Saturday, 13 December 2014

Even More Off Duty Monster Antics

One advantage of Reddit gazing on my no1 all time hit post (4100 last count) was their nitpicking was actually good for editing - usually my blogger readers tell me when my numbers out on my tables but this nitpicker did me a favour in spotting number repeats so Im going to have to do a third table for what off duty monsters up to. I also learned difference between prey and pray which seems to have stuck and being alert for homonym errors. I am borderline brain damaged with numbers and vowels so I appreciate kindly and helpful editorial tips (but not the: "I should quit writing forever for my word crime" ones).

d100 Yet more pastimes for monster layabouts in their barracks
01 Looking at treasure map of dead comrades stash
02 Making a toy to send to kids back home
03 Discussing first time they murdered
04 Discussing what underworld like
05 Explaining to peers how all monsters are equal
06 Laying in bed blowing nose with filthy old rags
07 Making a dummy to take place in bed or guard spot
08 Polishing weapon or armour
09 Making improvised weapon like a shiv or spiked club
10 Masturbating
11 Peeling root vegetables
12 Eating eggs
13 Eating groats
14 Snacking on rat on a stick or huge bug
15 Having a nap
16 Praying to gods
17 Plotting with peers against boss
18 Dreaming up a evil scheme
19 Trying to solve puzzle to open a secret lock they have found in dungeon
20 Mixing drinks to create horrible cocktails
21 Entertaining some monster strippers one brought back home
22 Trying to cook a giant monster egg
23 Trying to remove gunpowder safely from dwarf land mine
24 Torturing a kobold for information on his tribal treasure
25 Monster showing of cantrip or petty spell he learned
26 Superior trying to teach grunts more refined accents
27 Monsters trying to learn to count over 10 by frustrated leader
28 Cracking nuts intently with mallet
29 Celebrating a monsters birthday
30 Telling adventurer jokes
31 Deep frying grubs and caterpillars
32 Passing around huge centipede or spider to build up immunity
33 Soothsayer disemboweling a goat warning monsters that a dark force is looming near
34 Monster performing astrological readings from charts he pretends to be able to read
35 Monsters playing with adorable pet giant ferret
36 Monsters playing spin the bottle with prisoners
37 Shaman giving medical inspections while monsters standing naked in line
38 Restraining bunk mate berserk from eating wrong shrooms
39 Monsters trying to find which of them is a thief
40 Monsters trying to find which of them blocked the toilet
41 Leader started a surprise inspection
42 Monsters squabbling about what to do with unconscious prostitute
43 Drunkenly skinning something alive rubbing blood on faces laughing
44 Scrubbing floor with brushes and buckets of filthy water
45 Leader abusing troops for modifying uniforms
46 Monsters discussing who among them worships the wrong evil god in secret
47 Monsters sitting on top bunks drinking to see who can stay up the longest
48 Monsters eating delicious spicy goat brains in flat bread
49 Monster whingeing about food quality while older monsters laugh
50 Monsters giggling over sexy naked imp trapped in bottle
51 Monsters trying to figure out who is the doppelganger among them
52 Monsters boasting about children
53 Monsters worrying about how dead body got into barracks
54 Monster telling others his mother will be angry if they tease him anymore
55 Superior asking troops if anybody has seen his missing child
56 Band practice on home made instruments from bones, skin and sinew
57 Monsters debating if they should eat strange possibly magic pie they found in dungeon
58 Locking drunk dorm mate into chastity belt
59 Sarge yelling at monsters to clean up for visit from the boss
60 Sarge bullying monster in front of peers to humiliate them
61 Sarge beating trooper into submission
62 Healer visiting several sick monsters
63 Priest come to talk about leaving wealth to temple
64 Priest come to talk unnatural urges in barracks
65 Priest consoling monster whose family were killed by adventurers
66 Muttering about haunting in dungeon  d4 1=mummy 2=vampire 3=ghost 4=wight
67 Muttering about unwelcome thing in dungeon d4 1=murder hobos 2=dwarves 3=elves 4=cultists
68 Monsters cruelly tormenting a pet d4 1=giant rat 2=dog 3=cat 4=goat
69 Vets explaining to green recruit "what happens in dungeon stays in dungeon"
70 Telling stories of abusing prisoners and having a good laugh
71 Wishing that adventurers here so they could teach them a lesson
72 Talking about current prisoners held in the dungeon
73 Discussing bosses plans and pointing out weaknesses
74 Torturing a adventurer and telling them the bosses master plan
75 Discussing that one of them is possibly a were beast responsible for murders
76 Talking about injustice of humans on monsters ancestral lands
77 Telling dirty jokes about popular gods of outsiders
78 Playing with kittens then swallowing them whole
79 Applying poison or infected gore to weapon blades
80 Having a spitting contest
81 Trying to convince new guy ok to cheat on your wife with a goat
82 Planning to sneak out of dungeon to abuse some nearby villagers next break
83 Complaining the dungeon is boring and they never get any action
84 Monsters listening to stories of human cruelty and brutality
85 Mounting human heads as trophies to decorate barracks
86 Convincing smaller monster how lucky he is to be ball in tomorrows match
87 Skinning rabbits and making stew
88 Trying to make gunpowder like one saw a wizard do one time
89 Bashing strange glowing metal relics together with hammer to see what happens
90 One trying to convince buddies to sell souls to outer planar being of evil
91 Evaluating each others turds in chamber pots
92 Grooming their pet giant rats while gossiping about upcoming best rat contest
93 Flagellating selves as penance for failing evil tribal god
94 Drawing dicks on walls and laughing loudly
95 Debating if old practical or new fancy uniforms were a better look
96 Complaining how new leaner monsters all look skinny and used to carry more fat
97 Questioning what weapons are best and why pole arms seem less effective nowdays
98 Elders telling younger monsters not to question why they looked different 30 years ago
99 Vetran monster explaining why monsters must wander around dungeon
100 Debating if alignment is inborn or choice

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