by cult or monsters as sacrifice awaiting till the stars were right
22 "Ive lots of experience fighting humanoids, bit of an expert actually" Imprisoned by state for instigating humanoid tribal unrest
23 "Sure but we should leave the territory when we have loot" Imprisoned for tax evasion and everything taken
24 "I know a guy who can lend us some money" Imprisoned for debt need help to buy self out of prison
25 "Why yes I love to kill monsters of all sizes" Imprisoned by monsters as pet or toy to abuse and amuse monsters kids
26 "Don't get caught! Always be ready to slit your own throat" Imprisoned by monster that thought captives were offspring
27 "Don't forget to have your finances ready and your kin informed" Imprisoned by bandits for ransom for years while they bargained with state and kin
28 "Anyone touch our loot we're gonna kill em all" Imprisoned for looting a dungeon claimed by a nobleman
29 "Yes, I can help you he he he!" Imprisoned in mental hospital for outlandish adventurer talk
30 "Oh I will come, nothing on earth scares me anymore" Imprisoned and tortured by planar beings like devils for years
31 "Ive spent so much time down below I think I prefer it" Enslaved in a mine with horrible conditions
32 "Monsters aren't so bad" Enslaved as a house servant and came close to monster family
33 "Any chance I get to kill those scum" Enslaved as jester by monster noble
34 "I have been dreaming of killing hem again" Enslaved as a concubine or eunuch in dungeon harem
35 "Ive lots of experience in dealing with monsters" Enslaved as expert adviser and translator
36 "All those years of kill or be killed, now it's my turn" Enslaved as a gladiator or pit fighter
37 "Im gonna break some necks and strangle some sucker" Enslaved as oarsman in a galley in ocean or in under ground sea
38 "Lets go straight for the boss, the rest will crumble" Enslaved as personal slave of a boss monster
39 "Ive got lots of unfinished business" Enslaved as skilled laborer helping to craft goods for years in sweatshop
40 "The things I have seen and done nobody should" Enslaved as magicians servant performing ghastly deeds
41 "Well these new monsters are soft, we killed toughest ons years ago" Sole survivor of famous mega dungeon crawl of yesteryear
42 "Can you pay me with letting me take all prisoners" Sole survivor of ship crew that raided islands for slaves and gold
43 "I am last of a doomed band perhaps i can attach my fortune to yours" Sole survivor of a expedition seeking a famed relic
44 "Ive never felt safe on the surface since old days" Sole survivor of heroes who destroyed and robbed a strange cult
45 "Ive seen remnants of bygone ages and horror best left forgotten" Sole survivor of trip to Underland and battle against the hidden races of the deep
46 "Ha haha ha! Ive been to the land beyond and here is nowhere to hide"
Sole survivor of expedition to Faerie Land, all others lost to elves and madness and time travel

47 "Things in the wilds, they are vile and watching us, we must kill them first" Sole survivor of explorers who went searching the mysterious woodland
48 "Perhaps hey remember me" Sole survivor of army who lost against humanoid hordes
49 "Trick their warriors to leaving then kill their women and children" Sole survivor of famous non human tribe massacre
50 "The fighting never ends it only has pauses" Sole survivor of borderland battle long ago
51 "Sure, I am keen to get somewhere underground" Wanted fugitive known by many lawmen
52 "Nothing will catch us mates" Escaped from several prisons and is wanted
53 "There is non more loyal than me clever masters" Legal Problem was in prison for murdering fellow party members
54 "Yes Id love to see you youngsters in action" Member of secret police pretending to be a murder hobo
55 "Ive had plenty of military and underground fighting experience, you will need me" Awol military man wanted from long ago
56 "Yes we will rob those stupid monsters shit poor or dead" Wanted bandit leader from years ago
57 "I will follow where others would not dare follow for glory" Hunted by family assassins embarrassed by washed up murder hobo kin
58 "Ive worked with dozens of parties" Will inform rival adventurers about party actions for a few beers
59 "Sure Id love to follow yous guys, will catch up after I do some legal business" Will try to make legal dungeon claim with city officials then sue party for treasure or offer them jobs with pay cut
60 "Treasure me hearties, thats what it's all about" Wanted for back taxes, taxman will try to claim party loot
61 "Urp, sure better than sitting around here, err urp" Carries huge dungeon parasites d4 1=worms 2=fleas or ticks 3=fungus 4=baby monster
62 "I recon I'm a goner anyway" Looks hideous and smells bad, actually dying of mummy rot
63 "I feel not pain from the blows of fiends or scorn of men" Leprosy victim is deformed and shunned even by monsters
64 "Ewww hic yeah, sure lets do this!" Is a plague carrier whose fleas may spread to others near by
65 "Ya reacon they got any attractive prisoners we could break out?" Has terrible VD, insane, paranoid and dangerous, sex mad
66 "Caugh! caugh! atchoo! Yea lets make it happen!" Always sneezing and coughing from cold or snuff powder
67 "I claim all smoking pouches found" Always smoking stinking pipes
68 "Yeah! Lets go kill and rob those bastards!" Serious drug addict, likes to get high on guard duty or boring times in dungeon
69 "Ok I feel like some action, Ive been laying about for weeks" Fungal infection, will explode with spores if killed, a bit dopey and slow normally
70 "Me help you kill bad monsers and bad men, you tell me who to kill boss" Brain damaged and living as village idiot
71 "Yes I can see a pattern here yes I will follow you" Madness - has some problems with sanity
72 "Great to meet you, It would be great to get out of town for a while" Cannibalism, likes to eat anything killed
73 "Were gonna show those bastards! When I get my hands on them!" Likes to torture and abuse prisoners or wounded foes
74 "Sure im game, Id like to get some damned monsters" Sexually abuses and torments monsters if they can
75 "This will be no problems guys" Narcoleptic prone to sleeping in inappropriate situations
76 "The tales I could tell, the years of wisdom I could share with you" Pathological liar actually never went adventuring just a town drunk
77 "I know the signs that lead to great treasure, I would love to take you" Is a insane cultist will try to lead party to cult in need of sacrifices
78 "Monsters are dirty double crossing bastards eh, but we will have each other" Will try to sneak off to make deal with monsters, hopeless compulsive traitor
79 "Yes why not end it all, Im too ashamed to go on" Broken spirit with low morale - will run screaming if anything too scary, has shakes
80 "Heh heh! Stabbin monsters is what I do! Depends what you call a monster. Heh heh!" Serial killer, seems fine until gets chance to go on murdering spree, possibly after all wounded badly
81 "Things can only get bettor for me now with you guys" Cursed by god and hunted by a cult
82 "The drums, the idols and strange gods, we've gotta kill em! Dont trust their mumbo jumbo" Cursed by shaman, attracts extra wandering monsters
83 "Change just falls though my hands, but their is always another dungeon" Cursed by spirit, treasure is always smaller when around
84 "Im bringing plenty of stimulants for guard duty, do you want some?" Cursed by wizard, turns into monster when asleep
85 "Seems like today's monster are so much more viscous with no respect or honour" Cursed by demons, rarely hits anything
86 "Dam the lords of order, let us loose anarchy on those fiends" Cursed by Archons, fails every saving throw
87 "In my dreams, it's as if something is coming, I must ready myself" Cursed by chaos, devolving into a shoggoth, will instantly burst from skin if killed
88 "Beings from beyond damn us but we fight onward as best we can" Cursed by elementals d4 1=pyromaniac 2=falls into water 3=falls from any ledge 4=attracts cave ins
89 "I will not die easily and those that try to kill me shall regret it" Cursed when sold soul, when dies planar being enters world to make havoc
90 "The voices every night at sleep, but I can still kill" Cursed to be haunted by victims spirits, screams from night terrors in sleep
91 "I love to fight" Berserker who once fights starts goes on murder spree till killed
92 "I have survived near death, other things frighten me less now" When dies returns as undead d4 1=zombie 2=ghoul 3-wight 4=vampire
93 "There are always surprises on adventures" Lycanthropy d4 1=wererat 2=werewolf 3=wereboar 4=weretiger
94 "Yeah lets just get going" "Mutated but keeps hidden d4 1=extra face 2=tentacles 3=tail 4=stinger with egg implanter
95 "I have a taste for adventure" Actually a doppelgänger hoping to kill eat and rob party with buddies
96 "Horrors everywhere, there is no escap" Haunted by invisible entities from beyond (possibly mad)
97 "Ive got some surprises that can help us out in a tight fix" Carries a evil relic slowly working evil to bearer and surroundings
98 "Oh yes this is normal adventurer custom, enjoy lads" Sold soul to planar entity now seeks to corrupt young adventurers
99 "I know where there is loads of treasure, a secret room, If we could just get to it" Agent of the dungeon boss who lures dupes into dungeon
100 "Yess we have no incongruous motives for the moment let us work together" Warlock in service of dark powers has own dark secrets they are searching for

Yes I'm talking to you murder hobo!

---------------

Hey Pip did those murder hobos work out for you?

Well I won't forget that lesson! Took 12 madmen with us each worse than the last. Utter scum.

So you have given up on the plan?

Oh no a couple of them were useful. One got eaten instead of me. One found a cursed relic. One found a bottle of poison wine. One ran away with some party money but if I can find him at the pub I will take him again. 

Why is that?

Well he says he knows this really fat sleepy dragons lair and has great tips on making a demonic pact.

Pip you are well on your way to being a murder hobo too.

1 comment:

  1. "You got's to member to step on the intestines to see if they shoved was hiding anything in the nethers, it can save you some cutting time", survivor of over two dozen dungeon expeditions who never did a single thing to distinguish himslef otherwse.

    (That guy would be a PC of far too many people I've played with.over the years) Really great table.

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