d100 Terrible Times Growing up an Elf

Has hayfever and pet dramas so no patreon last month
Have had up to 4 gigs a day for Dec already
Frog related dramas here too

I do want to do a book for Xmas
Possibly music and sick frogs got in way also
I find if I'm on a roll writing blog stuff it can make patreon suffer or vice versa

So if you don't know elves in my game are snooty elitist jerks. They made some other races to be slaves and even just kidnapped humans as malleable pawns. Elves are mostly immortal even the earthborn ones are very long-lived and not very fertile. Many can't even breastfeed their babies so they have to find human wet nurses. Their nobles and elites are even more infertile and struggle to care for their infants. The wilder earthborn elves survive much better but do suffer some effects of time only living a thousand years. Elves like to credit themselves as one of first people who served the gods but over time their numbers have dropped and they have become isolated.

I use a BX-like elf class but they can choose any of 4 spell lists to use and can change their class. Even zero-level elves have a cantrip and people know it. Elves are most likely to cast spells and run. They don't take risks or fight fair wars, preferring to skirmish and use vassals and slaves to fight. The nicer elves are paternalistic to the lesser mortal peoples. The evil ones enjoy tormenting and pranking humans. They would rather make a person suffer for life or kidnap slaves than just kill people.

d12 Fun Facts about Faerieland
1 Faerieland has distorted flow of time and most inhabitants are virtually immortal
2 Those who die in fairyland are reincarnated in the faerie world
3 Faerie food like fruit from faerieland is highly addictive and goblins use it to entrap humans into slavery. Non faerie food can be harmful to faerie folks and weakens their bond to the other world if they spend too long in the mortal world. It can cause them to become like earthborn faerie and elves
4 In past times faerie colonised the world and elves aided the gods in spreading life over the world. Those born on the mortal world were cut off from the fey source and are the more common faerie folk we now know
5 The bright and dark faerie do not fight as people think - they are kindred and avoid conflict. Their kings and queens and gods are the same they just have different forms to appear to their bright or dark elf subjects. They are aspects of summer and winter or night and day
6 In the great world tree you can reach realms of the bright elves and dark elves and meet all kinds of faerie folk and creatures in its branches, trunks, roots and crowns

7 Faerie folk are great gardeners of plants and fungus and surround their lands in dense defensive vegetation such as poison thorns, spore bearing fungus and ambulant trees and mushrooms
8 Faerie are long lived but have poor fertility and high infant mortality and struggle to feed their babies milk. Thus they kidnap wet nurses or swap their ailing babies with humans to give them a better chance of survival. Elves raised by humans and live eventually are contacted by their true families and taken home
9 As elves are kindred to the trees and giant mushrooms, goblins are kindred to shrubs, bushes, scrub and toadstools. Many served the elves and still do but many became feral and now hate elves for slavery
10 Orcs were made from elves once but those methods are lost in time partly due to elves killing the wizards who did this and burning their schools. Orcs were also made from corpses and med or even alchemical mud but orcs themselves gained the power to reproduce as other races. They still hate elves but some serve them There are still wizards who make orcs but many more orcs hate wizards

11 The oldest elf kingdoms are hidden from humans and do not let humans leave. In some places their ancient forests are growing again with unnatural speed. They are preparing to fight ancient enemies again
12 Dwarves and trolls are also older races with long histories of conflict and allegiances with elves. Now most trolls are insane cancerous creatures and the other troll races were slaughtered by their degenerate kin. Only giants and dragons and the gods are older

d10 Quick Types of Terrible Times
1 Past Lives
2 Servitude
3 Slavery
4 Childhood
5 Rituals
6 Friendship
7 Terrible Perils
8 Wonders
9 Warfare
10 Strange Life

d100 Terrible Times Growing up an Elf
01 Recall a past life long ago as human barbarian buried in a barrow that later came to be worshipped as a faerie place
02 In a past life you were a lesser faerie d4 1=brownie 2=sprite 3=boggart 4=
03 In a past life were a spirit folk changeling who change from an elf like form to another species d4 1=animal spirit 2=plant spirit 3=water spirit 4=earth spirit
04 In a past life you were a human kidnapped by elves and who worked as a slave for an unnaturally vast time period before dying in faeriland and were reborn as a faerie
5 You were a goblinoid in a past life a slave to elves who died doing your duties
6 You were a plant or an animal in a past life living in fairyland
7 You remember a past life as a human in a settlement destroyed by a great apocalyptic disaster brought by the gods d4 1=drowned by sea or lake 2=volcanic activity 3=comet strike 4=swallowed up by earth
8 In a past life you served a cruel faerie noble and was callously killed for some error
9 In a past life lived as an elf in the golden age but were slain in wars commencing the age of darkness. Now that age is long over and you have been reborn
10 In a past life lived as an elf in the golden age but were slain by dragons and you now shudder at their mention
11 You served in the wilderness spreading trees and fungus to expand the borders
12 You served in a nobles court as servants bearing your masters implements and carrying their cloaks and dresses of the ground
13 You worked in the stables waiting on the steeds and pets of nobility and cleaning up their excrement
14 You carried messages from the mortal world to fairylands and back
15 You shaved nobles keeping them free of unsightly body hair from some past lineage with bestial hairy humans. You had to keep this secret and pose as some other personal servant
16 You were a privy attendant of a faerie noble and cannot believe how disgusting the streets and sewers of humans are by comparison to the odourless stools of fey folk
17 You served your master obtaining exotic addictive drugs used by decadent elites and helped them remain high for months at a time in drug comas. You had to feed them and care for them in this state
18 You cared for some monstrous pet of your faerie masters d6 1=unicorn 2=werewolves 3=faerie hounds 4=griffons 5=pegasai 6=drake
19 You were a bath house attendant for nobles, scrubbing them and keeping the water and bubbles and scented oils just right and occasionally being used by them as lovers
20 You served food in the house of a noble and got to eat food scraps even human kings have never seen the likes of
21 Lured humans off the forest paths into traps with seductive glances and addictive faerie food
22 Stole human babies and left sickly elf babies in return
23 Trapped feral goblins and returned them to elven domination
24 Cared for baby goblins and trained them to serve elves
25 Charmed innocent humans who were pretty enough and took them forever to faerieland
26 Directed werewolves on horrible missions into human lands
27 Trained captive humans in their chores and duties, especially those who waited on or talked to the masters
28 Had to punish goblin and human slaves for the pleasure of the masters
29 Had to track escaped slaves and return them to the masters
30 Worked at the slave markets preparing goblins and humans for sale
31 Were weak and sickly as child until saved by a human wet nurse you still remember fondly
32 Your siblings were sickly and died leaving you alone as a child
33 Goblins used to bully you as a small child and pull your hair out
34 Your teacher beat you with thorny sticks when you rebelled in school
35 Chased by orcs in the forest as a child and were lost for days crying
36 As child raised by humans who feared if harm came to you their own child held by elves would suffer. Eventually you were traded back and you wonder what happened to your human family and the changeling spy that took your place
37 Spent several years living with strange foreign elf clans which was horrible but you did learn much
38 Rival elves kidnapped you as a hostage for decades and kept you imprisoned until you escaped at great cost
39 Had a beloved pet that looked after you and eventually died saving you from peril
40 Parents were killed by orcs and you spent years lost and alone in hiding
41 Married to a nature spirit for a ritual and lived as their servant for a year
42 Selected for a great honour in a festival but when priests inspected you they found a freckle and you were declared imperfect for the gods
43 Selected be a sacred servant of a seer but you had a forbidden affair and had to flee or be sacrificed for your crime
44 Led a spring parade that ended in a feast and a orgy with nobility
45 Led a summer procession to greet the new sun and celebrate the end of the great darkness
46 Led a autumn festival and met the lord of the forest which you cant forget even if you try
47 Led a winter celebration ceremony and there was an accident on the ice. Someone you know fell into the cracked ice into a chilling lake and vanished
48 Saw festivities and coronation centenary party and any other party seems lame now
49 Saw the funeral of one of the great elders who served the gods at the dawn of time
50 Had to oversee a goblin celebration and saw all their filthy sordid antics for days and thinking about it still makes you shudder
51 A mighty elf wizard friend of your parents left you in the care of used to entertain you and you used to jump on their enormous swan down mattress and have midnight feasts of magical food
52 When lost on the world tree you were found by a peculiar sphere headed being who gave you magical sweets and cared for you a few years until your parents found you
53 You made friends with a werewolf servant of your parents and used to run in the forest with them
54 You met a dwarf hostage imprisoned in your parents cellar making metal items. You freed them and even though you were punished by being beaten with live snakes, you are sure this dwarf friend is out there somewhere
55 You met a clan of gnomes and used to dance with them at night until you family told you to stop fraternising with them
56 You met a ancient dragon friend of a elf noble and you spent time reading poetry together while they were in elf form
57 You fell of a ship and were rescued by selkies who showed you their undersea grotto then took you home
58 You had a goblin servant who cared for you like a grand parent. They would take you to the goblin markets. You set them free when they become old as they wanted to see their homeland a last time
59 You remember getting along with sprites and brownies as a child, but as an adult it became a bit odd. You still think fondly of them
60 Long ago you had a human servant you cared for deeply but one day d4 1=vampire snatched them 2=they took an arrow meant for you 3=dire wolves ate them 4=they were retired to a farm where all your mortal servants go to live out their days in peace and contentment. They never said where it was though
61 Orcs captured you and before they could do unspeakable things to you dwarves killed them all and released you
62 A mountain rope and wood bridge collapsed. You held on to the rope but saw some family fall into a chasm
63 Rebel goblins started a revolution on your clan estate and you saw it burn and had to flee
64 You were riding in the forest alone the first time and got lost. You were chased by dire wolves and the horse was eaten while you fled
65 A dark elf noble kidnapped you and tortured you for fun. You remember their laughter in your nightmares
66 Dark elves threw you into a pit of purple worms and you barley escaped
67 You were kidnapped by deluded humans who believed your blood and bones make beauty products to make people look younger. You barley got away
68 A vampire held you in their larder trapped in a coffin in darkness but adventurers drove the vampire away and released you
69 You were shot with an arrow while travelling and awoke in a ditch after days alone. It took months to find you friends
70 An undead monster infected you with a terrible disease but priests saved your life and destroyed the creatures
71 Saw a deity in the elvish court
72 Saw the majestic crystal grotto where elf nobility and divinities bathe
73 Saw a council of ancient trees at their centennial meeting
74 Saw one of the star faeries descend to earth with their crystal ornithopter and courtiers
75 Saw majestic dance of dryads and nymphs at a forest festival
76 Saw giants erect standing stone monoliths
77 Saw unicorns in their sacred grove elect their new leader
78 Shown visions of the dragon spawning pits of hell in a crystal ball
79 Saw the last migration of giants go into the mountains, shunning the realms of humans and their frontier
80 Saw vast flight of griffin riders performing aerial manoeuvres you were not meant to see
81 Saw your army exterminate rebel goblins and their villages
82 Saw your army battle dwarves over a gem mine until a peace reached
83 Sole survivor of a battle against orcs and you were sent to get help, but it was too late
84 Saw a giant attack on an outpost and managed to hide but saw giants eating your friends alive
85 Saw a mob of anti elf human zealots chasing local elves including you. When they crossed the border to elfland. They were all enslaved and the leaders turned into lycanthropes and sent home
86 Saw a goblin army chasing elves into a forest but then the tree spirits awoke and massacred the goblins. You remember the blood covered trees filled with skulls like rotting fruit
87 You remember when orc soldiers chased elf scouts into the woods and broke their ranks. The orcs were charmed and turned on their friends and then willingly followed elves to elfland to be slaves
88 You saw the sky dark with arrows and vast fields of slaughter that haunt your dreams. Sometimes people you meet remind you of a corpse on that bloody field
89 You were in a outpost that spent days fighting off constant waves of trolls and when you ran out of flammables things got worse. Luck allies came and drove the trolls away
90 You remember a terrible frontier war and lost many relatives, some who were vastly ancient. Your short lived enemies barely remembers the war d4 1=humans 2=orcs 3=goblins 4=beast folk
91 Imprisoned by a polar wizard making magical toys in his icy sweatshop
92 Visited the crystal city in the sky of a star spirit and served in their court
93 Lived in a hidden hill fort on the borderlands spying on local humans and helping plant new forests in secret
94 Missed several thousand years history asleep in a mighty oak tree
95 Saw the celestial orrery outside the world sphere and into the outer void where hungry beings older than time lurk. You and your family turned back and abandoned the great void ark
96 Served a wizard and used his crystal sphere to watch life on the elemental planes until a elemental deity whispered your name and you stopped
97 Saw the underworld prison where elder giants and old gods are chained in a vast cave of suffering by the gods
98 Live in the trunk of the world tree for a time meeting many faerie folk and travellers between worlds. There were some views from the world tree that would stagger the minds of mortal beings
99 You spent a time lost in the vast world of living flesh known as Xor. You found savages there with no metal or plants feeding from meat but afraid to take too much. Eventually you were devoured and shat out onto your home world
100 Left in an elemental plane by your teacher. You miraculously survived by your resourcefulness and luck and you barley hurt anything. you found a portal you found and left behind others who didn't make it