Saturday, 7 November 2015

d100 Slumburban bogans

Australian language used ahead proceed with caution. Bogans. Pumped up on boredom and beer these guys will totally smash any strange cunts that come down their streets.

"Violence is like totally outta control around here so if anyones 
not from our street comes by we bash em so now crime totally dropped. Actually the post and the milk truck have stopped coming too."

In the former poorer
 suburbs surrounding the walled cities are sprawling ruined slumburbs. There are still mostly automated industrial parks with some jobs but most live off cottage industry, the black market and occasional contracts when their skills are needed. Food is the biggest shortage item and food riots break out often. Dole yeast, soyloaf and soylant green are provided my more progressive cities but they tend to fill it with sedatives and provide free TVs that are wireless powered and never turn off are given away in lotteries with tickets gained by ratting out your neighbors to the law. Alcohol and drugs run rampant and most have some connection to gangs, crime or black market. Many homes were bulldozed down to make walls to keep out zombies, plague carriers, mutants and the poor. Many live in tents and ruins with best properties held by gangs, some hired by corporations.

"We're not here to fuck spiders"

Basic Slumburb Breakdown
Choice Vehicles - retro sedans, muscle cars, motorcycles, armoured limousines and luxury cars, utes (utility vehicle), renegade buggies, scratch built vehicles, sports cars, station wagons, anything gaudy and flashy. Car brand fans are major gangs dividing the city.
Vehicle Arms - light and medium machine guns, grenade launchers, rooftop swivel mount or fixed forward. Dropped weapons and ram plates popular.
Weapons of choice - shotguns, sawn off shotguns, flare pistol, any pistol, knives, clubs, chains, sub machine guns, RPG7, machine pistol and mini guns to be extra flashy
Food - meat pies, kebabs, sausage on bread with tomato sauce, vegemite on toast, bacon and egg rolls, pizza, curry, hamburgers, fish and chips, beer or goon (cheap wine in silver foil bag in a box or goonbag ya drongo). lamingtons, biscuits, chiko rolls, sushi, steak, baked beans,  pastie, sausage roll, hot dog, chinease takeaway, chocolate

Tech - mostly dated and recycled, some vintage, but criminal elite flaunt wealth of inner city
Dress - t-shirts, red or blue flannel checked shirts, denim jeans, t-shirts, bad old suits if business men or government, safari suits still popular with slightly better off or weekends, sunglasses, leather jackets, hats, fluro leg warmers, ugg boots, tracksuits
Hair - mullets, rats tail, shaved, huge beard, sideburns, big mustaches, sidburns, shaved or bald heads, crew cut, mohawk
Footwear - desert boots, thongs, black ripple soles, adidas, thongs, sandals with long socks

note thongs=flip-flops are not underwear are footware and also used to swat bugs and occasionally people (I'm gonna thong you mate if you don't bloody shut up)

"Who drank me goon - wuz it you Shazza?"

d10 Common Locals
1 Highly unionized workers of shipping and transport, highly organised and corrupted by crime
2 Highly unionized factory, power, mining and construction workers, strongly communist
3 Religious common folk with cottage industry or shop or from church work house
4 Government new enterprize job scheme, housing and dole food are provided for pointless busy work
5 Homeless dwellers in the ruins, usually most desperate and have other problems
6 Petty criminal wheelers and dealers, many with records from prison or state homes
7 Organised gang district residents working directly for gang enterprise
8 Pensioner living on benefit often with health problems and retro stuff
9 Drug addicts and most wretched alcoholics living in hovels often supported by crime or charity
10 Nomad clan or refugees with road fleet renting accommodation from gang slum lords

"Crikey it's as dry as a dead dingoes dick out here  today"

d10 Occasional Locals
1 Major criminal organisation with international mob ties with own style for every clan
2 Military vets, many cyborgs most insane and disabled hold down a few blocks with gang barracks
3 Mutants are unpopular in city but human looking ones get by and mostly stick to themselves
4 Aboriginal block often with ruins, tent towns, modern cultural centres with thriving community
5 Students living in communal squats fighting the system, often from privileged families of inner city
6 Cult or strange sect of religion with closed community with fanatic self defence codes 
7 Corporate suburb gated community with cleaner streets and strong law
8 Convicted felon with explosive tag collar on home-work detention scheme housing program
9 Infiltrated by law officers or government agents or social services investigators
10 Family of alien hybrid infiltrators seek to control area for secretive activities

"Careful the dunny door doesn't hit ya bloody bum on the way out mate"

d100 Quick slumburban bogan antics
01 Petty crime like d4 1=black market 2=stripping car 3=beating 4=mugging
02 Vandalizing public or private property d4 1=graffiti 2=smash stuff 3=looting 4=arson
03 Party time d4 1=BBQ 2=drinking goonbags 3=sucking down bongs 4=live band 
04 Working d4 1=fixing car 2=brewing beer 3=demolishing building 4=roadworks
05 Domestic life d4 1=couple fighting 2=family shopping 3=walking dogs 4=feral youths
06 Chores d4 1=dumping garbage 2=harvest drug crop 3=dumping corpse 4=butchery
07 Violence d4 1=gang brawl; 2=armed robbery 3=lynch mob 4=street shoot out
08 Road crime d4 1=police chase 2=hit and run 3=collision 4=drive by shooting
09 Games d4 1=footy 2=cricket 3=dog fight 4=drag race 
10 Public gathering 1=riot 2=protest 3=charity sausage sizzle 4=car boot sale

"Crikey mate, are you short some kangaroos in ya top paddock?"

d100 Slumburban encounters
01 Elderly biker walking teen girlfriend
02 Crazy lady chasing her cats
03 Swagman with train of shopping trolleys of belongings
04 Busker with guitar playing d4 1=Cold Chisel 2=ACDC 3=Icehouse 4=hunters & Collectors
05 Street prostitutes d4 1=with pimp 2=beating up customer 3=in tiny shacks 4=with cop
06 Preachers with pamphlets and bibles
07 Card shark with portable table
08 Man with rifle hunting cats and rats for dinner
09 Man trying to catch stray dog

10 Man walking dogs d4 1=attack dog 2=terrier 3=greyhounds 4=cyborg ex drug squad
11 Corner drug dealer
12 Takeaway delivery scooter wary of ambush

13 Delivery drone, wheeled or flyer
14 Emergency vehicle with sirens d4 1=ambulance 2=police 3=fire 4=STAR force
15 Construction vehicles guarded by machine guns
16 Ice Cream Van 1in6 drug dealers
17 Take Away Van d4 1=sandwiches 2=pizza 3=kabab 4=soylent green
18 Biker gang convoy
19 Drunk driver in rust bucket
20 Drug dealer dealing to junkies on way to methadone clinic
21 Prison chain gang working road with guards
22 Armoured riot and star force police searching for escapee
23 Crawling bleeding person d4 1=run over 2=beaten 3=trap 4=zombie
24 Strange feral animal d4 1=odd hybrid 2=escaped from lab 3=mutant 4=undead
25 Zombie homeless person ignored by locals
26 Cyborg veteran on the edge goes kill crazy if offended
27 Bogan kids with rat tail hair cuts, home made shanks and .22 zip guns
28 Crazy old man selling rat on a stick
29 Pack of dingoes adapted to ghetto life
30 Kids with air rifle or sling shots shooting at strangers for fun
31 Rich kids from uptown having a car race, happy to run down pedestrians
32 Police robots from up town hunting armed fugitive
33 Multicultural youth gang taxing cool brand shoes from the weak
34 Racist gang abusing non whites or refugees
35 Islanders cooking a small horse
36 Indigenous folk having a bonfire BBQ dance look deeply resentful at any whites
37 Christians marching and singing warning about the apocalypse  
38 Gang of zombies chasing people on the street
39 Zombie control team on the street
40 Biker funeral with hearse and biker escort (half price drugs today)
41 Building or car on fire with bored locals watching
42 Piles of wireless powered TVs without off switches in street
43 Dogs start fighting crowd forms and bets placed
44 Kids fishing from drain
45 Rival sport team or car brand fans abusing each other
46 Angry kangaroo, emu or mutant goanna chasing someone
47 Armed and heavily armoured bandits charging tolls with road block
48 Kids on BMX bikes, skate boards and rollerblades doing stunts
49 Police executing a homeless person for recent unsolved local crimes
50 Women screaming abuse at each other, crowd of locals gather to place bets
51 Gang of youths paying homeless people to fight
52 Locals drinking beer and BBQ while watching graffiti crews paint
53 Gang diverting traffic away from street cricket match
54 Homeless mutants being driven away by mob
55 Over a thousand sheep being herded to slaughterhouse through streets
56 Scouts cooking hotdogs on burning car
57 New Zealander gangs performing ritual haka at each other
58 Gang arguing who drank last of the goon bags
59 Kids playing in burst water main
60 Locals washing and polishing muscle cars
61 Car size sinkhole collapsed in street from burst water main under ground
62 Drivers fighting over parking spot
63 Teenage house party sprawling onto street trashing everything
64 Swarm of mutant cockroaches covering d10 square metres 
65 Huge gang of feral cats chasing a dog or child with hamburger
66 Hobos fighting over ciggarette buts
67 Homeless collecting cans for recycling money
68 Police riot squad and truck using water cannon to disperse food riot
69 Locals pelting fortified shop with rocks for running out of ciggies 
70 Locals burning a child abuser
71 Armed crew defending truck load of beer from mob
72 Cyborg war veterans without meds rampaging with heavy weapons
73 Locals planting bombs on road to divert traffic past their businesses
74 Kids taunting a basking sewer croc with sticks
75 Giant sewer spider snatches a stray dog
76 Road covered in cane toads, locals playing golf with them
77 Hobos spit roasting a screaming zombie to eat
78 Angry man tending his yard abuses any bloody wogs or strangers that pass
79 Hundreds of rats swarming in streets
80 Angry crowd with torches surrounding a fortified cult house
81 Bogan gang of car enthusiasts enraged if foreign made car in street
82 Teens doing doughnuts and making skidmarks for fun on road in cheap cars
83 Locals furious over electric car in street trying to roll it over and burn it
84 Gay pride parade blocks streets for d10 hours
85 Kangaroo court with locals holding illegal trial
86 Locals building a meth lab and getting ready to cook a batch
87 Kids racing shopping carts down hill for thrills
88 Film crew antagonising locals and on way towards becoming a riot
89 Politician giving speech to angry crowd
90 Locals with guns debating what the dead mutant thing was
91 Building collapses or blown up, large dust cloud
92 Burst sewer pipe street flooded with feces
93 Locals looting a crashed plane or airship
94 Helicopter overhead angers locals who start shooting
95 Thugs wearing Aussie flags roaming about attacking anything too foreign
96 Locals tormenting something in a cage trap d4 1=zombie 2=mutie 3=animal 4=drone 
97 Nazi protesters meet anarchist protesters head on riot ensues 
98 Blood collecting truck, free beer and sausage for every donation
99 Cyborg war veterans marching and easily offended 
100 Local conspiracy fan market selling ufo parts, cryptozoological samples, alien urine, photocopied books of "classified" data, angel feathers, templar relics, elf skulls, etc

"Dazza I'm having your baby call me!"

"Make sure you spend your baby bonus before dazza blows it all at the track or casino Shazza"

Image above from actual tv show
look up Fat Pizza, Housos and Dumb Criminals Webisoded on youtube for more of their work

1 comment:

  1. "Violence is like totally outta control around here so if anyones not from our street comes by we bash em" - I so totally spent part of my youth growing up in slumburbia (70' andvery early 80's) here in the USA, walking home from school was an adventure...with less sheep and cyborgs


I love and welcome feedback but not spambots
Good feedback and suggestions inspire me to write more